So last month we talked about meeting new people in the plutonic sense. This month is more about the intimate or sexual sense. *This is a bit of an adult topic.* I’m clearly very open about sex and see nothing wrong with it. Not everyone fits the same mold and I fully understand that. I do what works for me and so should you.
Q: How do you meet new people for casual fun or possibly dating?
A: First and foremost, be yourself. Have a clear idea what you are and are not looking for and stick to it. Don’t be afraid to tell someone you are inexperienced or still discovering what floats your boat. Some guys get off on that and it might make for even more fun. If you are looking for someone to date, I highly recommend taking the plutonic approach and letting things build. Don’t try to make everyone you meet into a potential boyfriend. You’ve already prejudiced yourself if you do that.
If you are more of a slut like me, then keep an open mind. Not every booty calls has to remain that way. If you find you have a good connection with someone, see where it leads. It might start off as sex and turn into something more meaningful. Either way, if you don’t feel a spark or connection, don’t lead the other guy on. Besides saving you a lot of drama, it shows you have integrity.
Again, I don’t recommend bars but if you must. . . If you go out looking for nookie it is probably better if you go alone. Or at the very least, have a clear understanding with your friend(s) that you are on the prowl. I’d highly recommend not expecting to always score. This often leads to either lame sex w/someone you aren’t really interested in or personal disappointment.1 For safety reasons (and a little common sense), I’d recommend you have a buddy system. Someone you can text, call, or email if you make plans to go home with someone. Never hurts to take a modicum of precaution. lol And for the love of crackers, if you are neg and wish to remain that way, do not let what a complete stranger tells you about their HIV status dictate what type of sex you have. You should have a range of sexual activity you are comfortable doing regardless of a person’s status. This avoids making poor decisions that may lead to very unpleasant consequences. Ultimately, no one is responsible for your health but you. And frankly, people lie! Being in the moral right won’t do you much good if you seroconvert.
If the bars are as unappealing to you as they are to me, there is online and of course, places that are geared for sex. There are plenty of online sites out there focused on dating and/or hooking up. Some are free, some charge. I do find on most of the free sites the ratio of drama and frustration tends to be higher. A buddy system works equally as well here. Again, a little common sense goes along way. And don’t fall into the lame ass trap that so many do. Be honest about your desires, stats, and pics. You may get less interest but the interest you do get will be legit. Trust your instincts, if it doesn’t feel right, don’t do it.
Depending on where you live, there are a variety of places you can go to find sex w/o all the online BS. This, of course, is a comfort level. Some people don’t enjoy sex clubs, some are too uncomfortable, some just can’t relax enough. Ya never know unless you try. Bookstores tend to be dirty and rather degrading. However, there is a bit of fetish involved in such an anonymous hookup.2 Sex clubs and baths are often a tad cleaner. Sex clubs usually follow a theme or cater to certain fetish(es). At the tubs you usually have the option of privacy and the ability to clean up before and/or after. heehee Again, it depends on your comfort, what you are looking for, etc. Myself, I like variety.
I don’t really recommend outdoor sex like parks, public restrooms and such. Again, this tends to cater to a fetish however, public sex is still illegal in all 50 states. If that floats your boat, just be prepared to deal with the consequences.
Regardless, the goal here is to be creative and don’t limit yourself to one area.
Of course, my advice here assuming you are out and open. Lying or deceiving a significant other is just bad karma and often comes back to bite you in the ass. This is also assuming you aren’t one of those guys who constantly cloaks his booty calls under the term “dating”. If you aren’t into random hookups, there is nothing wrong with that. If you are, still nothing wrong with it. What works for one may not work for all. I’ll say it again, be honest with yourself about your desires, fantasies, wants, etc. You won’t find fulfillment if you can’t learn to express yourself both emotionally and physically.
- And yes, I realize sometimes easier said than done. [↩]
- Depending on where you live, this also could be a little risky. [↩]