Well, you know what I do to bitchy queens? I flip them over and fuck the hell outta them! 😉 That’ll fix your little attitude Missy! 😉
Uh-oh….what’d you do Moby?
I’m confused? I thought you were bitchy because you had to do laundry.
Well hell Moby. Snap out of it!
“…I’m a bitch, I’m a lover
I’m a child, I’m a mother
I’m a sinner, I’m a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I’m your hell, I’m your dream
I’m nothing in between
You know you wouldn’t want it any other way…”
-Meredith Brooks
Sorry…
Couldn’t help myself.
Just popped into my head.
And now I’m tortured.
Cause, now, it will not go away.
Oy vey.
lol.
This sounds like we all need a little bitch story! here goes:
Once upon a time, a big queen named Kenneth worked in an upscale antique shop in the Hamptons. Famous, and not so famous bitches wafted through his shop on a regular basis. Let me tell you , this big queen had seen them all.
That was until the uber goddess of the thespian bitches exploded into his shop one unhappy day.
This dismal Desmond paraded into his shop, with her coterie of assistants bobbing in her wake. Also with her was an extremely aged, timid little man, severely well dressed, who followed behind her bony, botoxed behind, flitting from shadow to shadow.
Presently, with talons fully extended, the Hollywood harlot descended upon a small but elegant dinette set, sitting in a corner of the store. It had a white card on it which plainly said “SOLD”. Her blood red lips curled into a contemptuous ,grotesque imitation of a smile. She said “That’s it! I want it!” She whipped around like a cobra and fixed her pallid gaze upon my unbelievably queeny friend. “You there!”…”YES, I’M TALKING TO YOU, BOY” she hissed. “I want that dinette set. Prepare it for sale immediately, and make it snappy,you fool! My time is PRECIOUS!”
Asuuming his bitchiest, queeniest stature(and believe me, it’s FROSTY) our ruffled but unflustered queen pointed to the table and with the faintest, razor thin ghost of a smile on his imperiously frozen face, said “I’m very sorry, madame, but as you can plainly see, this table has been sold already. The owner is merely completing HIS shopping in another store and will be soon here to arrange for its pickup. I’m terribly sorry.”
STONE COLD silence.
Puppies cringed, flowers drooped.
“Well then UN-SELL IT!!” she hissed. The sound was like a thousand snakes, sizzling in Satan’s saucepan.
“I cannot do that,MISSSSSS.” said our Kenneth, so coldly that you could’ve flash frozen a dozen steaks, right there on the spot for 10 years, easily.
“DO YOU KNOW * WHO * I * AM ??” screamed the faded floozy.
Cocking a single eyebrow, our coolest queen shot back “Yes indeed, Miss. You were “Mommy Dearest, were you not?”
Her face went crimson, then the blood drained from her face, her eyes blazing like coals. She clenched her quivering jaw, shaking with rage so intense that you could clearly hear her earrings tinkling. She whirled on the little man who was still cowering in her shadow. “Come, godfather! We’re leaving this horrid place IMMEDIATELY!
And with that, she was gone. NEVER to return.
Just then, RuPaul strode into the shop. Seeing her, Kenneth grinned a mile wide, shit-eating grin. “Girl, you should’ve seen the HO ON WHEELS who just tried to steal your dinette table!
yeah, it was Faye Dunaway, and that is a true story. all of it. even the earrings.
Well, you know what I do to bitchy queens? I flip them over and fuck the hell outta them! 😉 That’ll fix your little attitude Missy! 😉
Uh-oh….what’d you do Moby?
I’m confused? I thought you were bitchy because you had to do laundry.
Well hell Moby. Snap out of it!
“…I’m a bitch, I’m a lover
I’m a child, I’m a mother
I’m a sinner, I’m a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I’m your hell, I’m your dream
I’m nothing in between
You know you wouldn’t want it any other way…”
-Meredith Brooks
Sorry…
Couldn’t help myself.
Just popped into my head.
And now I’m tortured.
Cause, now, it will not go away.
Oy vey.
lol.
This sounds like we all need a little bitch story! here goes:
Once upon a time, a big queen named Kenneth worked in an upscale antique shop in the Hamptons. Famous, and not so famous bitches wafted through his shop on a regular basis. Let me tell you , this big queen had seen them all.
That was until the uber goddess of the thespian bitches exploded into his shop one unhappy day.
This dismal Desmond paraded into his shop, with her coterie of assistants bobbing in her wake. Also with her was an extremely aged, timid little man, severely well dressed, who followed behind her bony, botoxed behind, flitting from shadow to shadow.
Presently, with talons fully extended, the Hollywood harlot descended upon a small but elegant dinette set, sitting in a corner of the store. It had a white card on it which plainly said “SOLD”. Her blood red lips curled into a contemptuous ,grotesque imitation of a smile. She said “That’s it! I want it!” She whipped around like a cobra and fixed her pallid gaze upon my unbelievably queeny friend. “You there!”…”YES, I’M TALKING TO YOU, BOY” she hissed. “I want that dinette set. Prepare it for sale immediately, and make it snappy,you fool! My time is PRECIOUS!”
Asuuming his bitchiest, queeniest stature(and believe me, it’s FROSTY) our ruffled but unflustered queen pointed to the table and with the faintest, razor thin ghost of a smile on his imperiously frozen face, said “I’m very sorry, madame, but as you can plainly see, this table has been sold already. The owner is merely completing HIS shopping in another store and will be soon here to arrange for its pickup. I’m terribly sorry.”
STONE COLD silence.
Puppies cringed, flowers drooped.
“Well then UN-SELL IT!!” she hissed. The sound was like a thousand snakes, sizzling in Satan’s saucepan.
“I cannot do that,MISSSSSS.” said our Kenneth, so coldly that you could’ve flash frozen a dozen steaks, right there on the spot for 10 years, easily.
“DO YOU KNOW * WHO * I * AM ??” screamed the faded floozy.
Cocking a single eyebrow, our coolest queen shot back “Yes indeed, Miss. You were “Mommy Dearest, were you not?”
Her face went crimson, then the blood drained from her face, her eyes blazing like coals. She clenched her quivering jaw, shaking with rage so intense that you could clearly hear her earrings tinkling. She whirled on the little man who was still cowering in her shadow. “Come, godfather! We’re leaving this horrid place IMMEDIATELY!
And with that, she was gone. NEVER to return.
Just then, RuPaul strode into the shop. Seeing her, Kenneth grinned a mile wide, shit-eating grin. “Girl, you should’ve seen the HO ON WHEELS who just tried to steal your dinette table!
yeah, it was Faye Dunaway, and that is a true story. all of it. even the earrings.