Continuing in the reflection from my last rant, I’m pondering if my independence is sometimes a hindrance to my dating life. I’ve had several folks comment off-hand recently about my independence. One night after dinner and conversation with a friend about breakups, he commented that I was very self-contained. This got the old noodle working and it stuck with me.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not worried that I’m not involved enough or giving enough w/potential bf’s or on dates. Not even remotely. No, I wonder if my ‘containment’ as it were could be the reason some guys feel intimidated or are afraid to approach me. I still can’t wrap my head around anyone thinking I could be intimidating. But more than a few people over the years have mentioned it to me. I still get surprised when anyone tells me they always wanted to say hi but were afraid to. So whether I intend it or not, there is obviously something to it. Even if it is a projection from the other person, something has to be triggering it. So now I’m wondering if my independence is part of that.
My friend, for the most part, was right. I am very self-contained. Growing up the way I did, I learned very early to take care of myself. Having few inhibitions, I also have no problems doing things solo. Pretty much anything I want to do, I can do alone if it strikes my fancy. I just don’t see a reason to avoid doing something I want to do because there is no one available at the time to do it with me.
Then you mix in that I’m not overly out in the community here, I wonder if the two combined give an appearance of aloofness. Let me back up a bit. I was very involved with the gay community when I first moved here. This gave me exposure to many of the long term gay residents here in SF. I know many of them in varying degrees. Add in the gym, my motorcycle group, and yes even my shenanigans over the last 12 years and it becomes impossible not to get to know or know of a lot of the locals. Then there is also my odd work schedule. Because I usually work swing shift, I can’t always do many of the events or social gatherings that a lot of the locals attend. Fast forward to the present, I’m beginning to get the sense that I’m known by many but rarely seen. I wonder if this contributes to this sort of faux picture of me being aloof or unapproachable?
Actually, the more I think on it, the more I believe all of this together plays a big part of it. I’m dumbfounded that I could have missed it for so long. Obviously, they don’t read my blog! lol If they did, they’d see how completely open and approachable I am. All joking aside though, I’m still pondering this. I may need to beat it here some more in the future…