Tag: health

No Return

I’m normally an optimist but do you ever get the feeling we are headed to a point of no return as a society?  I know I speak from a place of privilege as things aren’t personally bad for me. Oh I’ve got my issues, but they pale in comparison to others who truly struggle in the world. And, I try not to let the amplification effect of social media get to me, but there are days where I feel like we’re just headed for a cliff, Thelma & Louise style.

Anti-intellectualism has become practically a way of life. The later of which I’ve been preaching about for most of my time here. It’s disheartening to see so much willful ignorance that deep down stems from greed and fear. [1]Even the fear is usually based on greed as well.

I originally felt social media would be the tech that would unite the world. Boy was I wrong there! Instead it’s turned into a tool to amplify our failings as a collective. Throw in the poison that religion [2]again based on greed has become and it’s enough to make you want to give up.

And yet, no matter how sad or down I get, it’s just not in me to give up. On that, I’ve recognized the distinction between self-preservation and abandonment of any sense of good will. Needing to protect myself doesn’t mean I have to abandon everyone else.

These days I focus on the things I can control or directly influence for the better. I no longer invest my good will into wasted discourse on social media. Don’t get it twisted, I still vote and share my opinion when necessary. Overall, I think I’m done with most social media, at least in the short term. My FB has become a ghostly placeholder and I don’t miss it at all.

These days, I try to focus on my own life, family, and friends. My job has become more of a chore but even there I still find myself doing my best because I can still control my actions. I’m counting these last few years towards retirement, but the bitterness hasn’t overtaken me completely yet.

My health has been a bit of a wild card these last few years. The prostate is out of whack. My back issues have sort of stabilized but it’s still a daily struggle to get past the discomfort and want to be active. A few other things have piled on and I’ve been taking them one at a time. I’m hoping to find a new normal later this year. (It sucks getting old. Lol)  The back issue will be a reoccurring theme from now on it seems, but I still have options.

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I find at the end of the day when I get really down or sad, I remember all the adversities I’ve overcome. I remember how good I have it compared to so so many and how much more I can do for myself and others.

So while I may be in a collective hand basket headed to hell, Im still trying to make it an interesting ride!

Hope springs eternal….

References

References
↑1 Even the fear is usually based on greed as well
↑2 again based on greed

Holding

I like to think I’m holding up well for my age. I still care enough to make an effort at staying in shape. Age comes to us all, after all. I’m trying to maintain a level of health without going bonkers trying to remain young. [1]Don’t even get me started on some of the things gay men go thru to remain youthful or attractive. I mention it because I still routinely run into guys from back in the day who used to act superior to the rest of us because they had good genetics. Some had looks, some had muscle, some had both, others still had it all. I still see some of them and I can tell you some are definitely not holding up well at all.

Now before you chastise me and say, “I should know better“, let me finish. I’m not trying to gloat. I’m actually trying not to gloat, which is why I’m airing my dirty laundry here. I try not to gloat partly because back in those days, I was a lot more insecure about myself. I could just as easily have been projecting my own issues onto some of them. How would I know? And partly because I don’t really know what their struggle has been or what led them to their current state. Lawd knows I’ve had my share of medical issues these last few years. A lot of factors could have come into play. I won’t lie though, for some that used to be particularly nasty, I do get a tickle. And while they might deserve it if I returned the favor now, my behavior would only reflect poorly on me.

Now in my early 50’s, I’ve kind of maintained myself, if that makes sense. I’m not any more muscular than before. I’m certainly not any more attractive. But I have held my own. I can be proud of that without gloating over others. I certainly know the sting of age in the gay community. And I can only imagine what some of these guys are going thru now that they aren’t center stage anymore. Some do seem to be a bit humbler than before. Others seem to be in denial. And some just seem to have given up all together.

So while I may feel validated on the inside, I have also learned (painfully at times) what othes think of me is really none of my business, good or bad.

References

References
↑1 Don’t even get me started on some of the things gay men go thru to remain youthful or attractive.

Body

flex

Consider this my “Body” issue where I blather on about different aspects of my struggle to stay fit along with random observations. Pretty trivial stuff ahead. You were warned.

I’m just a month away from my 49th year. (One year closer to ancient. hehehe) You can judge for yourself but I think I’m doing pretty good. But, like any guy, especially in the gay world, I always struggle with my size. It doesn’t get me depressed but I’d be lying if I said I don’t worry over it at times. There are days where I just don’t “feel pretty.” But considering my age I’m proud of where I am.

I injured myself a couple times this past year primarily because I was pushing myself too hard in the gym. I’m not a young man anymore and designing workouts that push the limits of my joints just isn’t smart. I’ve restructured my workout regimen to give my joints, tendons, and ligaments a break this next year. My health is important to me as much as ‘looking ‘purdy.‘ I want to continue being able to work out as I age. Realizing it is time to adapt is the first step.

I have noticed more and more guys my age tend not to work out. Not a blanket assumption but an honest observation. From an attraction stand point it makes it a bit hard to be attracted to guys ‘my age‘ when they tend to be outside my spectrum of attraction. [1]Having a younger very attractive muscle cub for a husband helps. Luckily, I have a wide range of age and types I’m into. On the flip side, I have apparently landed squarely in the “Daddy” category. I ain’t mad but it tends to be a limiting view.

A guy felt the need to ‘try’ shame me on FB recently because I dared say I didn’t support someone’s choice in an article discussing his transition from a twink to a bear. He deliberately gained a significant amount of weight (fat weight, not muscle). The clear implication was he did it from an insecurity. I didn’t shame the person in the article but commented on how he first commented he was still very healthy while needing to go on blood pressure meds and needing to be monitored by his doctor. That’s not healthy. Anyway, said guy felt the need to come for me because I didn’t glorify it. I don’t feel like we should trade one restrictive stereotypical look for another one and glorify it. If that makes me the bad guy, well I guess I’m the bad guy.

In other news, I’m still on the low carb restriction. I try avoid processed carbs, like pasta and breads. I stick to rice/tators, which I love so not terrible. My only real regret is the pasta. I’ve had a life long love of pasta. I splurge every so often but that is a better choice than a daily meal of processed carbs. I find I do seem to be less tired during the days and keeping my weight at a level I like doesn’t seem to require the mountains worth of cardio I was doing before. Basically, my insulin sensitivity has returned to a better range.

My words of wisdom in regards to your body are simple. Accept yourself, flaws and all. But, if you don’t like your shape, do something about it. Don’t look for excuses not to make an effort. You can accept yourself and strive to be better at the same time. In a world filled with convenience over health, it isn’t always easy. But who said life was easy?

References

References
↑1 Having a younger very attractive muscle cub for a husband helps.