Christianity as an organization has become a self-obsessed, greedy, hate-mongering, evil, corporate entity bent on world domination. The sooner we get rid of it and start over, the better off we will be as a society. I fully admit there is still some good that comes from organized religion.¹  That said, when your evil deeds and cover ups overshadow any good deeds performed, you lose any right to the moral high ground. If you are too stupid to see it, I’m not about to explain it to you. You clearly have bigger problems. And just because not everyone who claims the title doesn’t act that way doesn’t make it ok either. Your implicit denial or indifference makes you an accomplice to the atrocities continually being committed in the name of [insert name of deity of choice].²  Unlike being born gay, minority, female, etc you aren’t born christian. Being indoctrinated into a faith doesn’t mean you can’t use your effin’ head for something besides a hat-rack and walk away from it. Hiding behind the idea that you specifically don’t behave that way is just a sad attempt to not face the cold hard truth. Frankly, I’d be out-right ashamed to tell anyone if I was a christian in this day and age. I’ll go one step further and say my respect for you drops a notch or two when you admit it. I mean how believable is your ‘faith’ if you have to coop pagan rituals just to gain supporters?

When you step away and look outside in, the absurdity is grossly apparent. For most, this will fall on death deaf ears. I don’t really care. This is more for my benefit than yours. I’m not your role model and your choices in life are not my responsibility. But, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt when my life is over, I’ll be comfortable with my choices, mistakes, and atonements. Will you?

1. albeit very little or based on “conditions”.
2. and to be clear, I do believe in a higher power, just not one designed to control the masses out of fear.

I’m referring to Valentine’s day of course. Usually, I play for the opposing team, but this year having Apple guy in my life, I had to switch teams, so to speak. :p  He came up for VD and is spending the week with me. I don’t even need to tell ya how happy that made me. He had only been gone a little over two weeks and I was beside myself missing him. Speaking of, I know I haven’t been talking about him in much detail here since we met. That has been on purpose. One, I didn’t wanna jinx it and two, I’m a little gun-shy after my last two botched dating attempts.¹  I figure rather than over thinking it here, I’d just let things develop at their own pace and see how it goes. To my delight, its been going very well. I find that our comfort level together is such, I’m quickly moving away from my fears and lack of trust. Even after realizing how deep my ex’s betrayal hurt me, I hadn’t let it go. It jaded me and I’ve been going into potential relationships sort of expecting them to fail. I guess it was a twisted self-defense mechanism to protect myself from getting hurt. Whatevs…

Anyway, enough about that. The above pic is the very nice bouquet he got me for VD. I really like it a lot. I took the more traditional approach for him (see below).

We both got mixed up and thought Valentine’s day was yesterday. lol  Money is tight because of his upcoming move so we didn’t do anything too extravagant. We ended up going to see Valentine’s Day, the movie. It was just ok. Cute to watch on the holiday as it had some tender/sweet scenes sprinkled in. Overall, it was entirely too long and several scenes seemed to almost never end. I was kind of disappointed. It had such an all-star cast, I expected a lot more. If you didn’t get your dates confused like we did and you aren’t planning to see it today, I’d recommend waiting until DVD.

After the movie, we hung out at the Metreon playing video games and air-hockey for awhile. Of which, he soundly beat me. He has a a bit of a competitive streak and hates losing. lol²  The upside is he won me a life-size tickle-me-Elmo (I have a thing for Elmo) from one of those stuffed animal machines. 

Even better, when we got home he made us some gourmet grilled cheese “sammiches”. OMG, they were so good! I can already tell I’m definitely gonna have to up my cardio once he moves here full-time. lol 

Overall, we had a nice relaxing enjoyable day together. Some of you have noticed, I changed my Facebook status to “in a relationship”. I never realized anyone paid that much attention to such things but apparently you do. I was tickled from all the responses I got the day I changed it. hehehe  Yeah, we’ve decided to make it official. And so far, he manages to put up with me pretty well. :p

Actually, the comfort level is really good between us. I usually feel completely at ease around him. He has commented he feels the same way. This month is our 6 month marker, can you believe it? I can’t wait for him to make the move to SF. If everything goes well, he could be back permanently within 2 weeks. If not, probably 3-4. Either way, things are finally wrapping up and I’m glad he’ll be here soon.

1. Actually, I was kind of avoiding dating all together when he and I met.
2. He and Brett would either either instantly love or hate each other.

*

I am so not excited about NYE. I had to work until 2:00am.¹  NYE is our busiest (and worst) day of the year. Ugh. Overall, it wasn’t too bad this year. The cold messes, the hot messes, and the just plain messes were out in force but the overall violent crimes were down. I was on fire side most of the night which meant managing the medical fleet. I feel good knowing I did an excellent job with the resources available.

*

Apple guy is still here (yay!)  Sadly, I didn’t get to ring in the NY with him because I had to work. I did manage to send him a text at the midnight hour. I literally got the text out when the shit really hit the fan, so to speak. He went out with some friends so at least one of us had some fun. I was bummed that we had to spend it apart but there is always next year I guess.

*

I haven’t really worked on my resolutions for the new year yet. The wine is kicking in and my brain is kinda fuzzy at the moment.

1. originally 3:00am but I got lucky and was relieved an hour early

It isn’t the gifts but the idea that people are often a little bit nicer to each other. Call it mushy, sappy, or whatever but it catches on and spreads from person to person during the holiday season. I haven’t been able to really catch the spirit this season until now. Funny how that works ain’t it? lol

My little brother had me in tears last night. It took him being upset to reminded me of the thing I love about the holidays. He was sad because he still misses our dad and his mom. Even though he has two kids of his own now, he struggles on the holidays. They both passed while he was still living at home and I think he often feels lost and alone. He never developed the independence the rest of us had. 

While we were talking, I broke down and told him something I’d never mentioned before. He never knew as a kid that he was one of the only things that kept me sane. He knows full well there was never any love-loss between myself and his mom. But, I always wanted a little brother growing up. And as much as she hated me and I her, she did give me one. Granted, it had nothing to do with me but it didn’t matter. Having a little brother made me stronger and gave me something to focus on besides my own misery. I honestly don’t think I would have made it thru it w/o him. He was really touched by that and we both ended up bawling like school-girls.

Today I find that I’m all giddy and excited about the holiday again. I guess I finally caught the spirit. After I talk last night and today, I’m feeling it. Of course, apple guy arrives tonight so that might have something to do with it too. LOL  Ok, it has a lot to do with it but whatever.

Happy Hanna-Kwan-a-Xmas guys!

Well, the holiday season is upon us. The pic is a shot of me being silly at the work holiday party. I was a little apprehensive as I didn’t really know what to expect. Actually, it was loads of fun watching my co-workers get shit-faced. It was at a bar up in North beach, which is total straights-ville. (Now you see my apprehension. lol)  And true to form, there was only 1 other gay co-worker in attendance. He was smart enough to bring a mini-group of his own friends. I should have dragged (read ‘tortured’) several of my own brood into the mix. Now that would have been a show!

I don’t socialize with my co-workers a lot so it was an interesting experience. Some, I had pegged dead on and others really surprised me. Its amazing how some people change personalities after you pour a little liquor in’em. Me, I’m pretty much the same rambunctious flirty homo as I am sober. The only difference is I tend to be a little more rambunctious and a little more flirty. No surprise there. I’ve never booze (or anything else) to loosen up.  Anyway, I ended up having a good time. The place was full of off-duty cops and I took turns with several co-workers taking bets on who would hook-up with whom. heehee

Beyond that, I don’t really seem to be in the holiday mood this year. I didn’t even put up a tree. I’m not sad or depressed or anything like that. The mood just hasn’t really hit me this year. Normally, i get excited when I start decorating and doing cards. Speaking of, I got the cards out at a decent time this year, btw. No disasters other than getting glared at by the post office clerk for purchasing 50+ one-cent stamps. I glared right back at her. lol

The new roomie has been gone for weeks with his new romantic interest and apple guy is still 2000 miles away so it was just me¹. I guess I didn’t really see the point of doing all the decorations just so I can sit and stare at’em for 2 weeks and the take’em down. Ba-humbug right? lol

Oh well, I may not be all gaga for the holiday but I am still grateful. I’ve made a lot of friends over the years and they of course reach out to me on xmas via cards, calls, and texts. That to me is the best part of the holiday.

1. He is coming up for xmas weekend though.

I know, I know, pigs would sooner fly out of my butt. Its still a nice thought.

Oh and a purdy navy blue scarf.

The end.

I am thankful I have a roof over my head, food on my table, and a job to keep the first two. I am grateful for friends who enrich my life with their support and camaraderie. I am grateful to have met someone who never ceases to make me laugh. I’m grateful for relatively good health and mind. (The latter is debatable. lol)

I know for many, this is going to be a very rough holiday season. With unemployment at record numbers, two wars still going on overseas, and an economy that’s limping along, many won’t be able to boast such comforts this season. Don’t forget those around you. Offer a helping hand, if you can. Sometimes a little can go a long way.

So to all of you out there, I’m wishing you a safe, warm, and happy holiday season.

I got a whole slew of cards back last year so please update me even if you think I have your address.

My friend Trevan came up for an extended weekend. We hadn’t seen each other in over a year but as always, it was if we had just seen each other yesterday. We fall into old habits and patterns w/o any effort. It was good to see him.

Saturday night we went to Blowoff instead of the more widely known Magnitude party. Frankly, I find the latter a bit boring. In a city were sexual contact can be moments away, it has really never held that much appeal for me. Blowoff on the other hand was quite fun. Its house style music but with an 80’s/90’s twist. In other words, a really good beat with the tracks to older songs blended into the background. The crowds tend to be guys in their 30-40’s and hairy. heh heh. Trev and I danced from 10:30 until 1:30 before deciding to call it a night. It has been ages since I’ve danced the night away in a bar. Granted, it shouldn’t be a habit but I had forgotten how much I love to dance.

Sunday was the fair. I felt like a bit of a party-pooper because I was over it within the first hour. It was just too damn busy. We stayed all of 2 hours before calling it quits. It took that long just to worm our way from one end to the other. We ended up in the ‘hood hanging out at Moby’s (the bar).

Sunday night we did the Real Bad party. They scaled back on ticket sales this year so it was much more tolerable and easy to move around. Basically, it was crowded w/o being a total mess. Trev and I hung out for a bit socializing before worming our way onto a speaker.¹ We spent the next 3 hours dancing our ass off.

The bad news is my roomie’s ex-partner was in a really bad accident on Friday. He suffered several broken bones. The roomie got to spend his weekend at the hospital. I felt bad for him. I know he didn’t mind giving up his weekend but I still felt so sorry for him.

In other news, I…um…uh…um…well, I sorta met someone. heh heh I’m keeping a lid on things for now as every time I blab it all here, I seem to jinx it. lol.  I will say he is an apple fan² and a gamer. We are off to a good start. :p

1. Not for the reason you think. Being on the speaker gave us room to dance w/o being crowded or constantly bumped in to. heh heh
2. let the war begin

As ho hum as I was feeling earlier, I did have a good time. I even stayed beyond my normal 2 hour limit. I ended up hanging out with Chris aka @Wildcuddler from twitter and his friends @bucknsj and @puppychow79. Even better, they are both on twitter so now I get to stalk them. heehee. Seriously though, they were both very nice and made such an adorable couple. We were also joined by a tag-tail.² but even he was sweet and I rather liked having him along.

The event itself was a bit smaller this year. And while it did get crowded, it was so nice not being jam-packed in wall-to-wall bodies with barely enough room to breath. It might sound hot but after about 15 minutes of it, you get rather annoyed. Normally, I can go the whole circuit twice and be lucky if I run into 5 people I know. Not so this time. I ran into a whole slew of friends (and bloggers) in the span of about an hour. I ran into roblog and his hot husband entering the gates. Shortly beyond that I ran into Victor from v-hold and his scruffy hubby and then Wade from beyondbuffalo. There was @repete from twitter and his hubby, several random tricks from years past and even a co-worker. lol It was a whole stream of walk, stop, flirt, chat, flirt some more, then continue on your way. I even saw my ex. I ran into my flickr buddy Andy, who I totally have the hots for. His smile is even more endearing in person. Such a sweetie he was. I could go on and on but you know I am not a name-dropper …  heh heh

There was plenty of the obvious. A grope here, a smile there, a quick chest or butt rub followed by grunts and groans.  Oh yes, it wouldn’t be Dore w/o the blatant sexual innuendo and aggression. There was one beefy guy wearing ass-less chaps that I would have followed around like a puppy had he already not had a hubby in tow. Bastard. lol

**Interjection – I’m sitting at Firewood in the hood as I write this and I’m sitting next to a group of guys who are whining about not being part of the ‘pretty crowd’ yet they can’t stop talking about all the ‘hot’ guys they saw. I’m half tempted to lean over and point out the stupidity of their conversation. Its one thing to not go and ridicule but its another thing entirely to go and then whine about it because you weren’t the center of attention. And that’s forgetting for a moment that ‘pretty’ is a subjective term at best and two, if you’ve ever been to Dore or Folsom, you know the mix of guys is amazing. You see everything; freaks, cock, boobs, piss, average, bears, muscle, hair, smooth, porn, drag, leather, sex, etc. Oh did I mention porn?³ It runs the entire gambit so going and then whining about not being ‘included’ just annoys me to no end. /rant **

Ok back on topic, sort of. I was particular struck this year by how pervasive our technology has become in our everyday lives. For my own part, I was twittering and texting at down times throughout the day. Of course, I had to stay in contact with the boy. Then there was the moto group, coworkers inquiring if my ass was hanging out, and random tweets and FB updates. I had 3 different random strangers stop me to tell me they read my blog, which tickled me to no end. (Eddy, Derrick, Paul, I told you I’d mention you!) I also met several folks who met thru the various online social sites. One might say, it was a cornucopia of interconnected web-addicts all decked out in leather, lace, and gear!

All said, it was a good event. Fun, frolic, and friends all at one time. What’s not to like?⁴ It was a nice end to my rather uneventful but extremely well-timed vacation as I go back to work tomorrow. I’m back on my new (old) shift which I’m very excited about.

And how was your weekend?

1. Its officially called Up Your Alley now but locals still refer to it by its original name.
2. someone who attaches themselves to you or your group in the hopes of hooking up. *g*
3. That said, there seemed to be fewer porn boys out and about this year as well.
4. Oh, there will be a forthcoming ‘post’ in a few days about other activities, so you know what to do.