Category: me

Move

So Apple guy moved out this past weekend. He moved into a temporary place until he decides if he is moving back to Texas. We’ve been separated for awhile but have still been living together as he was having a hard time finding a stable job.

Anyway, I think the move is good for both of us. For myself, I’ll miss him but I need a break for a variety of reasons, the biggest being finances. His financial struggles often left me picking up the slack. I won’t lie, it’s been rough & I’m broke. lol I have a new roommate setup and he has had a stable job for awhile now so hopefully I can slowly recover. *crossed fingers & toes*

It’s odd being both sad and happy someone is gone. I will miss him and I obviously still care about his well-being. There is sense of comfort from being around someone you know well that is gone now. And while he certainly drives me nuts at times, the apt feels empty now. Even though we haven’t been together for awhile, I still want the best for him. On the flip side, the financial strain has gotten to me and I started to resent him for it. Now that he is out I feel like a weight has been lifted off my chest.

Anyway, he reminds me a lot of myself before I moved to SF. I was pretty much in the same boat. I was supporting myself but just barely and I didn’t have any real direction. Moving to SF was a big gamble for me. Luckily, it paid off. I hope the same for Apple guy. I hope he finds a spot to call home and gains the independence he needs. The boy is very smart so no matter where he goes I know he’ll land on his feet. He is currently leaning heavily towards moving back to Texas. His support base is there and he just seems to really miss it.

I’d like to think I learned a lot from our failed LTR. There were some heavy realizations that hit after our breakup. [1]More on these later. So ends another chapter in my life. I’m moving forward, wounds and all, with a positive outlook. I know I’ll recover. It isn’t a matter of if but when.

References

References
↑1 More on these later.

Casa

Jimbo was doing updates recently on the many places he has lived all over DC. It got me to thinking about all the places I’ve lived in SF. It was certainly a bit of a roller-coaster ride the first few years. I finally settled at my current place but not before some interesting bounces.

Upon moving here I stayed with a friend in the SOMA [1]south of Market area for the first couple months. He had a small 1 bedroom live/work space. I got a birds-eye view of what some of the seedier areas of the city were like back then. Anyway, after the first month we kinda got on each others nerves a bit being in such a tiny space. He stuck by me though. I tend to land on my feet so it wasn’t long before I’d found a new place.

I found my 2nd place based on a referral from a friend of a friend sort of thing. It was in the Duboce Park area which is close to the Castro. It is a very pretty and enjoyable neighborhood. It was half a block from the park, and much like my current place, walking distance to virtually everything. Sadly, my housemate was a bit cray-cray. Seriously, unknown to just about everyone he had started succumbing to AIDS-related dementia and would forget whole conversations. He would often go on and on about drama with previous roommates and how hard it was for him to get them out. I’d made it clear if things didn’t work out he wouldn’t have to fight with me to go, I’d just go. He would of course forget all of that and start over the next month. While the place itself was nice and convenient, I couldn’t handle the weekly episodes. Not to mention, the rent seemed to be a different price every month. Ironically, he insisted on paying me to move out. lol It worked in my favor as money was tight and his contribution covered my deposit for the new place.

Making a jump, I landed out in the Sunset which is as close to suburbia as SF can possibly get. I was close to the beach but that side of the city tends to stay foggy a lot. With the fog came the chill too. At that time I still had my scooter and driving over Twin Peaks at night was a chilling experience. I lived in the garage apt of a house being rented out by a very nice straight couple. The rent was good and the roommates were great. I just hated living so far out and the chill was miserable. After about 8 months I opted to move inwards again.

Making another jump, I landed just on the edge of the Tenderloin very close to work. I lived in a high-rise building. It was ok for the price. The amenities were nice, especially the jacuzzi! I still miss having that hot steaming jacuzzi to come home to at night. lol I could also walk to/from work as well. Not being rent-controlled, eventually the price got to be a bit much.

It’s at this point I had a very short stay in a coworkers vacant house. He practically begged me to move in. Unfortunately, the day I moved, he decided to change all the rules and ask for a ton more money than we had agreed. While I could have fought it and stayed, I bounced back to the high-rise building for awhile, albeit a different apt.

I then found my current place thru a blog buddy. While not perfect, it’s pretty damn close. I’m close to the hood, walking distance to most everything I need and live on a quiet street. I’ve been in my current place for over 6 years now. If it were just a tad bigger, I would consider it perfect. I get along with all my neighbors. [2]even the russians with the screaming baby I’m still close to a big park and there is also a nice dog park for Cooper just a few blocks away as well.

Overall, I consider myself very lucky. Housing in SF can be a real pain. The rents and the demand are high so this creates a variety of problems. You could show up to an open house and easily find 20-30 other people vying for the same place. You can also find yourself in bidding wars if you are dead set on a certain place. I’ve been lucky enough to avoid all that. I found a great place, my rent isn’t bad considering the market rates. My landlord is a pretty good guy too. Short of someday buying my own place or leaving SF, I probably won’t move again. Once you find a good place you hold on to it!

References

References
↑1 south of Market area
↑2 even the russians with the screaming baby

Buz–ee!

Last week was buz-zee! Not to mention my schedule was whack!

I had to be in two days early at daylight-thirty for software meetings. Any upgrade this large requires a lot of input beforehand and considering the amount of money being spent, the vendor has been bending over backwards to make us happy. As a power user, I get to be involved. I like it but getting up hella early is for the birds!

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I made a much needed visit to my chiropractor. OY! It’s amazing how much better a little *snap, crackle, pop* can make you feel?! I’ve been seeing the same doc since I moved to SF. He is very personable and lets me drop by without an appointment whenever I’m in need.

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I got some requests for pics of me and Cooper together. I’m working on it but not always easy when I’m taking the one pics and the doggie hate sitting still. lol He knows the sound of the shutter so if I don’t get it the first time, he’ll usually jump up and run over for attention. hehehe

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It seems the last month or so has been rough on my gym schedule. I’ve still been going but getting in consistently has been rough. Anyway, as things calm down I’m looking forward to the daily routine again.

Change

I was looking back over my archives the other day and I was struck by how many bloggers have come and gone in the last 10 years. I miss reading their blog updates. It was a fun & new way to express yourself. And with sites like Blogger, WordPress, LiveJournal, Typepad, etc it was easy. For me, it was a natural transition from my attempts at keeping written journals to online. I figured I could kill two birds with one stone. One, I could teach myself to be more introspective and two, share my experiences with others.

I know many have succumbed to the pull of Facebook, twitter, etc. I can’t blame them but I find I use FB less and less every day. I’d abandon completely if I could. Every time a new funny saying or fake smart-ass gift card comes out, my stream is overwhelmed with it. No thanks. I still like twitter and Google+ but even they don’t really seem to hold my attentions much. Primarily, it becomes information overload. Important or significant details get lost in the minutia. I’ve been really slow to build circles on Google+ to avoid this. Granted, it keeps my stream pretty bare but thats ok.

Looking back, I got tickled at how often I blogged about absolutely nothing. I’d just sit down and ramble about nothing and make a whole post out it. lolol These days I tend to blog more when I have something to say. I still try to do daily journals to myself but I keep those private as not to overwhelm my subscriber base. I had tried just posting frivolous stuff via FB and Foursquare but I got bored with that too. Honestly, no one cares how many days I go to the gym, what I had for breakfast, what color my last bowel movement was, [1]TMI? lolol etc.

So I find myself coming back to my blog more and more these days instead. This way I can focus on what I really want to share. It may not always be overly important but that’s ok too. I figure if you really wanna know what I’m doing you’ll check here. I always seem happier when I’m blogging.

🙂

References

References
↑1 TMI? lolol

Dance

Having Trevan and Mikey here over Pride week really made me realize how much I miss going dancing. You may not know this but yours truly loves to shake his bon bon. lol

Back in my early 20’s, it was not unusual for me to be out every weekend, sometimes several times. Not being a heavy drinker, it was easy as I usually just had to pay cover and water.

After I moved to SF, I’m not sure why but I drifted away from the club scene all together. The blatant drug use was a huge irritation but not the only reason. I don’t know why really. These days if I go out, it’s over to 440 or Moby’s (no relation lol) for a drink with a friend & socializing. I only seem to go dancing on big weekends or for big events.

While Trev & Mikey were here we went dancing and I had so much fun just being on the dance floor dancing. While the clubs here don’t really compare to the behemoths of Texas, they do have a few decent dance bars in SF. I’ve really missed it and think I will make an effort to go out once and awhile and shake my booty on the dance floor.

Speaking of, GHHD #2 [1]Gay High Holy Day #2 aka Up Your Alley Fair is coming up. My buddy William does lighting at some of the clubs. He is gonna try to get me free tix so I don’t have to spend ridiculous amounts of money just to get in. I don’t mind spending money but I is a poe-hoe right now.

🙂

References

References
↑1 Gay High Holy Day #2 aka Up Your Alley Fair

Fixed

Ok, the permalinks are fixed. You can now load individual posts and make comments again.

It appears accessing le blog via different 3rd party apps on different OS’s is creating some issues.

*sigh*

Broken

It looks like all my permalinks are being redirected for some reason. I am investigating and hopefully should have it fixed soon.

See

I was re-watching a movie called Devil the other day and I was struck by one of the points in the story line. If you have’t seen it, almost the entire movie is shot from inside an elevator. It might sound a bit boring but its quite entertaining if you like the genre. Very suspenseful. Anyway, The devil brings this group of individuals together because he wants to claim one of their souls. The twist is that they are all bad individuals or have done bad things, whether intentional or not. As the story unfolds you discover they seem to be intertwined in relevant ways.

Anyway, my rant isn’t so much about the story line but part of the theory one of the lead characters proposed as a resolution. How do you make someone see themselves for who & what they really are? For you few enduring readers, you know this ties in nicely with one of my fundamental approaches to my blog; to see myself more objectively. [1]I certainly do a decent job of it at times but we all reflect on reality based on our own wants, desires, prejudices, etc. Thru many years of self-examination I like to think I have gotten better at seeing parts of myself more objectively. But how does one produce this on a larger scale? Think for a moment how many real world problems we could solve with this. And not just in our personal lives but in life in general.

In the movie the main character, being faced with imminent damnation, is finally given to see himself for who he is and what he has done. His redemption comes from the objective realization that he has committed a great wrong, whether intentional or not, and must atone for it if he homes to become a better person.

My question here is this the only way we can push people into seeing w/o the blinders? Is imminent destruction or death the only real way to remove the barriers we put before ourselves. I think back on my father before he passed. He waited till he was on his death bed to tell me he was sorry for the awful things he did to me during my coming out. Granted I think he’d realized his faults years before but he waited until the last possible moment to seek forgiveness. Maybe it sounds silly but the more I think on it the more I think this could/would fundamentally change our world.

Sadly, I don’t have a practical answer or solution to put forward. In my own life, it came from realizing a basic unhappiness in myself and struggling to understand it. This led to the pursuit of examining my id and all it’s many demons. I think this also reflects on why I try so hard to be fair-minded and equal in my thought patterns.

References

References
↑1 I certainly do a decent job of it at times but we all reflect on reality based on our own wants, desires, prejudices, etc.

Return

Well, it’s been a week of fun and mayhem with Trev and Mikey. Now it’s Monday and time to return to reality. lol It was great seeing both of them. We had a blast! The picture links to an album that includes a few shots I took over the course of our week together.

Pride was fun. The boys arrived the day before. I didn’t snap that many pics as I had forgotten to charge my phone battery the night before and was running low on juice. The boys opted for stadium seating but even then we could only sit still for a couple hours before moving on to the fair. Pride night we went to a Tea dance party at Ruby Skye. I’d never been inside and the place was gorgeous. The music was pretty good as well. [1]Dance music with actual words!  They opted for another later party but Mr Moby was tuckered out and headed home. I’m such a lightweight.

Having not ever been here together before, the boys wanted to do the typical tourist stuff (The things I do for friends. lol j/k). As much as I usually hate doing touristy stuff, I had fun. It was very bearable mostly because we did everything during the week when most folks are working. 

Alcatraz was our first stop during the week of post Pride festivities. I hadn’t been since right after I moved to SF and it was totally different. I guess over the years they’ve changed how the tours go. I thought I was gonna be bored but to my surprise, I wasn’t at all. The gardens were in full bloom and the weather was warm w/o being hot.

Next on our journey was Muir Woods (the big redwood trees). I never get tired of seeing the redwoods. Such massive trees and so few left. We snapped a few pics to show the sheer size of the enormous plants. We took a tour bus group up. The driver driveled on constantly with tedious details but we tuned him out. lol Naturally, we sat in the back of the bus! The weather was warm and sunny so it was a very nice trip. On the way back we stopped off in Sausalito. We took the opportunity to grab a quick bite to eat while the rest of the tour group was sight-seeing. We had fish & chips at a place on the strip. 

The next day was a slow unscripted trip to the Wharf on Pier 39. This place is tourist central and I usually avoid it like the plague. Again, being the middle of the week helped. We did the whole experience and took the cable car from the hood all the way down. I figured it we were gonna be tourists might as well go whole-hog. We saw the seals, checked the shops, had some delicious clam chowder, and just walked the area. We had considered taking the trolley car home but the line was easily an hour wait. No thanks.

Our last big day of planned festivities was a trip up to Napa to visit wine country and partake in some wine-tasting. Again the weather was great albeit a tiny bit on the hot side. Napa is gorgeous this time of year. Our tour included 4 vineyards with a tour and wine-tasting session at each. In a nutshell, the Robert Mondovi Vineyard was the best. The Andretti Vineyard [2]yes, the same as the race car driver was the worst. The staff  were rude, snobbish, and the wines were awful. I do not recommend it at all. The Ménage a Trios Vineyard gets a special mention for having the best wines.  Needless to say, we got a little tipsy. The pic above was taken at the Franciscan, our last stop on the tour before heading home.

We also went out a few nights during the week for cocktails. lol We got totally sloshed at 440 one night. The bartender knew me and kept giving us drinks and shots. Needless to say, we had fun. Of course, we had have some late night pizza slices to soak up all the booze. Lord, I’ll need to invest in some cardio for a couple weeks.

So it was a good vacation. It was good to see the boys and having them here really cheered me up. I didn’t realize how much I missed them. We all promised to not let it go so long next time before we see each other. On a side note, Cooper loved all the extra attention. Sadly, he started peeing on the carpet again. We had a couple come-to-jesus conversations and he is back on the path. Today, it’s back to gym and work. After all, one can only avoid reality for so long. lol

References

References
↑1 Dance music with actual words!
↑2 yes, the same as the race car driver

‘stro

I was walking home from the gym the other day and snapped this shot. I didn’t put any real thought behind it. It was just a quick pic of the gaborhood. It was a typical overcast day in SF.

Apple guy and I had had a conversation about his pending move back to Texas and I was reminded of my first time here. While he is very happy to be moving back, I couldn’t imagine ever moving back to Texas, by choice. He doesn’t hate it here but I think because he never quite gained a strong financial foothold, he has become frustrated. There are also many things about the South that I guess he misses. I don’t necessarily think his views are overly objective but that is irrelevant. Finding a place to truly call home can be a strong drive in one’s life, I can speak from experience. I wish him all the best.

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It was about 13 years ago that I got my first visit to the motherland, aka the Castro. lol It truly was love at first sight. I can remember arriving here in wide-eyed wonder, not knowing what to expect. There was a moment on my 2nd or 3rd trip here where I was just walking down the street and it hit me, “I want to live here!” Jump forward about 2 years and I made the leap permanently. It was nothing for me back then to just pick up and move somewhere. Hell, I didn’t have much so it was easy. Fast forward again to present day and I’m still in love with beautiful SF. Make no mistake it has it’s issues. It certainly isn’t for everyone and can be very hard if you don’t have a stabile financial situation. I was told many times I’d grow to hate it, become jaded, callous, and uncaring, or end up strung out on drugs. None of which has happened. The only down side is my dreams of home ownership here are on hold because of my current financial crisis. Ironically, said crisis had nothing to do with SF itself.

I bounced around a lot in my life before landing in SF. I think I was looking for a place to fit in. I never felt truly at home anywhere else. Having landed here and formed roots, I’m glad it happened and have not regrets. I know that I’ll eventually get out of my current financial hole. Maybe then I can focus on home-ownership again. If not, it won’t kill me. Either way, I’m home.