Living in SF, I tend to be somewhat spoiled in many ways and am often reminded of that anytime I travel. SF is much more open, expressive, and accepting in many ways, including gays. It is referred to as a bubble for many reasons. During my recent trip to Nashville, I was reminded how very different said cultures can be. That is not to say one is bad or good. Nor is it to say one is necessary better than the other. They are just different. Some may appreciate comforts here not found elsewhere and vice-versa.
I bring it all up today as the trip sort of solidified my feelings about SF being my home. I was only gone a few days but I was truly homesick. It was the oddest thing. I was very happy to see my brother and my new nephew but I could not wait to get home. On the plane ride home I was anxious for the BART ride back into SF. I was very surprised at my reaction. I’ve been bemoaning the lack of any time outside of SF for a while now. With everything going on I haven’t had a real vacation away in several years. Yet, here I am only gone for 4 days and I couldn’t wait to get home!
I’ve always felt at home in SF but have often wondered if I have been limiting myself by saying I’d never move from here. I no longer think so. While I could leave, it would take some serious motivation. I love living in SF. The environment, attitudes, etc all mesh well with me. It has it’s problems and it certainly has things that drive me nuts but at the end of the day, I find it harder and harder to find other places in the US I’d rather live. I guess what I’m saying is I’m learning to appreciate my life in SF more. It was very much a whim and an interest that brought me here. And while I think I’ve appreciated it before, I don’t think I’ve ever realized what that appreciation brings me.
I planned the upcoming November cruise out of a strong desire to get out of SF. I am still looking forward to it but I no longer feel like I have to get away. I like the comforts of home and am realizing I have a lot of what I need in my life right here. If I’m being honest, with the Pup moving up soon, I’m beginning to feel truly blessed. Not in the religious sense but more just very grateful for the wonderful things I have. It hit me recently that I have almost all of the things I’ve ever wanted in my life. And while my life is far from perfect, it is truly a remarkable feeling to realize what I have. It’s funny, I spent so much of my life lamenting for better days, realizing they are here seems almost anti-climatic. Part of me likes to think I deserve it and it’s my time after a life-time of a lot of heartache and struggle. Part of me is on the other side and doesn’t think that universe deals in rewards for good behavior and I’m just lucky. lol Maybe it is a little bit of both.
In the end, I keep thinking about balance. I want to believe that my life is balancing out the bad with the good. Yes, I recognize much of my fortunes now come from more than a decade of personal growth. I could not have had the relationship I have now 10 years ago. I simply was not capable of it. I have worked very hard to be the type of man I can be proud of. And while I recognize there are no guaranteesin life, I can still appreciate reaping some reward for my hard work. I can appreciate, regardless of the reasons, how good I truly have it. I sincerely hope everyone can experience it, at least once in their own life.
Sort of how I feel about Providence. But that said, if the politicians here don’t get their heads out of their asses they’re going to lose me to Boston or NYC.