This trip was interesting to say the least. It was good to see my little bro. [1]He is 28 but he’ll always be my “little brother” We’ve always been the closet but it seems to be getting stronger. He is learning just being gay hasn’t changed who I am. We also had a long talk about our siblings. He then told me some very funny stories about my relatives and their views on me. One relative even asked him if we still hugged (Yes, he ridiculed them for being so silly). He also had apparently told everyone to mind their p’s and q’s as he wouldn’t tolerate any disrespectful behavior. Anyway, I thought I’d share some funny incidents that occurred over the weekend.
Funny #1
Halloween night we had a big bonfire. Two of my brothers were there as well as two of my cousins and their families. Of course, my immediately family already knew about me but their spouses and kids only knew from being told. My older cousin was completely blown away by the fact I made gay jokes and wisecracks. We were watching something on TV and I said, “I know I’m gay but even I think THAT is so gay“. You could have heard a pin drop it was so quiet for about 30 seconds before everyone started laughing. A very tense milestone (for them) had passed. She later confided she had warned her kids not to use the word gay around me for fear of hurting my feelings or alienating me (Keep in mind, profanity is a given in my family). I was touched by the thought but I assured her it was ok. [2]And while it really isn’t ok, small steps people, small steps. I did encourage her to think about the underlying implications of allowing her kids to talk that way. While the intent might not be derogatory, the affects can be.
Funny #2
The younger cousin had admonished her own family in a similar manner. Her husband I guess didn’t know what to expect (having never met me) and apparently, there was some animosity about the visit. After a couple hours, he pulled me aside to tell me I wasn’t what he expected. I asked if he was expecting the stereotypical limp-wristed fembot. It took him a second to digest what I was saying but he finally admitted he had indeed. I assured him these are the stereotypes simply because they are so obvious. I explained that while I could “nell out” with the best of’em, it isn’t my normal demeanor. I also told him he probably knew more than he thought because not everyone, especially in a small town, likes it known. That gave him a moment of pause but he took it well I think. lol Not knowing it, he gave me a back-handed compliment by telling me had he not already known he would never have guessed.
It was very heartening to see some of my extended family expanding their horizons. And while there are some who will never be ok with it, I came away knowing I’ve given them something to think about.
I share these stories because I’ve always believed it isn’t the TV and media that sways most folks. I think it is their friends, family, coworkers, etc who decide to come out and live openly and honestly that changes their minds. There are always some who will see you differently but, wouldn’t you rather be liked (or not) for you really are?
I think making gay jokes in front of a mixed group is very funny…nobody knows if they should laugh or not…. it’s the silence that gives me the giggles. Glad you had a great trip.
That’s a positive outcome for sure! I guess it’s funny to look at the nervousness and apprehension that they obviously have, but also concerning that they even have it in the first place. I reckon you’ll do a great job of convincing them that they have nothing to fear!
I totally agree that it’s the personal interaction we have with others that makes the biggest impact on attitudes and opinions. Any time I can dispel a gay myth in person I feel like a successful warrior in a really big battle.
Glad you had a successful trip.
Moby: There is, of course, nothing new about joking about one’s own culturo/ethnic characteristics. If we can’t laugh at ourselves, we can get bitter. CB
You weren’t just visiting family, you were a cultural ambassador! Amazing. Yes, and he speaks the language!