Missing

I think Cooper misses Apple guy a bit. He’s been a little extra needy over the last week or so. While he gets along perfectly fine with the new roomie, it is obvious he realizes Apple guy isn’t there anymore. After he moved out of my place, he would still come by at times so Cooper knew he was around. Now that he is back in Texas and hasn’t come by in awhile, I think Cooper has realized he isn’t coming back. He seems to be a little more demanding of attention at times right now. Naturally, he gets it! lol He also tends to be home a little more by himself now. When Apple guy was here, he was often home while I was at work so Cooper was rarely alone. I usually come home on my lunch break to eat and spend a little time with him. He’s adjusting but I’m pretty sure he has figured it out.

On the flip side, he pretty much knows his/my schedule now. I can’t remember if I mentioned it but anytime he sees me put on my motorcycle jacket or grab my gym bag, he promptly goes and gets in his bed. lolol This is a good thing because it shows he is well-adjusted and comfortable with his alone time. It was pretty obvious when we rescued him he had some abandonment issues. I’ve worked really hard to give him a very consistent schedule of food, potty breaks, etc. Stability is very good for bullies (and probably other dogs too). He always has this crooked look on his face like, “where are you going without me?

The joys of children… lol

Move

So Apple guy moved out this past weekend. He moved into a temporary place until he decides if he is moving back to Texas. We’ve been separated for awhile but have still been living together as he was having a hard time finding a stable job.

Anyway, I think the move is good for both of us. For myself, I’ll miss him but I need a break for a variety of reasons, the biggest being finances. His financial struggles often left me picking up the slack. I won’t lie, it’s been rough & I’m broke. lol I have a new roommate setup and he has had a stable job for awhile now so hopefully I can slowly recover. *crossed fingers & toes*

It’s odd being both sad and happy someone is gone. I will miss him and I obviously still care about his well-being. There is sense of comfort from being around someone you know well that is gone now. And while he certainly drives me nuts at times, the apt feels empty now. Even though we haven’t been together for awhile, I still want the best for him. On the flip side, the financial strain has gotten to me and I started to resent him for it. Now that he is out I feel like a weight has been lifted off my chest.

Anyway, he reminds me a lot of myself before I moved to SF. I was pretty much in the same boat. I was supporting myself but just barely and I didn’t have any real direction. Moving to SF was a big gamble for me. Luckily, it paid off. I hope the same for Apple guy. I hope he finds a spot to call home and gains the independence he needs. The boy is very smart so no matter where he goes I know he’ll land on his feet. He is currently leaning heavily towards moving back to Texas. His support base is there and he just seems to really miss it.

I’d like to think I learned a lot from our failed LTR. There were some heavy realizations that hit after our breakup.1 So ends another chapter in my life. I’m moving forward, wounds and all, with a positive outlook. I know I’ll recover. It isn’t a matter of if but when.

  1. More on these later. []

Random Schmandom

I’m pulling a ‘palin’ and making up words again. lol Anyhoo, I survived the 40th birthday. Actually, it was very low key and relaxed. Apple guy and I spent a day at Golden Gate park and a nice simple dinner. I’m not big on celebrating my birthday but it was very enjoyable. Yes, I did the obligatory going out to drink with friends. That said, I enjoyed the day at the park more.1

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In other news, I’ve been getting a lot of meme requests lately. Sorry to disappoint but I hate those things and rarely do them. Every now and then I find one that strikes my fancy but it is rare. I appreciate the offer but don’t be upset if I don’t.

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Apple guy and I spent this weekend finishing some projects around the apt. We also spent time on repeated trips to Target and Home Depot. He is very handy and always reminds me how easy some tasks can be when one applies oneself. I’d rather just pay someone else to do it. lol Ok, that’s only half true. Work takes a lot out of me and I’ll admit I rarely feel up to doing stuff that I consider to be “chores” around the house. I always help (as if I had a choice) when he does but he obviously enjoys it. I wish I got as much excitement out of it as he does. I’m just happy he’s happy and whatever makes him happy, I’m all about. *g*  He also gets huge props for turning my bachelor bad into a very comfy home for us both. I don’t even recognize the apt from then and now.

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One of Apple guy’s friends had a sick doggy last week. The doggy is up there in years. This made me think of Spike and I honestly don’t know what I’m gonna do when he starts declining. He is doing remarkably well for his 8 years but we’ve noticed little signs lately that his age is catching up with him. I’ll be honest, I am gonna freak out if/when he does gets sick. I have never in my life been so attached to an animal. I honestly don’t understand it either. lol Growing up on a farm the way I did, we were always taught that animals come and go and not to invest too much energy in something that would end up being food later. Not that we’d eat dogs but the mentality carried over from our livestock to pets. I lost several pets as a kid and I can’t ever remembering being teary-eyed. I would be sad for sure just not all blubbery.  Hell, just the idea of Spike not being around makes me tear up. Seriously, I’m warning you now. I expect cards, gifts, and visits from all of you if/when Spike reaches his golden moment.

  1. Of course, I haven’t been huge on bars for years. []

T-shirts

As many of you know, Apple guy has been working on launching his own t-shirt/jock (strap) business. Folsom was the official launch.  And after a plethora of bugs and hiccups with ISP/domain transfers, the website for the t-shirts finally went live today! (The jock strap site is coming soon!)

http://www.monkeywrenchtshirts.com

Now keep in mind these are just a few of the designs that will eventually be available.1  He plans to roll out the rest as time goes by. Some of the shirts are edgy, some are funny, and some are a little of both.  Either way, feel free to pick one (or more) up now while they are still on sale. Once the sale is over, its full price for everyone. 

And if that doesn’t convince you, look at it this way, every shirt you buy goes to the “feed the Moby and Shane” fund. lolol  Ok, all joking aside, he has put a lot of work into it2 and you’d be doing me a solid if you picked one up. Or at the very least, pass on news about the site.

*TV Announcer voice*  But wait! There’s more! As an extra special tease, I have a secret (and somewhat dirty) surprise for the person who buys the most shirts while they’re still on sale.

Whaddya waiting for? Go check’em out already!

  1. He has almost a 100 already. []
  2. I’m so proud of him! []

Year 1

Apple guy and I reached our first anniversary this week. Wow! Where does the time go!?  It seems like just yesterday I was wooing him home with me, curling up together and falling asleep for the first time.1

The irony is when we met, I was content being single. I still wanted a partner but wanting one and needing one are two very different things. I’d reached a point where I’d outgrown the notion that I needed a partner to be complete. Lucky for me, he was in the same place mentally. I can’t help but wonder if that made our connection all the better. Anyway, I fell for him hard and I love that fucker something fierce! We are alike in many ways and different in so many others.

That’s not to say we haven’t had our problems. We both realized beforehand we were moving in together a bit soon. We were ok with the decision but I think it did lead to some of the friction between us. We had a pretty bad patch a few months back. I’m very happy to report, we got past it and worked things out.

So here we are our first year in and I’m still very much in love. I know I’m in love because (Ok here comes the mushy part) every time we crawl into bed together and I wrap my arms around him, all is right with the world. I find myself staying in bed every morning as late as I can just to enjoy the moment. So here we are our first year in and I’m looking forward to the next, and the next, and the next.

  1. Yes, there are other memories but those are just for me! :p []

Post Folsom

So Gay High Holy Day #31 has come and gone. This year Apple guy had a booth to launch his tshirt/jock business. Below is a picture of the booth setup and ready to go. I volunteered to help him with the booth.

 

Whacha think? Looking sharp huh? The hubby did all the artwork/designs for not only the shirts but also his logo and posters. I’m really proud of him. Considering we were behind the gun from the git-go, we turned out an awesome booth. There were a lot of unexpected delays in the process and to turn out such a good product deserves some serious kudos, IMHO.

We did pretty well at the fair. Not as much as we were hoping but I think that had more to do with outside factors than anything he did or didn’t do. We definitely got the name and product out there in people’s minds. As soon as the websites go live we are full steam ahead! I will be calling in favors from EVERYONE to help give us a good jumpstart! Oh yeah bitches, I’m calling in all my favors! lol Operators are standing by…

Anyway, the most irritating problem thru the whole process has been paypal. He was all setup to use them for the credit card processing when his account got hacked and then somehow tied to two fraudulent accounts. Paypal’s customer service has been on par with AT&T’s. Seriously, all my bitching about zipcar pales in comparison to Paypal. They basically don’t give a flying fuck and we are looking at months (yes, I said months) before his account gets sorted out.  Needless to say, he has decided to ditch them.2 

I’ll be posting links to the sites soon so be ready! lol Seriously, the hubby has some awesome tshirt and jock designs, some edgy and some just plain funny. And you’ll be doing a ‘solid’ by helping him get off the ground.

  1. Folsom St Fair []
  2. I have too []

Friction

Its been an interesting past week, to say the least.

Apparently, I live like a bachelor, or so Apple guy tells me. Ok, ok, its true, I do tend to live a bit sparse. Growing up the way I did, I never had a lot of things and it just isn’t natural for me to focus on such things. I don’t apply myself that way often and the skill set has grown weak. This is not to imply Apple guy is shallow, just the distinction between us. If anything, he is very hands-on and tackles challenges with a determined zest. In the last few years, I’ve gotten sort of complacent on doing stuff myself.1  He has taken to converting my sparse boring pad into a warm inviting home. Even better, he is the king of bargain shopping! lol The man has easily saved us over a grand in expenses with his efforts.

Sadly, Apple guy and the roomie have decided they hate each other. Oh yes, its not going well at all. I thought they would overcome eventually and settle down but its obvious now, that ain’t happening. The last few days have been interesting to say the least. This has also put me in an awkward position and I’m not faring it well. No matter how I approach it, someone is gonna end up hurt.

This has also caused some friction between Apple guy and myself. Besides his expected stress at being in a new place and struggling to gain his self-reliance, the bickering between him an the roomie has made him very uneasy about the move.

The upside is he and I are still able to talk things out. Time will tell but I’m not doubting my decision so far. I know he gets frustrated with me at times but at the end of the day, he still knows I love him and am willing to work on it.

Say a prayer for me to [insert deity of choice here], would ya?

  1. Ok, lazy I admit it. []

Dynamic Duo

For those not on Facebook or twitter, I thought I’d post a pic of Apple guy and I together. Here we are at a BBQ in Golden Gate park hosted by my buddy William.1  We had a nice time today hanging out with some of the moto boys and friends. Sadly, some of the group couldn’t make it but better some than none.

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And speaking of, Apple guy is finally here full time! He made it last week after spending two and half days back and forth to the airport. He was flying on a buddy pass from a friend of mine. Normally, not a big deal but because of delays, he ended up trying to get a flight out on a weekend that coincided with the end of spring break. Flights were super booked and he kept getting bumped. He finally got saved when a connecting flight in Houston didn’t show up. Poor thing, he was so tired and cranky when he finally made it, he went straight to bed and slept about 16 hours. Course, now that he is here I’m happier than a pig in slop! lol

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Now that he is here we embark on a life together. I’m nervous and excited all at the same time. lol  That said, I am optimistic. I think we are starting things off right and with a strong foundation. As usual, our comfort level is pretty good. We just ‘are’ when we are around each other. I really like that and am looking forward to what the future holds for us.

  1. Special thanks to William for organizing and setting it up. []

Solo

The weekend is fast coming to a close. It was pretty good. My bike shop was having a bbq on Saturday and I stopped by for some free food while they put a new front tire on the bike. The roomie went with me. Beforehand, we stopped by Mr. S Leather to get his jacket worked on. My friend Christopher met us at SF Moto and afterwards we took a short ride down to Alice’s. He has a new back tire as well and they needed some wearing in.

I was supposed to do chores today but I got a wild hair and took the bike out instead.1  What was supposed to be a short ride, turned into a trip half way to Santa Cruz along the coast. It was such a beautiful day out. As expected, Alice’s was super busy. The pic is only a tiny fraction of the bikes. There is a convenience store across the street and their lot was full to the brim as well.

I could have easily planned a group ride but I wanted to go solo today. I prefer the group rides but sometimes I need to go by myself. I can set my own pace, I don’t have to worry about anyone else, and I can stop (or not) whenever I choose.

I’d only planned to go to down to Pacifica and back but before I knew it I was passing Half Moon bay. hehehe I didn’t have any plans today (other than chores) so I said the hell with it and enjoyed the ride. It got a bit chilly on the way back as the fog had started rolling in.2  Between yesterday and today, the new front tire is definitely worn in now. hehehe Sadly, the weekend is over though. Tomorrow, its back to the pump and grind of work. Its gonna be a stressful/busy week too. Ugh. I’m not complaining as at least I have a job. I know many who don’t right now.

On a side note, God of War 3 shipped this week. Expect me to be MIA online for awhile once it does! lol If the full version is as good as the demo I’m sure I’ll be enthralled until I finish it.

On another side note, Apple guy is back soon and for good this time. I’ve been obsessing a bit this past week and driving him a little nuts I think. The great thing is he and I can talk about such things openly. I like that very much as I never had that with the ex.

Ok, enough for now. Hope everyone has a good week.

  1. well, I did get a few errands dones. []
  2. Course, Apple guy got 2+ inches of snow last night in Dallas so I’m not complaining. []

Wish List

Le old blog has always been about me learning and discovering myself. True to form, this post follows in that vein. Its also a bit mushy. (You have been warned. lol,)

I was yacking it up with my buddy Christopher the other night and had a bit of an epiphany. It just sort of hit me while I was ranting away on the phone.1  Many of you know things have been going pretty well between Apple guy and myself. So I’m talking with Christopher about that very thing; basically ticking off all the things that I like about him. I’m literally bouncing thru a list in my head when it suddenly dawned on me. For the first time in my entire life, I’ve met someone who has every quality2 that I’ve always wished for in what I’d consider my ideal mate!  *goose bumps from hell!*

I’m fond of saying, ‘I try to be the type of man I’d like to date.’ It doesn’t mean I’m searching for perfection just someone perfect for me. And I’ll be the first to admit, its taken me many years and many failed attempts to discover what exactly that is to me. I had to discover not only what it is I want/don’t want but also what it is I have to offer in return. And lawd knows, many of you have followed my dating ups and downs over the years. A small few of you have even been their since the beginning of my blog and the very raw and painful break-up with the ex.

Thru it all, I’ve met guys who had some or most of what I wanted but never the whole enchilada. I guess you could call it a wish list. And to be frank, I’ve never actually expected to find someone who had it all. I’ve always hoped I’d find a guy who I had enough in common with to build a strong foundation for a lasting relationship. A relationship that was honest, open, and free to evolve as we did.3  After TFA, I’d pretty much given up on that. It became something I still wanted but never expected to really find. To my credit, even after TFA, I continued to dabble and explore parts of my id. And I’m somewhat proud to stay, even thru my resignation, I still managed to continue learning about myself.

So imagine my total surprise to suddenly realize I could very well be getting my wish! I found someone who represents everything I’ve always wanted in a partner. I guess it shouldn’t come as a big surprise to me (even though it is) my connection and approach to building a relationship with this person has and is completely different. Instead of discovering a few things that appeal to me and then attempting to build a relationship on those things, I find myself just building on one entirely all-inclusive package. (This is one of those times where I know my grasp of the English language fails me. Try as I might, I can’t seem to truly express the full breath of what I’m feeling right now.)

How do I make this make sense? Let me try this. With my previous dating attempts, no matter how good or bad, I’ve always felt like I was either giving up part of myself or part of what I truly wanted in an effort make the relationship work. I have yet to feel any of that with Apple guy. If anything, I’m getting more than I ever hoped.  Being very territorial about my private space, I’ve yet to feel trapped, cooped up, or even bothered by any of the time he has spent with me. Our time together just seems so easy, with little or no effort on either of our part. Considering we spent over 2 months of the last 5 1/2 months together, that is a big statement. I’ve had contentment before but never in the sense I feel it now. My biggest fear after Drew was being abandoned again. After he moved here, it seemed all of his priorities and goals changed. Sadly, those changes didn’t include me. It hurt me very deeply when he so abruptly abandoned me. It also made me greatly fear the same thing in all of my following dating attempts. And to be fair, I am still scared now, however it isn’t as overpowering like times past. Its more of a nagging annoyance that rears its head in my moments of doubt. If anything, I’m finding a strength I’ve never know before. I don’t worry about Apple guy finding the BBD.4  I am self-assured in the knowledge that he is with me for many of the same reasons I am with him. And while we relate very differently in these areas, I am discovering how to read and understand him. That understanding has only served to re-enforce my new found strength. I think there are definitely times when I fail to express (to him) the true depth of my emotion. That said, I am confident he sees the truth behind my eyes. Does that make any sense at all?  Ugh. I’m still struggling to express myself here.

I guess in the simplest terms I know, in almost 6 short months, I’ve fallen deeply and madly in love. I feel like Apple guy is the one. Not the fairytale happy-ever-after crap, but the one person who is willing to take the time to understand me, accepts me (flaws and all), and is willing to stand by me thru the good and the bad. I am not so foolish to think we won’t have problems or fight, but I find myself daring to believe he is perfect for me. He allows the “me” to exist equally along side the “we”. 

While the future is unwritten, I am increasingly optimistic about our life together. The idea of a future with him warms my soul and I eagerly await it. The idea of him not being in my life is painful to even mention.

Fate forbid, even if we don’t make it, I realize now I love him like I have loved no other. He has shown me that what I truly want is not only possible but attainable. And no matter how things progress, I will always love and be grateful to him for that.

Stay tuned and wish m luck!

  1. I love talking with him because he lets me ramble on ad-nauseum. lol  Actually, we have a lot in common and I trust his advice. []
  2. Emotional and physical. Oh yes! I lust after him! []
  3. No tall order at all, right? lol []
  4. bigger better deal []