Well, its official. I’ve become a Daddy. I was ‘adopted’ by a boy this weekend. But I’m getting ahead of myself, I’ll get to that in a bit.
Warning, while not explicit, this post is also adult in nature. Click thru if you dare.
For a long while I was actually uncomfortable being referred to as a daddy. IMHO, too many gay men today try way too hard to make themselves appear hyper-masculine instead of just being themselves. The end result is often a very laughable contradiction. I’ve often battled with the idea of masculinity because I previously fell prey to such stupid thinking and believed that I myself wasn’t masculine unless I represented the stereotype. I no longer have such illusions and no desire to mold myself into such a restrictive stereotype. That said, my interaction with the boy this weekend has clearly shown me that I have some ‘daddy’ tendencies. And even though I’ve never really felt like the stereotype, I’ve always tended to be aggressive during sex (regardless of position).
For me, sex has always been about the connection. When someone can naturally slip into a role, the energy is much more intense and I find that very erotic. I’ve always been able to tune into that energy very well. With the energy comes trust. I like knowing a guy puts his total trust in me not to hurt him. I’m discovering said trust brings out my aggressive-but-tender side in force. You see, from my point of view sex is meant to be enjoyed by both parties and that takes a slightly different approach than the selfish “stick and shove” mentality. Having no relational aspect of pain and sex, I have no interest in inflicting pain on someone during sex. Don’t get me wrong, a little pain can be good and I clearly understand the line between the two can be blurred somewhat. But there is a line and for myself it is a pretty clear line. Once you reach it, the sex goes from enjoyable to not and we are done. If you continue, the outcome is not pleasant.1
Ok, back to the weekend. A guy I met last year at the Bigmuscle party was in town from LA for the weekend. He had emailed recently, said he was coming to SF and wanted to see if I we could hang out. I didn’t think there was any real sexual interest. I just assumed we’d spend some time socializing. We met at the gym for a workout then hung out talking afterwards.
Fast forward 2 hours, we were going our separate ways, saying good bye and he gives me a very soft but passionate kiss. It surprised me as I was expecting a very typical polite kiss. This was my lead to kiss him again and again and again and again. *g* We stood on the street corner in broad daylight, oblivious to everyone around us, kissing for about 15 minutes.
The fact he was older (42 to be exact) was completely forgotten to me as it was so obvious he had the boy mentality. Not the whip and beat him sort of thing but just aggressively submissive to please me, if that makes any sense at all. I can’t really explain it but picking up on this seemed to bring the daddy-mode in me to the surface quick, fast, and in a hurry! We both had plans that evening, of which we both canceled so we could spend “time” together.2
When he arrived, his absolute eagerness and hunger was obvious. For the first time in a very long time, I found someone who’s intensity in sex equaled my own! That in itself was enough to guarantee a really hot time. The twist here is I was totally consumed with playing the daddy role for him. His raw energy was like an aphrodisiac to me and the fact he clearly wanted to be dominated and lead completely overwhelmed me.
About 10 minutes into it, he blurted out that from now on, “I was his daddy”. I took on the role without a second thought and owned it. From that moment on, I was his daddy and he was my boy. Not only that, I found myself wanting to be his daddy. There was this moment when he seemed to be almost crying he was so eager, hungry, and reaching out to me. He brought out traits in me I didn’t even know I had. And while I was my normal aggressive (and demanding) self, there was a tenderness in my approach that was very intimate for both of us. I found myself wanting to fuck, hold, please, dominate, hug, and kiss him all at the same time. Needless to say, over the next 3 hours we spent a lot of time exploring and enjoying each other (My sheets and even the padding were completely soaked in sweat). Even after the sex, we continued the roles somewhat and I couldn’t get enough of it. Nor could he it seemed. It was truly one of the most erotic experiences of my life.
We spent time together last night and then about an hour together this morning before he left. I’m still examining the mix of emotions and desires he brought out of me. If anything, it has shown me there is more to my id than I previously thought. That will take me some time for me to analyze.
As I mentioned, he lives in LA so it isn’t like we’ll be dating or spending a lot of time together. However, we continue to talk and text since he has left and his excitement and eagerness continues unabated. For my part, I have decided to take on the mantle of being his daddy and explore where it leads me.