Category: me

Insomnia

My sleeping habits have been whack for a while now however, last night was probably the worst so far.  I laid in bed awake until almost 4:30am before finding falling asleep.  This was after taking a sleeping pill. 

I was only able to sleep about 4 hours.  Needless to say, I’m a bit cranky today.  I’m gonna try a couple home remedies before calling the doc. 

The good news is I got the new blog a little more updated.  I brought back the rotating banners (for now).  I haven’t tinkered with the export/import features since the initial failure. 

I’m also off to finish the color on my tattoo today.  Pics forthcoming.

Excited

The decision to upgrade keeps becoming a good one.  I found a brand new plug-in today that solves all of my previous worries about hidden content on the blog.  Not only that, it gives me a very easy way to upgrade users as needed.  

What does this mean to you?  First, apologies as I have yet to find a way to import user accounts from old blog.  Not being a PHP expert, I have no idea how to copy tables over.  Unfortunately, this means if you were a registerd user on the old blog, you will have to re-register here.  Keep in mind, if you register, your email address is checked for validity and you will need to reply to my confirmation email before I will boost your access.  

Again, apologies for the inconvience however, this should make things a lot easier for me to stay on top of.

TFA Onward

I  haven’t talked much about TFA lately.  That has been partly on purpose.  I needed some time to work thru some things percolating in ma head.  I will reveal he has been dating someone new and seems absolutely smitten.  Of which, I’m very happy about.  I know I know, you are shaking head going “huh”?  (I’ll get to that, keep reading)  lol  The new guy seems to be much more what TFA needs as well as wants in a partner.  I’ve always felt TFA and I met for a reason.  Whether it was he to learn from me or vice-versa is still up for grabs.  I do think at the time we met, TFA needed me but I wasn’t what he wanted.  I know for some that won’t make sense but for me it totally does. 

I’m sure by now you are gathering from my comments I have indeed let go of the angst I felt regarding TFA.  Actually, it was some time ago.  It had more to do with my own insecurities really.  Seeing that and dealing with it was an important step for me.  I still care for him very much but that concern has evolved into an enduring friendship. [1]well, a friendship with ‘benefits’. heh heh heh

Having let go of my internal issues, I find I am extremely happy with our relationship at present.  His new boyfriend knows about me and is completely ok with the connection and friendship we share.  After a long talk last night, I think TFA has clearly conveyed to him I am not a threat to their budding romance.  Considering he will be here for a long layover the weekend after my upcoming birthday, I felt it was important to make sure our connection would not hinder or interfere with his new love interest. 

* 

On a side rant, seeing TFA struggle to overcome his demons these last couple years has served to remind me of my past struggles and has kept me focused on my own life’s path.  He often tells me he sees our friendship lasting well into old age.  I’m very flattered and heartened by that. 

One of my life’s goals has been to know when I die, I’ll do so knowing I leave behind people who will remember and miss me. [2]For you tiny few LONG time readers, this will make total sense to you.  The rest of ya…get busy!  TFA definitely brings me one step closer to that goal.

References

References
↑1 well, a friendship with ‘benefits’. heh heh heh
↑2 For you tiny few LONG time readers, this will make total sense to you.  The rest of ya…get busy!

TFA Onward

I  haven’t talked much about TFA lately.  That has been partly on purpose.  I needed some time to work thru some things percolating in ma head.  I will reveal he has been dating someone new and seems absolutely smitten.  Of which, I’m very happy about.  I know I know, you are shaking head going “huh”?  (I’ll get to that, keep reading)  lol  The new guy seems to be much more what TFA needs as well as wants in a partner.  I’ve always felt TFA and I met for a reason.  Whether it was he to learn from me or vice-versa is still up for grabs.  I do think at the time we met, TFA needed me but I wasn’t what he wanted.  I know for some that won’t make sense but for me it totally does. 

I’m sure by now you are gathering from my comments I have indeed let go of the angst I felt regarding TFA.  Actually, it was some time ago.  It had more to do with my own insecurities really.  Seeing that and dealing with it was an important step for me.  I still care for him very much but that concern has evolved into an enduring friendship.1

Having let go of my internal issues, I find I am extremely happy with our relationship at present.  His new boyfriend knows about me and is completely ok with the connection and friendship we share.  After a long talk last night, I think TFA has clearly conveyed to him I am not a threat to their budding romance.  Considering he will be here for a long layover the weekend after my upcoming birthday, I felt it was important to make sure our connection would not hinder or interfere with his new love interest. 

* 

On a side rant, seeing TFA struggle to overcome his demons these last couple years has served to remind me of my past struggles and has kept me focused on my own life’s path.  He often tells me he sees our friendship lasting well into old age.  I’m very flattered and heartened by that. 

One of my life’s goals has been to know when I die, I’ll do so knowing I leave behind people who will remember and miss me.2  TFA definitely brings me one step closer to that goal.

  1. well, a friendship with ‘benefits’. heh heh heh
  2. For you tiny few LONG time readers, this will make total sense to you.  The rest of ya…get busy!

Pondering…

…my new years resolutions.  I managed to handle most of last years list.   Well, I STILL haven’t gotten braces.  UGH.  It will be on the list again this year.  I’m such a procrastinator.  lol  

I did lean up a bit.  I’m not ripped by any means but, I’m lighter now than I’ve been in years.  Granted it is only about 15 or so pounds but I’ll take it. lol  Actually, the accident really helped as I could only do cardio for awhile so I got accustomed to doing it.  I find I skip it less now. 

The debt is half and half.  All the high-interest stuff is completely gone.   That is good.  I’m down to 3 credit cards and my debit card.  All of which are manageable.  The accident back in August forced [1]not that I was complaining. heehee me to incur a significant hit in purchasing a shiny new motorcycle.  Still, things are ok there.  I am extremely grateful I have a job in this ever toughening economy.  For the most part, I live within my means.  While I have a weakness for good food, I don’t spend extravagantly. [2]well except on gadgets  I still have a heavy hit coming soon.  The land my dad left me (and my brothers) is going to cost to be separated, surveyed, deeded, etc.  I’ll probably have to absorb my little brothers part as he is in no condition to pay for it.  It sucks, but necessary.  Anyway, I’ll probably keep this on the list this year as well.

The tattoo(s) I’m clearly working on.  I’m extremely happy with the work I’ve had done so far.  I’m sure 2009 will see at least 1 or 2 more.  I’m not interested in turning my body into a canvas so won’t go far beyond that. 

Last but not least is my paramedic training.  The hurdles left are significant so not sure on this one.  With the economy and the City cutting back more and more the opportunity to go part time at work while I go to school is not looking good.  Disappointing but not the end of the world.  Having a job right now is enough in itself. 

So now I’m back to pondering this years resolutions.  What are YOU pondering?

References

References
↑1 not that I was complaining. heehee
↑2 well except on gadgets

Trust

In a slightly less exciting rant and not meant to damper the thrill I have from my tattoo, I discovered this weekend, and not for the first time, someone I trusted has been running their mouth about my business.  Business they were instructed was private and only shared in confidence.  Serves me right for reaching out to someone I saw in pain and deciding to share part of myself. 

Well, lesson learned. [1]And needless to say, they won’t get a 2nd opportunity

*

The irony here is for a long time I didn’t see myself as an overly moral or ethical person.  Never having the benefit of strong family ties as a child, I had to teach myself right from wrong.  All things considered, I’ve accomplished that goal to my satisfaction. [2]Of course, there is always room for improvement.  And while my own brand of morals may not be the norm, they keep me on the path I have chosen in this life.  I guess the point of my ramble here  is I’m more disappointed than angry.  Disappointed that integrity seems to be a catch phrase for most guys these days.  I’m also disappointed in someone who obviously cares more about their next drinking buddy than true friendship.

Or, it could be I’m just getting old and crotchety.  I mean my 38th birthday is fast approaching. *ducking*   

References

References
↑1 And needless to say, they won’t get a 2nd opportunity
↑2 Of course, there is always room for improvement.

Filler

So that tat is coming along nicely!  I finished the shading this past Friday.

Flexing the ink

Latest look. 

The red is not color but irritation from the needle.  That will eventually fade into gray shading.  The bands are now officially done.  Next on the agenda is color!  And I still haven’t ironed’em out yet.  I leaning heavily toward blue and red in the big one but haven’t decided the two smaller ones.  I’m thinking of green for sure but the rest is a guess at the moment.  Yellow and orange are not my favorite colors and they don’t really show up well in tattoos.  Purple is an idea but it tends to be very dark and blends too much with black.  You can see from my back tattoo (below) the dangers of putting like colors too close together.

Tattoo

 

Basically, I want the colors to really stand out.  Luke suggested I get some magic markers and play around with colors until I find what I like.  A good idea.  Of course, there are also shades of colors vs primaries too.  I could do shades of blue and red on each one.  The wheels are turning…suggestions?

Shading done

 

Ok, I couldn’t help showing off one more pic.  I totally love it!  The idea of what I wanted is slowly coming to life and I can’t wait for the final product.   I have a sneaky suspicion I’ll be adding more to it though.  The inside shoulder looks a tad bare and begs for either another strand or something to compliment the strand look.  The inside I’m not overly worried about as you almost never see it (and it hurts like a bitch to ink). 

So whaddya think?

Changing Schedule

So in anticipation of my changing schedule, [1]It changes the weekend of the 10th. I’m already altering my gym routine.  The last time I was on a 4-10 shift, I really struggled to keep up with a consistent work-out schedule.  I’m hoping to prevent that this time around.  Instead of working muscle groups, I’ll work 1 primary muscle a day (along w/supporting muscles).  I’ll also increase the frequency of days in the gym to make up for the shorter workouts.  I’m hoping these two changes will help me cope with the lack of free time on work days.  *crossed fingers*

For all my setbacks this year, I have done a decent job of keeping to a consistent schedule.  The motorcycle accident set me way back but I managed to bounce back.  The one good thing from the accident is I managed to get myself into doing more cardio.  It has paid off as I’m a tad leaner than I’ve been in about 8 years. [2]Nothing major but I certainly don’t mind the 15 missing lbs

And for all my bitchin’, I am looking forward to the 3-day weekends again.  Especially, since I’ll have Fri/Sat/Sunday’s off.  It is a premium slot and I am grateful I could pull it.  I’m thinking Friday’s will by errand days.  Typical shit.  Lunches for the next week, chores around the house, beat off, blah blah blah…

References

References
↑1 It changes the weekend of the 10th.
↑2 Nothing major but I certainly don’t mind the 15 missing lbs

Blog?

I’ve gotten several emails, comments, inquiries as of late regarding my lack of blogging.  Besides being extremely busy at work, the simplest answer is I just haven’t felt like it.  It seems to be a trend as I’ve noticed many of my regular reads have slacked off lately as well. 

For my part, I’ve always catered to the idea that blogging shouldn’t be forced.  Forcing it often leads to resentment which defeats the whole purpose, IMHO.  Never fear, I haven’t given up and this blog is NOT closing, not even close.  I still have tons to say and lord knows I have an opinion about everything.

On the flip side, I’ve met several new people thru my blog as of late.  Not 1, not 2 but 3 guys have come forward as regular readers who rarely comment but wanted to meet.  The first guy has apparently been reading for years and only just recently decided to see if I was up for meeting. [1]He lives locally  We had dinner and got to know each other a bit.  He got to see my tattoo the very same day I got it.  Anyway, dinner was nice and I enjoyed it.  The 2nd guy was totally looking to get laid. [2]I obliged him several times. *EG*  The 3rd was a bit odd.  I got the distinct impression he was testing to see if my blog was real.  His questions sounded more like accusations than interest.  He seemed to give up at one point after several “discrepancies” he pointed out were nothing more than perception.  I was secretly amused at his persistence and annoyance that he couldn’t trip me up.  He also discovered how blunt I can be when he asked questions I felt were inappropriate.  I doubt he’ll continue to read.

I’m always curious as to what inspires someone to come forward to meet after waiting so long.  I see myself as a very approachable and clearly I have no problem being open.  The irony here is I often get way more private emails than I do posted comments.  In talking with other blog buddies, I seem to the exception vs the rule in this arena.  I still haven’t figured it out but it doesn’t really matter.  I’m still flattered every time someone new “pops up”.  I don’t see my life as all that exciting to be honest.  But having grown up in the middle of nowhere TX, I can relate on the perceptual differences.  lolol 

References

References
↑1 He lives locally
↑2 I obliged him several times. *EG*

Emergency? What Emergency?

Monday night was probably one of the most stressful of my career. I’m basing that on the knots in my stomach and the bottle of wine I consumed after work. [1]Yes, you read it right, Mr. Light-weight downed a bottle. In a nutshell, a circuit panel blew out in our building and a full two-thirds of our system(s) went down in the blink of an eye.

As part of our ongoing reconfiguration, I am currently detailed to the Fire/EMS side of operations. At the direction of the RC, [2]the highest ranking medical officer on duty I quickly ran down the hallway and setup one of the few functional terminals. Within minutes, I had a summation of everything going out and coming in. Let me clarify that statement. Instead of being in charge of one channel focused on a section of the city, I’m now in charge of 5 channels encompassing the entire city! No pressure right? No, not at all. lolol Anyway, with the help of my co-workers and others I managed to bang thru it. I don’t think I did anything exceptional as frankly, it is my job but whatever. The work itself wasn’t overly taxing but I just couldn’t shake the awful feeling some calls might have fallen thru the cracks. There was no way to stop and check and I was too busy at the time to worry beyond the present. There was easily a 10 minute window between when the system went down and getting it back up. Meanwhile, call-takers are still trying to input calls into the terminals that did not go down. I know I bitch and moan at times about the crazy public but, I take my responsibilities very serious. It bothered me thru the whole ordeal and all thru the night afterwards.

The system came back up just in time for me to get off on time. [3]Ironic huh? I left relieved but I tossed and turned all night worrying some calls might have slipped thru the cracks. I personally felt like we failed the public that night. There is a silver lining here though. After polling all the terminals yesterday, we discovered there was in fact no lost calls. Everything got handled. A huge relief, I don’t mine telling you.

Yesterday, we were on a patchwork system which apparently went down again mid-day (prior to my shift). My shift went off without any problems. Parts are being flown in to create a permanent fix from what I’ve been told. There is also a redundancy system being added to hopefully avoid such a catastrophe in the future. I shudder to think what would have occurred had this happened on a busy night like New Year’s Eve. And I could go the rest of my career and not have to do that again and be completely happy.

References

References
↑1 Yes, you read it right, Mr. Light-weight downed a bottle.
↑2 the highest ranking medical officer on duty
↑3 Ironic huh?