Bulk

*A bit of an adult rant today, if you’re logged in there will be a more detailed follow up*

I had a really hot encounter this past weekend. It started out with a buddy I’ve known for years. We’ve played around a few times off and on. Well, for whatever reason he decided to make it a 3-way this past weekend.

The point of my little ramble is about mind-set. While my buddy is a tad taller and more built than I, his friend was quite the muscle..meaning he was built.1 And I do mean built, you could put me and my buddy together and we’d almost make up the big guy. He is what I often refer to as a meathead. lol

Anyway, when my buddy orignally texted me his friend’s pic I admit I got a little intimidated. While I’m not the scrawny boy of yesteryear, I’m still not huge by any stretch of the imagination. And honestly, big boys usually go for other big boys (barring the rare exception). So as I’m driving over I’m a tad nervous because this guy is huge. While I can offer certain skills, one would think those are easy to obtain elsewhere. hehehe Having had experience with my buddy I knew deep down he wouldn’t have invited me if it was an issue.

As I’m driving over I start chastizing myself for feeling so stupid. One of my axioms in life is “No one can make you feel inferior without your permission.” I got really frustrated with myself for getting so anxious. While there would have been a time when my on insecurity would have prevented me from going thru it, I’m not the man anymore. I’m 41 years old for Peet’s sake. I’m a big enough boy to admit my shortcomings while also realizing my assets. What was the absolute worst thing that could happen? I could get there, the meathead wouldn’t be into me, and I’d leave. The end. None of which demeans or makes me “less” in anyway.

As my internalized anger increased, my timidness had all but evaporated by the time I arrived at my buddy’s place.2 I walked in with no expectations and was prepared to have fun. Upon meeting the big guy I could tell immediately 1) he was shy, 2) he was just as nervous as I had been. If you read my footnote above you’ll know I made the first move and it worked flawlessly. In moments I had taken complete control of the situation and was leading by what I wanted and expected.

Needless to say, it turned out to be an awesome time! Some of the body mechanics were a bit of a challenge *ahem* if you know what I mean. hehehe

  1. Ironically, he would normally be someone I’d admire but would never chase because they were too big. []
  2. A little side-note, I taught myself a long time ago when I’m nervous instead of retreating, step bolding forward. You’d be amazed how much that changes the game. lol []