Ok, since my ex continues to play head games from hereafter he shall be referred to as shithead.1
He isnt working so he took the part-time night job at an erotic store in the Castro. He didnt come home last night. Fine by me as I wasnt in the mood for him anyway. So this morning I call him to come by so we can go grocery shopping. (He has the car) Immediately after getting home, he starts asking me, what’s wrong? I figure he is either paranoid or feeling guilty. Either way, I didnt rise to the bait.
Anyway, we get our chores done and get home and he discovers an unknown person called him. A few minutes later, I hear him in the bathroom trying to have a conversation w/Mr. Unknown. How stupid does he think I really am? I mean come on, we live in a 765sq ft apartment. How can I not hear him? Anyway, my first impulse was to get upset. However, two things clicked in my head all at once. One, I dont really care so why get upset. Two, he is very immature for his age. I had forgotten I am only his 2nd adult relationship. His first lasted 8 years but did not end well. I can see why now. In fairness, Ive met his previous ex and the guy is a complete self-centered asshole.
The realization hit me that for 37yrs old shithead really is not that adept at managing his life or relationships. He has never matured enough in this area to function on an adult level. How I could have missed this before astounds me. Especially, since I’ve been down that same road and grown from it. I guess its funny what love does to you.
Of course, realizing this means I am finally moving beyond my hurt/anger and seeing the bigger picture. It means I’m beginning to let go of him. I guess every dark cloud does have a silver lining! (yeah, I know it sounds hokey but it fits the moment)
- yes, I thought it was very colorful too [↩]