TFA and I had a long talk today.1 I didn’t plan on bringing up my doubts but he could tell something was up with me. I didn’t have the gall to lie to him so we talked it out. Basically, I admitted how much I was hurting and my growing doubts. He listened patiently and with just one sentence summed it all up. "Moby, it isn’t my desire for you that is the problem, it is my inability to act on it." There it was in one little sentence. The whole of our problem. I cried a little but it was good to face it.
So as of today, TFA and I are back to being just friends. Good friends and the possibility for more still exists just not now. He needs to focus on bigger issues in his life right now. I’m not as sad as I thought I’d be. I guess deep down, I knew it was coming. I was just fighting it.
The rest of the conversation was the same as always. We laughed, we flirted, we talked dirty, then we laughed some more. In a way, I feel like we are closer than before. Odd I know but that’s how I feel.
- 2 1/2 hours to be exact. [↩]