Category: discrimination

Hate Springs Eternal

I’m fond of saying “hope springs eternal”. It is something I picked up as a kid and it stuck with me. Well, I’m sad to say it seems the same is true of hate. I got my first hate mail in ages today. I think primarily as I’ve been bouncing around news blogs more than usual leaving comments on current events.

Today’s douchebag in ass-hattery was smart enough to use a hotmail account. An account I have since reported to MS as the content violates their fair-use clause. I have no idea what MS will do but whateva.

Said pathetic soul started out with the usual vitriol, you’ll burn in hell, filthy disgusting queer, blah blah blah. To his credit, the punctuation and spelling were pretty good. [1]Of course, anyone w/spell and grammar check can do that with a minimal of effort.  Most of the hate mails of past were always riddled with typos, poor punctuation/spelling, etc. Not to say that haters are stupid, maybe they are just lazy?

Anyway, I enjoy getting hate mail as it signals that I hit a nerve somewhere. To date, I’ve yet to encounter anyone who can back up their hatred with cold hard facts. Oh yeah, the fall back on religion, biology, and tradition. But those are so pathetically frail as to be laughable. Anyone with half a brain can overturn the reasoning on all three counts with just minimal education. So called “christians” really get pissy when you quote their own book at them refudiating [2]I couldn’t help poking phone at Sarah Palin’s stupidity. their nonsense.

I find the best way to approach said nut-jobs is to reply to them in calm, matter-of-fact tones, no matter how excited they get. This drives them absolutely fucking nuts! Being unable to rile you sends them into frenzies of anger. heehee It really is quite fun and I highly recommend it.

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↑1 Of course, anyone w/spell and grammar check can do that with a minimal of effort.
↑2 I couldn’t help poking phone at Sarah Palin’s stupidity.

Better

The growing number of gay teen suicides lately has been deeply disturbing. Those who hate us, emboldened by the vocal nutjobs in the media, find license to continue their hate and even worse, do real harm. They see the freaks on tv and think it’s ok. It is not ok and every single one of us has an obligation to speak out and say so.

While I was fortunate enough to not be bullied that often in school, I did experience it. It wasn’t so much because I was obviously gay but because I was different. Up until I left home, my parents made me wear my hair like Elvis (for lack of a better description). I guess at this point said hairstyle was considered out of style and I got lots of teasing over it. Of course, being poor didn’t help. I was also rather skinny and almost frail at this point in my life. My first real experience was in junior high. My last day of 7th grade a rather obnoxious bully named Corrie snuck up behind me and sucker-punched in the face with his fist. He’d often called me all kinds of names including the F-word. I doubt he really thought I was gay, he just saw me as weak and easy-prey. I folded like a sack of potatoes as it was out of the blue and I didn’t even see him. Everyone around me was equally shocked, even kids who weren’t really keen on me were upset. He thought he got away with it clean but first day of the next school year, they expelled him for a month. At my 10-year re-union I had hoped to encounter him. One, I had beefed up and also had experience and a new-found confidence. I actually went half-expecting to get into a fight with him. Win or lose, he was going to know it was not ok to ever bully me again. He didn’t show. I found out later on he’d been in/out of jail for random crap. One only knows where he is now or if he is even still alive. There were a few other times in my life but for the most part I was lucky in that regard.

My own brush with suicide was based on years of mental-abuse from family and a final kick in the head by the loss of my first love. There was no one there to help me, no one to turn to, and certainly no one to tell me things would improve. While I wasn’t bullied that much, the pain was very real. Call it grace, God, or just dumb luck, I decided against a very permanent solution and moved on with my life. I’ve never forgotten how it made me feel though. The sense of despair and helplessness was awful and it robbed the mind of reason. When you get like that, you begin to look for an escape any way you can. Sadly, suicide often seems like the only way out. I’m living proof that it’s not. It does get better. And while that doesn’t mean life is gonna be all roses and pretty flowers, you do move past it. You discover the world is more than just that confined moment of agony.

I had a kid named Brad reach out to me on my blog some years ago after I had shared my story here. He told me that my post had changed his mind about killing himself and gave him courage to continue on his life. I’ve never heard from him since but it gave me so much joy to know telling my story helped someone else.

I’m happy the say the local police department here did an It Get’s Better video recently. Several of my friends were in it and I couldn’t be prouder. It may seem trivial or even expected coming from a progressive city like SF but I don’t think so. When a law-enforcement agency sends a message of acceptance to our LGBT youth, it is sends a powerful message of hope.

[youtube_sc url=”http://youtu.be/6RMunYfzlGs” autohide=”1″]

 

The point of my ramble today is this. Good or bad, share your story with friends, family, coworkers, and even random strangers if the opportunity arises. It may not be horrific at all but that doesn’t mean your insight can’t help someone else. You never know when someone might be listening or reading. Don’t hide behind indifference. To do so discredits all those who have come before us and will come after us.

Tran?

Would someone mind telling me when the word tranny became offensive? I’m not being sarcastic here, I’m honestly confused. Most of my life-long exposure to the word has been inside the community and in a simple descriptive slang. I’ve asked the few I know [1]including a FTM coworker and not a single one had a problem with the word in general. They also seemed a bit perplexed as to why it is suddenly only meant in the derogatory sense. If they don’t have a problem with it, why then do the groups that claim to represent us have such an issue with it?

I bring it up today as there’s been quite a bruhaha in social media outlets as of late, specifically gay media outlets. And the outrage and moral hand-ringing seems to be over people from within the LGBT community using the word in a clearly positive sense. I’d be a little more understanding if it was coming from some yahoo w/no brain spouting off out of ignorance. But from within our community? I’m confused.

First of, everyone deserves respect, including the T part of the LGBT umbrella. I’m currently just questioning the methodology. And the idea that I might question it does not mean I am not for transgendered rights. But, before I jump on the “Oh no you dinn’t just say that?” bandwagon, I need more than just a group jumping all over anyone who dares to use the word in any context. If the word has become so bad, why are we just hearing about it now and why aren’t these same agencies educating us in the LGBT community? Jumping all over anyone who uses the word, even when well-meaning, is certainly not the answer.

Words have power, no dispute there, but one should also look at the intent behind the word as much as the word itself. While not diminishing the very real pain a person can feel when spoken to in a degrading way, not every use of a word is derogatory. Frankly, over-reacting to every use of the word also diminishes your effort and gives you the appearance of whining. Our brethern in the black community have co-opted a slang version of the N-word and made it their own. While it can and does still have negative meanings, they are actively taking back the power of its use.

I wonder if our own over use of the word within the LGBT community has spawned its use on a much larger scale. As LGBT folks become more accepted and mainstream, it seems a natural progression that our slang would be picked up by straights. How they use it could be based on intent and/or ignorance. If that is the case and the word is becoming deragatory I could understand all the fuss. I’d also fully support efforts to stop using it. I would never support treating a transgendered person any different than I’d treat anyone else.

I also can’t hep but wonder if it is because we in the LGBT community use it as slang that in its self makes it unacceptable. Sorry, but that would be way beyond political correctness and would push me away from supporting anyone who tried to sell it. I also think it would be extremely counter-productive to the fight for transgendered equality. While being transgendered is fundamentally different than being gay/straight, the right to and the fight for acceptance is the same. Trying to distinguish a separation between us is futile to the outside world. Our focus should be on the acceptance of everyone, regardless of their race, creed, gender, orientation, etc. Otherwise, what’s the point of including the T in the LGBT acronym?

On a tangent of the above, is this a preemptive attempt to prevent the word from becoming derogatory? My understanding of the word tranny is that it has more to do with gender-benders and drag queens than being transgendered. It is very plausible the outside world would miss that very important distinction. Is this the transgendered communities attempt to either distance themselves from the word or prevent it from taking hold as descriptive slang for transgendered folk? I can see the reasoning there but I still think it would be a futile and needless battle. While the LGBT community might pick up on it, the outside world would fail to see the distinction. To me, this also smacks of the all or nothing mentality. History has shown this approach rarely, if ever, succeeds.

IMHO, a united approach is and will always be the best approach for all of us in the fight for equality. I don’t know how many of my readers, if any, are transgendered, but I welcome everyone’s feedback/comments on this issue. I’m not claiming to be right here, just confused.

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↑1 including a FTM coworker

Dirty

I got called a dirty sodomite on Facebook today. I somehow got attached to a fan page for SF Pride and one of the folks that replied to a mass email was spewing hatred and nonsense. Said person didn’t like my reply pointing out his sins via his own bible verses and went on a rampage about evil homo-fascists, Obama, Jews, and I forget the rest.

Its fun beating the idjits at their own game. They are soooo quick to spew a few well rehearsed verses about gays but when you throw it back in their face with some verses of your own, they lose it. Seriously, this person was beside themselves that a filthy homo could dare question his/her holier-than-thou righteous protected speech. Forget that no one asked for your two cents, [1]or that said person couldn’t spell even simple words properly if all you do is hide behind your ignorance then don’t expect any mercy from me. For every verse you give me about those devious homos, I can give you 10 more about the sinning hetero’s. 🙂

I’ve lost all tolerance for these wackos. If you come at me with bile and drivel, I’ll give it right back to you.

/ rant

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↑1 or that said person couldn’t spell even simple words properly

Scurr’ed

It’s no secret I rarely rant about politics. Of course, there are times where I feel compelled to speak up. The current political climate would be hysterical if it wasn’t so incredibly scary.

The attack on Prez Obama continues simply because is he is black. I doubt anyone can now deny that racism is alive and well in this country today. Oh it has learned to cover its head w/pretty catch phrases but a skunk is still a skunk. And while I’ll be the first to admit Prez Obama has let me down, he has also shown a remarkable willingness to promote many gay Americans to positions of authority and power. And for all the folks out there threatening NOT to vote for him next year or not vote at all, I’ll remind you that the choices on the GOP are far far worse than any let-downs President Obama may have inflicted on us. Tread carefully in your self-righteous anger. We need to continue to support Obama while continuing to demand he take more action to help us toward true equality. If not, we have no one to blame but ourselves for letting those who would see us 2nd-class citizens (or worse, dead) win the battle.
I must admit I am somewhat surprised by the views of several of the “christian” organizations out there, NOM (NO on Marriage) and the dual freaks Eugene Delgaudio & Bryan Fischer to just name a few. These folks hide behind their religious dogma and preach hatred and lies in the name of what is “right.” They talk about the moral majority with a fervor that is unparalleled. I think it’s because deep in their tiny cruel insecure hearts they know the majority is changing. People care less and less about being told what they should do and more about what they need to do to survive. More and more every day people are waking up to the simple truth that gays [1]and the LGBT umbrella that includes are just normal folks who just happen to have a same-sex attraction. To combat that eventual ideology change, these hate-mongers spew their vitriol and venom at every opportunity to continually scare their listeners into fearing the gays.
I have no problem with someone who honestly disagrees with me or my life. I disagree with many folks myself. And while I think the above mentioned folks are horribly misguided, I could at least respect them if they held to the “values” they claim to espouse. But these folks have no convictions, morals, or values. They are simply afraid of the unknown and they will stop at nothing to keep that fear alive. Their flimsy morals are discarded as they push for their way of life to be the only way of life.
I’ve always said I think the biggest way to change people’s perceptions of us is to live openly/honestly. The more of us that live our lives in the open w/no shame, the more ordinary folks will realize we are different but only in very subtle ways…ways that in the grand scheme of things matter very little.

 

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↑1 and the LGBT umbrella that includes

Hate Springs Eternal

I’m fond of saying “hope springs eternal”. It is something I picked up as a kid and it stuck with me. Well, I’m sad to say it seems the same is true of hate. I got my first hate mail in ages today. I think primarily as I’ve been bouncing around news blogs more than usual leaving comments on current events.

Today’s douchebag in ass-hattery was smart enough to use a hotmail account. An account I have since reported to MS as the content violates their fair-use clause. I have no idea what MS will do but whateva.

Said pathetic soul started out with the usual vitriol, you’ll burn in hell, filthy disgusting queer, blah blah blah. To his credit, the punctuation and spelling were pretty good. [1]Of course, anyone w/spell and grammar check can do that with a minimal of effort.  Most of the hate mails of past were always riddled with typos, poor punctuation/spelling, etc. Not to say that haters are stupid, maybe they are just lazy?

Anyway, I enjoy getting hate mail as it signals that I hit a nerve somewhere. To date, I’ve yet to encounter anyone who can back up their hatred with cold hard facts. Oh yeah, the fall back on religion, biology, and tradition. But those are so pathetically frail as to be laughable. Anyone with half a brain can overturn the reasoning on all three counts with just minimal education. So called “christians” really get pissy when you quote their own book at them refudiating [2]I couldn’t help poking phone at Sara Palin’s stupidity. their nonsense.

I find the best way to approach said nut-jobs is to reply to them in calm, matter-of-fact tones, no matter how excited they get. This drives them absolutely fucking nuts! Being unable to rile you sends them into frenzies of anger. heehee It really is quite fun and I highly recommend it.

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↑1 Of course, anyone w/spell and grammar check can do that with a minimal of effort.
↑2 I couldn’t help poking phone at Sara Palin’s stupidity.

Sissy Boy

As usual, my buddy Brettcajun stirred up a hornet’s nest with his recent post.  He got quite a bit of fall out over it and attempted to cover with another post, which fell equally as flat. In a nut shell, Brett was ranting about how Kurt Hummell’s character [1]from the TV show Glee is a nelly limp-wristed sissy who deserved what he got because he couldn’t man-up and be a real man. The irony of the person doing the complaining was not lost on anyone mind you. *g*

Sadly, his feelings; however shameful and wrong they were, are not all that uncommon. For my .02, I think the problem is not only ignorance but our growling failure to understand the difference between being attracted to someone vs accepting of them. [2]Forgetting for a moment, our battle for equality started due in large part to these stereotypes.  Many of us fall prey to the foolish idea that to be accepted we have to conform and/or fit in. As if such behavior would make those who hate us hate us any less. That ideology has never worked so why it continues to flourish is anyone’s guess.

While ignorance can be forgiven, it can only be forgiven to a point. You cross the line when you go from disliking someone because they fit a stereotype you detest to actively condoning violence against them. Knowing Brett, I doubt he meant to encourage real harm but that doesn’t change the facts. He openly condoned violence against one of our own simply because said person was effeminate. This type of thinking simply cannot go unchallenged and uncorrected. TV character or not, we are seeing this same scenario play itself out all too often in real life in schools all over the nation. Even worse, some of the victims have turned to suicide to avoid being bullied. All because they are different. To his credit, Brett took his lumps. Quite a few of his commenters raked him over the coals and rightfully so.

A few commenters spoke up in support of Brett. Many of their arguments are the same reasons those who hate us continue to do so. Of course, you have to be able to see beyond your own short-sightedness and insecurities to see such an irony. Condoning violence against others because you hate qualities they represent [3]qualities we often hate in ourselves does not make you a man. If anything, it makes you a coward. And I will tell anyone, friend or foe, the same to their face.

Then there is the attraction issue. More and more, as a culture we are beginning to see attraction and acceptance as the same thing. In a desperate effort to fit-in and feel like we belong, we have begun to marginalize ourselves into sub-cultures based not only on attraction but acceptance. Whether it be twinkies, daddies, leather, drag, gym-bunnies, bears, etc, we lock ourselves into labels meant to free us. We then turn on those who don’t represent our now rigid view of how others should be based on our attraction. IMHO, this is a dangerous path that makes us no better than those who seek to deny us equality. While it can be expected, to a degree, in a culture as sexually obsessed as we are, it does not excuse said behavior.  Just because I happen to fit into one or more sub-cultures doesn’t mean I can now pass judgment on those who do not.

I may not be physically attracted to someone who is overly flamboyant or naturally effeminate but I will defend their right to be with my last breath. I will say this though. I’d sooner stand by their side than anyone who would seek to tear them down out of misplaced angst, fear, or ignorance.

References

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↑1 from the TV show Glee
↑2 Forgetting for a moment, our battle for equality started due in large part to these stereotypes.
↑3 qualities we often hate in ourselves

It Gets Better

So I decided to post a video for the It Get’s Better project on youtube.  It didn’t turn out as well as I had hoped but I got thru it w/o blubbering too much.

Sadly, ever since my last software update, my camera doesn’t work so well. It came out very distorted and grainy. Oh well, I guess the point is to get the word out…

 

Surprise

Everyone seems ‘surprised’ by the recent events revolving around the teenage girl Constance, who was duped into going to a fake prom while everyone else went to a different one. Or that Derrick was kicked out by his parents for wanting something so simple and easy as taking his boyfriend to the prom. Really? You are surprised? What world have you been living in? Have we insulated ourselves behind our little bubbles (neighborhoods) that we have forgotten the harsh realities?

Just because I now live in the (make believe) mecca, I haven’t forgotten where I came from and what I went thru growing up. I have all the respect in the world for Constance and Derrick. They took the high road knowing it would create hardship. Granted they probably never realized how big it would become but still. They chose to stand-up and demand equality. They will go into adulthood with a sense of strength lacking in many of their classmates and be better for it.

The really surprising thing about this whole ordeal is that it took this long for it to come out (pun intended). How many of us over the years have gone thru the same or similar situation? I certainly knew I couldn’t bring my boyfriend to the prom way back when. [1]I didn’t go. I figured if I couldn’t bring who I really wanted, the hell with it.  Hell, they might have actually stoned me had I tried. These horrible ideals aren’t new or even surprising. As we become more visible in society more of our struggles will see the light of day. And while I can’t fault those who take the safe route in their lives, I can acknowledge and support those who do.

As the need for news and information has gone global, courtesy of the internet, people everywhere begin to see the harsh reality of what its sometimes like to grow up gay in America. We need to continue to focus on stories like this. We need to shine the light of day on those who would hide behind fear, ignorance, and religion to justify treating human beings less than human. The great thing about the ‘sensationalist’ approach a lot of media outlets have taken too these days is more of the crazies come forward and are exposed for exactly what they are.

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↑1 I didn’t go. I figured if I couldn’t bring who I really wanted, the hell with it.

Accept

I got a few very interesting emails from folks who disagreed with my last post. The overall theme was the same as my friend I referred to on FB. I must admit I just don’t understand. When has separate but equal ever worked? How are we ever going to get equal rights under the law when we can’t even demand equality from the ones who claim to love us most? Allowing them to hide behind their ‘religion’ is bullshit just like it was for slavery. And please explain to me how allowing your family to pick an choose the parts of your life they ‘approve’ of is not a form of control. As long as we allow our families to segregate us in their lives, they will continue to think separate but equal under the law is acceptable. I’m not saying you shouldn’t love your family, but you should have enough self-respect and integrity to make sure they treat you as an equal or not at all.

I learned the hard way, separate but equal doesn’t work. And for the record, after everything my father did to me as a kid, I still loved him. I didn’t exclude him, he chose to exclude me because I didn’t fit the norm. [1]Granted my step-mother goaded him for almost 2-days before he finally lost it but still  He made the conscious choice to push me away. And by conscious, I mean being kicked out of the house at the ripe old age of 14 with a broken jaw and 2 broken ribs.

Ten years later, we tried to make amends but he still couldn’t accept me. He made it very clear he didn’t want me “flaunting my lifestyle” in his face. Meanwhile, I had survived being on my own at such an early age, not to mention almost taking my own life and being homeless. Even after all of that, deep down I still wanted his love. But after surviving some of the darkest moments of my life, I couldn’t just go back to his love knowing it was built on the condition I act or behave a certain way. So, I moved on with my life without him. I would call or visit only once or twice a year. And even then it was primarily to see my little brother.  Yeah, it hurt but I was stronger for it. I had finally accepted myself for who and what I was.

Ten more years later, on his deathbed, my father was finally able to admit his regret. I already knew as I had seen the pain in his face over the years. but, it was heartening (and very empowering) to finally hear him admit it out loud. It was also a little bit sad that it had taken him 20 years to finally realize his mistake(s).

So no, I don’t think allowing our families to love us with conditions is acceptable. Granted, my story is a bit extreme. My father never gave me a chance to try and educate him. That said, the point is the same. We have nothing to be ashamed of. We have no reason to bow to irrational demands/restrictions by our families of half-acceptance. Demands born out of fear, ignorance, or lies. And until more of us realize that, I honestly don’t think we’ll have equality under the law.

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↑1 Granted my step-mother goaded him for almost 2-days before he finally lost it but still