Author: Moby

Ablation

Well, in the continuing saga that is my prostate, I’m finally reaching some potential resolution. Fun topic, I know!

So, if you ain’t from around here, you’ll not know that I’ve been dealing with an enlarged prostate since COVID. [1]Unrelated to COVID itself  The problem was exacerbated because my hard-headed ass was using Afrin every night to sleep. (Apparently, Afrin is hard on your prostate.) In my defense, I couldn’t get the elective nasal surgery and I couldn’t sleep at night because my nasal passages would completely close off during sleep. It was a no win scenario so I have no regrets for my decisions. 😂

Anyway, 2023 rolls around and we find me taking various meds to alleviate symptoms. All is good but only as a stopgap moving forward. And now in the present, the meds aren’t really working much anymore and I pee every hour on the hour. Who knew I’d ever find myself missing a solid pee stream…

I haven’t really been a fan of my current urologist, but the doc doing the ablation is not only much more personable, but also gay. It was a relief to realize he understood some of my concerns without a lot of detailed discussion. So the procedure is scheduled for early June. There is a newer technique that uses water instead of a laser that is supposed to eliminate any effects on Mr Happy being able to stand at attention, so to speak. Reviewing some of the outcomes, I’m happy to have this option. I might be in my 50s but that is still an important part of life.

I was surprised to discover it does require an overnight stay in the hospital. Not a fan of that at all, but there is no way around it. My biggest disappointment is no gym (weight lifting) or motorcycle for up to 6 weeks! That is going to be tough. At least I can still go do cardio after the first couple weeks. But no motorcycle is a total bummer.

Wish me luck!

References

References
↑1 Unrelated to COVID itself

Self

I’ve felt a bit overwhelmed lately. Nothing too crazy just feeling like I have more responsibilities than free time. In reality, that’s not exactly how it is, but that’s how I feel.

My job seems to have an increasing impact in my overall quality of life. I used to shrug it off, but as I age shrugging it off doesn’t seem to work as much anymore. Considering I’ve been dealing with raw emergencies for 24 years I guess no one is immune. I’ve finally had to admit to myself I can’t just move past it anymore. I know Shawn gets frustrated with my lack of motivation at times as well. I do try more at times for him because I don’t want to be an old fuddy duddy, who does nothing. The ongoing back issues certainly haven’t helped.

The latter has been affecting my sleep more than normal and I’ve realized it’s affecting my moods. We bought a new mattress only a year or so ago, but it’s just not cutting now. We just ordered a new one and went with a traditional style vs a hybrid. We had great luck with the original Casper mattress we bought but it seems I need something firmer now. It arrives next weekend and I’m eager for it to get here.

All that aside, I’ve felt a little more like myself this past week. I can’t help but wonder if it’s because I’ve been back in the gym. With everything going on I’ve had an absolute shit gym schedule. I did get back into it this week and I’m wondering if that’s why I feel better.
The stressors haven’t really gone down so it’s the only thing different.

I think as I age the gym is more important than ever for not only my physical health but my mental health as well. Lawd knows I get depressed anytime I catch up on the news. It’s just all a total shit show and half the country is applauding our demise. I just try to steer away and focus on my sphere of existence.

So if you’re struggling like me try to find the things that give you peace. Maybe it’s not the gym, maybe it’s art, music, or whatever.

Hang in there.

No Return

I’m normally an optimist but do you ever get the feeling we are headed to a point of no return as a society?  I know I speak from a place of privilege as things aren’t personally bad for me. Oh I’ve got my issues, but they pale in comparison to others who truly struggle in the world. And, I try not to let the amplification effect of social media get to me, but there are days where I feel like we’re just headed for a cliff, Thelma & Louise style.

Anti-intellectualism has become practically a way of life. The later of which I’ve been preaching about for most of my time here. It’s disheartening to see so much willful ignorance that deep down stems from greed and fear. [1]Even the fear is usually based on greed as well.

I originally felt social media would be the tech that would unite the world. Boy was I wrong there! Instead it’s turned into a tool to amplify our failings as a collective. Throw in the poison that religion [2]again based on greed has become and it’s enough to make you want to give up.

And yet, no matter how sad or down I get, it’s just not in me to give up. On that, I’ve recognized the distinction between self-preservation and abandonment of any sense of good will. Needing to protect myself doesn’t mean I have to abandon everyone else.

These days I focus on the things I can control or directly influence for the better. I no longer invest my good will into wasted discourse on social media. Don’t get it twisted, I still vote and share my opinion when necessary. Overall, I think I’m done with most social media, at least in the short term. My FB has become a ghostly placeholder and I don’t miss it at all.

These days, I try to focus on my own life, family, and friends. My job has become more of a chore but even there I still find myself doing my best because I can still control my actions. I’m counting these last few years towards retirement, but the bitterness hasn’t overtaken me completely yet.

My health has been a bit of a wild card these last few years. The prostate is out of whack. My back issues have sort of stabilized but it’s still a daily struggle to get past the discomfort and want to be active. A few other things have piled on and I’ve been taking them one at a time. I’m hoping to find a new normal later this year. (It sucks getting old. Lol)  The back issue will be a reoccurring theme from now on it seems, but I still have options.

*

I find at the end of the day when I get really down or sad, I remember all the adversities I’ve overcome. I remember how good I have it compared to so so many and how much more I can do for myself and others.

So while I may be in a collective hand basket headed to hell, Im still trying to make it an interesting ride!

Hope springs eternal….

References

References
↑1 Even the fear is usually based on greed as well
↑2 again based on greed

Moving

So I’ve been having significant issues with my host for months now and I’ve finally decided to change hosting services.

They always pretend nothing is wrong but the service has just declined to the point where I’m not happy. I may not be a big account, but I’ve been loyal and always paid on time.

I’ve already found a new host but life is crazy right now. Between work and caring for a senior friend who’s been very sick lately, I’m just exhausted most days.

I haven’t really posted here or social media much at all recently. I’ll be back in a bit.

Home

We’re home from the honeymoon and sadly back to reality. I didn’t think much of all the negative drama in our country while away, but it all came crashing back today while catching up on the news. (I’m feeling chatty today)

Shawn & Myself

Anyway, Puerto Vallarta (PV) was both fun and relaxing. We had a bit of a learning curve as we weren’t overly familiar with where to go or what to do. We landed with plenty of recommendations, so it was mostly deciding which to do and when. Apparently, we went the weekend after a big bear event (no, not that one) and the weekend before spring break hit. Not to say it wasn’t busy, just our timing was off. 😂

The last two times I’ve been were both via boat, which were fun but a lot less planning and logistics are involved. We had a great time with beaches, boats, pool parties, food, boys, etc and not always in that order. We’ve already decided to go back for the infamous Beef Dip next year. [1]Shawn’s been bugging me to go for a couple years now, but I had the destinations confused and thought it was in Sitges.  Next time we’ll have better first hand knowledge for smoother scheduling. Nothing bad happened at all, we just inadvertently missed some things we would have done because we went on the wrong days/nights. Overall, it was a great trip. We both felt we stayed just long enough. And we were both eager to be home with our beloved Daisy. She was in good hands but would not leave our side at all last night. She clearly missed us as much as we missed her. How precious is that face, I ask you? 🤣

Daisy Mae

Our friends kept texting how wonderfully behaved she was the whole time. We were beginning to think they had the wrong dog. J/k For all our bluster, she is pretty well behaved. If it is possible, she cuddled even harder than usual last night.

*

I didn’t think I’d feel different after we got married, but I do. [2]See what I did there?… It doesn’t necessarily feel more real, but I feel closer to him now. It could be the indirect psychological conditioning of the idea of “marriage” in Western culture, but I’m running with it. It still feels a bit surreal though. I never dreamed of actually getting married. I grew up knowing I was considered a second class citizen so getting to say those words carried more emotions than I thought.

At the end of the day, I still only want for his happiness. I couldn’t imagine my life without him now to be honest, but being happy should be first in anyone’s life. Forgetting for a moment he’s been with me for 12 years, I just enjoy being with him. Even when we argue, which is rare, I do so knowing I still love him. I’m fond of saying, “he puts up with me”and he says, “I put up with his nagging”.  I just see two people walking thru life together; who are both imperfect but willing to be so with each other.

For you few long time readers here, you’ll remember I don’t cater to fairytale ideas of love. Frankly, I’d never want to force that role on anyone. If Shawn and I spend the rest of our lives together, I will be grateful that we were compatible and loving each other. But if we ever do separate for whatever reason, I’d still only want for his happiness. That to me is the idea of true love.

So here I sit with most of my life’s goals accomplished. I can and do ask more of my life, but to say I am grateful would be an understatement. Looking back over the pain, the anguish, the struggles, and the sheer tenacity of my life, I am truly humbled to be this happy. I wish nothing but the same for anyone reading this.

References

References
↑1 Shawn’s been bugging me to go for a couple years now, but I had the destinations confused and thought it was in Sitges.
↑2 See what I did there?…

Married

Well, after 12 years together and 11 as domestic partners, we finally tied the knot yesterday! It was a wonderful day.

My only regret is the two besties from Texas couldn’t be with us. Shawn’s two besties came up from LA to attend and are house-sitting princess Daisy while we are on our honeymoon.

While it started as a formality to finalize what we had already decided, we both ended up really looking forward to it! Neither of us are pretentious or super fussy. We wanted it to be simple, short, and as stress free as possible. There ended up being no delays or any problems at all. It was a wonderful day. Of course, I cried. I’m old enough that marriage was never something I even dreamed of when I was younger. Being in my own wedding, even at this age, left me a bit vulnerable and overcome with a variety of emotions.

Having decided “last minute” in terms of normal wedding planning, things just fell together pretty easily. We could not get it officiated at City Hall due to timing, but we were able to find a mutual friend who volunteered to officiate it for us. Even more last minute we found another friend who is a photographer, that graciously rescheduled his day to fit us in. [1]So yes, more official photos coming soon.. I was honestly a little terrified things would go horribly wrong for any number of unknown reasons, but it didn’t.

After the ceremony, we opted for a nice reception lunch at the Rotunda here in SF. [2]Read “fancy” lol  Again, without even planning it we ran into a friend working there who went out of his way to make our lunch as enjoyable as possible. It truly was a fantastic day.

The only thing we didn’t get done were the rings. We have a set that was meant to be our engagement rings and they are becoming a part of the new rings. We couldn’t get them done in time, but it’s on the list as soon as we get back. We used the existing set for the ceremony, but we are both eager for the new nicer set.

Now we are off to Puerta Vallarta for our official honeymoon. We never actually took one the first time so we splurged a bit on accommodations. We’ve actually not traveled much since COVID, so we are excited to get away together.

Y’all, I’m still a bit gobsmacked that I’m actually married. But I’m happy, so I guess that’s the point!

Hope springs eternal…

References

References
↑1 So yes, more official photos coming soon.
↑2 Read “fancy” lol

Training

I’m dealing with a unique situation with a trainee at work.  The challenge of it has reminded me of my old desire to be a teacher.

Is that your shocked face?  Yes, yours truly started out wanting to be a teacher…science to be specific.  I gave up on the idea after seeing how often teachers are paid and treated.  It still rankles me to no end how we idolize sports players but treat the true role models in our formative years like a disposable commodity.

While I ultimately gave up on that career, I’ve carried those skills and desires across all the jobs in my life, including my current one.  I’ve been a CTO [1]certified train officer here for most of my career.  I often feel most rewarded when helping someone, who truly struggles, to master the skills necessary to do this line of work. We aren’t a traditional learning environment, so all the better.  The demands are high and the time line is finite, so knowing I can help others is important to me.

My current trainee is a remedial of sorts. [2]I had him for his first rotation of three.  He excels in the basic core functions.  He’s quick with computers, a fast typist, and not at all dense.  However, he keeps getting right to the edge and missing the mark on key components.  After reviewing his training logs and speaking with his other trainers, I couldn’t fathom why he was still struggling. It didn’t add up.

After a few days together again, it dawned on me what he was doing.  I completely restructured his lesson plan and so far it’s working.  I was surprised with myself afterwards because I was so giddy and excited about it.  I guess I’d forgotten that feeling.  I don’t train as often as I used to because it takes a lot out of me.  I invest myself in the process and the person.  I’m older now and my stamina is just reduced.  However, seeing him improve has lifted my spirits at work and reminded me why I chose this career.

I bring it up today as lately, I’m sure like many of you, I struggle to find joy in the world around me.  I’m not prone to depression but trying to be aware of current events while simultaneously trying to filter out the sheer sadness of it all is a struggle. So finding a bright spot in my work was a delightful surprise.

I’m fond of saying, “teaching a thing and knowing a thing or two entirely different skills.”  I’m grateful to be good at both in my job.  I’m grateful I can help others to be better, which in turn helps better my community. Its not on a world events scale, but even little victories are a victory.

I encourage you to find those little victories in life to keep you going. It’s going to be a rough 4 years but I’m hopeful we’ll get thru it.

Hope springs eternal…

References

References
↑1 certified train officer
↑2 I had him for his first rotation of three

History


So, this was set up in front of the old steam room door at the Fitness SF gym in the Castro yesterday.  😂

Memorial to the steam room

The gym announced a couple weeks ago that today would begin the remodel of the showers, including removal of the old steam room. The little memorial drew tons of giggles and laughs, myself included.

To say the old steam room (and showers) had a torrid past would be an understatement. It definitely had a “history.” And in honor of an era ending, here’s a little extra history because I know you’re dying to know. 😉

When I first moved to SF, prior to the “apps”, the steam room was practically a required destination. Couples were routinely made and/or broken in there on a regular basis. The later arrival of “apps” only made it more popular. People from all over the world are familiar with that little room.

While going thru a couple different names, the gym has been owned by the same owners since it opened. Said owners knew the steam room was cruisy and knowing it brought them business, they pretty much ignored all but the most egregious shenanigans. However, when they left Gold’s in favor of becoming their own brand, they suddenly “cared” and started cracking down. I say cracking down but basically they’d throw a tantrum if someone got caught. Guys learned to be more discreet. And considering employees were sometimes partaking while off duty, the cries of misuse rang somewhat hollow. [1]Allegedly! As Katy Griffin would say …

Fast forward to 2013, they shut down the steam room permanently. The official excuse was too many shenanigans, but multiple employees told an entirely different story. They also tried claiming the health dept threatened to shut them down…a lie easily debunked. It was just greed. Many of their existing gyms at the time had much older equipment and they didn’t want to invest in repairing/replacing them. The shenanigans made a convenient culprit. [2]When they took over the Fillmore location, they kept that steam room until COVID.

After COVID, there was a revival of sorts but the action moved to the showers. Not as ballsy, but still on the daily. And then late last year, they took to door off the showers to discourage any unapproved activity. (Not that it really stopped anyone.)

Basically, as the owners’ ‘brand’ grew and became more widely known, they wanted to discourage any idea they cater to adults engaging in anonymous sex. I mean how terrible, right?! Forgetting that all the other gyms have their own stories, they wanted to shut down the appearance of any support.

In the end, I don’t blame them. I do wish they’d been more honest about it. The Castro was basically their bread and butter in those early years and the community kept them in business thru various struggles, including COVID. Seeing them cast us aside so easily now is insulting IMO.

Being the only really gym in the area, they have a captive audience though. Convenience wins out.

All things eventually end. The gay community’s torrid love affair with the steam room was always doomed, but boy what a run!

References

References
↑1 Allegedly! As Katy Griffin would say …
↑2 When they took over the Fillmore location, they kept that steam room until COVID.

Gym

I heard these two queens talking about an older guy in the gym the other day. They seemed specifically miffed that a guy in his 60’s was still hitting the gym. Is that a thing now? We are age shaming gay guys trying to stay in shape?

I probably would have said something in the past, but I’m in my congenial era at the moment. I just laughed it off and started up a conversation with the guy by congratulating him on his muscle growth. What these two didn’t know was he’d lost about 50-60 lbs in the last 6 months after surviving a major heart attack. We had chatted very briefly in the past as he asked for a spot on a bench he was struggling with. He had offered he was lucky to be alive and really excited to be back in the gym.

I made sure to look at both of the snotty dudes while talking with him, as our voices could be clearly heard across the room. To add a bit of salt in the wound, one of the guys these two usually fawn over came over and congratulated the man too. I did get to see them slink away afterwards.

Ok, so maybe not congenial exactly….  😂