Category: me

My Place or Yours?

I ran into a casual friend the other day. I clarify casual here as we know each other but not very well. During the conversation it comes out that he has a bf. But the odd part is they’ve been together 12 years but still live apart. So of course, I asked him, “How exactly does that work?” His reply, “well, I am a very independent person and I like my own space. He spends a lot time at my house but has his own place when we have a fight.”

Ok, my interpretation…sounds like an expensive way to have a cooling off period. But, Hey! if it works for them, who am I to judge. So then I asked, “So I assume you have an open relationship?” His reply, “well, that is a complicated question.” *ding ding, ding ding, we have a winner Johnny* Now we come to the heart of the matter.

By this point, I have several preconceived notions. After prodding & poking several times, the real gist of their relationship becomes clear. They keep separate places so “extra-curricular” activities are private and there is no jealousy issues. For purpose of staying on topic, I’m not touching that one. *g*

Now on to my two cents. I don’t think I could have a serious LTR with a person who wasn’t living w/me. I’m not talking about the initial “getting to know each other part” either. Moving in w/someone is a big step. You definitely need to spend significant time together before you make the leap. I’m referring to two people who have made a commitment to each other as life partners. Part of the reason I yearn for a partner is intimacy. After that comes companionship. Neither of which would be easily accomplished by living apart. Last but not always least, when I sport a woody in the middle of the night, I wanna be able to roll over and take care of it! How is that accomplished by living apart?

I can see it now….

*telephone ringing*

….hello? hey hon, its 3:00 in the morning, anything wrong?
(talking from phone)
Oh, you’re horny? Well why don’t you come over?
(more talking)
No, I don’t feel like driving over, why don’t you come here?
(talking)
Ok, uh-huh.
(yet more talking)
Well, I still don’t feel like it.
(yelling in the phone now)
Well, if you @#$%! lived here, we wouldn’t have this problem now would we?
*hang up*

*giggle* That would SOOOO be something I’d do.

Comments

So most of you have probably noticed, the comments didn’t transfer over from the old blog. I haven’t found a way to do that yet so for now, all of my old comments will have to be manually posted. A task that I may or may not get too anytime soon.

Never fear the comments section is working fine. The first time you post it gets sent to moderation to weed out the spammers. Once approved your comments post as usual the next time.

Meeting of the Blogs

So lunch today w/Rob went great! My first impression? Rob is a caring sensitive fella stuffed in a big brutes frame. [1]yes, that was a compliment In case you missed it, Rob has a full plate as of late w/a side of drama thrown in. I tried to talk about my favorite topic today (me, of course) to help distract him. We went to Goathill Pizza over on Potrero Hill. My first time at Goathill and the pizza was delish. I don’t get over that way much but now I have a great new pizza joint to add to my repertoire. (hukd on fonix wurkd 4 me. lol good spelling but not really the best use of the word)

Rob and I talked about our lives, ex’es, politics, and housing prices in SF. And!, we squeezed all of that into just an hour. Not an easy task when I’m on a roll. *big smile*

So scratch another blogger off the list! So far I’m 2-0.

References

References
↑1 yes, that was a compliment

A Good Man?

Today was my first venture out per say since getting sick. I decided to hop over to the Eagle for some socializing. Not bad. Ran into some friends but didn’t see the ones I had originally planned to.

So while I’m there, I happen to bump into a guy who I have been a bit “biblical” with. He promptly gives me a quick wink and then proceeds to avoid me the rest of the time. I tend to find this type of behavior amusing now however, it used to bother me a lot. Having matured a bit, I no longer assume something is wrong w/me. While this exchange is occurring, I hear my group discussing a rather worn out topic. “Where are all the good men?” So this got got me to thinking. (brains and liquor…hmmm?) How many times have I heard this? I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve heard guys go on an on about how there are “no good men” left in the dating pool.

As it turns out, I run into an old bf (no, not THE ex). M and I dated very briefly. He got annoyed that I wasn’t able to offer more at the time and stopped calling. So years later, we are friends again. Back to the story. We decide to have dinner tonight and he rants/raves about how he has given up on dating. I caught myself counting, waiting for the catch phrase. I swear, I counted in my head. 1…2….3…wait for it….4….5…BAM! “There are just not any good men around anymore!” There it was. I laughed and continued the conversation not feeling the need to go on about it.

What is a “good man”? The older I get the more I am of the belief that a successful relationship is not based on how much you love someone but on how much you are able to put up w/him. Wait, before you think I’m just being bitter, let me clarify. The success of an LTR I think depends on how you treat each other in the bad times. The good times are easy and require no control on your part. On the other hand, in the bad times we tend to show our base selves. It is at this critical moment that I think determines how successful a LTR will be.

Had I applied this train of thought to my previous relationship, I might have saved myself the heartbreak. I routinely make myself out to be a martyr as far as my ex is concerned. And while he did do a lot of things wrong, I have come to realize that I had a part to play as well. I enabled him to continue the cycle by over rationalizing his actions. This discovery tends to knock the wind out of my sails of self-righteousness a bit.

Here I go rambling again. (focus, focus, focus) IMO, we are usually the same “men” that we complain about. Blame it on society, gay culture, being sex-obsessed, whatever. Nine times out of ten, we bitch about meeting quality men but never do anything to make ourselves a “quality man”. And I’m not talking about muscles or good looks. Muscles you can get but, if you aren’t building the inside no matter how good the outside gets you’re still left w/the same old you on the inside. So as not to sound like a hypocrite, I’m pretty sure I fall into this category as well at times.

My advice to anyone who whines about not being able to find a good guy. Are you someone the guy you want would want in return? If no, then I suggest you become the qualities you seek. And don’t confuse the issue here, I’m not referring to muscles. I’m refering to the inner qualities. As my best friend is fond of saying, “Your looks will get you in the door but, it is your character that will keep you there.”

Strong words to live by.

Meanderings

Well, its been two full days up and running w/Wordpress now and I’m very happy w/it so far. After the initial glitch getting it installed, it was very simple to setup.

Not much to rep today. I slept till 1130, got up, showered, played w/the monkey, had lunch, went in for a few hours of overtime at work and thats it. My day is done.

Exciting huh? It has been nice to not cough my head off all day.

Confuscious Say….

…man you fart in church have his one p(h)ew. *g*

Ok, so I’m plodding away thru the php code and slowly grasping the dynamics of it. My new design is going to require some heavy rewrites of the code so it probably won’t be up this week. I’m sticking w/the default design until I switch over. So far, I’m of the mindset PHP is OVERLY complex however, I’m still a newbie at it. I realize it offers some great modularity however, it seems the same could be accomplished w/xhtml and my mysql. Don’t quote me.

I am feeling better today finally. I think I’m finally on the mend. I don’t plan on doing anything this weekend to jepordize that either.

Update III

Ok, well I’ve got everything working so far. I am completely unfamiliar w/php workings so it is gonna take me a few days to get the site back up to its old functionality. The links section is back along w/the the blog history. Since I’m working w/o my old template the site will stay in the default form until I get the hang of things.

After Brat’s rant yesterday about his blog taking on a new direction, I figured I’d one up him and share the plans for my own changes ahead. Most of you know I’m in process of folding my blog into my domain, www.mobius.name. What you don’t know is I plan to make it a starting point for all my online activities. The changes will start out slow but eventually everything I do online will have some reference or connection to my site. All my bookmarks, my contacts, blog links etc will be included. While all of this won’t necessarily be available to view, you won’t be able to visit the site w/o coming away w/some idea of what it is to be me.

My blog will actually split into two separate sections. I’ll continue the main part which will be my ongoing rants/raves as usual. The new blog will be more of a mundane journal of my day to day activities, thoughts, etc. I love blogging but I miss being able to document my private thoughts. The parts of me that only share w/myself. I’ve written private journals on and off for years and have always derived powerful insights into myself when going back and re-reading them later. If I can gain this much insight into myself, what if I was to share it for others to benefit from?

That said, I’m not sure if the world is ready to see the inside workings of my head. What if I alienate a close friend? What if I sound like a hypocrite? Take this post for example. This is a view of the ‘polished’ Moby. I’ve re-written it several times in an effort to get the “sound” of it right. Now imagine for a second, you are given the key to my private thoughts and being given full permission to read it.

This begs the question, would you even want to? Would you want to see me in my sometimes up, sometimes down, frail, raw, emotional, insecure, over secure self. No edits, no spell check, no grammatical rules…just the unedited raw moby in all his madness. A bit daunting, even for me.

Being a total techie, all of this falls inline w/my own ideals of becoming truly interactive w/the net. If I had my way, I’d be connected 24/7. I have all these ideas for sections on advice, tips, etc so I’m just bursting w/excitement.

So sit back, stay tuned, and enjoy the ride!

I’m Gonna Live

Well the good news, the doc says I’m gonna live. He thinks it might have migrated from just a viral flu to strep throat but no definite answers. However, he did tank me up w/lots of drugs. I’ve never been a big fan of drugs, over the counter or otherwise but, I’m to a point now where I’m just miserable. I start the day out feeling “great” and steadily decrease into “I hate you and want you to die” mode.

I know I shouldn’t complain. I’m rarely sick. However, when I am it is always seems to be a doozy.

Blech Reloaded

I’m still feeling very icky. I thought I was doing better and then last night I had a low grade fever and super sore throat to go w/the coughing. Ugggh! I called the doc and they plan to squeeze me in tomorrow morning. Meanwhile, my voice hasn’t completely come back yet. I’m not going to work today either. Maybe giving the ole voice box a break will do the trick.

The domain is still in flux. Sometime between now and tomorrow it is supposed to be completed. Today would be perfect as I’m off and have time to kill. Daytime TV is sooo overrated. 😛