Random Smandom V

I was feeling very lazy today. The whole thing about my friend dying has me in a bit of a funk. I’ve talked to several folks online and off who knew him. They were just as surprised as I was. A big thank you to everyone for all the kind words and sympathy. I’m ok.

I was a lazy fuck today. I didn’t go to the gym, didn’t do errands, didn’t drop off laundry, didn’t do squat. I bounced between the sofa and the kitchen mostly. I also had two nice chats with TFA today.

After a nice ride on the bike, I decided to pop in and catch a movie. I ended up seeing the new Resident Evil: Extinction flick. Much better than the 2nd installment but not quite as good as part 1. The first is still the best but this one makes up a little bit for the flop that was part 2. Short but decent plot, the affects were about the same and the militant chick [1]I’m having a brain fart at the moment. The one w/the split personalities. Speaking of, the new season starts this week! from Heroes was in it as well.

I have to go into work for a few hours tomorrow for re-certification on my NIMS/SIMS training. [2]Just a fancy way of saying, “lets be consistent and standardize our responses” Not bad, just written in a language that would put even a hummingbird to sleep. I was supposed to go in last week but I “accidentally” forgot about it. Oops!

References

References
↑1 I’m having a brain fart at the moment. The one w/the split personalities. Speaking of, the new season starts this week!
↑2 Just a fancy way of saying, “lets be consistent and standardize our responses”

Sad & Confused

Today’s post is a bit morbid.

I found out someone I know committed suicide this past week. While we weren’t overly close, I’m still a bit upset. He was a good person and very charismatic. He had the sort of personality that just draws people to him. We met back when I was still new to the city. After a brief fling, we became friends and I even had a hand in him meeting his lover. Life was going good for him, so I thought. I’ve heard that he was battling w/clinical depression which may have led to his death. I don’t know all the details but that is what I’ve discovered so far.

I’m conflicted on the act of suicide. Ultimately, I don’t think it is the answer. But, who am I to judge? I have not forgotten being at that very precipice 19 years ago myself. For me, it wasn’t clinical but a depression brought on by feeling utterly alone in the world. The one person who loved me unconditionally was taken from me in a horrible car accident. I watched him die. Unlike most pains of the soul, depression tends to not clear up w/thime. If anything, it gets worse. It eats away at you until that is all you see. It is then the idea of suicide becomes a very real means to escape.

I am thankful every day, I found the strength to keep on living. That moment not only changed my life, it has stayed w/me to this very day. I made a choice then as I do every day to keep on living. Sadly, not everyone does or can make the same choice. Depression and misery taint the very core of our being. It leaves a mark so profound I would argue it is impossible to ever truly get over.

So, do I judge my friend for taking his own life? No, I don’t. I can’t. I just hope he found release from the pain that tormented him in this life. Who knows, maybe he chose this life for that very reason. His success at the lessons chosen is not for me to decide. All I can do is remember the good in him and continue my resolve to survive my own shortcomings.

My friend, where ever you are right now, you are loved and most definitely NOT forgotten.

The Morning After

So last night with TFA was very nice. It was good to see him again. After almost 3 weeks, I was jones’en to see his handsome face. [1]Yeah, I was excited to see other parts but I won’t be going there He tends to be a very private person so I think knowing that I blog scares him a little. hehehe. I’ve assured him it is all very general and often has more to do with me. Wouldn’t you agree?

I will say it is very nice to find someone who’s energy matches my own! OY! Such a strong connection. I’m liking where this is headed so far.

References

References
↑1 Yeah, I was excited to see other parts but I won’t be going there

Fly By

So the flight attendant [1]Here on out referred to as TFA has a layover tonight in SF! I’m so excited I’m falling all over myself today. LOL It has been 3 weeks since I’ve seen him. I’m definitely looking forward to it.

You can figure out the rest on your own.

References

References
↑1 Here on out referred to as TFA

Do Over

Don’t you wish sometimes that you could just call “do over” and start a day over? Other than a very nice conversation with the flight attendant, this day fraking blows. I’ve been a little under the weather the last few days. Last night seemed to be the worst but I’m irritable today.

My text messages were down last night. Considering I send and receive about 100 text messages a day, I’m feeling very cut off. I can’t really bitch too much. One blip in 5 years of good cell service I can live with. [1]It appears to be up and working late today.

I got my estimate back from the new dentist. My invisilign braces are gonna cost me twice as much as I thought. How the frak can they justify charging me that much for some pre-molded polymer plastic?

I found out a while back there is a lien on the land my dad left to my brothers and I. I got my portion of the bill recently and I am NOT happy. We can’t finish dividing up the land according to the will until the lien is paid. I’m very unhappy w/my brothers right now.

My fucking xbox is still in repair. The automated system said it was shipped already. I called today and it was a glitch, per the rep. I wanted to “glitch” him a new one but I just hung up instead.

The financial woes above means I have to put off buying the new CBR. [2]I want the new CBR 600 from Honda in blue. I’ll probably have to wait until after the new year now to trade my current one in. Another bitch and moan session to follow…

I got censured on someone’s blog today. I guess honesty doesn’t count for dick anymore. I probably shouldn’t care but it left a very foul taste in my mouth.

The pity party is rolling here so let me think what else I can bitch about. Nothing else comes to mind so I guess I’ll just shut my pie-hole.

References

References
↑1 It appears to be up and working late today.
↑2 I want the new CBR 600 from Honda in blue.

Blogger Collision

I got to meet Mike from One 3y3 Open this weekend. He is a very nice and charming man. He was a little tipsy and acting all embarrassed. I couldn’t have cared less. We had some good conversation and laughed a lot. We bar hopped all over the castro before landing at 440 Castro. [1]aka Daddies He really liked that one.

I had a very nice time hanging out w/him and chatting about everything under the sun. I was immediately struck by his very soft lips. He really needs to post more pics of himself on the blog. [2]You listening? LOL He is here for work and being the opposite of my schedule I may not get to hang out w/him. However, even a brief meeting is better than none at all. I can add one more blogger to my list of “met in person”. Now if I could just get Large Tony on an airplane…

References

References
↑1 aka Daddies
↑2 You listening? LOL