I guess I’m on my high-horse as of late. After my last rant I got to thinking. When in my life was I the happiest? It was back when I was in my 20’s and I barely had a pot to piss in. I was barely making ends meet and yet I was so carefree and happy. I spent almost 2 years living out of my car and yet I look back on it as some of the happiest times in my life. Ironic wouldn’t you say?

I look at my life then and now and I’m a bit envious. Part of it was because other than basic necessities I had virtually no worries. I didn’t care that I didn’t have nice clothes, a home, or a plethora of electronic gadgets. I didn’t have a stack of bills demanding my constant attention. I realize being carefree was a blessing and hope that I can find that feeling again someday.

At this moment in my life I’m not overly happy. Don’t get me wrong, I have a lot to be thankful for but I’m not happy. I struggle with bouts of depression and frustration over my financial woes. If it wasn’t for little Cooper, I honestly don’t know where I’d be right now emotionally. Compared to a lot of people out there I make damn good money. Yet, I can barely keep a roof over my head right now. I’m so mired in debt I can barely pay my bills. And yes I realize a huge chunk of my debt load was unavoidable but that doesn’t change things.

I wonder how many millions of people out there are in the same boat I’m in or worse? I may have more things now but I miss the days of being carefree.

4 thoughts on “Green”

  1. Oh man, do I know what you are going through…Jeff and I were doing sooo well years ago when I started my blog, but then shit hit the fan. Jeff was out of work for 9 months and we had a so called friend living with us in the real estate business, not selling anything, but sure could drink and eat fair share…we lost our house, were in credit card debt like you would not believe…unfortunately we had to file bankruptcy… we are paying it off and in a few more years we will be done, but since then, we have not gotten credit cards (though we did get small loan for our wedding)…. but it is a struggle to get through financially tight times…we have been doing very well up until lately and it seems we will be back on a tight budget soon…just hang in there… you will make it, and having a dog does make things a bit easier, especially when they are cuddled up next to you on the sofa or in bed when you are feeling down… you are a good person and good things happen to good people…best of luck to you… and Jeff and I are debating a trip to SF… my best friend (and best man at my wedding) moved to Oakland about 9 months ago, we want to visit him and many of you guys we met during our last trip… take care!!

  2. I feel like that when I have really high expectations of what I think I "should" have.

    Just relax and enjoy life as it is now…

  3. I've often wondered if we–as humans–really are the most intelligent beings on the planet. Just look at the dolphins and apes: they work to eat, and then the remainder is filled with play. Somewhere along the way, we (as a collective species) fucked that up somehow.

  4. Shit happens Moby. If you're feeling blue, I can put a smile on your face – at least for a couple hours anyway! šŸ˜‰

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