Category: culture

History


So, this was set up in front of the old steam room door at the Fitness SF gym in the Castro yesterday.  😂

Memorial to the steam room

The gym announced a couple weeks ago that today would begin the remodel of the showers, including removal of the old steam room. The little memorial drew tons of giggles and laughs, myself included.

To say the old steam room (and showers) had a torrid past would be an understatement. It definitely had a “history.” And in honor of an era ending, here’s a little extra history because I know you’re dying to know. 😉

When I first moved to SF, prior to the “apps”, the steam room was practically a required destination. Couples were routinely made and/or broken in there on a regular basis. The later arrival of “apps” only made it more popular. People from all over the world are familiar with that little room.

While going thru a couple different names, the gym has been owned by the same owners since it opened. Said owners knew the steam room was cruisy and knowing it brought them business, they pretty much ignored all but the most egregious shenanigans. However, when they left Gold’s in favor of becoming their own brand, they suddenly “cared” and started cracking down. I say cracking down but basically they’d throw a tantrum if someone got caught. Guys learned to be more discreet. And considering employees were sometimes partaking while off duty, the cries of misuse rang somewhat hollow. [1]Allegedly! As Katy Griffin would say …

Fast forward to 2013, they shut down the steam room permanently. The official excuse was too many shenanigans, but multiple employees told an entirely different story. They also tried claiming the health dept threatened to shut them down…a lie easily debunked. It was just greed. Many of their existing gyms at the time had much older equipment and they didn’t want to invest in repairing/replacing them. The shenanigans made a convenient culprit. [2]When they took over the Fillmore location, they kept that steam room until COVID.

After COVID, there was a revival of sorts but the action moved to the showers. Not as ballsy, but still on the daily. And then late last year, they took to door off the showers to discourage any unapproved activity. (Not that it really stopped anyone.)

Basically, as the owners’ ‘brand’ grew and became more widely known, they wanted to discourage any idea they cater to adults engaging in anonymous sex. I mean how terrible, right?! Forgetting that all the other gyms have their own stories, they wanted to shut down the appearance of any support.

In the end, I don’t blame them. I do wish they’d been more honest about it. The Castro was basically their bread and butter in those early years and the community kept them in business thru various struggles, including COVID. Seeing them cast us aside so easily now is insulting IMO.

Being the only really gym in the area, they have a captive audience though. Convenience wins out.

All things eventually end. The gay community’s torrid love affair with the steam room was always doomed, but boy what a run!

References

References
↑1 Allegedly! As Katy Griffin would say …
↑2 When they took over the Fillmore location, they kept that steam room until COVID.

Gym

I heard these two queens talking about an older guy in the gym the other day. They seemed specifically miffed that a guy in his 60’s was still hitting the gym. Is that a thing now? We are age shaming gay guys trying to stay in shape?

I probably would have said something in the past, but I’m in my congenial era at the moment. I just laughed it off and started up a conversation with the guy by congratulating him on his muscle growth. What these two didn’t know was he’d lost about 50-60 lbs in the last 6 months after surviving a major heart attack. We had chatted very briefly in the past as he asked for a spot on a bench he was struggling with. He had offered he was lucky to be alive and really excited to be back in the gym.

I made sure to look at both of the snotty dudes while talking with him, as our voices could be clearly heard across the room. To add a bit of salt in the wound, one of the guys these two usually fawn over came over and congratulated the man too. I did get to see them slink away afterwards.

Ok, so maybe not congenial exactly….  😂

Friend

Shawn, Bob, Moby

This is my retired coworker and dear friend Bob pictured with Shawn and myself. We worked together for many years before his retirement and we’ve become closer friends since then. He is 83! (I should hope to live so long and still be mobile under my own steam!) He lives in Castro Valley which is about 30 mins out of SF. I get up once a month or so or he gets down here to hang out in the ‘hood.

Due to his age, I’ve also stepped into a role as his extended caregiver. I’m happy to be there to help him out when and where I can. I’ve talked my whole life about the lack of role models for gen X’ers like myself growing up gay. Well, here I am grown up and I can be that role model…I hope. At least I try to be.

Not being close to most of my family, the elders of which are deceased anyway, I’ve never had this sort of care role. I’m honored he trusts me enough to lean on for support. He sometimes worries he is a burden and that couldn’t be further from the truth.

Well, as I sit here typing this I am remembering maybe this isn’t my first care role. 😂 When my younger brother was coming up, I ended up caring for him a lot due to his mom’s pill addiction. Later, after getting kicked out of home for being a big homo, I spent roughly 2 years caring for my elderly grandmother. So maybe I should rephrase to say, “this is my first care role as an adult!”

Regardless, I’m happy to do it. He is my friend and having outlived most of his own family I know he needs my help. At the end of the day, that’s all that really matters.

Happy…

…whatever you celebrate:

Christmas, Kwanzaa, Hanukkah, Solstice, etc.

Oddly, the war cry against the non-existent war on Christmas has been pretty light this year. I’ve barely seen or heard anyone whining about it. No Starbucks boycotts, no yelling at strangers. Maybe considering the state of political affairs they think the war is over. Whatevs …

If you’re into the holiday I’m wishing you the best. Get stuffed and be merry. Be safe and enjoy it.

If you’re not, don’t sweat it. It’s technically just another day. It’s not even the real birthday of the alleged baby jeebus. (That always gets the “xtians” hopping mad. 😂) It’s just another day, and it will be over soon. As soon as it’s over we can drop the pretense that we as a society care about our fellow man.

Find something fun to do for yourself.

I’ll be working but they pay me well enough for it so I can’t be too mad. It’s one of the few good ones I have left at work. The weather locally is a mess so be careful out there.

Follow Up

It’s been a minute since I’ve been here. I thought I’d follow up. 

I got more than a few emails about my last political post. Ya’ll could have made those as comments btw. Some agreed with me, some were a bit indifferent, some completely disagreed, and some missed the point completely. Ironically, more than 1 email started out, ‘don’t be mad at me‘, which I’ll come back to in a minute. 

First, I’m happy to end up being (partly) wrong about my feelings on Ms. Harris as the new nominee. And for clarity, I wasn’t against her. I was and am frustrated that we needed her to replace Biden for people to suddenly feel like we had a chance at winning. The latter is still very upsetting.  

I had my misgivings on whether Ms. Harris would be a better pick and am happy to be wrong in that regard. I was pleasantly surprised by the immediate outpouring of support for her and the overall shift in the Dems. Part of me was equally sad that we’ve fallen so far that even our politics has to be exciting now for us to care as a whole. Ms. Harris is tearing up the airwaves and raking in the dough. I’m very pleased to see and hear all of that. And her VIP pick was stellar! While I am continuously amazed by Pete Buttigieg and would have loved him as a VP, I doubted she would pick him for obvious reasons. [1]If you haven’t seen him speak, you should google his Fox News clips. He eats their lunch and serves their ignorance back to them. Meanwhile, Mr. Walz is adding a level of fire that is a joy to behold. If Pres Biden had his speaking talent, we definitely would not be having this conversation.   

I still strongly stand by my comment Pres Biden should not have had to step down. Period, full stop. I respect him even more now though. To willingly step aside for party and country is a level of character not seen in a very long time. Meanwhile, you have the other guy trying to get back in power to become a dictator (and stay out of prison). Pres Biden’s 2nd term should have been an easy win. You cannot deny the work he and his team has put in to help us all. My original point stands, but kudos to you Pres Biden. You serve your country well.

Second, I guess maybe I’m too aggressive at encouraging folks to be civil here. lol I’ve always cared more about civility than fame, but I’m wondering if maybe I’ve overdone it. Lol  More than half the emails i got started out w/some sort of disclaimer to not be mad. For the record, you can comment here even if we disagree. You can comment even if we disagree vehemently. What is not allowed is trolling, personal attacks, name calling, belittling others, etc. Beyond that comment away, when you feel motivated. 

References

References
↑1 If you haven’t seen him speak, you should google his Fox News clips. He eats their lunch and serves their ignorance back to them.

Holding

I like to think I’m holding up well for my age. I still care enough to make an effort at staying in shape. Age comes to us all, after all. I’m trying to maintain a level of health without going bonkers trying to remain young. [1]Don’t even get me started on some of the things gay men go thru to remain youthful or attractive. I mention it because I still routinely run into guys from back in the day who used to act superior to the rest of us because they had good genetics. Some had looks, some had muscle, some had both, others still had it all. I still see some of them and I can tell you some are definitely not holding up well at all.

Now before you chastise me and say, “I should know better“, let me finish. I’m not trying to gloat. I’m actually trying not to gloat, which is why I’m airing my dirty laundry here. I try not to gloat partly because back in those days, I was a lot more insecure about myself. I could just as easily have been projecting my own issues onto some of them. How would I know? And partly because I don’t really know what their struggle has been or what led them to their current state. Lawd knows I’ve had my share of medical issues these last few years. A lot of factors could have come into play. I won’t lie though, for some that used to be particularly nasty, I do get a tickle. And while they might deserve it if I returned the favor now, my behavior would only reflect poorly on me.

Now in my early 50’s, I’ve kind of maintained myself, if that makes sense. I’m not any more muscular than before. I’m certainly not any more attractive. But I have held my own. I can be proud of that without gloating over others. I certainly know the sting of age in the gay community. And I can only imagine what some of these guys are going thru now that they aren’t center stage anymore. Some do seem to be a bit humbler than before. Others seem to be in denial. And some just seem to have given up all together.

So while I may feel validated on the inside, I have also learned (painfully at times) what othes think of me is really none of my business, good or bad.

References

References
↑1 Don’t even get me started on some of the things gay men go thru to remain youthful or attractive.

Current Events

I often get questions about current political events. I might engage offline but I try not to talk about politics here too much. It’s divisive, routinely toxic, and neither side is really listening. I usually prefer to talk about related events and overlapping issues to teach or inform vs swaying anyone to “my side.” In light of recent events, I may rethink that rule. I don’t want this space to turn into a political forum, but some topics just need to be addressed.

It shouldn’t surprise you as a gay man living in SF I tend to be more progressive. Having grown up in South Texas, I like to think having been exposed to both sides of the spectrum, I can be more objective. However, my objectiveness and avoidance of political topics does not include anything challenging my right to exist unmolested.

You are entitled to your beliefs up until you decide to weaponize them against my existence. Anything in that category we cannot “agree to disagree” on. And why is it the loudest voices are often the least informed? Frankly, I’ve learned to not waste my time on people who are willfully ignorant.

Sadly, identity politics seems to be going mainstream. It’s disturbing how this ideology has really taken hold in our society. I am passionate about my beliefs, but also willing to look past bias if I am presented with truth or facts to dispute it.

I don’t know where we’re headed but I have hope that the Orange Turd will not get reelected. He had plausible belief on his side the first time. This time many of those folks see him for what he really is.

Cringey

If you use any social media these days, I’m sure you’ve seen the cringe content. [1]Content that is blatantly made to show off a person’s anatomy, usually to advertise their fans or similar accounts  Or maybe I’m just a whore and the one seeing it a lot. hehehe Continuing on the vein that me being a whore is not the problem, it has really picked up a lot lately. Don’t even get me started on the “influencers.”

Most days, I just block the worst ones and keep going. On one hand, I feel like it’s just one more step in the demoralization of society thru social media and the “me” mentality. On the other hand, I’m glad to see more people are less judgmental about sex work. I see zero problems with a person using what they got to make a living. You use your mind to get jobs, why is using your body any different? As long as you are a consenting adult not being coerced, go for it.

That said, that’s not my purpose for being on social media. I’m always saddened when an account I already follow starts their own fan site. Inevitably, their social accounts all turn into ad-engines for their “content”. It’s usually an unfollow from me. I might be shallow, but I need something other than a boner to keep me following someone.  (Don’t say it, Steve.)

The hubby will just roll his eyes sometimes when I’m scrolling thru YouTube shorts on the TV. It’s 50% weird/funny and 50% hot guys. Some of the content is a little cringy and some of it is just awful. lolol  Luckily, I don’t get my self-esteem thru comparing myself to these guys so it’s not a negative…for me. I can understand for some it could end up being harmful. That is definitely a nut we can crack another day. I’m ranting about my shallowness right now after all. And in that vein of thought, [2]see what I did there? Lol  some of the more aggressive advertisements have taken to using toys to show off what they “have”, so to speak. I’m like, do you think we can’t tell? Or do people just not care? Do people pay for hot guys waving around a fake appendage as if it’s real? Inquiring minds need to know! A quick Google search shows many of them turn out to have the goods (allegedly ), but I guess they need it to appear more visible than it otherwise would without full exposure.

And knowing what some of them make, I wonder if I chose the wrong career path sometimes. I’m too old for that life but it’s a shame it took so long for “fan” sites to not only be accepted but popular. I could have made a bank. 😜 And none of that coy teasing nonsense either.

I wish you could see me laughing as I type this stuff. The blog was always focused on my self-discovery and growth for so many years, I don’t think my silly side came across as part of my personality often enough.

Now you know. 🙂

 

 

References

References
↑1 Content that is blatantly made to show off a person’s anatomy, usually to advertise their fans or similar accounts
↑2 see what I did there? Lol

GHHD #1 2024

Well, it’s almost Gay High Holy Day #1 (Pride weekend). While I’ve often admitted to feeling disconnected from Pride celebrations these days, I think more than ever we need visibility. We need to show we are not going away. Trying to legislate us out of existence is never going to work. The alphabet mafia, in all its splendor, is here to stay.

I encourage you to celebrate Pride in whatever manner you feel benefits your life. There isn’t a wrong or right way. You don’t need to feel part of the scene [1]ugh, don’t even get me started on the thousands of definitions associated with “the scene” to celebrate. You can do it with family, friends, even hookups, etc. Or don’t, it really is up to you.

Just take a moment to be grateful for those that paved the way. Call it a blessing, a remembrance, a prayer; just try to understand it hasn’t been an easy fight and many of our brothers and sisters died in our fight for equality. Regardless of your beliefs, that deserves respect.

For myself, I volunteered at a work booth this year. I’ll be doing outreach and recruiting to get more of us into my field of work. If you’re a local and plan to be out and about, stop by the SFFD (Fire) booth and say hi on Sunday. My dept has never had its own booth and luckily we were invited to join this year, so it will be a first for me!

 

References

References
↑1 ugh, don’t even get me started on the thousands of definitions associated with “the scene”

Gym App

I use a couple different workout tracking apps. One for motivation and one for actually tracking my workouts. Sadly, I can’t seem to find a good all in one app that meets my needs. That really isn’t the point though.

I recently got a private message from a gym bro attempting to shame me because I declined his unsolicited offer for online training services. He felt the need to try and undermine my manhood while also inferring I might look "gay" to other men. [1]You wanna tell him? For good measure, he managed to squeeze in a comment about my age as well.

My first comment was, "well, bless your heart." I followed up with a summary of how he’s toxic bro mentality was so 90’s and from his follow list, I’m probably dodging a bullet by not signing up for his "services". Even had I been interested in such a service he had no official education listed in physical therapy or even as a certified trainer. He replied back a few more times trying to goad me into an argument, but I couldn’t be bothered and he appeared to give up.

I thought about it afterwards and wonder how many insecure men fall for this ploy? Straight men are definitely not immune to peer pressure, and I know firsthand how gay men often feel pressured to look/act a certain way to feel "included." I’ve found a striking susceptibility in gay men who come out late in life vs us early out eager beavers. [2]there is a pun in there somewhere I think I’d like to think I’m totally beyond such things, but I think that would be a lie. Granted, I could care less about some random bro’s feedback. My workouts and efforts in the gym are primarily focused on keeping myself healthy, especially as I age. While I certainly strive to be bigger and better, it is not the priority in my life. As I age, I’m certainly aware of the stigma in our world and am not completely immune to the sting of rejection so I get it. However, I also realize the hard truth is age comes to us all. We can’t be young and pretty forever. More astutely, I no longer base my self-esteem on the opinion of others.

I guess doing the work on myself all those years ago are still paying dividends today. Life is short, if your not happy make changes to try and change it, but don’t fall for the idea you need to look or act a certain way to be accepted.

References

References
↑1 You wanna tell him?
↑2 there is a pun in there somewhere I think