You knew it was coming…another post about the Pup! lol Yeah, I’m gonna gush a little again.
Lately, more than a couple friends have referred to me as being “all-in” with the new Pup. They’ve commented on how happy I seem, how very eager I am, and also how much more open I am in public/social forums about my feelings. And they are right, I have been. I’ve been very expressive on and offline about how I feel. On the flip side, I have personally been a little worried of overwhelming him with all my expression.1
I have been asking myself why exactly that is. Part of me is just very expressive and it is natural for me to show it. On top of that, blogging has taught me to be introspective and has sharpened my ability to articulate my feelings and emotions more eloquently. Then you mix in something so fundamentally new to me and you’re bound to see me express it. But is that all? Is that the only reasons? I’m not so sure.
In less than two shorts weeks, my beloved Pup will be here with me full time. Yeah, you read it hoes, full time! lolol He’s making the move to SF and I couldn’t be happier. So yeah, I express it a lot, to him and the world. In 7 short months, he has shown me what being in love with the right man for the right reasons can feel like. Some could consider that kind of fast and maybe it is. But having such a deep yet oddly simple connection, I don’t feel a need to be overly cautious. It feels more right than any LTR I’ve ever been in.
Having learned my lessons from previous LTRs, I think I might be overly sensitive about him moving here. I’ve gone out of my way to make sure he has a safety net. God forbid, if something were to happen he has his home in Phoenix to go back to. He originally wanted to sell it and I was very against that. I also insisted he have a transfer or job in place before he moved. Having been thru it before, I can tell you the financial stress can be disastrous for a budding LTR. A move is stressful enough w/o adding a job search into the mix. And don’t get me wrong, these weren’t all my ideas. We discussed and agreed to them together. The point is having learned from past mistakes and loving him so much, I’d never want him to fell trapped, stuck, or resentful.
On top of that, for the first time in my life, I feel like I’m in love with the right man at the right time for the right reasons. I have zero doubt. Zero. I have yet to ignore or push away a reg flag. That is certainly something I’ve never really been able to say to myself before. We exist as our imperfect selves and we both seem to just resonate with the other. We are not perfect but I like to think we are perfect for each other. And this is not to turn it into something mythical or put it on a pedestal. I fully admit I am not perfect. I make mistakes and I’m sure he and I will have strife at some point. I am only describing the differences between previous relationships and this one.
And while I do not fear for our relationship, if for some unknown reason it didn’t work out, I would not have a single regret. I’m not settling. I’m not accepting behaviors thinking I can ‘handle them’ because I understand the motivations behind it. I am not pushing for the LTR out of loneliness. I am, for lack of a better description, wholly in love with a man whom loves me back just the same. I am truly grateful that for whatever reason he saw in me what he needed and wanted and went for it, even when I was on the brink of ending it all.2 There is no way I could regret what I have with him, ever.
And even as I gush away here on my blog, I know that he is ok with it. He often tells me he doesn’t feel as expressive as I am. (Which makes him normal! lol) But when he does express himself, it is perfect (for me). He manages to convey so much in much fewer words than I. Maybe I should take a que from him? …Shut it! :p lol Ok seriously, he has assured me I have yet to make him feel overwhelmed, pressured, rushed, or even daunted.
So yeah, I’m all in on this one. I”m not holding anything back. No doubt, no regrets, no compromises on what I need or want. Does that make the potential for hurt that much greater? Sure it does. But the reward is so much more and absolutely worth it IMHO. And I’d be an idiot to let fear ruin the most wonderful thing in my life.