Apparently, the wounds from the breakup haven’t completely healed yet. Le me ‘es’plain’.

I’ve put myself back out there in regards to dating. While I’m not actively hunting someone to date, I’ve made myself available to opportunities when they present themselves. If you’ve been reading, you know my last two dating attempts were colossal failures! lol Which by itself is not a deterrent. It just makes you appreciate the right one more when it comes along. Anyway, one such opportunity is the topic of my rant today. And the catch? This time the other guy is not the one that has done something wrong.

I met this nice guy on Scruff recently. We’ve gone on a few dates and I even invited him to stay over one night.1 So as we’ve taken time to start getting to know each other, familiar feelings of angst crept up on me. I didn’t catch it at first but once or twice I caught myself falling into old trains of thought.

The sleep over was nice. We cuddled and had a nice time. It wasn’t until afterwards that it suddenly hit me what I’ve been doing. The angst were feelings of loneliness and I was acting out based on insecurities. The moment I recognized it, everything fell into place. And I say it that way because I already knew going into it there were some challenges. I choose not to elaborate at this point out of the fact I still have to resolve this with him. In an nutshell, I’m rebounding in a sense. He is the first guy I’ve dated where I’ve been the one pushing for things to happen. Unfortunately, I’ve been pushing for the wrong reasons. And I know some of your are wondering if I’m misreading real attraction for insecurities. The answer is I don’t think so. Having recognized my own actions and examined the why behind them, it is obvious to me. And the moment I accepted it, the angst went away.

Now I’m faced with a choice on how to proceed. I like him enough I’d definitely like to keep him as a friend. So do I end the romance and just focus on friends? End the potential friendship and focus on the sex? Or end it completely and walk away? I’m inclined to do option one. And while I think he’ll be disappointed, I also think on some level he probably sees it as well. Regardless, I’m grateful I caught myself before I pushed it too far and one or both of us ended up getting hurt.

So yeah, I’m still learning. Hope springs eternal… 

  1. Which is kind of a big deal as I never have ‘sleep overs.’ And if I do, clearly you are more to me than just a booty call. []