Can’t Help Themselves

Ya know, some people just can’t help themselves. After my last post about my experience with monkeypox, most of my feedback was very positive. Of course it was, decent human beings being decent human beings, but there are always those few folks who just can’t help themselves. I write this post to support others vs any defense of my own actions.

I got the typical "are you ok" as an opener on several messages before the bombardment of code words implying some sort of shame or guilt. Ironically, two of them were twisting themselves into knots implying they weren’t referring to me specifically. Being a big boy, I flat out told them I got it at the tubs. And the person who exposed me reached out to let me know. Why? Because he was a responsible adult being a good human being. Duh! I was just unable to get the vaccine in time. The follow up level of backtracking was cute, albeit completely unnecessary. I’m a grown man, I won’t be shamed for my actions when I don’t feel I did anything wrong. Your opinion of my life and/or relationship is just that…yours.

I’ll be honest, I’ve never understood the fascination with shaming folks for communicable diseases. It stems from our institutionalized puritanical nonsense way of thinking, I know, but I’m just so shocked to see so many gay men still embrace it. You’d think after surviving AIDs we’d be better than that. But let you mention the rampant drug use in the gay community and/or the cottage industries built around it, and you’ve done gone too far! (Not that I believe drugs should be criminalized.)

I realize there are levels of compartmentalization and cognitive dissonance going on, but it gets old really fast. We are human beings. We like human touch and **gasp​** sex. We’ve dealt with communicable diseases practically since the beginning our existence and will likely continue to do so until the end of our existence. This puritanical idea of shame is nothing but a waste of time. It serves no purpose other than to establish "those people" in an attempt at disassociation. What has proven to work time and time again is timely intervention thru testing and available treatment. Removing this pathetic idea of stigma increases the likelihood of testing and preventing transmission.


So today, the official response from the Whitehouse (WH) is they now endorse herd immunity as a regimen to combat the spread of covid-19.

First, here is the definition of “herd immunity”:

the resistance to the spread of a contagious disease within a population that results if a sufficiently high proportion of individuals are immune to the disease, especially through vaccination.

“the level of vaccination needed to achieve herd immunity varies by disease but ranges from 83 to 94 percent”

Webster’s dictionary

Based on that, herd immunity is currently impossible. We cannot use herd immunity as a treatment regimen because we don’t have a vaccine!

The WH’s deliberate misinterpretation of the idea is to do nothing. Just let everyone be exposed and see who lives and dies. That is NOT herd immunity. This approach pushes the death toll into the millions, not the low hundreds of thousands like we have now. Just one percent of the US population, just one (1) percent, is over three (3) million people!  If we jump that up to five (5) percent, the death toll is just under 17 million people.

For perspective, one percent is more than the entire population of Phoenix, AZ. Five percent is more than the entire population of the New York City metro area. And this does not take into account the millions more who will struggle with lingering illness for weeks or months.

Even if you’re dumb and deaf, you can understand how insanely stupid and dangerous this is.

Voting has never been more important. It is heartening to see many cities are reporting record numbers of registered voters as well as early voting. Vote like your life depends on it because it just might this time.


…the carbs!

I’ve been good so far which not being sucked into eating all the fatty holiday treats. Being detailed to the admin side at work creates a challenge as several folks routinely bring in treats to share. Said treats are almost always of the sugar or carb variety. lol

My fat ass is trying to slim down! I gained a ‘few’ lbs a while back and while I’ve lost most of them I’m bound and determined to get back down into a full size 32 jean. [1]I’m hovering between 33/34 The ‘stretchy 32s’ I’m wearing now are fooling me. I dare not dream of a 31. My hips are too wide and I’d have to get really skinny to pull it off. I spent most of my teen years being so scrawny I gust of wind could blow me away, I have zero desire to ever be skinny again.

I don’t beat myself up other than routinely “feeling fat.”  I keep it in perspective as my struggle is minor to the very real struggle so many face to lose weight. I go thru my phases where I don’t ‘feel pretty‘ though. It’s mainly when I stop going to the gym consistently. I don’t actually feel fat, I feel flabby. All the tightness goes out of the muscles after a while and I hate it.

Anyhoo, back on point. I’ve been good so far at avoiding most of the holiday fatness. I apparently do it backwards because I always seem to be at my leanest during the holidays when everyone else is enjoying ‘the bulk’ or off-season. Some years I seem to be completely uninterested in anything fatty and others I find myself struggling to avoid practically everything that looks tasty.

I would blame the hubby’s penchant for fast food; however, that wouldn’t really be fair. I may not eat much fast food but I eat out more than he does usually. The calories still add up. I could go on and on about the struggle with my 10-hour days but I’ve already beat that horse into glue. My schedule is what I made it so I get to sucked it up or change it and changing it just isn’t practical right now.

I’ve already tweaked my workouts to avoid being in the gym for too long. I tend to get there just before the 5:00 rush. If I bust my hump and get Cooper walked and head out the door, I can be finishing up just when it starts getting crazy. Our gyms here are small by most standards and the Castro gym is hella over-sold so it is often just a royal pain to try and get thru a solid workout w/o wanting to cut a bitch for playing on his phone instead of working out.

I’m off-topic, again! Lawd where is my brain today. If you’re struggling like me, I feel for ya. Hang in there. Take it one success (or failure) at a time. I find when I don’t give up after “splurges”, I eventually get there. I’ve given in and made cardio a consistent part of my routine. I’m not as active on weekends like I used to be in my single days [2]primarily because I was out being a filthy whore so cardio is a necessity now. Some days I go the high-intensity route and others it’s slow grind on the stationary bike or treadmill. Either way, I begrudgingly admit it helps.  I ate like a pig for thanksgiving and I’ve lost the several lbs I put on already. I’m back in my “safe” zone but as mentioned I want to be leaner.

The struggle is real bitches!


1 I’m hovering between 33/34
2 primarily because I was out being a filthy whore


Get up early

Get Cooper fed/watered/walked

Go to gym to do cardio

Come home with enough to get ready for work

Arrive at work minus your badge/access card

Rush home on lunch break to get said card

Realize what a doofus you are because the the access card was tucked into your jacket pocket. Said jacket, you’ve had with you every step of the way.


DMV 101 that is. After a few random yet repeated issues with people not knowing basic traffic laws I’d thought I’d offer up a PSA. hehehe

No, you do not get to block an intersection because you couldn’t bear the idea of waiting on a light. You can’t legally pull into an intersection unless you can pull all the way thru it, including the crosswalks. The reasons why you got ‘trapped’ are irrelevant. If you get tagged by a red-light camera, it is a non-moving violation. If you get tagged by a cop, it is a moving violation and goes on your license. [1]or it can

No, you can’t pull into the opposite lane of traffic to go around a double parked vehicle while other cars are coming. You do not have the ‘right-of-way’ simply because you pulled into the opposite lane before the other car got close enough. If anything were to happen you are at fault.

No, you can’t text and drive no matter how slowly your car is moving.

No, you shouldn’t bicycle and text either. When you fly over your handlebars after hitting the MUNI tracks, you have no one to blame but yourself.

And lastly, No you can’t legally park in the MUNI bus stop and then be surprised you got a $250 ticket.

Now you know.



1 or it can


Apparently, I’m the only one that decided to be available to work on our project today. But, since I don’t have the authority to assign myself new tasks I was left tweaking several already completed tasks. On the way out yesterday, one of the project leads asked me if I could this, this, and this. She was clearly asking me to do it so she didn’t have to. Do they think me stupid? I can tell when I’m being given a shit assignment. lol I totally didn’t mind though. It took minutes to complete each one.

Apparently, I’m also the only one that kept notes about the day to day usage vs who was whining about what. So now everyone wants MY notes to brush up on. lol And to be clear here, I’m not bitching, I’m just being a dork. I like this sort of stuff so I’m content.

Apparently, I can keep a lot in my head off of one or two line item notes. Each line turned into 2 & 3 paragraphs of text when I started cleaning up my notes and condensing them into cohesive thoughts. What started as maybe 20 lines of notes ended up spread out over 24 paragraphs of documentation. Everyone keeps saying, ‘oh my god, how did you keep up with all that while it was going on?‘  Uh, um…well I listened for one. Two, since I already know the code, tech, and the purpose as a user I can pretty much tell you everything that needs to be accomplished and how to do it. Me thinks maybe I should be the project manager…

Apparently, the powers that be above me decided it was too much to ask us to clone and edit command codes from the old system to the new one. This was one of the parts I was eagerly looking forward to. I’m bummed they actually convinced the developer to do it for free.

Apparently, it’s Friday and I’m ready to get the hell out of here!

Have a good weekend all.


Continuing in the reflection from my last rant, I’m pondering if my independence is sometimes a hindrance to my dating life. I’ve had several folks comment off-hand recently about my independence. One night after dinner and conversation with a friend about breakups, he commented that I was very self-contained. This got the old noodle working and it stuck with me.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not worried that I’m not involved enough or giving enough w/potential bf’s or on dates. Not even  remotely.  No, I wonder if my ‘containment’ as it were could be the reason some guys feel intimidated or are afraid to approach me. I still can’t wrap my head around anyone thinking I could be intimidating. But more than a few people over the years have mentioned it to me. I still get surprised when anyone tells me they always wanted to say hi but were afraid to. So whether I intend it or not, there is obviously something to it. Even if it is a projection from the other person, something has to be triggering it. So now I’m wondering if my independence is part of that.

My friend, for the most part, was right. I am very self-contained. Growing up the way I did, I learned very early to take care of myself. Having few inhibitions, I also have no problems doing things solo. Pretty much anything I want to do, I can do alone if it strikes my fancy. I just don’t see a reason to avoid doing something I want to do because there is no one available at the time to do it with me.

Then you mix in that I’m not overly out in the community here, I wonder if the two combined give an appearance of aloofness. Let me back up a bit. I was very involved with the gay community when I first moved here. This gave me exposure to many of the long term gay residents here in SF.  I know many of them in varying degrees. Add in the gym, my motorcycle group, and yes even my shenanigans over the last 12 years and it becomes impossible not to get to know or know of a lot of the locals. Then there is also my odd work schedule. Because I usually work swing shift, I can’t always do many of the events or social gatherings that a lot of the locals attend. Fast forward to the present, I’m beginning to get the sense that I’m known by many but rarely seen. I wonder if this contributes to this sort of faux picture of me being aloof or unapproachable?

Actually, the more I think on it, the more I believe all of this together plays a big part of it. I’m dumbfounded that I could have missed it for so long. Obviously, they don’t read my blog! lol If they did, they’d see how completely open and approachable I am. All joking aside though, I’m still pondering this. I may need to beat it here some more in the future…


I accidentally deleted a whole slew of registered users today by mistake! If you notice your user account is gone, just recreate it. Apologies.

To allow social log-ins to work, I have to allow the anyone can register in the settings. Of course, the bad guys try to use this to create more spam for my blog. I get on average about 30-50 fake accounts every week. I usually let them build up and then mass delete them. Today I wasn’t paying attention and deleted a page of users from the wrong user group. Oops!

None of the private user accounts were affected so those of you in that group should be fine. Speaking of, I get a lot of questions about the private parts of my blog. Yes, I have a private section. Yes, it deals mostly with adult content. I’ll also be adding soon some of the fictional short stories I’ve written. I keep them private to avoid poaching.

My blog is and will remain public but there are restricted parts and even parts that are solely for me. There are certain things the general public, including my co-workers, just don’t need to know about me. [1]I’m sure they’d tell you I’m probably already too open with them at work. lol  No, it is not about porn. While I do sometimes post slightly NSFW pics, I rarely post anything graphic, sorry. Yes, that is why I usually post a quick blurb about “are you logged in?”  No, I don’t charge for access.

That said, I do require something specific. You must take it upon yourself to email me personally and introduce yourself. [2]Click the email icon lower right of page  A face pic is always welcome and gets higher consideration but not required. I like having a feel for my readers and your introduction gets filed with your user account. I don’t require anything overly specific but the more open and honest you are the more likely I am to grant access. Yes, I realize it’s the honor system and you could be disingenuous, but that has never been the point. I do run your attached IP thru a couple filters to verify it is not spoofed or on black-lists. Once I approve you, I’ll notify you directly. From then on, as long as you are logged in, you can see private posts.

I usually approve users en-masse, regardless of access. This means you may not get a response from me right away. I simply do not have the time to do each request individually as they come in. I ask that you please be patient. Back to my original topic, all the deletions today were public subscribers. Again, apologies for the hassle. If you were one of the unlucky few and want to receive email updates, you’ll have to go thru the short but tedious process of re-registering.


1 I’m sure they’d tell you I’m probably already too open with them at work. lol
2 Click the email icon lower right of page


I am soooo tired of the shrilling over the guns in this country. Seriously, even some of my own friends have fallen off the deep end w/some of their comments about gun rights. And the cognitive dissonance to trump up reasons to avoid enacting stronger controls is just dazzling to behold. As a preface, I grew up on a farm with plenty of guns. We had a variety of rifles, shotguns, and occasionally even a few handguns. I also work for a law-enforcement agency. I am as pro-gun as can be. That being said, I am also pro-responsibility.

You do not need a high-powered weapon that pumps out bullets in microseconds. You cannot come up with a single valid reason, other than selfishness [1]or naked male insecurity to validate a need for such things. There may have been a time when we as a society could live w/o such restrictions but that time is long past. And for that matter, the 2nd amendment does not give you unrestricted rights to any type of firearm. It refers to a well regulated militia, keyword regulated. The government can and has regulated the types of weapons that are legal/carry in this country for decades.

POTUS is not “after your guns.” This is probably the most ridiculous thing I’ve heard so far. The conspiracy theories I’ve heard are beyond crazy. For the record, this POTUS has done less than any recent sitting prez in memory regarding gun regulations. The fact that he has been pushed into coming up with some sensible gun regulations after repeated tragedies does not make him ‘after your guns.‘ Many of the proposals put forward were already in a previous assault-weapons ban that expired recently. The world kept turning and people still had guns while the ban was in place. The rest helps close loop-holes so felons, mentally-ill, etc cannot get access to weapons they shouldn’t have. Getting a background check for all weapons sales is not unrealistic in any fashion. You’d think this would be a no-brainer.

Then we hear the argument, if we take the guns away, the killers will still kill. Really? So should we also do away with laws that prevent murder? People are still getting murdered so why have a law right? Again, this argument would be more relevant if we were talking about banning all guns. We aren’t. You can listen to all the rhetoric and lies being pumped out by the NRA and the crazies, or you can look at cold hard facts. Restricting access to types of weapons in no way infers the government is after all weapons. You’ll still be able to legally buy a gun to protect yourself. You just won’t have access to weapons that pump out rounds and rounds of bullets every minute.

Lastly, the only possibly relevant reason you could argue for keeping assault weapons would be to protect yourself from a tyrannical government. Sounds simple on it’s face. But let’s look at that for a moment. When the 2nd amendment was written the government was on equal footing with its citizenship when it came to weapons. Beyond cannons, the government had pretty much the same weapons as everyone else. It took minutes to load said weapons and the range was quite limited. That couldn’t be further from the truth today. The reality is your ‘gubbmint’ has enough automated firepower to wipe out entire cities w/o a single soldier setting foot on the ground. If the government really wanted to come after its citizens, it could. We haven’t lived in an age of equal footing regarding armed rebellion pretty much since the civil war. Those days are behind us. And to think otherwise, is more than foolish. So this idea that you need assault weapons to protect you from the government is flawed logic at its finest.

If you add all the civilized countries on the entire planet together, we still out-number them in gun deaths almost 10-1. You can lie to yourself and others about your reasons, but common sense will prevail in the end. It may not prevail right away or even during this administration, but it will eventually. The question is how many more people (and children) have to die needlessly before we wake up as a country and act responsibly?


1 or naked male insecurity


DINO is an acronym for Dogs In Need Of Space. I was reading an article a while back from a well-known dog-walker, who is also a blogger, weighing in on the subject. The article went a little viral and was reported on by the local Examiner. I guess I was on the fence because some of the rants I could agree with, others I couldn’t.

The first point I agreed with. Regardless of how cute, cuddly, or adorable an animal looks you should never just assume it is docile and approach it as such. Even if you own a dog(s), you should still check with a strange dog’s owner first. If you don’t check, don’t get your knickers in a twist when the dog snaps at you, or worse, bites your dumb ass for trying to pet it. Dogs can react, sometimes violently, when they feel threatened. Case and point, Spike was a very docile lovable animal. I never saw him snap at anyone until a nasty smelling homeless guy tried to pet him unannounced once day. Spike reared around, bared his teeth, and snapped at him. He clearly wasn’t trying to bite as much as send a message. I was surprised as the guy was. I then snapped at the guy and told him to stay his stinking ass away from my dog and he should never try to pet a strange dog. He reeked from like 4 feet away. I had to scold Spike as well because he couldn’t be allowed to do that but inside I was tickled pink. lol The point is that even the most docile breeds have their bad days or bad dogs, not to mention you have no idea how well (or not) the animal has been treated/trained.

From my own experiences, the worst DINO’s are often the ones where the owner encourages its bad behavior because he/she thinks it’s cute. Dogs can have varied temperments based on their breed as well as upbringing. With a wealth of info at your fingertips via a quick Google search, it is silly not to spend a modicum of time learning about your dog. The biggest mistake I see is when owners project their own thinking onto their dog. Dogs think like dogs not humans. No matter how cute they are, a dog will often try to establish dominance and/or protect what they perceive as their space and/or owner. While the owner might think this is admirable, he/she is setting the dog up for a lifetime of confrontation and problems. The dog should be taught it is not the pack leader and must abide by the rules. The more this is reinforced the happier it and you will be.

As a responsible dog owner, you have to also know the limits of your dog. If your dog is not friendly to humans or other dogs, do not put the dog in situations where it is forced to react. While this is not always avoidable, it can be anticipated and handled w/o a lot of fuss. And here is where I diverge from the article author’s point of view. The author implied everyone should know not all dogs are friendly. I disagree. As mentioned above, you should use a little common sense when approaching a strange animal, but not everyone has experience w/pets. Some people grow up w/o ever having had any pets. Always assumming others know to ask first is not a realistic expectation, especially if your dog is a DINO. Right or wrong etiquette wise, under the law if your dog attacks someone, you are liable under both civil and criminal statutes. And for [insert deity of choice here] sake, don’t tie it up and leave it alone in public spaces if it is the least bit aggressive. As its owner, you can be charged with a crime if the dog does damage to public property or worse, bites someone. Even if the bite doesn’t break the skin, the dog could be removed from your care, permanently in a worst case scenario. (And yes, in my line of work I’ve seen it happen.)

Another example of stupidity is when owners drag their dogs everywhere, including indoor spaces, and proceed to get their knickers in a twist when people naturally want to pet their dog. As an example, a guy used to bring his puppy into Bearbucks [1]Starbucks in the gaborhood every day. The puppy was cute/cuddly and very friendly. The owner would get annoyed at everyone who tried to pet his dog. He even had the nerve to bring a note one day and post it next to the dog while it was sitting out looking for attention. Even worse, he would complain to the employees about it! They finally got tired of his perpetual whining and asked him not to bring the dog back inside. The moral: If you put your dog in a situation where he is surrounded by people, you are an idiot for thinking no one will want to pet him.

When people act out like this they also abuse a business’s trust in them to manage their dog indoors. This makes it hard for all pet owners. A little common sense goes along way. On a side rant, if a business asks you not to bring your dog in, be respectful and don’t bring it in. Your thoughts on the matter are irrelevant as it is not your business. They have every right to not allow pets. Just like you have the option to not do business there. Throwing a fit and being a bully just makes you look like an ass.

As for Cooper, he is a very friendly dog, even too friendly. He will go up to virtually anyone for attention. Being a puppy and still learning rules, he can get very rambunctious. [2]Oddly, he still gets super hyper when company is over vs being much tamer outdoors. That being said, even in his short time with me he is learning what is acceptable and not. I want him to grow up to be a friendly, happy, and well-behaved doggie. When encountering other dogs Cooper immediately wants to play and will make a bee-line for the other dog. I ask other dog owners before he gets too close to see how they feel. If their dog is friendly, we let them interact. If not, we do not. It’s as simple as that. So far, Cooper hasn’t shown much of an aggressive side. Well, let me rephrase that. He doesn’t try to start trouble with other dogs and most often even when another dog becomes aggressive, he just looks on. He certainly seems able to defend himself but I wouldn’t call that aggressive.

As for other people, while I don’t mind people petting Cooper, I try to encourage folks to ask first. I certainly don’t get pissy about it if they don’t, especially if he is inside a public place with me. I find a polite encouragement goes along way though. I guess the moral here is both sides should exercise a little common sense but neither should assume the other knows the rules. Ironic how that could apply to a variety of other scenarios. lol


1 Starbucks
2 Oddly, he still gets super hyper when company is over vs being much tamer outdoors.