I know you are probably sick of hearing about my drama w/TFA but I’m still struggling w/my feelings so you get to suffer w/me.
We aren’t together anymore in the sense of dating however, we still see each other about as much if not more than we did before. He and I both realize it just isn’t meant to be right now.
That said, every time we talk and share intimacy I find it hard to get my head into the proper perspective again. I want more damn it. I know I can’t have it and it is driving me fraking nuts. I also can’t help wondering if that is what’s making me want him more. I don’t like being denied. At ALL! I know, color your surprised right? It is a character flaw I’ve been aware of for years.1 So I find myself mulling over my feelings trying to decide is it true desire or just being denied that keeps throwing my id into chaos.
I don’t have an answer yet. Like I said, I’m just kicking it around in my head trying to figure it out.
- Remind me to tell you that story one day. Juicy but so not my best moment [↩]