Category: society

I.C.E.

Someone asked my opinion on the whole immigrant debacle going on in our country right now. I may have been reading too hard between the lines, but my impression was the person asking thought I’d be in support of it since “I have a strong sense of fairness.” Yeah, no.

The inference that I would be against people coming here illegally vs legally is a complete abandonment of the complexity surrounding the issue(s). In a perfect world maybe, but we are far from a perfect world. Our ancestors stole this land so we don’t really get to act too high and mighty over the idea of immigration.

First, human beings are not illegal, regardless of their country of origin. “Illegal Aliens” is just a dissociative attempt to create division. Ya know, those people.  This whole idea of “being illegal” based on geography needs to die a painful death. We do need some form of immigration rules but that doesn’t equate to humans being imprisoned or suffering any of the current atrocities being committed in the name of America.

Forgetting for a moment how convoluted, expensive, and laborious we’ve made legal immigration, immigrants (documented and undocumented) put far more money into our economy than they ever take out. [1]https://itep.org/undocumented-immigrants-taxes-2024/    And these numbers are often underreported. They take jobs no one else wants because they don’t pay well, including food picking. The latter also keeps our food prices lower because we are getting those prices off the backs of hard working immigrants getting paid below minimum wage.

There are simply no honest metrics you can find that lend itself to the idea of immigrants being bad for our way of life. If your only argument is they come here illegally, you’re really covering for other reasons. You can sell that narrative until the cows come home, but no one believes you.

References

References
↑1 https://itep.org/undocumented-immigrants-taxes-2024/ 

KTN

I finally got my Known Traveler Number. Shawn and I had originally applied before COVID. Everything shut down and we sort of forgot about it. Fast forward a year when things we open/closed depending on which shutdown we were dealing with to keep people alive, and we got notifications we could schedule the in-person appt. [1]Back then you couldn’t do the in person part until you had been pre-approved. Shawn promptly went and got his and I promptly forgot about mine.

Fast forward to our honeymoon to PV this year and he had it but I didn’t. He was kind enough to wait with me in the regular line.

*Procrastinate, procrastinate, procrastinate*

Here we are at the end of the year and I finally applied again. I went to an Office Depot for the in-person meeting. I thought there would be a significant questionnaire or interview. Nope. Fill out the application online bring your passport, confirm all the details in person, and apparently you’re done. I got my approval 24 hours after my meeting.

Unlike Clear, which is ridiculously expensive per year and not available everywhere, my KTN is good for 5 years and available at all US airports.

I guess I’m fancy now. 😂

References

References
↑1 Back then you couldn’t do the in person part until you had been pre-approved.

Redrum

I’m sure you’ve heard about the death of CK. [1]I won’t give any ad clicks by saying his full name here.  I got a surprising number of emails asking my opinion on his death. My opinion doesn’t really matter, but I clearly have some thoughts.

CK built a career of hatred in the name of christian (white) nationalism. He was openly and proudly racist, homophobic, xenophobic, and misogynist. He said black people were subhuman and steal everything they get from whites. He proclaimed gays were worthy of death and actively supported allowing men to openly attack trans women. He laughed at the idea of immigrants being eaten by alligators.

To say he was not a good human being is putting it mildly. He was a human devoid of any humanity.

It’s ironic his very last words were shrugging off mass shootings as gang violence. [2]More code switching for race baiting  He had previously proudly proclaimed, after yet another school shooting where innocent children died, that “some deaths were necessary to support our 2nd amendment rights.” One could say he died for that belief.

And yet, I’m expected to have empathy? The same empathy he denounced as not real and weak. No, I won’t mourn for a man who profited off spreading hatred. I won’t waste a 2nd thought on a “christian” that shrugged off the murder of children.

It’s a shame I don’t believe in Hell. If I did, I might find some comfort in knowing he would at least pay for all the harm he caused in life. No, he’s just dead and we’re left with the aftermath.

*

Let me be clear, calling out the cruelty of his life is not the same as celebrating his death. Murder is not ok. I don’t support murder. If they find his killer, he should face the judiciary process. But don’t ask me to mourn the loss of such a person. You are entitled to feel however you wish. Your feelings over my lack of empathy is just that…yours.

If you haven’t seen the video, it was brutal. He died just the way he lived, horribly.

References

References
↑1 I won’t give any ad clicks by saying his full name here.
↑2 More code switching for race baiting

History


So, this was set up in front of the old steam room door at the Fitness SF gym in the Castro yesterday.  😂

Memorial to the steam room

The gym announced a couple weeks ago that today would begin the remodel of the showers, including removal of the old steam room. The little memorial drew tons of giggles and laughs, myself included.

To say the old steam room (and showers) had a torrid past would be an understatement. It definitely had a “history.” And in honor of an era ending, here’s a little extra history because I know you’re dying to know. 😉

When I first moved to SF, prior to the “apps”, the steam room was practically a required destination. Couples were routinely made and/or broken in there on a regular basis. The later arrival of “apps” only made it more popular. People from all over the world are familiar with that little room.

While going thru a couple different names, the gym has been owned by the same owners since it opened. Said owners knew the steam room was cruisy and knowing it brought them business, they pretty much ignored all but the most egregious shenanigans. However, when they left Gold’s in favor of becoming their own brand, they suddenly “cared” and started cracking down. I say cracking down but basically they’d throw a tantrum if someone got caught. Guys learned to be more discreet. And considering employees were sometimes partaking while off duty, the cries of misuse rang somewhat hollow. [1]Allegedly! As Katy Griffin would say …

Fast forward to 2013, they shut down the steam room permanently. The official excuse was too many shenanigans, but multiple employees told an entirely different story. They also tried claiming the health dept threatened to shut them down…a lie easily debunked. It was just greed. Many of their existing gyms at the time had much older equipment and they didn’t want to invest in repairing/replacing them. The shenanigans made a convenient culprit. [2]When they took over the Fillmore location, they kept that steam room until COVID.

After COVID, there was a revival of sorts but the action moved to the showers. Not as ballsy, but still on the daily. And then late last year, they took to door off the showers to discourage any unapproved activity. (Not that it really stopped anyone.)

Basically, as the owners’ ‘brand’ grew and became more widely known, they wanted to discourage any idea they cater to adults engaging in anonymous sex. I mean how terrible, right?! Forgetting that all the other gyms have their own stories, they wanted to shut down the appearance of any support.

In the end, I don’t blame them. I do wish they’d been more honest about it. The Castro was basically their bread and butter in those early years and the community kept them in business thru various struggles, including COVID. Seeing them cast us aside so easily now is insulting IMO.

Being the only really gym in the area, they have a captive audience though. Convenience wins out.

All things eventually end. The gay community’s torrid love affair with the steam room was always doomed, but boy what a run!

References

References
↑1 Allegedly! As Katy Griffin would say …
↑2 When they took over the Fillmore location, they kept that steam room until COVID.

HNY

Well, it’s 2025.

Y’all know I don’t really celebrate it, courtesy of 2 decades of work related trauma. It should come as no surprise, I took the day off. Hehehe

Shawn is under the weather so we stayed at home. We had planned to attend an early party, but no biggie. It’s kind of a made up holiday. I’m normally pretty optimistic but considering what’s ahead, I’m not feeling overly joyous. It’s certainly going to be dramatic, that’s for sure.

I think my only new year’s resolution is to take more photos. I’m terrible at capturing my life on camera. Not that anyone else cares, but I’m not a spring chicken anymore.

That’s all I can muster at the moment. It probably sounds a bit depressing. I’m not trying to be, I just tend to be realistic.

That said, Im wishing the best for you and yours this next year!

Hope springs eternal…

Gym App

I use a couple different workout tracking apps. One for motivation and one for actually tracking my workouts. Sadly, I can’t seem to find a good all in one app that meets my needs. That really isn’t the point though.

I recently got a private message from a gym bro attempting to shame me because I declined his unsolicited offer for online training services. He felt the need to try and undermine my manhood while also inferring I might look "gay" to other men. [1]You wanna tell him? For good measure, he managed to squeeze in a comment about my age as well.

My first comment was, "well, bless your heart." I followed up with a summary of how he’s toxic bro mentality was so 90’s and from his follow list, I’m probably dodging a bullet by not signing up for his "services". Even had I been interested in such a service he had no official education listed in physical therapy or even as a certified trainer. He replied back a few more times trying to goad me into an argument, but I couldn’t be bothered and he appeared to give up.

I thought about it afterwards and wonder how many insecure men fall for this ploy? Straight men are definitely not immune to peer pressure, and I know firsthand how gay men often feel pressured to look/act a certain way to feel "included." I’ve found a striking susceptibility in gay men who come out late in life vs us early out eager beavers. [2]there is a pun in there somewhere I think I’d like to think I’m totally beyond such things, but I think that would be a lie. Granted, I could care less about some random bro’s feedback. My workouts and efforts in the gym are primarily focused on keeping myself healthy, especially as I age. While I certainly strive to be bigger and better, it is not the priority in my life. As I age, I’m certainly aware of the stigma in our world and am not completely immune to the sting of rejection so I get it. However, I also realize the hard truth is age comes to us all. We can’t be young and pretty forever. More astutely, I no longer base my self-esteem on the opinion of others.

I guess doing the work on myself all those years ago are still paying dividends today. Life is short, if your not happy make changes to try and change it, but don’t fall for the idea you need to look or act a certain way to be accepted.

References

References
↑1 You wanna tell him?
↑2 there is a pun in there somewhere I think

Contrary

If you ever call 911 in San Francisco, there is a chance you’ll hear my lovely voice. I’ve done a few PSA’s over the years here and with that in mind, let me offer a few tips for calling the police or 911 to save us both a lot of time and angst.

1. Cooperate. We are here to help you. The questions asked are necessary and often mandated. No, we can’t take your word for it. Yes, we can multitask. Oftentimes on critical incidents, emergency services are already on the way while we are still speaking. The more you fight the process the longer it will take.

2. Be specific. People often use subjective phrases that have to be clarified. A good one is “I was robbed”. How were you robbed? At gunpoint, grab and dash, vandalized car or locker, or an item is missing? We have to clarify what the problem is prior to dispatch. This is purely an educational issue I feel cities are failing to provide to it’s citizens.

3. Be realistic. Demanding an immediate response for infractions or even minor crimes is not going to get it. Agencies prioritize responses based on policies and rules, some of which are also legal mandates. There has to be a prioritization system because if everything is an emergency, nothing is an emergency. And here is the bad news…response rules aren’t based on your level of frustration with a given problem. I know that last one is a hard pill to swallow.

Following these simple instructions will get you services as promptly as possible; based on the needs of the emergency services system and your compliance. [1]Sorry, Facebook being down or the drive thru at McDonald’s being closed early is NOT an emergency or even a police issue.  If you do have issues with the system, it cannot be addressed while you are on an emergency line. You can always contact a supervisor for dispatch or police, and/or contact your local government body.

What NOT TO DO:

Call 911 just because you don’t know the “other number.” This is a big one. If it’s not an emergency, look up the proper number. Hell, you can ask Siri or Google, they will tell you and offer to dial. In SF, you can also call 311, they can connect you with non emergency services. When you multiply these callers by 10 at any given moment, it clogs up 911 lines very quickly and literally prevents real emergent calls from getting answered timely. This is not an exaggeration. I’ve lost count of all the true emergency calls delayed in queue because the lines were tied up with lazy callers and accidental dials. Who knows how many deaths.

Be contrary. Agencies have protocols to triage all calls for police, fire, or medical. Deciding you will demand or don’t need to answer “a bunch of unnecessary questions” is likely to delay the help you need and potentially delay how fast it arrives on scene. You cannot override the system simply because you deem it necessary. Being nasty because you can’t get your way only makes you more frustrated in the end.

Take Offense. Our clipped and short questions are not a sign of disinterest or attitude. We process thousands of calls per day and we tend to focus on what we need for responding units and getting off the phone to answer the next emergency in queue. We don’t always have the luxury of validating the crime or your angst. It is not personal, so please don’t assume otherwise. We are also incredibly short-staffed.

*

We are used to getting demanding callers, it is the nature of the beast. Let’s face it, no one calls 911 because they are happy. We often encounter people at one of the worst moments in their lives. [2]Frankly, the latter are rarely the problem. We completely understand that. However, I’ve noticed a trend lately where more & more callers in the non-emergent setting feel compelled to be contrary or make completely unrealistic demands.

Summary: You don’t have to be your best self, but being difficult for the sake of difficulty doesn’t get you what you want.

References

References
↑1 Sorry, Facebook being down or the drive thru at McDonald’s being closed early is NOT an emergency or even a police issue.
↑2 Frankly, the latter are rarely the problem.

Twit

Thoughts on 3lon buying the blue bird?

For myself, I barely use twitter anymore so I’m not trying to necessarily pick a side here. I am deeply concerned about how this will unravel though. He has plans to fundamentally alter twitter IMO. Like it or not, twitter has become a household name. It is a mass communication tool with global reach.

I’ve already seen folks within the #alphabetmafia applauding his purchase. I wonder if they’ve thought this through. twitter will now be privately owned, which means he can do whatever he wants with it (within some limits). He can dis(allow) any content he deems (un)worthy. He could try to monitize it thru more than just ads. What happens if he does and decides porn is no longer allowed? Can you say “Tumblr?” You may not care if porn gets the axe, but LGBT+ issues are routinely flagged as “adult material” online.

He may be the new sole owner but he leveraged that purchase and he will want a return on his investment. Keep in mind, this all started because he was censored for spreading conspiracies. Who will keep that in check now? I mean twitter wasn’t doing a bang up job before, but there was some effort to keep it honest.

I have no idea how this will play out. I don’t have any immediate plans to delete my accounts. I also wish I could say I don’t care, but I do. The ramifications of this are breathtaking.

A single man just bought a social media company with over 300 million users. What does that kind of wealth say about our society? What does it say about our future?

You

More and more I see gay men locked, or at the very least, struggling with our ever increasing labels. We’ve gone from having labels to having labels within labels it seems. You can’t be a bear anymore, you have to a specific type of bear. You can’t be a daddy, you have to be a specific type of daddy with various different new labels “instead” of the term daddy. lol You can’t be a gaymer, now you have to a specific niche of gaymer. I could list a hundred different examples here. It is enough to drive you crazy if you let it.

This time of year tends to encourage folks to ‘look to the future’ with resolutions so my advice to anyone reading… make resolutions to break away from your labels. Just be you. I’d bet money you are only hurting yourself. From my own past, I learned to let go of labels after spending years feeling isolated or “left out” from parts of gay life I saw as more desirable. In reality I was just insecure about myself and thought if I belonged to said group(s), I’d be less insecure. (Hint – it never works. You just get better at hiding your insecurities.)

It is ok to identify as a label, but step away from feeling like all you are or have to offer is said label. You are more than just a description of labels. Even if you think you fit squarely inside a defined label, there is still more to you than that. More importantly, you do not have to feel defined by the labels given to you by others. One, you will never live up to the expectations of others. Instead, work on setting your own expectations to strive and work toward. Two, strive to accept all of what and who you are. Strive to better yourself on your terms, whatever that may be.

Of course, it is easier said than done. We literally write pathways in our brain by allowing ourselves to become a “label.” But no one will make it all better for you. It is up to you to find the will to change it.

I wish you all a better year than last. 2021 wasn’t great for me, but it also wasn’t terrible. I’m hoping for an even better 2022.

Hope springs eternal….

Perky

Ever have one of those days where for no apparent reason you have an extra pep in your step? You feel extra just for being awake? Or, you just feel awesome for no real reason? I had one recently and I was tickled pink when I realized it. I guess it has been so long I had almost forgotten what it felt like. At face value that sounds kind of sad, but considering the state of the world these last couple years anyone could be forgiven.

I tend to be a rather upbeat person. It is just my nature. As I push 51, it is also a mark of pride I still have such days. My job has certainly had an impact on a subconscious level. Being on an assignment for the past 5 years definitely helped. In general, I believe life’s responsibilities and worries tend to wear us down and take the “shine” off our world view. That said, I definitely missed the feeling and hope I’ve found enough of my old optimism to have more of them. The irony here is in some of the roughest times of my life I was the most optimistic. Nothing really seemed to tarnish my boundless good moods back then. One could say I’m a bit more jaded now.

I can’t help but wonder if my recent attempts to limit my social media exposure has anything to do with it. I spend less than 15 mins a day on FB or twitter. About 90% of my IG feed is thirst traps and gym motivation. My brain gets its fill of context switching from TikTok, where I’ve curated a feed of comedy and funny home videos. [1]Context Switching can be highly addicting and destructive to your work day or motivation I’ve also started denying myself the urge to check media/news apps first thing in the morning. I deliberately avoid them for at least 30 mins to an hour to give myself time to wake up and just be present. I pick up my phone and briefly scroll the notification panel for anything truly urgent and then just avoid it for a while.

I’m fond of saying “hope springs eternal” here and it has been a struggle these last 4-5 years to follow that mantra. Not to go all doom and gloom but I’m seriously worried for our way of life. Greed, bias and anti-intellectualism has replaced integrity, truth, and science. But, at the end of the day, I can only control myself. I cannot control others. My innate desire to “correct someone on the internet who is wrong” is slowly being replaced by a “leave it alone“. Successful discourse online is all but dead. I firmly believe my avoidance of that toxic environment is having an effect on me. I’m eager to test the theory.

So….hope springs eternal… (you knew it was coming.)

References

References
↑1 Context Switching can be highly addicting and destructive to your work day or motivation