Profiler

According to the BT’s [1]Bible Thumpers, I’m going to hell so I figure I might as well deserve it.  Today’s post is completely shallow in nature.

I’m wondering how many characters other folks have at their gyms.  There is almost always the creepy scary guy that everyone avoids like the plague.  Being in the Motherland, I seem to have a whole plethora of characters. 

1) There is the token creepy guy however, I feel for him.  He has lost over 100 lbs.  Everyone avoids him as he is rather scary.  He wears beer-bottle glasses, shuffles vs walking, and is rather unattractive.  He is lacking in the social skills as well.  I often go out of my way to say hello to him and give him words of encouragement.  It takes a lot of effort to come as far as he has.  I’ve also chastised several friends for being ugly to him. 

2) Tall thin man. Think Phantasm or Poltergeist.  The guy gives me the chills every time I see him.  I do not feel sorry for him as he doesn’t work out much.  He parks his naked self in the steam room, fondles himself, and lurks at everyone with his bulging uneven eyeballs.  I could swear he mumbles "God is in his holy temple" under his breath.  Spooky.  *channeling Tangina* Crossover children!  All are welcome!

3) The Hammer.  So nicknamed because he has the biggest cock I’ve ever seen on a live person.  Even soft, this monster dangles at 10-12" in length and thicker than a coke can.  It truly is a sight to behold.  However, it gets old very quickly as he often parks himself in the sink area daily with this behemoth dangling like a big ole hammer.  No matter what time I go, he always seems to be there.  He is in his 60’s. I bet he was a rockstar in the 70’s with that monster.  I often wonder if he is trying to hold onto his days of glory.

4) Jesus.  I shit you not this dude looks like Jesus Christ.  Long hair, the facial definition, etc.  lol  I tried to sneak a pic today but he kept watching me.  I think he sicked the Holy Ghost on me.  Every time I see him I feel a little dirty.

5) The Stallion.  This guy has a tattoo "The Italian Stallion" on his back.  A good example of why one should give careful thought to tattoos and their placement BEFOREHAND. 

6) Jabba the Hut.  A rather large rotund fellow that sort of slithers about.  He has one of those dangling bellies that hangs down almost to his knees.  I’ve never once seen him actually work out however, he is routinely attached to a bench in the steam room like a barnacle.

7) The Rambler.  An attractive fellow that storms all over the gym constantly talking on his cellphone.  I often wonder if he ever finds time to actually work out.

8 ) Last but not least, Killer.  This guy manhandles every piece of equipment in the gym.  However, he does everything completely wrong.  It boggles the mind how he has survived this long w/o killing himself.  Entire sections of the gym will stop to watch him in disbelief. 

That is all I can think of at the moment.  I know there are more.  Now that I’m going to hell, who are your favorites at your gym? 

References

References
↑1 Bible Thumpers

Catching Up

I got to work today and they attempted to saddle me with yet another trainee.  After I lost my ever-loving mind, they corrected the error.  

I apologized for my temper however, not for the incompetence.  I have enough seniority and clout I can usually get my way.  I don’t abuse it though.  I’m almost always agreeable.  I ask a lot so I give a lot. 

*

I was joking on twitter last night about my future ex husband and I never getting together if he kept ignoring me.  This Greek god of a man just makes my mouth water.  Well, until I overheard his conversation with another meathead.  Arrogance is so 90’s.  Nothing makes my dick go limp faster than attitude.  The honeymoon is definitely over.  Blech.

Twitter Twatter


Pat & Moby

I got to meet my 3rd twitter contact today. He was also my first overseas guest. Patireland from Ireland was in town for business. We hung out over dinner and then coffee. Charming fellow and it was an enjoyable meeting. We had a great conversation about the use of twitter, Facebook and other online social sites.

Sadly, he had to see me act in my work capacity. [1]An 800 was harassing the employee at the Starbucks. A quickie phone call to work took care of that.

All in all, a great first meeting.

References

References
↑1 An 800 was harassing the employee at the Starbucks. A quickie phone call to work took care of that.

Dating Smating

TFA is back in town on Thursday.  Many of you have been banging down my door with questions about him.  He is doing fine.  Things have calmed down somewhat in his life.  However, we aren’t officially dating if you must know.  We still see each other as often as we did before but just as friends (w/benefits of course. lol)  I realized the importance of pulling back and letting him deal with his own issues.  In an odd way, we get along better now.  No expectations just the two of us enjoying the time we spend together. 

Where will it lead?  Fuck if I know.  I’m still very much into him but I have boundaries for myself now.  I realize he can’t meet my needs so I’m not stupid enough to try and pursue anything further.  I guess I’m content w/the way things are for now.  Kind of odd for me actually.  I always wanna fix things.  I’m learning some things can’t be fixed.  They have to resolve themselves in their own time.  We actually had a hiccup recently that I thought would come between us.  He surprised me greatly with his maturity surrounding the issue. 

I think TFA will always be in my life in some capacity.  We have a strong bond together and that isn’t something I encounter often.  Friend or more, it is a good thing.  Maybe he came into my life so I could grow.  Ok universe, I’m listening…

Look Harder

brettcajun sent me an email the other day asking if I was ok.  I haven’t been posting as much so he got worried. [1]In case you missed it somehow, we Southerners LOVE to talk.  I guess he hasn’t been reading the fewer posts. (j/k Brett) 

The biggest factor is my work schedule.  I tend to blog a lot from work in my downtime.  Since, I’ve had trainees for the last two and half months, no free time at all lately.  I’m a very involved trainer and like most things I do, I give it 100%. 

Knowing a skill and teaching a skill are two entirely different things.  I’m good at what I do yes but, I’m better at teaching what I do. [2]I wanted to be a teacher however, the dismal salaries discouraged me early on.  Am I the best?  Probably not.  There are plenty of other folks in my job that have been doing it almost as long as I’ve been alive.  Experience plays a big factor in my line of work.  Am I the best at teaching what I do?  Pretty damn close.  The trainees often fight to get me as a trainer.  Of course, I’m flattered but I’m also gratified to know I’m contributing.  I have a strong work ethic and I like instilling it (or trying to) into new cadets.  That said, I am tired.  I’m worn out and more than a little happy next week is my last week for a while. 

Anyway, I’m digressing.  The simplest answer is I’m busy.  Life comes first then the blog.  I don’t blog as much on weekends.  And even though I keep forgetting to post my measurements, I’ve been hitting the gym pretty hard.  I’ve upped my schedule to 5 days a week w/4 days dedicated to weights and one day just for cardio.  With all the changes in my schedule, something had to give.  And with my continuing addiction to twitter, I find I can post short quick updates vs the more drawn out effort of blogging.  What? You aren’t on twitter? Shame on you.  Sure about 50% of the stuff on twitter is useless driven but I like that kind of stuff.

So there you have it.  I haven’t given upon blogging or any such nonsense.  I’m just a busy bee.  Expect the madness to return in about a week. 

References

References
↑1 In case you missed it somehow, we Southerners LOVE to talk.
↑2 I wanted to be a teacher however, the dismal salaries discouraged me early on.

Dawdling

I’m rebelling against my schedule.  The extra day off is nice but I don’t like being on the go from the time I hit my feet in the morning.  I originally switched so I could travel more.  I have yet to actually go on any trips.  Oh yeah, brilliant idea Mob’s…  Ok, in my defense, I do have several trips planned this year.  Actually, 6 total. 

Anyway, there isn’t much I can do about it until my next sign-up in July.  Having a trainee for the last 2 months hasn’t helped either.  Thankfully, he moves on to his next rotation in just two more weeks.  I just hate feeling stagnant.  Which is exactly where I’m at right now.  Blech.

Perception

This guy on bigmuscle has been chatting me up for a while now.  I sorta blew him off because I knew I really wasn’t what he was looking for. That said, he was persistent so last week I finally relented.  I could tell as soon as he showed up he was a bit disappointed. [1]Not enough to leave mind you but still. heehee  Anyway, he grabs his ankles, we do the deed, and 2 hours later we are lounging on my sofa laughing and cutting up. 

He is getting ready to leave and he says it.  "You weren’t what I was expecting but I had a great time."  I already knew it and said as much.  He was more than a little embarrassed I already knew.  I said, "I told you already I didn’t really think I was your type."  He goes, "what do you mean?"  Never being one to mince words, I told him.  "You read my profile and imaged I was some hyper-masculine blue collar meathead you could swoon over." 

You could have heard a pin drop.  I could see the truth of it written all over his face.  I just kept laughing.  "Dude, I tried to tell you but you wouldn’t listen.  You had this image of me built up in your mind and nothing I said was going to change that."  I spent the next 10 minutes reassuring him it was ok. [2]I gave him "I’m an opportunist" speech.  He totally bought it.  After he relaxed again and stopped trying to convince me he really had a good time, we started talking about perception vs reality. [3]Oh sure, I could have used another example but where is the fun in that? 

He seemed genuinely interested so I gave him the full blunt treatment.  I talked about the differences in our profiles before I finally said, "you are basically so bossy on your profile you sound like a bitchy bottom."  To which he burst out laughing.  He said, "OMG! my friends tell me the same thing".  I said, "maybe you should listen" with a big smile.  We laughed some more before he went on his way. 

On a whim, I checked his profile again today.  To his credit, he has totally changed it.  He added some normal pics of what he really looks like and took out some of the "bitch". 

The moral of the story?  Never ask a Southerner for his honest opinion.  He will tell you. 

References

References
↑1 Not enough to leave mind you but still. heehee
↑2 I gave him "I’m an opportunist" speech.  He totally bought it.
↑3 Oh sure, I could have used another example but where is the fun in that?

I Am Nice Damn It! II

Gooster tagged me for a meme. You all know how I just love those damn things. Considering I haven’t done one in “like forever”, I guess it won’t kill me. However, I will spare you the boredom unless you feel so inclined to click through.

In other news, my career is on a comeback. Who knew?

Oh and I got a 12.5% on the cuss-a-meter for my blog. Fuck’em.

Continue reading I Am Nice Damn It! II