Unsettled

Work has been an absolute torment for me this week. Not my job per se (that I can handle) but stuff influencing not only my day to day operations but my position as a Steward as well. I had enough foresight to see this problem coming months ago and made several attempts to prevent it from happening. Obviously, that didn’t happen.

Without going into details and bad-mouthing a whole slew of people who aren’t here to defend themselves, I basically felt pressured into making a very big deal out of something I feel could have been handled with only a tiny amount of intervention. It is a very big deal to me. The irony is because I’m so incredibly frustrated and angry, I’ve lost my normal sense of composure and ability to make shrewd calculated responses. I pride myself on being able to see the big picture, step back from a situation, size it up, respond accordingly, and work to a successful resolution. That said, realizing I’d lost this detachedness, I called in my big rep for our Union. I felt a little ashamed to bother him with it but he backed me up 110%.

To give you an idea of how out of sorts I am. This new issue has me so wound up and angry not only did I loose my temper yesterday, I actually yelled at several coworkers, which is something I never do. While not making excuse(s), I felt completely isolated and abandoned in the scope of things going on around me at the time.1

Today, seeing no one above my rank cared or could even be bothered to feign concern, I escalated the issue to a level that involves myself, the department, and the city in general. This of course angered me even more because it made me feel petty. I absolutely detest being made to feel petty about anything!

Afterwards, needing to blow off steam, I confided in some of my friends at work and was surprised to hear how much they supported my efforts. They not only supported me but encouraged me to carry my fight to the very end. Its funny how just a little nod of approval can give one a sense of validation and conviction.

And while it may still come across as petty to some, I am feeling much more my old self again and am confident it will get resolved to my satisfaction.

  1. As it turns out, I’m not but it didn’t feel that way. []

3 thoughts on “Unsettled”

  1. You know, I just yelled at my poor 81-year-old MIL while she lay in her hospital bed a week ago or so. She totally deserved it. And I needed to say it. And she may get it again if things don't change. I own my reaction, I did it, I may do it again. And I really don't feel badly about it.

    Do it right. Do it with intention and purpose and for the right reasons. Trying to make things better is not a crime.

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