I guess I’m on my high-horse as of late. After my last rant I got to thinking. When in my life was I the happiest? It was back when I was in my 20’s and I barely had a pot to piss in. I was barely making ends meet and yet I was so carefree and happy. I spent almost 2 years living out of my car and yet I look back on it as some of the happiest times in my life. Ironic wouldn’t you say?

I look at my life then and now and I’m a bit envious. Part of it was because other than basic necessities I had virtually no worries. I didn’t care that I didn’t have nice clothes, a home, or a plethora of electronic gadgets. I didn’t have a stack of bills demanding my constant attention. I realize being carefree was a blessing and hope that I can find that feeling again someday.

At this moment in my life I’m not overly happy. Don’t get me wrong, I have a lot to be thankful for but I’m not happy. I struggle with bouts of depression and frustration over my financial woes. If it wasn’t for little Cooper, I honestly don’t know where I’d be right now emotionally. Compared to a lot of people out there I make damn good money. Yet, I can barely keep a roof over my head right now. I’m so mired in debt I can barely pay my bills. And yes I realize a huge chunk of my debt load was unavoidable but that doesn’t change things.

I wonder how many millions of people out there are in the same boat I’m in or worse? I may have more things now but I miss the days of being carefree.