One of the girls from work often refers to my boyfriends as a 909. Which is the police code for “meet with a citizen.”
My ex called me late last night. I’d actually just gotten home from work. Apparently, he and his new 909 had gotten into a big fight. He needed a place to hangout and vent I guess. He proceeded to tell me the nitty gritty as to what happened. I think he often shares details w/me that in most instances would make an ex a bit uncomfortable but it’s not really an issue for me. Besides, I’m nosey. I like hearing it.
I listened and offered my heart felt advice as to how I saw it. It’s always an issue of being right w/him. Based on his side of the story, I’d assume he was in the right. Of course, this made it harder for him to see a need to move beyond getting validation for that. hehehe. So I offered an explanation that it doesn’t really matter who is right if he hopes to work it out. And let me be frank, he’d rather cut off his fraking arm than admit he is wrong about something. However, he did seem to honestly listen and our chat did calm him down. I politely pointed out some of his rather difficult traits so he could try to see both sides of the picture. Whether it worked or not is none of my business.
He remarked that he thought the blog would be busy today. Meaning I’d post about it. I feel almost obligated to mention it now. And no, he doesn’t read my blog. While I may have a healthy view of my breakup w/him, I’m not so sure he can say the same.
I did notice that I didn’t feel any pangs of jealousy or hurt. I didn’t resent him for telling me stuff about him and his new 909. I actually felt good about it. And no, not because they were fighting. No, I felt good because I had a chance to help him correct his mistakes of the past. Namely, mistakes made w/me. Knowing this only serves to validate my principles. One, it validates that I truly did love him (and still do just differently now). Two, that I’ve moved beyond the pain and hurt he caused me way back when. It took me awhile. I can be just as stubborn at times, especially when I’m in the right. The difference, I think, is I can look beyond my self-righteousness to see the bigger picture. I just hope he learns to do the same thing.
Oh, I think it also is a boon for my Karma. Sure I could have used this opportunity to wreck havoc. But that would go against all the things that I am trying so hard to emulate and become as a man. So scratch another few points in the karma index!
Moby….
Your the better through all this. You know what it really is that is really consuming you now and giving you fresh perspective –maturity! I’m not saying it wasn’t or hasn’t been there. It’s reach a new level. I think the real test of maturity is not only seeing ourselves for who we are but stepping beyond that and not merely focusing on ‘ME’ all the time. In other words giving, giving through learning our mistakes, sharing experiences, etc. Am I making sense here?
See…this is only one exmple of why you are such a sweetheart: your maturity and your heart. I’m not so sure I could bethat civil to an ex who hurt me bad…need to have an ex, first…but still don;t think I can do it. I’m a real grudge holder.
Kudos to you, Moby! You were a good ex…hell, you were just a good “friend”. All of your friends are lucky to have you in their lives. 😡
It’s always great to feel like, and then know you have actually moved on. Many times I thought I had, but even months, or more recently, years later, I felt a few of those very similar pangs of the green eyed monster. It’s funny as I never was particularly jealous when I was with my ex.
I think a lot of it on some level is wanting to be openly missed in some way, or perhaps given a sign that we in fact did mean something to the other person. As even if we did the breaking up, there is the sense that the other person needs to feel bad, at least for a bit.
While all of that is normal and human nature it feels good to get to a place where you recognize it for what it is, smile, and move on. I agree, the karma generated in the later example is on every level better.
NICE!! Good for you! I’m not so sure I would have been so nice to my ex. Actually, I wouldn’t have answered the phone. 🙂