Recap

Ok, ok already. I’ve been busy. I keep getting emails and texts demanding to see pics. Yeah, I love you too. *g* Anyway, it’s Friday (my Saturday) and it has been a lazy day so far. I slept in and then promptly got up and had myself a nooner. A young one too. Lord what is the world coming to when yours truly starts doing chicken. lol I digress. He was fun and I can report the poisons have left the building. Work was very sad this week for obvious reasons. The funeral was yesterday and I’m glad it’s over and a lot of the tears have passed. Everyone is focused on remembering her for who she was. I like that.

As I mentioned, Rich from Dallas was in town (last weekend) and I ended up hanging out w/him almost the whole weekend. He had a two day layover in SF. We cut up a lot and he really got me out of my shell for a bit. I’ve gotten so locked into my routine lately, it was very relaxing to just goof off.1 Rich is very charming and I can’t remember the last time I laughed so much. His sense of humor is just as warped as mine. Even more surprising, he has the same knack I do for quoting obscure movie quotes.

In a nutshell, we did some shopping, visited the local bars, strolled the parks, went to the movies, and basically terrorized the poor city. Shopping was, well shopping. We also went to see 300 which I loved. If you like blood and guts w/a little mythology and special affects thrown in, you’ll love it. The bars were interesting. I kept running into M’s soon-to-be ex which was a little unnerving. I also met 6 different guys from bear411.2 One guy was very friendly. Anyway, our purpose for being out was to see another friend of Rich’s that lives here. I did not care for him at all. I found him annoying and disrespectful. He begged Rich to come meet him out and then proceeded to ignore him most of the night. He was more concerned about finding his next trick. I’m all for getting laid however, a little prioritizing goes a long way. Rich didn’t seem to mind so I kept my mouth shut. Besides, we were having fun on our own without little miss sunshine.

Saturday was very low key. Rich helped me wash my motorcycle, which was very kind of him. We also took time to snap off some more pics. (see below.) Afterwards, we went for a nice stroll man-watching in Dolores park. The weather was a beautiful 75 degrees and sunny. The “menses” were out in force. Since Rich had to leave that night, we finisihed off the day by having Sushi at my favorite Japanese joint in the Castro. The roomie tagged along and we mostly gabbed about life in Texas.

This weekend I’m just being lazy. I have a few chores to do but otherwise, nothing planned. Ok, now on to the pics!

Rich and I both like the same tshirt so we both got it. Don’t we look like twins?










Rich and I goofing off on our way to get some Sushi. Notice we weren’t still dressed like twins. hehehe










Here we are at the park. It was a very nice day out. We were lookin’ all J-cool.










We were at Castro and Market here. The motherland as Rich calls it.










I’m not sure what we were doing here however, it felt good. *g*










Don’t ask!










Rich looking hunky in the park. Boys were turning their heads. What a handsome bear he is.










1 I’m still bumped from my ride along on Friday’s so it worked out perfectly.
2 See, I’m working on expanding being viewed as a bear. (I’m still not exactly sure what that means yet)

New Moby

Thank you to everyone for the kind words of sympathy. Having the weekend off helped get my mind off of it. Well, that and Rich was in town from Dallas. We hung out over the weekend and he was just what I needed to get out of my funk. Sweet and funny man. He made me laugh so much; just what the doctor ordered.

I have fun pics to post too. I’m on my way out to get some chores done but stay tuned for some good pics of us acting up over the weekend.

Sad Day2

One of my coworkers mysteriously died last night. She works graveyard and after she got home early this morning, she was supposed to wake up to take her grandkids somewhere and that is how they found her. It is unknown what happened yet however, I can think of plenty worse ways to go.

Work, to say the least, is very emotional today. She was very well liked and a long time employee at our call center. In our line of work, we often disconnect ourselves from emergencies as a form of self-defense. However, when it happens to you directly or those close to you, disconnecting is impossible.

TH we miss and love you. I hope that you find happiness in your release from here.

The Saga Continues…

…but in a good way.

A big thank you to all the kind words and encouragement I got from everyone. Some of the private emails and stories you shared made me tear up a little. Say what you will about blogging but I have found a true network of real, everyday guys who constantly suprise me w/their understanding, insight, and compassion.

I got an email from M today. It was just a quick hello and an apology for not getting back to me before he left. Knowing him somewhat, I’m also reading between the lines here. M is very much like me in that he doesn’t waste time or energy on unnecessary pleasantries. The email tells me one thing, I am on his mind.1 He also made a round-a-bout attempt to let me know he heard what I said and took it seriously. So basically, he has picked the ball up. What he does with it from here is still up in the air but I am a little bit gleeful today.

In other randomness, the trainer is still kicking my ass. I’ve lost about 10lbs of fat overall so far and can see a much nicer leanness in my frame. Since we just started the heavier weights this past week, I can’t report any significant muscle gains however, my muscles feel nice and tight now. Speaking of the gym, I had an encounter today that left me a little confused. I’ll tell ya more later.

On the training front, I’ve been bumped from my ride-alongs for a few weeks. My crew has paramedic intern riding w/them so I have to wait it out. No worries, I have all my required hours in already. I’m just keeping my skills up now. I must admit it is nice to actually have two whole days off though. I also found out the City is definitely on track for hiring EMT’s come June. I’m anxiously awaiting my notification by mail so I can get my name on the list.

What else? Work is work, same shit different day basically. I’ve pulled way back on a lot of the Union stuff in order to keep my sanity about me.

Ble-al, ble-al, ble-all, that’s all folks!

1 Which of course brought a smile to my face.

PMS …

…equals Pansy Man Syndrome.

Oy! The whine is all empty and the cheese is gone. I sounded like such a crybaby last night. I think I was PMS’ing. Throw in a full moon and no wonder I was pining like a little school girl. Well boys, I can report the madness has left me! lol *polgtergeits lady* “This HOUSE is clean!”

Don’t get me wrong my feelings haven’t changed, I just can’t believe I was succombing to my base emotions. What a pussy. In a nutshell, I already told M how I felt and the ball is in his court. If he picks it up and runs with it great. If not, well I’m a big boy and its time to put up or shut up.

In happy tech news, I had to buy a new laptop. The current one has been running strong for 2 1/2 years, and bless its heart, it is on its last leg. One of the hinges is busted and the other is fast coming loose from the base. I was hoping to hold out a little longer for more compatibility w/Vista but if I don’t do something soon, I’ll w/o a laptop. And that would be a crime! hehehe

Oh, there is a private post coming up today too.

Hurry Up Already

So after my big realization and then spilling my guts to M the other day I’ve been a complete basket case. I can’t get him out of my head. Every time my damn phone beeps I jump to see if its him. God, do I reek of sadness. What was I expecting? After my big confession he’d just jump right back into my life and everything would be hunky-dory? In a way, I think that is exactly what I was expecting. Well, my heart was but my head knows better. And let’s face it, patience has never been one of my better virtues.1 My buddy Terris from work was completely blown away today. He said he’d never seen me so “unsettled”. Unsettled? I told him to “blow me”. lol

I can’t help it. I’m naturally aggressive and when I want something I go for it.2 I also tend to obsess when something is on my mind. The good news is I’ve learned to wait before I acting on irrational impulses. That doesn’t prevent me from whining about it here though. He left today to go out of town for a whole week on work. Which is probably a good thing as it gives me time to clear my head. I guess deep down I’m afraid I might have blown it with the one guy who wanted me for the right reasons. Oh won’t that be a wonderful “life’s lesson” for the blog.

Continue reading Hurry Up Already

Can of Worms

Just when I think I’ve learned all I can about myself, life throws me yet another curve ball. There is so much irony in this post it borders on hilarity.

I opened a can of worms tonight. Unlike my professional behavior, I have absolutely no patience when it comes to my heart. I ran into my soon-to-be-single friend again tonight at Starbucks. 1 He sits down and I was dead set on keeping it casual. His ex hasn’t moved out yet and I’m determined not to be a rebound. Ha! So much for that. We start talking and before I knew it, I was asking him what happened between us. I mean, I knew the first time was my fault. I wasn’t ready and I pushed him away. I readily admit that. It is not something I’m particularly proud of but it was my M.O. for quite awhile. Never intentionally but that doesn’t make it ok. Out of my own insecurities, I used to come on rather strong when I met someone new. However, once the newness wore off and I actually got to know the guy underneath, I would get bored and move on. Not very nice to the other person who thinks my strong signals mean more than they did. I’ve realized that about myself. The twist here is with M I didn’t get bored. It scared me and I ran. I don’t think I’ve ever shared this and I don’t like admitting it but, I hate fear as an emotion. Growing up in constant fear of my step-mother gave me that.2

What I didn’t know was the second time was sorta my fault as well. Turns out, he was more than a little hurt after the first time (unsurprisingly) and was afraid to get too close to me again. So, he pushed me away before I could do it to him a second time. The thing about me and attraction, I like to know the guy I’m into is into me. Unbeknownst to him of course, I was ready the second time and his lack of conviction hurt me. Tit for tat? Possibly but I doubt it. M is probably the only person I’ve ever broken things off with and regretted it aftewards. It didn’t help that right after our second split he met his new guy.3

Learning all of this brought me to tears. Not a gully washer but I did get a little teary-eyed. Here is the part where the preverbal can “gets opened”. He teared up as well. I knew, at that moment, he still cared for me. I pushed and I pushed hard. I couldn’t help myself. I apologized for the pain I caused him. I also told him I wanted him to have some space but when he is ready, I want to try again. I meant it too. I can’t say where it will lead but I’m ready this time. I think he is too.

The last great irony here? I don’t think it would have worked between us if I hadn’t had the fall out w/Drew. He shared w/me he also didn’t think it would have worked had he not met his soon-to-be ex.

My head and my heart are all a jumble at the moment.

1 Irony 1, this is where we first met.
2 Irony 2, this had a big influence on my pursuit of Drew when we met 3 months later.
3 Irony 3, even though he didn’t say it, I had the distinct impression, our failed second attempt pushed him to pursue the new guy as hard as he did. Are you laughing yet?

Week in Review II

With all the “secret squirrel” stuff going on, I haven’t really blogged much about the mundane stuff. Well, I’m here to fix that.

I can’t remember if I mentioned it but I bought a new duvet set for the bedroom. I originally went in for just a sheet set. Of course, I can never go into that store and only make one purchase. What I did is leave with a lot of bags and an empty wallet. *g* I bought a nice microsuede duvet cover (hunter green), a hypo-allergenic comforter, some new sheets, and 3 new pillows. Oh yes, my bed is nice and comfy now.

What else? The week has been pretty bland albeit busy. Still very little time for the xbox. *long sigh* I still have weekends but I’d rather do something in real time on my days off. Speaking of busy, the trainer is kicking my butt big time. We hit the heavy weights this week so I’m really feeling it. Oy! But, for all my whining, I’m very happy with him.

I’ve decided I’m over the new blog banner. Don’t get me wrong, it’s nice but the green sorta conflicts w/the rest of the blog. I’m borrowing a page from Large Tony here and opening up bids for a new one. Any graphic designers out there wanna help a brother out? I’ll take the top three and let you decide which one is the best. I’ve found a couple of new ones I like but nothing wrong w/broadening my scope. I’m sure many of you noticed the Poll thingy on the right. I may or may not keep it. Time will tell.
Continue reading Week in Review II