Comments on: Friction http://www.sfmoby.us/2010/04/friction/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=friction Putting the "funk" in dysfunctional. Thu, 02 Feb 2012 22:31:23 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: John http://www.sfmoby.us/2010/04/friction/comment-page-1/#comment-7601 John Wed, 05 May 2010 19:31:16 +0000 http://www.sfmoby.us/2010/04/friction/#comment-7601 That's a difficult situation. I guess eventually you might want to find a place just you and apple guy. Good luck! <strong>@John ~ Uh, this is MY apartment so WE won't be going anywhere. :p</strong> That’s a difficult situation. I guess eventually you might want to find a place just you and apple guy. Good luck!

@John ~ Uh, this is MY apartment so WE won’t be going anywhere. :p

]]> By: Sorata http://www.sfmoby.us/2010/04/friction/comment-page-1/#comment-7597 Sorata Tue, 04 May 2010 21:38:41 +0000 http://www.sfmoby.us/2010/04/friction/#comment-7597 Got to admire your honesty with this post. I was in a similar situation before while I was the upsetting partner. Although I wasn't completely upset with the roommate, I also don't feel that my presence was making anything easier. It's great for you to acknowledge that it is an issue. My ex back then ended up having me out his place for a little (I still have my own place back then) which upset me tremendously. Hope this gets resolve soon :D Got to admire your honesty with this post. I was in a similar situation before while I was the upsetting partner. Although I wasn’t completely upset with the roommate, I also don’t feel that my presence was making anything easier. It’s great for you to acknowledge that it is an issue. My ex back then ended up having me out his place for a little (I still have my own place back then) which upset me tremendously.

Hope this gets resolve soon :D

]]> By: brettcajun http://www.sfmoby.us/2010/04/friction/comment-page-1/#comment-7592 brettcajun Tue, 04 May 2010 14:47:41 +0000 http://www.sfmoby.us/2010/04/friction/#comment-7592 I appreciate you having the courage to post this Moby. I was stuck in a similar situation while living with a couple. I would get along fine with one, but knocked heads constantly with the other one (who was another Cajun!). It got downright stressful between us while the poor partner was always stuck in the middle. We were told to ignore each other. Fine. That's easy enough. But ignoring each other only fans the flames because you are not tackling the primary issue: feelings. Heed my advice... don't do like we did. Telling them to simply ignore each other is NOT the solution. You have to take both bulls by their horns and act like a crazy bitch. Sit them down. Tell them that they are driving you FUCKING CRAZY! MAKE them talk to each other. Tell them you are NOT LEAVING until they workout what ever problems they have with each other. My gut instinct is that there is jealousy involved. Maybe your roommate wants to be included sometimes? (dinner/movie/bar trips/ etc.) Maybe your partner wants some alone time with you without the other one always there? Fine. Make sure you accommodate both their concerns or you risk losing one. Like what just happened to me and my roommates... <strong>@brett ~ for the record, that was excellent advice. :p But jealousy is not the problem. The problem will resolve itself as the roomie is rarely here these days (he is dating someone pretty seriously) and has given his notice to vacate. I just hope they don't kill each other beforehand. </strong> I appreciate you having the courage to post this Moby. I was stuck in a similar situation while living with a couple. I would get along fine with one, but knocked heads constantly with the other one (who was another Cajun!).

It got downright stressful between us while the poor partner was always stuck in the middle. We were told to ignore each other. Fine. That’s easy enough. But ignoring each other only fans the flames because you are not tackling the primary issue: feelings.

Heed my advice… don’t do like we did. Telling them to simply ignore each other is NOT the solution. You have to take both bulls by their horns and act like a crazy bitch. Sit them down. Tell them that they are driving you FUCKING CRAZY! MAKE them talk to each other. Tell them you are NOT LEAVING until they workout what ever problems they have with each other.

My gut instinct is that there is jealousy involved. Maybe your roommate wants to be included sometimes? (dinner/movie/bar trips/ etc.) Maybe your partner wants some alone time with you without the other one always there? Fine. Make sure you accommodate both their concerns or you risk losing one.

Like what just happened to me and my roommates…

@brett ~ for the record, that was excellent advice. :p But jealousy is not the problem. The problem will resolve itself as the roomie is rarely here these days (he is dating someone pretty seriously) and has given his notice to vacate. I just hope they don’t kill each other beforehand.

]]> By: Kevin-Andrew http://www.sfmoby.us/2010/04/friction/comment-page-1/#comment-7590 Kevin-Andrew Sun, 02 May 2010 18:39:22 +0000 http://www.sfmoby.us/2010/04/friction/#comment-7590 This truly is not an easy situation, but it seems you got the communication part down. I would suggest sometime when everyone is in one place at the same time you have a group discussion and address concerns. As well lay down some guidelines and rules, which will force those two to at least to be civil in hopes of creating a path of communication. I would nip any passive aggressive behaviour in the butt ASAP. Having harmony in your home is most important for your wellbeing. When couples move in together it changes the dichotomy of a household. You are experiencing it with his added touches to the space. I suspect your roommate is feeling threatened by this and may need some reassurance from you. I would imagine he is feeling much like the proverbial third wheel. I know you probably don’t want to admit this, but you may have to ask the roommate to leave at some point. It won’t be healthy for anyone if nothing is done and things are left to simmer. I would just make the effort with the roommate so if it were to come to this you can say you tried. You are on a new life path and Apple guy is correct about the bachelor comment he made, but I feel it relates more to old roommates. You are a couple living together and making a home together. How wonderful is that! If the two of you are in need of the benefit of a roommate you may need to find a new one together. This truly is not an easy situation, but it seems you got the communication part down. I would suggest sometime when everyone is in one place at the same time you have a group discussion and address concerns. As well lay down some guidelines and rules, which will force those two to at least to be civil in hopes of creating a path of communication.

I would nip any passive aggressive behaviour in the butt ASAP. Having harmony in your home is most important for your wellbeing.

When couples move in together it changes the dichotomy of a household. You are experiencing it with his added touches to the space. I suspect your roommate is feeling threatened by this and may need some reassurance from you. I would imagine he is feeling much like the proverbial third wheel.

I know you probably don’t want to admit this, but you may have to ask the roommate to leave at some point. It won’t be healthy for anyone if nothing is done and things are left to simmer. I would just make the effort with the roommate so if it were to come to this you can say you tried.

You are on a new life path and Apple guy is correct about the bachelor comment he made, but I feel it relates more to old roommates. You are a couple living together and making a home together. How wonderful is that!

If the two of you are in need of the benefit of a roommate you may need to find a new one together.

]]> By: ivanvera.sf http://www.sfmoby.us/2010/04/friction/comment-page-1/#comment-7581 ivanvera.sf Fri, 30 Apr 2010 15:44:08 +0000 http://www.sfmoby.us/2010/04/friction/#comment-7581 Truly a Libra nightmare, we seek harmony between those close to us and sometimes its really hard,like in your case.... Truly a Libra nightmare, we seek harmony between those close to us and sometimes its really hard,like in your case….

]]> By: Cb http://www.sfmoby.us/2010/04/friction/comment-page-1/#comment-7580 Cb Fri, 30 Apr 2010 15:35:39 +0000 http://www.sfmoby.us/2010/04/friction/#comment-7580 Well, I would suggest sitting them both down and have them talk out their frustrations with each other... But knowing they at both gay men.... Yeah, I got nothing. Well, I would suggest sitting them both down and have them talk out their frustrations with each other… But knowing they at both gay men…. Yeah, I got nothing.

]]> By: AjohnP http://www.sfmoby.us/2010/04/friction/comment-page-1/#comment-7579 AjohnP Fri, 30 Apr 2010 11:19:31 +0000 http://www.sfmoby.us/2010/04/friction/#comment-7579 I think it's a great sign that you guys are actually TALKING about it. That's a huge step in the right direction. I'm sure it'll all work out, but I'll definitely be sending positive thoughts your way. I think it’s a great sign that you guys are actually TALKING about it. That’s a huge step in the right direction.
I’m sure it’ll all work out, but I’ll definitely be sending positive thoughts your way.

]]> By: Kevin Lately http://www.sfmoby.us/2010/04/friction/comment-page-1/#comment-7578 Kevin Lately Fri, 30 Apr 2010 08:54:29 +0000 http://www.sfmoby.us/2010/04/friction/#comment-7578 3- simple words: - Three's a Crowd.- Maybe your Roommate is jealous of Apple guy Nesting with you? Best of luck with this Ménage à trois. I would say a Prayer but then Pat Robertson & the 700 Club wins - I'M confident two smart guys That love each other will win... 3- simple words: – Three’s a Crowd.- Maybe your Roommate is jealous of Apple guy Nesting with you?
Best of luck with this Ménage à trois. I would say a Prayer but then Pat Robertson & the 700 Club wins – I’M confident two smart guys That love each other will win…

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