I Washed My Heart

I forgot I left my heart on my sleeve and I inadvertently washed it. Just kidding of course. I only say this as I had an interesting conversation w/B from the gym over lunch. We were talking about ex’es but quickly moved on to issues relating to the way gay men interact w/each other. I shared with my philosophy about my own feelings and how I present myself to the world. Mind you, the whole time we are having this conversation thoughts from the little head kept interrupting thoughts from the big head. Of course, the issue of double dating is moot as I discovered B is going on sabbatical for 4 months. Of which, he plans to spend a good chunk cycling across Tuscany. Fucker! I’m so jealous. lolol

Anyway, back on topic. *focus…focus* I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve. I used to do it w/o knowing better and now I do it on purpose. Simply put, I do it to avoid confusion later. I’d rather you know exactly where you stand w/me at any given moment. I don’t hide my thoughts or ideas out of fear of rejection. If you reject me, I move on. It’s that simple. I also tend to be very trusting until given a reason not to be. So from my perspective, wearing my heart on my sleeve, so to speak, serves to protect me. B pointed out something I’d never really thought of before. That I probably intimidate some people by being so completely open. I find that thought a bit fascinating. Not because I’d want to be intimidating but that I actually could. Lunch w/B has been the one bright spot in my day.

I’m in a horrible mood. Mostly because of work. I’m just frustrated as hell because I know that I am justified in my anger but powerless to fix the overall problem. Being an Aquarian, I tend to want to fix things, especially when it affects me directly. I really enjoy my job but the pettiness has taken it’s toll on me. So today I’m trying to consider all my options and come to an arrangement w/myself.

I ran into Tim on the subway and he pointed out something I tend to do here on my blog. I have a habit of downplaying my intelligence. Not being able to stand people who are conceited or arrogant, I tend to over compensate in relation to myself. This should clarify some of the comments above too. So for the record, ‘I be done got smarts’. I have a 128 IQ which I’m told is above average. Not that I care. I am just happy that I always seem to be a quick study w/anything I take an interest too. (Happy now Tim? *g*) Moving on.

Not much else to say at the moment. I haven’t done my blogrolling yet today so I may have some new rant in a bit…