Continue reading »]]> Well, it’s official boys and gurls. Yours truly is 41 years old.¹   Strange, as I don’t feel 41. Well, that’s half true. Age and wisdom has certainly given me some perspective. Not to mention, the grey is slowly creeping its way down my body. lol That said, I still don’t feel it. It’s hard to explain. I guess you can say I’ve held only my youthful outlook on things.

I don’t make a big fuss over my birthdays. I guess when I get to an age that is uncommon then I can make a bit to-do over it. Until then, I try to spend quality time with friends. This weekend I’m catching the new Underworld with a group and then Boys for Balls (charity bowling event). It promises to be a fun weekend.

I’m still very optimistic about the future and look forward to life. That is a good thing IMHO.

1. Or, 39.95 + tax

Continue reading »]]> Nothing dirty, get your mind out of my gutter. But you should be logged in if you’re not.

Has anyone noticed that t-shirt sizes seem to be shrinking and pant sizes seem to be growing? WTF is up with that? lol I was recently shopping for a zip-up hoodie and none of the sizes fit me. I had to end up getting an extra-large. While I’m first to admit I’ve put on some muscle in the last 10 years, I’m not that damn big. And for some odd reason, clothing manufacturer’s never seem to make t-shirts the same size across brands. Even when shopping within the same brand, I often find I have to check sizes. It drives me nuts. I’m what I like to call a hybrid shopper. I like to shop but I don’t like wasting tons of time trying on clothes, especially for t-shirts. Once I become familiar with a brand, I like knowing I can grab a shirt I like, hit the checkout, and be done with it.

It is frustrating as hell to try to shop for shirts because you have to try every single freaking shirt on before you buy it. And then hope/pray it doesn’t shrink, even when it’s not supposed to, after you wash it.¹ Why can’t they do like shoe companies and show a size based on what country the shoe is being sold in? While I still try on shoes before I buy, I never have to jump sizes. A size 10 is always a size 10 (with only a small difference between shoes and boots). Oh and even worse, when you buy cheap shirts, it is just the opposite. You buy a small and it drags your knees! lol

1. That’s a whole other pet-peeve!

Continue reading »]]> So 2011 is over and I couldn’t be happier to see it go. I was off from work this year for NYE, thankfully. My NYE consisted of sushi early enough to avoid the crowds and cheesy/funny kung-fu movies on the TV with Cooper passed out next to me. I caught the ball-drop on Tivo.

It was an absolute shitty year for me personally and I’m more than ready for 2012, our last year together.¹ It’s been one shitstorm after another this year: the relationship ending, pay cuts at work, Spike getting sick and then later having to be put to sleep, and not to mention my debt.  I’m hopeful 2012 will be better for me. I’d never say it can’t get worse but I sure hope not. lol

My only resolution this year is to focus on getting my life back together. I’m faced with some difficult choices in the next couple months. As mentioned, I have a few blog posts backed up from the WordPress snafu. Once those roll out, the blog might go dark for a few weeks until I get things sorted. It all depends on how things go.

The one bright spot in 2011 was the arrival of little Cooper. He brings me joy every day. Speaking of, he has also settled in quite well to his new home. One has only to observe the changes in his behavior to know he is happy and content. He is still having potty episodes but they are getting farther and farther apart.² Of course, he still farts like a demon that’s been gang-banged by a stink bomb. Seriously, I’m surprised the paint isn’t pealing yet. heehee Regardless, I love him.

On a side rant, it is amazing how much joy and contentment an animal can bring to one’s life. Growing up the way I did, I tend to be very independent. But I tell you this, having an animal with such unconditional love and faith in me is very rewarding. And, I honestly think if he were not around I would have slipped back into depression over the current state of things.

Anyway, here’s to our last year together. I hope everyone had a pleasant and safe holiday season. Best wishes to you all in 2012! And as I am sometimes fond of saying, ‘hope springs eternal!‘

1. According to the lunies, the world will end this year because the Mayan’s decided to stop counting at 2012.
2. Here’s hoping my carpet survives! lol

Continue reading »]]> I’ve been hitting the gym pretty hard lately even with my crazy work schedule. I think I overdid it this last week though. Thursday, I started feeling achy and run down at work. I was afraid I was getting sick. That night I tossed and turned all night from achiness so ended up not getting much sleep. ¹

Friday rolls around, I’m feeling less achy but exhausted from lack of sleep and developed a lovely migraine. Joygasm! I got some stomach problems as well so maybe it was a combination of both. I called off from work and literally laid on the couch all day relaxing. I napped off/on until about dinner when I finally dragged my carcass out of the house for some dinner. Feeling a tiny bit better but still achy my stomach was demanding food. lol I ended up having sushi with my buddy Nikitas. Probably not the best choice considering but it hit the spot.

Saturday, I’m feeling almost like my old self again. The stomach is returning to normal and the achiness had abated. I didn’t have a sore throat or fever so I figure maybe I was just worn down.

Ironically, I feel totally guilty for not being in the gym. lol Lately, I’ve been trying to hit the smaller non-primary muscles that I often neglect. I think they decided to fight back. Anyway, if you’ve been following me on Google+, you’ve already seen my latest pics. I included one to show off my had work. How do ya think I’m doing?

1. Apple guy neglected to mention he’d taken the last of the Ambien. *ahem*

Continue reading »]]> Well, after 30 some odd texts, emails, comments, etc from my last post, everyone seems to be curious as to why. Why I listed with Amazon. Lawd, you’d think I announced my blog was ending! lol There are several reasons actually. What? You think its an easy one-liner? Pssshaw! When am I ever that one-sided? lol

One, I feel a little bit guilty for dropping off for so long in my regular blogging. I know I probably shouldn’t but I do. In the last few months I’ve had quite a few folks¹ stop me in person or comment online to tell me how much they really missed my blogging. It was very flattering and humbling after all this time to still have complete strangers stop and share their love of my blog. It gave me a warm fuzzy feeling deep inside.² I had one guy stop me in Starbucks, he was visiting from out-of-state, and share how much he enjoyed my blog. Two different guys came up to me at Folsom (and I was only there about 2 hours) to tell me how happy they were I was blogging again. I even had a a couple guys on Scruff message me to introduce themselves and tell me they liked my blog. There have been others but the point is I started feeling guilty. Primarily because I know exactly how they feel. I’ve been very disappointed at times over the last 10 years when some of my favorite blogs ended. Whether I knew them in person or not didn’t matter, I had spent a chunk of my life getting to know them thru their blogs and it was disappointing to lose that contact. So to realize I’d sort of done the same thing made me feel a bit guilty.

The irony here is I don’t really follow that many personal blogs anymore. Primarily because so many of them have ended. I have a very small dedicated group that I still read. Most of the blogs I follow these days are news/tech sites. I still keep up with some folks via FB, twitter, Plus, etc but even that is losing it’s appeal for me.

I am truly flattered and humbled that people care and listen to what I have to say. It makes me feel honored and proud that you take the time to follow me when there is so much content (in so many places) out there these days. I’ll admit the desire had sort of left me for awhile but I’m finding that I really missed it. I get such a sense of well-being when I settle into blogging mode and being back in the saddle has really made me see how much I missed it.

My free-time is always a factor but I’m finding ways around that as well now. I can’t promise I won’t have lapses again but that’s life. Life first, blog second has always been and continues to be my approach.

Another reason is flat out geekiness. I love the idea of having my blog content being so readily available in such a cool format as the Kindle. For someone like me, its a bit awe-inspiring seeing my blog on an Amazon page. Never in a million years would I have ever dreamed I’d grow up to actually have people pay attention to what I say. For you long time readers, you get it I know.

Three follows closely behind reason two. Its not so much adulation as appreciation. One person asked if I wanted fame. I’m sure there is a small facet of that mixed in but honestly, I don’t feel its a driving force. It isn’t so much that I want people talking about me as much as I like knowing that people care enough to follow me. I guess that’s sort of the definition of fame but in a different context. I’ve never been a popularity blog.³ And frankly, I prefer my attention up close and personal. lol Aaaaanyway…I don’t see that changing anytime soon.

Of course, I write knowing people are reading but my content is usually for me and I’m simply sharing with you. I don’t think I’ve ever sat around and just tried to think up ideas to blog about. Often times, I forget many of my ideas because I don’t take the time to jot them down when they pop up. Lawd knows I’m rarely w/o something to say.

On a funny note, one lurker called me a sell-out. I’m a bit surprised by that because my blog is still completely free on the web. And $0.99 a month is hardly big business for the convenience of getting my madness on your Kindle device. lol Hell, who knows if it will even go anywhere.

Lastly, since my blog readership has dropped off somewhat, I’m hoping to revive it with a new avenue of distribution. Hopefully, over time people who have drifted away will realize I’m back at it and tune in for their weekly dose of my nonsense. Looking forward, you can definitely expect some discussions about Spike, work, my life in general, and probably some stuff dealing with my most recent break-up. No, not dirty details but definitely about things I learned and am still learning from it. Of course, my random and unexpected nonsense will be ever present.

Thanks again for those loyal folks who have stuck with me. I hope to not let you down.

Moby

1. mostly unknown to me at that
2. No, not there, get your mind out of my gutter!
3. Unlike another blog I shan’t mention. heehee

Continue reading »]]> Well, I’ve gone and done it! My blog is now officially available thru Amazon.com for download to your Kindle device of choice. For the amazingly bargain basement price of $0.99 per month you can now get my madness automatically downloaded every time I post an update. Yes you read it right, per month.¹

First, I didn’t choose the price, Amazon did. While you can still (and will always) get my blog perfectly free on the web, you can now fork over a measly dollar a month for the convenience of having it updated automatically for you if you wish.

Second, this was not about money but exposure. For such a small fee I’m clearly not looking for profit. It is my hope to increase my user base. I’ve only been back at it steadily a short time now, yet I’ve already had several people reach out to me and tell me how much my blog has meant to them. It’s been a humbling experience to say the least.

Depending on how well it goes, I may at some point decide to disable my internal subscription service. It’s become very laborious to manage and keep up with. For now, nothing has changed. My RSS feed is still available directly from my blog for free. The Kindle route is about convenience and hopefully, more exposure.

Last but not least, my content will still be my normal ramblings, opinions, ideas, pet-peeves, etc. From what I’ve seen, nothing I post or write about comes anywhere close to violating any of Amazon’s TOS. I don’t foresee any need to censor myself. If it does, it is easy to manipulate what enters my RSS feed.²  I am not sure how pictures translate to Kindle devices so I will still need to work that out.

As for content, from what I’ve seen on some of the listings so far, most of my content is perfectly acceptable. The only real difference you might notice is reposting content from my old blog. Since my old blog isn’t tied to the new one, I may from time to time repost some of my older more significant posts.

That’s it. A big welcome to any new readers and a big thank you to anyone else subscribing thru!

1. It is only available on actual Kindle devices vs. the Kindle reader app than can be installed on many mobile OS’s.
2. Amazon loads my blog via the RSS feed.

Continue reading »]]> It’s funny how memories can stimulate emotion even after decades. My last post about my childhood was a departure from my normal ramblings in that it was a very specific memory. The detail and clarity were peculiar enough but that’s not all of it. I’ll have one and then hours/days later something else will randomly spark and play out in my head, some good, some bad, some just random and unexpected. All of them surfacing in detail and then moving over for the next one. On a side note, it is a testament to human endurance that painful (even traumatic memories) tend to dull over time while good ones seem to remain bright and warm. Anyway, I don’t usually think back much on my childhood. While there were some really bright spots, most of it was one painful episode after another and better forgotten in my opinion. Honestly, I think I’ve even subconsciously blocked a lot of it out.¹ Even here on my blog I usually talk about my past in general terms as I’m often more concerned with the present.

The memories I do remember have been coming thick and fast over the last couple weeks. It’s been an odd sensation, even disconcerting at times, to have so many of them floating up from out of nowhere. Some from as far back as I can remember and others spread out in a kaleidoscope of random scenes. They never seem to be in any order. And while the stroll down memory lane has certainly been interesting, I’m more concerned with the why. What is it that has happened (or hasn’t) that I’m reliving my past? What kick-started all this into motion? Is it my age and the brain just doing its thing by purging or reinforcing memories? It’s certainly possible but I’m not buying it. I’m sitting here banging away on the keyboard and that idea just doesn’t fit. Is it just a random sense of nostalgia or is there more to it? Is my id trying to tell (or show) me something I’m missing or am I just going coo coo for coco puffs?!  lol  Either way, something is most definitely up.

This is another perfect moment when I get really frustrated with my lack of vocabulary. Yes, I speak purdy but there are times when simple words just don’t do the thought(s) justice. That being said, I’m doing my best to articulate as best I can… Thru it all I’ve had the weirdest sense that a part of me has returned, almost as if it had gone missing. I don’t have the faintest clue at the moment what that part is.² I just feel more like myself than I have in awhile. Yes, that’s it exactly! I feel more like myself. But as opposed to what? What part of me has resurfaced or returned? I didn’t know anything went missing, so to have it return is equally confusing. At this moment I can’t pin it down to save my life but now that I’ve said it to myself, it seem right.

I’m sure over time it will come into more focus for me. Yes, you can rest assured I’ll beat it like a dead horse here once it does.  Regardless of what it is, I’m glad. And as I’m so very fond of saying… hope springs eternal.

1. There are large chunks in several places that just seem to be missing.
2. I just love little epiphanies, don’t you? lol This is why I continue to blog.

Continue reading »]]> My last post got gobbled up somehow so I’m writing it again.

I had a flashback to my childhood the other day. It was kind of odd because it was a memory from when I was very young. God it seems like a lifetime ago and thinking of it now seems almost surreal. Anyway…

Picture it. It’s the 1970’s. Yours truly is about 3-4 years old. There’s me, my foster mom/dad and my 2nd oldest brother at the time. Mom was sewing and making clothes, my brother was in school, my dad was at work, and I was left to my own devices. We had a yard at the time that covered about an acres of land with a few trees on it. One tree in particular was my favorite. It wasn’t very big but had an odd limb that grew out not too terribly far from the ground. I couldn’t reach it on my own but if I stacked a 5-gallon bucket and a 50-gallon drum next to each other I cold easily climb up on the limb and hang out.

It was one of my favorite little spots to pass the time. If I was outside, I had to avoid the geese because they were mean and would jump on me, knock me down, and beat me with their wings. I was a tiny little fucker at the time so must have seemed like easy prey to them. Anyway, here I am one day chomping on a PB&J sammich and sitting in ‘my’ tree having a good ole time. I’d heard my dad come home but didn’t think much of it. I’d see him in a bit.

Everything was hunky-dory until I heard my dad yelling at me. I was startled so didn’t quite process what he was saying. I look over a bit confused and see him (along with my mom in tow) running over toward me continually yelling. This served to scare me more as my dad never ran. They are both clearly in distress and my dad jumps up on the 5-gallon bucket and yanks me down. Not understanding what is happening, I’m full on bawling at this point. I’m thinking I’ve somehow managed to do something and get in trouble. Meanwhile, I’m still chomping away at my PB&J sammich.¹

I guess they realized they were making my hysterical so my mom starts trying to calm me down. It turns out my dad discovered a nest of yellow-jackets had built a nest right in the crook of the limb where it met the tree. He hadn’t a chance to take care of it I guess. Anyway, my dad seeing me up in the tree freaked out, afraid I was gonna stung. Unbeknownst to me the wasps were loving my sammich and flying all about. One had apparently landed right on my delicious sandwich right as I took a bite. Yup, you guessed it, I ate it! lol It never stung me, or if it did, I didn’t feel it.

My dad later sprayed them with WD-40, which promptly killed’em. An hour or two goes by and I’m right back up in my tree. This time minus the sandwich, watching the world go by. hehehe

I’m not sure why I suddenly remember this but I thought it funny enough to share. Aren’t memories funny sometimes? 

1. Even then I had a love for food!

Continue reading »]]> I don’t get people sometimes. So I’m at the gym one day last week working out, doing my thing. The gym is a tad busier than normal but not overly so. I’m working my arms and I see this guy doing the triceps dip machine. I walk up and very politely ask if I can work in with him. He snaps, ‘sure‘ and proceeds to storm away in a huff.

I was actually surprised because 1) I was very polite and 2) my tone and demeanor was clearly indicative of my willingness to be denied. While it is the policy of the gym that members should share equipment, I know how it is to be in your zone, time schedule, routine, etc and I don’t get offended if someone isn’t willing to share. Of course, if I’d been working a free-weight bench with a big weight difference, I wouldn’t be as willing. Trying to swap off/on weights is a major pain. And while I don’t like people that hog benches because they are too busy gossiping/yakking with friends or bouncing between machines, this machine is as simple as flipping a switch to change the weight. Seriously, its that damn easy.

Of course, I laughed it off and finished my set. Hell, he made it easier for me as I no longer had to wait on him. He came back down about 15 minutes later glaring to see if anyone was on the bench. I’d already started my next set but was tempted to go over and tell him, ‘next time instead of throwing a tantrum like a 12-yr old girl just have the balls to say no.‘ I thought better of it though. He probably would have had an even bigger hissy fit and frankly I didn’t feel like dealing with the drama.

So here is a little advice for those of you who do hit the gym on a regular basis. Be willing to share equipment or have enough of a spine to say no if you don’t. Barring the above mentioned caveats, don’t storm off in a huff because you’re a passive-aggressive pussy pansy dumb-ass wimp.