Month: July 2007

Pick, Bitch

Its 4 fucking am in the morning and I can’t sleep. I just got off the phone with the flight attendant. (At least he is on East coast time currently). The title indicates basically what I told him to do.

After my last rant I had pretty much decided to go see him tomorrow tonight. I get home, go to bed and end up tossing and turning thinking about it. One, that tells me I like this guy more than I’m admitting, and two, something is bothering me. So what the fuck is it? As much as I wanna see him, it just didn’t feel right. It wasn’t that I felt guilty. I couldn’t really place what I was feeling. Finally, in an act of defiance, I decided to call him. As expected, he was having mixed feelings about us meeting again as well. He’d also apparently had a miserable night tossing and turning. (I wonder if that’s where the phrase misery loves company comes from?) Anyway, we talked and I told him how I felt and my honest opinion of what was going on. I asked him point blank if he loved the other guy. There was that distinct pause before, the “well, I care deeply about him yadda yadda yadda“. Translation, no he doesn’t love him. They’ve been going out since March. He told me the first night we met there was a distinct lack of a spark in his current thing. However, I’m not Dr Phil looking for a case to solve. Instead, I offered the best solution I could think of to the problem. I figure whatever he chooses is the best answer for both of us.

What did I ask him? I asked him to imagine a lifetime with what he feels for the other guy and then imagine a lifetime of what he felt with me. I told him not to answer but to think about it. I figure he has 12+ hours of active duty to work and mull it over in the back of his mind. If he calls me tonight, it would mean he chose me, if he doesn’t I still have my answer.

I only have our one chance meeting (and a night of very intense hot sex) and several text and phone calls back and forth to go by so I’m not really sure what I’m expecting. To be honest, I’m not sure I’d choose me if the shoe was on the other foot however, it isn’t. It boils down to this. He and I felt a very real connection the night we were together. He felt it and I felt it. If he was in love with the other guy I doubt that would have been possible. Then it finally hit me! I’m not upset because I’m feeling guilty, I’m upset because I’m not content to share. My ass was chapped knowing this other guy is out there diverting his affection from me! Talk about possessive, jeez. But there it is. That is exactly what I’m feeling.

I’m the type of person I go for what I want. A point demonstrated by how we met in the first place. I clearly want him whether I’m willing to admit it to myself or not obviously. If he does call, I plan on making sure he knows I don’t plan on sharing him with the other guy. (I think he knows it but it needs to be said) And if he doesn’t, well I always have reruns of Dr Phil.

Help!

Ok, so the flight attendant texted me today. He arrives at SFO tomorrow night for a layover.

I know after my big speech on integrity I probably shouldn’t. I want to go see him so bad. Partly, because I am so damn attracted to him and partly I don’t think he is in love with the other guy. All of our conversations of have led me to believe his dating this other guy is more about convenience than anything else. Yeah, I could be biased but I don’t think so. I’m so fraking confused right now.

What would you do? Go or not go?

Email

I am sooo behind on my email. Ugh! I’ll be catching up this week. If you sent an email and I haven’t gotten back to you, I’m working on it!

Oh Joy

The joy of having a broadband cellular card from Sprint means I can sit in the theatre (30 minutes early) for the Simpsons surfing the web!

Oh yes, I am a geek!

Integri-damn

If I wasn’t so pumped up on endorphins from my workout today, I think I might be depressed. I was all ready to post about my dance card being full lately when things took an abrupt change.

Let’s see, my play buddy scheduled for today canceled this morning. Talk about leave me high and dry. We play often so no worries, he is good for another round. I’m just so uh, “frisky” right now. hehehe

As if that wasn’t bad enough, the flight attendant called to say he was feeling a bit guilty about our growing connection. Yeah, I’m disappointed but I don’t really see it as a bad thing. I could hear the guilt in his voice. Guilt means he has feelings for the other guy. My integrity as well as my karma was tested and I did the right thing. I think I could have easily pushed him to keep seeing me. But, is that how I want to start dating someone? In a word, no. I did tell him to call if he needed to talk or if and when he decides things aren’t working out with th other guy. Sure, some might see it as giving up but I don’t. I’d never be ok w/knowing I ruined someone else budding relationship for my own.

But wait, there is more! I had the oddest date w/a guy I met on manhunt. He came on pretty strong online and wanted to meet. He is a big burley biker dude. Two full sleeve arm tattoos as well as a big chunk of his torso. Anyway, we agreed to meet yesterday and I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone more intense than myself. He was nice an all but damn was he a rollercoaster of emotions. He went on and on about his past and his ex. I got a secret chuckle out of that as I’ve been known to do the exact same thing. I think he really just wants a husband he can relate too however, I got so many conflicting signals from him I gave up trying to figure him out. He had to suddenly leave early because of a friend who “broke down” on his motorcycle. Whether that really happened or he just wanted out of the date is irrelevant. I was a little disappointed I didn’t get to roll around naked w/him though. He was a genuine hyper-masculine dude and it is rare to find one of those. He was supposed to call today. He hasn’t so I guess I have my answer. Really, I’m more perplexed than anything else. It ranks up there as the oddest date on record for me.

Ok, enough of that. I’m off to see the new Simpson’s movie. Doh!

The Dark Side

I’m delighted to tell you, I’ve seduced brettcajun over to the dark side of the web 2.0. Heheee! He finally broke down and joined the ranks of twitter this week. You can follow his ramblings here. I noticed he updated the blog to include a twitter widget. USE THE FORCE BRETT! Now, he just needs to start updating it more often. Then he’ll truly know the power of the dark side of the force! Oh yes, Web 2.0 is very addicting.

All joking aside, I support any technology that encourages communication. twitter is a cute service that fast becomes an obsession because you can get up-to-the-minute random minutia on your friends comings and goings. Especially when your friends live all over nation.

Utter Randomness

Absolutely nothing overtly exciting in this post. Really, I swear. Oh alright, I do have a few half way interesting pics to share. That’s it!

Seems like a case of the nasties is going around the intarweb lately. From brettcajun’s regular hater list, Jimbo’s recent brush w/the a snooty-patooty, and homer getting a snotty email from a frigid hag over a minor posting error, my weekly list of not-so-fond admirers seems dull in comparison. Yes, I get hate mail. I often ignore them as I don’t have time for other people’s issues. Hell, I barely have time for mine. The last said commenter went thru the effort to register as a user and then complained about my explicit posts. Ignoramus, I told you not to register if you didn’t wanna hear about such things. Most often, I think folks are operating under the incorrect assumption I give a shit what they think of my life. No thanks, I’m all stocked up on bullshit here. That, or they feel compelled to project their own issues onto my choices. See afore mentioned comment. Moving right along….

Here it is folks, a real life Mobius Dorkus captured in its native habitat. Be careful, I hear they can be quite ferocious.

Mobius Dorkus
mobiusdorkustn

The weekend was uneventful. The roomie’s bf is in town for a filming gig. He kept showing off his new iphone which I am summarily unimpressed with. Ok, ok, I’ll give props to the very slick interface however, it does very little besides look flashy. Here is a pic we snapped on our way to see the Harry Potter flick.

Aren’t they disgustingly adorable?
tyray3tn

And, as if to add insult to injury, here is Ty and I wearing our very uber-sheik 3D glasses. (We saw it on IMAX and the last 20 minutes was in 3-D)

I feel so Meryl Streep in this pic.
demilletn

Now for some classic heart-warming family oriented pics. Oh yes! What would my blog be w/o some wholesome entertainment? Did I succeed or should I fire the censors?

Which way to the gold mine?
golddiggertn

Continue reading Utter Randomness

Just Effin’ Push It!

I had a great work out today. In fact, I broke several of my plateaus at the gym this morning. On the incline bench, I pushed out 3 sets of 225 lbs. I’ve been stuck between 195 and 205 for the last month. While that doesn’t seem like much difference, it is when you can’t push past it. I was so excited a did a little jig right there in the gym.

The flat bench I jumped from 225 up to 245 lbs! That put another big smile on my face. I asked for a guy to spot me on the last set and I could see the look of disbelief on his face. He didn’t think I could do it. Imagine his surprise when I not only did it but, I didn’t need his help until the last two reps. He was easily twice my size and doing the same weights. Again, I’d gladly trade size for strength however, I do get a kick seeing the look on some of the meathead’s faces. He asked me if I was doing any juice. I laughed and said, “look at me dude, if I was doing juice I’d look a lot bigger.” He grinned and said, “yeah, you are right.”

The decline bench was about the same however, I’m already way ahead at that angle weight-wise so I’m maintaining till the bench and incline catch up. I’m easily pushing between 250 and 275lbs there so no worries. (It sounds like a lot but not really, on the decline it is much harder to isolate one muscle.)

I think I owe it to a brand new approach to my routine. While I alternate my workouts often, I usually do a prescribed number of reps to completion divided out over 3-4 sets. No surprise there. The goal obviously is to use as much weight as possible so you are always struggling to finish the last set. My problem is I recover too quickly. I rarely seem to get a real hard burn with this method. My new approach is similar however, I add a super set at the end. A super set is just an extended set w/no break and often lower weight. By doing this, I’m really starting to feel more of a burn when I finish my routines. I’ve noticed I leave the gym feeling much for fatigued than usual.

Speaking of fatigue, I’m blissfully sore all over right now. lol My entire upper body is aching from being pushed this week. Tomorrow, starts lower body and I’m applying the same method again.

Wish me luck!