I couldn’t think of of a catchier title, cut me some slack. And I’m feeling a bit long-winded so grab a cup a joe.
Events as of late seem to be conspiring to make me take an outside view of myself. Let me preface with this statement. I’ve been kinda popular in the past two weeks. Guys have been crawling out of the woodwork. Oh don’t get me wrong, I’m liking it. The point is these events have forced me to re-examine my self-image.
Encounter 1 involved a guy I’ve seen around town for years. Very attractive and muscled. Not your Castro clone type but still very sexy. He initiated a meeting via one of my online profiles. I admit, I was shocked. I really didn’t see myself as someone he’d go for. We met up and had great conversation. He works in the medical field and we spent 45 minutes just talking shop. Afterwards, we adjourned to my place for some more “conversation”. Afterwards, I was still in a bit of shock that it happened.
Encounter 2 was last week. This guy was from out of town. Again very handsome, masculine, and very sweet. And again, he initiated first contact. After a botched attempt to meet up and more emails, we got together for dinner. During our conversations, I’d sorta assumed our meeting would be plutonic. It wasn’t! I even invited him to sleep over. Something I rarely do. I’m all for after-sex talk but I’m just not into confusing the issue by having someone sleep over. He was a cuddler too. Very nice in my book.
Encounter 3 is a guy I originally met somewhere dark and dank. (yeah, use your imagination) We also often “run” into each other at the gym. He actually thought I’d forgotten our first encounter. Ney. And while I didn’t consider him out of my league, he is physically my type in a variety of ways. I always get a little intimidated when I’m overly attracted to someone. The whole self-worth thing rears it’s ugly head. Anyway, to keep the stirring in my groin at bay I won’t go into details about Mr. Hot Fucker’s physical appearance. Needless to say, his body does it for me. So, we had a chance encounter and I invited him over to swap spit. He surprised me by being very sweet and considerate. I’d actually be up to dating him but that would be putting the cart before the horse at the moment.
Encounter 4 doesn’t involve sex. (I’m sure you’re grateful if you are still reading) No, encounter 4 involves a long time friend. Said friend is very attractive. That said, he is plagued w/some depression problems and has a very low esteem and low self-image. Now, it amazes me someone so incredibly attractive could suffer from such profound self-doubt. I actually broached the subject and in the end offered my heart-felt advice on what has worked for me. Including journaling (and now blogging) to help sort thru feelings. His situation serves to make me see I’m not the only one plagued by such issues. And if someone as incredibly handsome as he is has issues like this, then there is definitely hope for me.
I’m sure you are wondering how all of this ties together. Well, hold your panties, I’m getting there. These recent events have forced me to re-evaluate my self-image. I often forget I’m not the emaciatededly (grammar?) skinny boy w/a big butt anymore. It’s not an easy task. I have a hard time believing I have anything to offer someone who I consider very attractive. As a kid, all I heard was bad stuff. Frankly, it’s often easier to believe the bad stuff. But, if I am to overcome the trappings of my depressing youth and grow as a person, I need to break out of the mold. I need to start seeing myself as I am now.
Does that make a lick of sense? Or did you just read for the racy stuff?