Category: drama

Fibber

I found out one of my readers has been lying to me about who he is. He came clean recently in a very dramatic email. I wasn’t overly shocked as I’m not so foolish as to think everyone who reads/comments here is 100% honest. However, I guess it was bothering him hence, the email. He explained he enjoyed my blog because I was always so honest and blunt.1 Turns out, he has only recently come out and not thinking very high of himself concocted a rather illusionary image of himself for the world. Again, a no-brainer. We have so few positive role models as gay men I’m not really surprised. Anyway, he went on to state my blog was the reason he fessed up.

I’m flattered my blog had such an affect however, I think it has more to do with his own conscience than the ole blog. Lord knows, I have enough of my own issues. But, having learned a few things over the years, I gave him the same advice I’ll give anyone who asks (and even a few who don’t). Be honest, be yourself. One of my favorite quotes referenced here is “I’d rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I’m not.” Being true to yourself might mean less friends or even less interest. However, the interest and friends you do get will be legit.2

On a side rant, they say reality is 9/10’s perception. I am a firm believer in that. We spend so much time imagining the world around us and all the bad things that could happen it becomes real. We let fear and anger wrap us in a cocoon of self-doubt and worry. We act on these destructive traits by projecting it onto others w/o ever taking the time to discover the reality. I still battle with this one and it isn’t easy.3 I will add, it does get easier. Admitting it to yourself is the first step. As for my reader, well I can only hope he takes my advice to heart and is better for it.

Gosh! Who knew I was so good at psycho-analysis? Our time is up and that’ll be $300.00 please.

1 Duh.
2 90% of the fags on Manhunt should take that to heart.
3 I know, what a shocker right?

Super Who?

Time to hear me get ‘bitchy’.

I couldn’t be bothered to care who is playing in the superbowl or that it even occurred. If everyone at work wasn’t in such a dither I would have missed it all together. Every damn TV in the place had to be on “the game”. I absolutely detest football1. There! I said it. I’m a football-hating mother fucker. I know many of my fellow bloggers like, even love, the accursed game. Well, good for you.

It isn’t the game itself I detest but the backward mentality associated with it in this country. I’m sure if I’d grown up straight it wouldn’t have been a problem but I didn’t. And growing up in rural East Texas I got a double dose of torment. In my hometown, football was considered not only a right of passage to manhood but a weekly judgement of your emergent masculinity. Not being into football immediately earned me the various titles “fag, sissy, geek, pussy, or all of the above” on a routine basis. It didn’t matter that I excelled in track.2 Nor did my father do anything to help the situation by being an avid football lover. Well, that and he couldn’t help but remark on a regular basis about certain less popular players being queer and a detriment to the game.

So no, I don’t like football. You can keep your stick-up-your-ass game and all the juvenile behavior that come with it. I’ll stick to hockey.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled program…

1 You’d think with all the hugging and those tight tights I’d be in heaven. You’d be wrong.
2 I could run a mile in just over 5 minutes. Not the best but pretty damn good.

Drama 103

Like a fool, I let a friend who I know is high-drama drag it into my home this past weekend. I thought I was doing him a favor in letting him hang out with me. Maybe give him a chance to bond and vent a little. Oh, it started out good. He comes over and we stay up laughing and playing Xbox till the wee hours of the morning. I thought it a good way to get his mind off the situation. However, it went downhill from there. Without all the gory details, in the space of 12 hours he managed to not only disrespect me but my roommate, my neighbors, and my landlord.

I like to think I am pretty easy going. That said, I’ve learned sometimes people can use your good will against you. I knew he was a drama addict. Why? Because I’ve been there; a life full of drama but lacking in responsibilty. I admit, it is a bit odd seeing a straight counterpart in the same place I was 10-15 years ago. Oh, the faces and names are different but the scenarios are the same. I was lucky enough to find my way and grow out of it. I’m beginning to wonder if my friend ever will. He goes from one self-induced dramatic episode to the next.

I’m not the only one who is growing tired of his BS either. Several of my co-workers are a bit fed up as well. He has systematically used up most of the good will afforded him. If he isn’t careful he may not have any friends left soon. For my part, I’ve ended more meaningful friendships for similar problems so I’m not about to change now. And while this current episode doesn’t reach that level just yet, I’ll think twice before I invite him over again.

Techno Hell

*Full geek post ahead. You have been warned.*

You’d think being the tech geek I am, I’d have absolutely no problem setting up all the new devices w/the new HDTV. You’d be wrong. My woes started when the Tivo wasn’t getting audio from the new HD cable box. I checked, rechecked, and checked my wires yet again BEFORE calling tech. support.1.

I was at work so I just ran thru the checklist of things w/the Tivo guy and asked if he’d encountered similar problems w/other subscribers. To his credit, he did know and recommended a fix. However, after getting home and trying it, no luck. I was fast becoming agitated.

Fast forward to today.

This time I called Comcast. While I’ve had very little trouble w/them over the years, I know better than to remotely hope for a knowledgable rep. My lack of faith was justified right up until the very end of the conversation. She let it slip that the HD cable box doesn’t do more than one output source at a time. Exsqueeze me? Why the hell do you offer multiple out ports then? Needless to say, she was less than amused w/my 10 minute BF2.

Not willing to admit defeat just yet, I treked off to Radioshack for some help . . . a wasted trip.
Continue reading Techno Hell

Dirty Rat

I forgot to mention someone broke into my building last week. I live in a 4 unit apartment building. Someone picked the bottom lock on the front door downstairs and basically rumaged thru the garage. Other than my motorcycle, which was with me at work, I don’t keep anything in the garage. My neighbor upstairs wasn’t so fortunate1. Whoever it was stole a variety of misc. items and his bicycle.

He stopped me in the hallway to ask if I’d seen or heard anything2. I hadn’t but I did notice when the bike went missing and shared the details with him. He then mentioned it has happened before3. Not surprising, it is a very opportunistic style crime. I’d bet money some homeless person, picked the lock, walked in and basically grabbed whatever he thought he could sell for booze/drug money. On a side note, it became abundantly clear why the landlord asks us to lock the deadbolt on the entry door.

Truth be told, crimes of this nature are very common here. Again, not surprising as we have a high rate of homeless folks. That said, I’d choose crimes like this over more violent and heinous crimes any day. For all it’s problems, there are few places in SF, I don’t feel safe to venture. I can’t say that of most cities I’ve lived in. I’d rather worry about shit like this than waking up w/someone sticking a gun in my face. And while SF does have some hardcore crime, it is not the norm.

The moral of the story? Lock the damn doors when you come and go Moby. *g*

1 He is a bit of a pack rat. He has quite a bit of stuff stored in various places in the garage. I’m not complaining, just an observation.

2 My apartment sits right over the garage. I sleep w/ear plugs in so as not to be awakened by an old but loud garage door opening in the mornings.

3 He has lived in the building 10 plus years.

Mayor Newsom considers ban on Halloween

The follow up to my previous rant….

(San Francisco, California) Mayor Gavin Newsom says he is considering canceling the Castro district’s annual Halloween festivities in the future after a shooting wounded nine people and left another person injured in the ensuing panic.

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I Really Am…

. . . a big ole slut! I’m on day two and I’m just finished from an interesting encounter at Cafe Express. Cafe Express is a local joint I swore I’d never eat at again after getting a case of food poisoning about 8 years ago. If you read w/any regularity, you’ve heard mention of the first time I got salmonella poisoning. Well, I got it at Cafe Express. The manager was a complete ass when I politely tried to inform him two weeks later. Yeah, it took me that long to recover. I was a sick puppy. So long story short, I showed him who could be the bigger ass before I left. (In my defense, I was a bit younger and prone to loud outbursts of anger to get my point across…oh wait, I still do that, nevermind.) Anyway, after driving around for 45 minutes trying to decide what to eat for lunch (sometimes too many choices is NOT a good thing), I decided to give’em another whirl. I almost didn’t recognize the place. Different interior and different menu all together. The meal was good. And the chicken was definitely cooked so no worries on a repeat case. It’s after the meal that’s the “meat and potatoes” of this post.

I’m sitting at my booth w/the laptop out catching up on some work from the BCC. (Yes the committee chair FINALLY sent me some work to do.) I glance up to see this rather strapping fellow looking at me. I didn’t think much of it and went back to work. A few minutes later, I see said fellow still looking and his hand is mysteriously absent below his table. Of course, being the opportunist that I am, I couldn’t let such a good opportunity go to waste. I’m giggling at this point thinking to myself, “only me”. Fast forward 20 minutes later, I’m at his place (which just happened to be around the corner) giving him a pickle tickle. A fun spontaneous encounter. In a word, HOT!

The only minus was afterwards he wanted to ‘get to know me’. Ugh! I had already explained I was visiting from SF and just in town for the week. What was he hoping for? I sorta tuned him out while getting dressed but in all the hubub I hear the words “long distance relationship”. *battle sirens noise* Red ALERT – ALL HANDS TO BATTLE STATIONS! Why did he have to go and ruin it? Here we just had a nice fun encounter doing the horizontal mambo and he goes and mentions the R word. Run Todo Run!

Oddly enough, I got more errands done today than I did all of last week at home. How’s that for comedy? I got some laundry done. Yes, I did the shameful act of packing dirty clothes. You know how much I love doing laundry. However, I also packed very light so I could get some shopping in while I’m here. I got 6 new pair of undies and socks, courtesy of the local Marshalls outlet. I also stopped by Radio Shack and pick up an adapter for the phone. So now, I’m back at Starbucks getting my updates in. Trev is off soon and we’ll head off to the gym. I haven’t been in a few days and I’m itchin’ for a good workout.

Fixer Upper

I blog often about my struggle to be a better person. Sometimes I’m successful, others times no so much. But I try.

A while back I had to push someone out of my life. He didn’t understand why. And rather than use the experience to refocus his own life and make changes for the better, he has let insecurities from childhood cripple any chance of growing from it. Lately, we’ve sorta crossed paths. He goes out of his way to snub me, which is understandable. But now, since his attempts to draw me into an argument failed, he has resorted to emailing me about how great his life is and how “I” messed up. (And even though he isn’t supposed to read my blog anymore , I know he still does….I wasn’t born last night after all.) Anyway, if he has, in fact, done all these things he says then my efforts weren’t wasted. If his anger at me spurned him to take action and make changes for the better, nothing would make me happier.

Unfortunately, I don’t believe it. I think it’s just another ploy to lash out at me. Nothing I can do about it now though. I tried for many many years to help him move beyond his anger and resentment. I tried to explain things from a better perspective. Tried till I was blue in the face. It went in one ear and right out the other. So, I’m done now. Now, if he is to make anything of himself, it will have to be on his own. And maybe that’s how it should have been all along. I’m left to wonder if my help was a deterrent. My own growth didn’t come about until I sat down and examined my actions. No one was there to point me in the right direction. I had to figure it out for myself.

Ironically, my friend is a reminder of how far I’ve come in my own life. We grew up very similar in that we were both abused as children. Sure, I could spend my life bitter at the world for all the things I didn’t get, all the wrongs inflicted on me. But where would that leave me? What does it get me? Nothing. Well, except misery. And folks, misery begets misery. I watched misery eat ate my step-mother for years. I’m watching it play out between two of my brothers now. One brother by birth and the other by choice. Both equally sad. (The brother by birth is another story unto itself. I’ll crack it one of these days.)

I tend to be a “fixer”. I like to help people. One of the hardest lessons I’ve learned in my life is there are some things you can’t fix if the person involved isn’t willing.

Drama 102

*Today’s little rant involves high school shinanigans so if you are above such things, feel free to skip it.*

I figured it was time to put my two cents in since everyone has been pounding my inbox for my views on it. I’m flattered so many of you value my thoughts. However, I encourage you to make up your own minds.

Some drama has been occuring in the blogworld as of late. And you know my feelings on drama. I stayed out of it as I felt it wasn’t really my fight. However, the fallout over it has involved me in a very real world way and I’m compelled to speak up. In a nutshell this little drama started over God of Biscuits feeling slighted by comments on Bent Collective’s blog. So, in return, he felt the need to strike back w/allegations of his own. Allegations that BC is a complete farse, it’s writers are one person and the blog itself is all lies. A tale w/all the makings of a high school bitch fight wouldn’t you say?
Continue reading Drama 102