I lost my temper with an acquaintance the other day. Actually, it wasn’t so much losing my temper as just tired of his perpetual whining. He is a friend of a friend who came out about 10 years ago in his late 30’s. And apparently, because life wasn’t rosy and perfect afterwards, he is resentful. He blames being gay for all the woes in his life. Every time he ends up hanging out with my friend and I he is constantly whining.
After hearing him bash the gays yet again for the ump-teenth time, I’d finally had enough. I asked him point blank, “would you like some cheese with that wine?” Our mutual friend was like, “Moby, just let it go.” But I wasn’t about to let it go..not again. This guy has a good life and yet finds no joy in it. He’s better off than plenty of others and yet can only see what he doesn’t have. In no uncertain terms I gave him the hard truth. He’s overweight because he eats fast food every day and only hits the gym about once or twice a week, if then. He laments how superficial the gays are while being fixated on the very thing he complains to hate. He’s single and constantly complaining about how there are ‘no good men‘ left in the world. Maybe if you tried being a better man that might change? He complains about not meeting anyone yet spends most of his time at home. And when he does go out, it’s usually to a bar where he spends more time complaining. I asked him, “would you date you?” You have a good job, friends/family who care about you, a roof over your head, and yet you still find no happiness in life. All you see is what you don’t have. When was the last time you did anything outside your comfort zone? When was the last time you volunteered? played a sport? or anything else you find joy in? (He didn’t have an answer) Our mutual friend at this point has sort of just turned to look at him with a look of ‘well?‘ I finished with, ‘Instead of spending all your time on grindr and scruff wining because the guys you chase aren’t interested, get out and do something with your life.‘1
I’m sure he’ll just add me to the list of ‘people who just don’t understand‘ and that is perfectly fine. I told him we wouldn’t be hanging out again because I didn’t care for his shitty attitude anyway. I probably shouldn’t have been so rough on him but I was just so tired of hearing it. So your life ain’t perfect? Welcome to the club. So life can be shallow and puerile at times, welcome to reality. It is one thing to complain at times, we all do it, but to only focus on what you don’t have and the shortcomings of the world is a sure path to misery. The world is what you make it, not what you wish it to be. Don’t complain and then do nothing about it. If you aren’t willing to do anything to change, then it obviously isn’t that important to you in the first place. I’ve most certainly been there so I can speak with some experience.
- He spends hours and hours online cruising [↩]