For “God’s Gentle People”
Not even 12 hours after my post, the nasty-grams started rolling in. As always, new comments are held for moderation. It’s always a pleasure reading some of the nasty vitriol that people of faith can sometimes spew. And as always, while you may disagree with me, even vehemently, you may not make personal attacks on me. Not if you wish such comments to ever see the light of day. Such nonsense is deleted at my sole discretion.
I did get one semi-decent personal email message. What started off as rhetoric turned into, what I felt, was a disingenuous effort to call me a hypocrite. The person had obviously taken the time to read thru some of my blog.1 For the sake of brevity, I will ignore all the religious quotes as they mean nothing to me. In a nutshell, the commenter implied that because I talk about my adult struggles and even my mention of being compulsive in the past that I am a liar. He goes on to attempt to hammer home many of Mat’s points about the “destructive gay lifestyle.”
If you’ve taken the time to read my previous rant or any of Mat’s stuff, you discover very quickly he blames a huge chunk of his own shortcomings and failures in life on being gay. Mat, regardless of the reasons, made some bad choices in his young gay life.2 Those choices are a reflection on his growth (or lack) as a man, not his being gay. Choosing dark paths doesn’t make being gay the fault anymore than being straight would be at fault. Attempting to do so is nothing more than denial. And just because Mat paints us in over-generalizations to combat his own denial doesn’t make it true. One has only to look at the thousands of LGBT couples getting married all over this country now to see we just want to be equal. We want to be able to establish our families and be recognized under the law. And yes, many of us get caught up in some of the negative aspects of our community. But that doesn’t make us any less deserving of love, respect, and equality. Self-destructive behavior isn’t gay or straight, it’s human.
As for me, I make no bones about my openness regarding sex. I do NOT live a life based on puritanical restrictions. I also make no secret that I struggled with compulsiveness surrounding sex. I fell for many of the failed coping mechanisms that Mat did. But instead of blaming my own failings on being gay, I accepted myself. I worked on discovering why I was so compulsive and worked to correct it. I grew as a man, shedding many of the insecurities that plagued me as a youth and pushed me into some destructive or excessive behaviors. So you see dear reader, I am not a hypocrite. But I do not live in a world of absolutes so I don’t see it as you do. I live in this world with its many complicated, messy, fallible humans. Nor do I live a moral code based on fear of what might happen to me after I die. I chose to be good because it is the right thing to do. I am not perfect, I make mistakes, I struggle. My failures do not make me less deserving or make being gay inherently bad.
I stand by my words and my advice to Mat. I hope he finds peace. But I don’t believe he ever will until he lets go of trying to deny what he is.
- Actually, I think he reads a lot! lol By the end of his rant, he seemed to have almost come full-circle [↩]
- It could be argued it is too easy to fall into this type of crowd but the evolution of our coping mechanisms and societal suppression is a much broader post for another day. [↩]