Backwards

Every time I hear someone refer to how advanced we are as a species, I point them to one of the many random headlines regarding discrimination against women, minorities, and gays. If that’s not enough then look to the senseless wars and deaths on a global scale We put profit above human lives. We put things above people’s well-being. We are not evolved. If anything we are moving to an unavoidable meltdown. The divide between the haves and have nots is growing exponentially. Eventually, all hell is going to break loose. You would think looking back on our long bloody history of fear, hate, and discrimination we would wise up and realize the truth; being different does not equate to being bad.

The idea that in this day and age we are still fighting over something as simple as who I should love and share my life with is preposterous! And all of it stems from ignorance and an unwillingness to accept anyone who is different. Ignorance is now celebrated in many parts of the world. People no longer care about the truth, especially if it gets in the way of their selfish pursuits. It is sickening. Instead of rising above our baser emotions, we are succumbing to them.

Our so called religious leaders no longer hold themselves to a standard of faith. Almost ever day now you read about priests/pastors/preachers, etc 1) ripping people off, 2) stealing, or 3) molesting kids and then covering it up. These are our spiritual leaders? Are you fucking kidding me? Even worse, fanatics that used to be ignored are now paraded on national TV because it gets sensationalist style ratings. Let me sum up all religions on this planet for you. You ready?

1) Follow the spirit, not the flesh
2) My way is the only way
3) Everyone who doesn’t believe as I believe is lost or evil.
Oh and I almost forgot…
4) Give me all your wealth.

That’s it. The first point is pretty much the only one worth saving. The others should be done away with if we hope to survive. How many millions of people have died in the last 12 centuries based on #2 and #3? How many people are dying right now?

Greed and the pursuit of things has consumed us as a society and is driving us to a breaking point. We are not evolving. If anything we are devolving and if we don’t do something soon, I fear for us as a species.

Achey

I don’t know what it is about my upper back workouts but I always end up very achey afterwards. It is odd because it’s my only muscle group that makes me feel this way. I can bake my chest or arms until I can’t move and they don’t make me ache all over like my back does. lol

Part of it might be because I’m doing more back workouts lately. Like a typical bad homo I tend to ignore muscles I can’t see. lol I’ve always done my back but only in a very cursory way. After noticing my calves weren’t as even as the rest of my body, I started paying attention to my back. Naturally, It is a bit underdeveloped as well. Anyway back to my point, I get so damn achey afterwards. It isn’t good to take aspirin or ibuprofen after a workout so I avoid them. I drink lots of liquids, take my supplements/vitamins, etc but for the first 8 hours or so after I just get incredibly cranky. lol I’m hoping as I develop my back muscles more and they become conditioned to heavy weights, the aching will subside.

One

Unless you’re living under a rock you know that yet another horrible discriminatory amendment passed in North Caroline recently. The fundies managed to rush thru a smear campaign of lies and scare tactics. They’ve discovered the latter the only way they can effectively get people to vote to enshrine discrimination into their state constitutions. It was a sad day for the LGBT folks in NC. Ironically, the last time NC amended it’s constitution was to ban interracial marriage.

We all know where this is headed. The fundies know they can’t get a federal amendment passed so they are working in as many states as they can to keep us 2nd class citizens as long as possible. They also are all-in on trying to get Obama ousted next term. They are so desperate right now they would vote for anyone that gives them lip service. Overall support for us is growing more and more every year and they are quaking in their boots over that. Eventually, a federal law will pass nullifying all these hateful anti-gay measures. It will be years before we see it happen but I am confident it will.

However, it is important now more than ever that we continue to vote and make our voices heard. I’ve been somewhat disappointed in President Obama; however, he finally made me proud by making a symbolic statement for equality. I believe this was his strategy all along. If anything, I’m surprised he came out in full support of gay marriage before the upcoming election. And while I am extremely proud of him, I hope that it doesn’t hurt his chances at reelection. Another glaring reason why you need to vote. If you aren’t registered, please do so. It is times like these that we must make our voices heard. We must continue to hold those who are elected to represent us to represent ALL of us. Those who hate us are motivated and organized and if we don’t step up, we have no one but ourselves to blame.

Anyway, I’m dismayed yet another state fell for propaganda, racism, lies, and fear-mongered even though I’m not surprised. I send my love and best wishes to all those there who will have yet an even harder fight toward equality now.

Werk

I might have mentioned awhile back that my Union contract is up for renegotiation at work. It was actually up 2 years ago, but because of budget problems in the recent economic crisis it was rolled over 2 consecutive years.

As a preface, I make a decent wage and am grateful to be employed in such touch economic times.

In the last 3 years, I’ve given up significant chunks of raises and salary. Its going on year 4 since I’ve had a raise of any kind. This year I wasn’t overly optimistic about raises, I just didn’t want lose anything. My finances are stretched to the limit and just can’t take anymore cuts.

One of the biggest worries was our health plan contributions. My out of pocket expense would have gone from $200 to $420 a month had the proposal on the table passed. That dent alone would have caused some serious damage. I found out that proposal is off the table.

The 2nd issue was a flat out pay cut. Considering I’m already underpaid for my job classification, this was also of significant worry. Had the health plan changes and a pay-cut passed, I would have had to move out of San Francisco. I honestly don’t know how people who don’t make as much as I do make it.

Anyway, the two big issues are off the table. There is a dispute over my dept’s lunch hour and a raise that we’ve deferred twice now. Either way, I’m just happy to not have to move out of SF. If I ended up having to move, I wasn’t even sure I would have stayed in California. Thankfully, that is a decision I do not have to make now. I love living here but I have no intention of living in an area where I can’t live decent.

On a side rant, I can’t remember if I mentioned it but I’m still up for a promotion. The first two slots were filled by coworkers on the list above me. There is still a position coming up that will have to be filled. I have no idea when it will come to fruition.

Crotchety

I got a very interesting email reply regarding some of my more recent posts. The person wasn’t ugly or rude but asked if I thought I was getting less flexible in my tolerance of others as I get older. This gave me pause to ponder as I’ve wondered the very same thing at times.

My answer is yes and no. I looked back over the last year of off/on posts and I don’t think I’m getting crotchety…yet! lol I haven’t talked much about my personal growth later so yeah it seems I am more opinionated in many of my more recent posts. I can tell the person asking isn’t a long time reader because he would know those are pretty much parcel and post around here. I always have an opinion. But, I am willing to listen to other opinions on many issues and sometimes I even change my own.

I do think as I age though what used to be fleeting ideals have settled in my id. For my few looooong time readers, you’ll remember the struggles I’ve gone thru here. They are legion. And you’ll remember me referring to myself as a blank slate in some regards because I never felt like I was given a strong moral compass as a child. I had to choose which paths in life to take and part of that was how I wanted to be as a person. I have a strong moral compass now. It may not be the norm or even acceptable to others but it guides me in all that I do. I still try to live by the Golden Rule, love, acceptance, tolerance, kindness, and compassion. And thru that I’ve grown from trying to figure out who I am to knowing who I am. I still struggle, as should we all, with things but my id is more formed today. Life, age, experience, mistakes, and wisdom all had a hand it that of course. Am I still fallible? Of course I am! As evidenced by last failed-LTR. I went into it with blinders on and am still feeling the repercussions as a result. And yes, I still have baggage that I carry around with me. I’m happy that it has been reduced to a single carry-on vs a whole family set. hehehe

So yes, I do think I am a tad less flexible in some ways. The irony here is had I been more less-flexible, my last LTR would not have turned into an LTR. Actually, that is only partially true. I had also transferred somer personal demons into the mix that contributed greatly. Anyway, there are many things I used to ignore or shrug off when I was younger. Now I just find I have less tolerance for what I see as bullshit. And if you drag me into your BS or drama, I’m more apt to tell you about it vs just walking away. The key I think is not to allow all the problems of others to become BS in my mind. That is the distinction. [1]There’s that word again. I just love it.

On the flip side, I’m still evolving as a human. I’m still learning and growing as a man and discovering more of what makes me tick. In that regard, I don’t think I’m inflexible at all. I actually believe I am very flexible, almost too much. In the end, I’m struggling for balance. And I believe therein lies the fundamental key; finding a balance between beliefs and ideals while still being accepting of others or willing to see outside of my own box, so to speak.

So, there is your answer dear reader and thanks for being willing to broach the subject with me.

References

References
↑1 There’s that word again. I just love it.

1000 Words

So this guys sends me a message the other day on Scruff wanting to hook-up. Forgetting for a moment, he didn’t even bother checking to see if there was any interest in that from me, he launches into how he used to do porn. [1]or may still do for all I know His profile picture and the 5 others he sends before I can even reply once are all from his production portfolio. Not really a problem as there are a good many porny boy here and they all tend to use their glamour shots. The problem is I’ve seen him recently in real life and he looks nothing like his old porn shots. One, he has gained a good 30lbs or so. Not bad in itself but why try to hide it? SF is a very bear-friendly city. Two, he then proceeds to lie about his age by like 10 or more years. Sad, considering he didn’t really look all that bad. Not my type but still not that bad if you can get beyond the obvious dishonesty and apparent lack of self-respect.

I guess he didn’t realize I have seen him in real life. Anyway, I called him on his pics. Now I was very polite about it. All I said was, “Hey guy, thanks for the interest. Unfortunately, not a match for me. I would recommend updating your pics though as having seen you lately you look nothing like the pics you sent.” OMFG! You’d have thought I’d just burned down his house he was so indignant. He proceeds to tell me, “How dare you say that? Do you know who I am? I could snap my fingers and have 10 different guys over here ***** ***** ****.” (I deleted the graphic sexual detail he referred to here lol) Forgetting the obvious why the eff are you messaging me then comment, I again politely reply back, “I’m not trying to be ugly, I just meant there is a clear difference between your pics and you now. If you really want a solid connection being honest about what/who you are is a big part of that.” Meanwhile, I’m giggling to myself cause I know this is also not going to be received well. Sure enough, I get a very long-winded email about how fabulous he is and what he does for the porn industry, blah blah blah. At this point, I realize my politely direct advice is falling on deaf ears so I just ignore his 3 additional messages.

Don’t misunderstand me, I am no bad-mouthing porn. I know several hard-working, good guys who do porn for a living. It’s an honest living and I have no judgements. While I usually avoid porny boys in my bedroom, it is more from a drama-management perspective. And I said “usually” because there have been exceptions. But the fact that you used to do porn is not license to lie. And to be clear, there are plenty of non-industry “fibbers” online as well. I use this story as its recent.

I used to just ignore these guys but when you make such a direct, hard-line approach to me then you should be able to back it up. The fact he was direct was the one good thing about the whole episode. I hate wishy-washy flakes. And this whole BS idea that your anonymous online and you can be anyone you wanna be is nonsense. The simple and obvious reason is once you meet someone in person your grand story is blown. Duh!

The moral boys and girls is be honest. Or at the very least, don’t blow a gasket when you get busted for being a big fat liar. (Pun intended. LOL) Sure the responses might be less, but they’ll be legitimate.

References

References
↑1 or may still do for all I know

ooops

I somehow managed to delete my last post. I’ll try to repost it when I have more free time. Damn mobile app. lol

No Homo

Two things this post.

I was reading the other day about a gay bar called NeverMind in Copenhagen that had banned a straight couple from kissing and then promptly kicked them out when they complained. Here’s the link courtesy of Towleroad.

First, I find it ironic this story even exists. Who da thunk it, right? lol I think the owners had good intentions but overreacted a bit. But, I don’t know if I have a good answer anymore either. I find my own ideas on the subject evolving over time. I do know as we go more mainstream, it silly to think straights won’t begin to invade our places, en masse. On one hand that is a good thing and we should be glad they feel comfortable around us. But, we haven’t reached a point where we can go into their bars and show affection for each other. Until we do I think we need our own spaces. I’m not saying they aren’t welcome but respect should be given both ways and I think therein lies the problem. Male or female, I often encounter straights in our environment who feel entitled to behave however they see fit because they are straight. As if somehow that validates their behavior. Sorry but no. Until you walk a mile in our shoes for awhile, don’t be so quick to flaunt your rights. Our spaces were hard-earned while yours are a given. If you come our spaces it is not acceptable for you to be disrespectful or thru bravado or even drunkenness act entitled because you were born with a different form of attraction. Don’t go bonkers when you are asked to curb your behavior. You are getting but a taste of what we go thru.

We should also try to be more accommodating though too. Banning straights from a gay bar is silly. [1]Now if your bar is totally geared toward sexual conquests or hook-ups, that’s a different story. Sorry but straights have no business in our hook-up bars, well unless they wanna get laid. hehehe We should also be willing to accommodate a little ignorance as we educate our straight brethren. For my part, anytime my straight friends go to a gay bar with me they know what to expect because I’ve told them. I always warn them to expect someone, male or female, may hit on them. As long as the line of decency isn’t crossed, and I would hold that to anyone, just roll with the punches and be polite.

I honestly believe we are moving toward a day where, straight or gay, it won’t matter. But until we get there, I think navigating such a complicated issue isn’t easy and requires understanding on both sides.

*

On a side rant, I got really pissed at some guy on Google+ the other day. He was complimenting a mutual online friend on his hard work in the gym. No problem until he felt the need to preface his compliment with the ever immature ‘nohomo‘ phrase. Are you fucking kidding me? Since it wasn’t my feed I kept my cool but just barely, and I still let him know it was stupidly immature to make such a comment.

I don’t even know if the mutual social friend is gay or straight and I could care less. To preface a comment like that reeks of stupidity. One, as if one man complimenting another is bad and two, if you do it might seem gay and that is bad. Hell-to-the-No! I half expected the mutual friend to delete my comment or even ban me from his circles but he just rolled with it. The other guy didn’t reply so maybe he took the hint. Either way, I really don’t care. I’ve reached an age and level where I will not stand idly and be insulted, even indirectly. And letting others know their behavior, however ignorantly well-meaning, is inappropriate is a big step to curbing said behavior.

\rant

References

References
↑1 Now if your bar is totally geared toward sexual conquests or hook-ups, that’s a different story. Sorry but straights have no business in our hook-up bars, well unless they wanna get laid. hehehe

Dark Side

I’ve been getting more than usual flirts from members of the opposite sex lately. It’s kinda odd because it seems to have come out of nowhere. lol The occasional flirt doesn’t really register but more than a few a month is noteworthy.

I’m sitting on the MUNI bus a couple weeks back and this girl comes over and sits next to me. I didn’t think much of it as the coach was a tad crowded. I had Cooper with me and she started asking questions about him as she petted him. At one point, she was practically in my lap and her questions had shifted from Cooper to me. I was sort of shocked to realize she was trying to get me to pick her up! lol I almost fell out of my seat. Luckily, my stop arrived and she wasn’t departing at the same terminal. Cooper and I exited the train. I couldn’t resist the urge to look back and sure enough she was staring after me and smiling.

I’m at Starbucks in the ‘hood one day and the girl behind me starts up a conversation. Next thing I know she’s asking if I’m married or if I have a “girlfriend.” I’m like, really? I’m at the heart of gay and gayer and you’re mack’n on me? She figured it out when I hugged and kissed a friend who happened to stop by. hehehe She looked so dejected too.

Even at work I’ve noticed a slight change from some of my female co-workers. I’m completely out at work and everyone knows. I’ve always had little compliments and kind words from some of the girls but lately it seems to have really picked up. Just last week I had 3 different girls call me handsome, compliment my muscles, ask about my gym routine, who I was dating, etc.

Coupled with my recent post about the guy in the gym suddenly finding interest I’m curious what has changed about me? Have my pheromones changed? Am I giving off the single and available vibe more strongly? Honest to goodness, I don’t really get it. Granted, I can appreciate an attractive woman but I’m a polar zero on the Kinsey scale. Having been to the dark side, not once but twice, I am quite confident it is most definitely NOT for me. lol I say that in jest of course. I’m always very flattered when someone finds me attractive. We all should. It doesn’t change who I am if it is a girl or a guy. It just is.

Anyway, while I’m certainly perplexed, I ain’t bitchin’. Hopefully, it will continue with the boys as well.

Bulk

*A bit of an adult rant today, if you’re logged in there will be a more detailed follow up*

I had a really hot encounter this past weekend. It started out with a buddy I’ve known for years. We’ve played around a few times off and on. Well, for whatever reason he decided to make it a 3-way this past weekend.

The point of my little ramble is about mind-set. While my buddy is a tad taller and more built than I, his friend was quite the muscle..meaning he was built. [1]Ironically, he would normally be someone I’d admire but would never chase because they were too big. And I do mean built, you could put me and my buddy together and we’d almost make up the big guy. He is what I often refer to as a meathead. lol

Anyway, when my buddy orignally texted me his friend’s pic I admit I got a little intimidated. While I’m not the scrawny boy of yesteryear, I’m still not huge by any stretch of the imagination. And honestly, big boys usually go for other big boys (barring the rare exception). So as I’m driving over I’m a tad nervous because this guy is huge. While I can offer certain skills, one would think those are easy to obtain elsewhere. hehehe Having had experience with my buddy I knew deep down he wouldn’t have invited me if it was an issue.

As I’m driving over I start chastizing myself for feeling so stupid. One of my axioms in life is “No one can make you feel inferior without your permission.” I got really frustrated with myself for getting so anxious. While there would have been a time when my on insecurity would have prevented me from going thru it, I’m not the man anymore. I’m 41 years old for Peet’s sake. I’m a big enough boy to admit my shortcomings while also realizing my assets. What was the absolute worst thing that could happen? I could get there, the meathead wouldn’t be into me, and I’d leave. The end. None of which demeans or makes me “less” in anyway.

As my internalized anger increased, my timidness had all but evaporated by the time I arrived at my buddy’s place. [2]A little side-note, I taught myself a long time ago when I’m nervous instead of retreating, step bolding forward. You’d be amazed how much that changes the game. lol I walked in with no expectations and was prepared to have fun. Upon meeting the big guy I could tell immediately 1) he was shy, 2) he was just as nervous as I had been. If you read my footnote above you’ll know I made the first move and it worked flawlessly. In moments I had taken complete control of the situation and was leading by what I wanted and expected.

Needless to say, it turned out to be an awesome time! Some of the body mechanics were a bit of a challenge *ahem* if you know what I mean. hehehe

References

References
↑1 Ironically, he would normally be someone I’d admire but would never chase because they were too big.
↑2 A little side-note, I taught myself a long time ago when I’m nervous instead of retreating, step bolding forward. You’d be amazed how much that changes the game. lol