Author: Moby

Change

I was looking back over my archives the other day and I was struck by how many bloggers have come and gone in the last 10 years. I miss reading their blog updates. It was a fun & new way to express yourself. And with sites like Blogger, WordPress, LiveJournal, Typepad, etc it was easy. For me, it was a natural transition from my attempts at keeping written journals to online. I figured I could kill two birds with one stone. One, I could teach myself to be more introspective and two, share my experiences with others.

I know many have succumbed to the pull of Facebook, twitter, etc. I can’t blame them but I find I use FB less and less every day. I’d abandon completely if I could. Every time a new funny saying or fake smart-ass gift card comes out, my stream is overwhelmed with it. No thanks. I still like twitter and Google+ but even they don’t really seem to hold my attentions much. Primarily, it becomes information overload. Important or significant details get lost in the minutia. I’ve been really slow to build circles on Google+ to avoid this. Granted, it keeps my stream pretty bare but thats ok.

Looking back, I got tickled at how often I blogged about absolutely nothing. I’d just sit down and ramble about nothing and make a whole post out it. lolol These days I tend to blog more when I have something to say. I still try to do daily journals to myself but I keep those private as not to overwhelm my subscriber base. I had tried just posting frivolous stuff via FB and Foursquare but I got bored with that too. Honestly, no one cares how many days I go to the gym, what I had for breakfast, what color my last bowel movement was, [1]TMI? lolol etc.

So I find myself coming back to my blog more and more these days instead. This way I can focus on what I really want to share. It may not always be overly important but that’s ok too. I figure if you really wanna know what I’m doing you’ll check here. I always seem happier when I’m blogging.

🙂

References

References
↑1 TMI? lolol

PSA

Today’s rant is a bit on the gross side.

What is it with guys and public urinals? I know our aim isn’t always the best but come on fellas, we can do better. You can hold that bad boy steady enough w/o hosing down the walls and floor! I can understand a sleepy one-eyed (pun intended) shot in the middle of the night, but everywhere you go? It don’t care how big your junk is, you can aim it. lol

The last time I was at the movies, I watched a guy stand back from the urinal and literally pee at it instead of in it. It would be funny if it wasn’t so gross. Even worse, he didn’t wash his hands after! *mental note – never go out with that guy.*

I feel sorry for janitorial crews. Practically everywhere you go these days the urinals have puddles under’em. If it were me, I’d just take a big hose in there and spray the entire place down. Screw mopping and what-not. lol I wonder if that’s why most public bathrooms now have large drains in the floor?

I guess I wouldn’t make a very good custodial worker.

Dance

Having Trevan and Mikey here over Pride week really made me realize how much I miss going dancing. You may not know this but yours truly loves to shake his bon bon. lol

Back in my early 20’s, it was not unusual for me to be out every weekend, sometimes several times. Not being a heavy drinker, it was easy as I usually just had to pay cover and water.

After I moved to SF, I’m not sure why but I drifted away from the club scene all together. The blatant drug use was a huge irritation but not the only reason. I don’t know why really. These days if I go out, it’s over to 440 or Moby’s (no relation lol) for a drink with a friend & socializing. I only seem to go dancing on big weekends or for big events.

While Trev & Mikey were here we went dancing and I had so much fun just being on the dance floor dancing. While the clubs here don’t really compare to the behemoths of Texas, they do have a few decent dance bars in SF. I’ve really missed it and think I will make an effort to go out once and awhile and shake my booty on the dance floor.

Speaking of, GHHD #2 [1]Gay High Holy Day #2 aka Up Your Alley Fair is coming up. My buddy William does lighting at some of the clubs. He is gonna try to get me free tix so I don’t have to spend ridiculous amounts of money just to get in. I don’t mind spending money but I is a poe-hoe right now.

🙂

References

References
↑1 Gay High Holy Day #2 aka Up Your Alley Fair

Diet

One of my Google+ readers was asking me about my diet habits. First, I hate the word diet. I get so tired of people going on and on about every fad diet in the world they’re on..and not sticking to it. Often times, people who “diet” ignore the fact they didn’t gain weight overnight, so losing it ain’t gonna happen that way either.

I don’t diet. Instead, I try to maintain a sense of balance in my eating and my workouts. I fluctuate between a 32 & 33 inch waist. Luckily, I love the natural flavors of most foods. I don’t need lots of heavy sauces. Said sauces often drastically up the fat content of your meal. I also don’t count fat, carbs, protein, etc. I just try to keep the bad stuff to a minimum and the good stuff as a priority. Trans fats and HFCS are evil and should be avoided completely. [1]It doesn’t help that practically EVERYTHING has HFCS in it these days. Protein & veggies should be a priority and depending on which study you pay attention to, carbs can act as filler. When I’m on a heavy weight routine at the gym, protein is the dominant food group with green veggies as prominent sides. Carbs come in heavy after workouts when they’re most needed.

If you have the time (or are willing to make the time) you can break your meals up into 4-5 smaller meals. A meal could be a large healthy snack so it’s not like you are eating a full plate every time. Your highest fat consumption should come early in the day and taper off toward your last meal. My pre-bedtime snacks are usually scrambled or boiled eggs or protein shakes. I also love popcorn. I make it the old-school way in a pot. Instead of butter or vegetable oil, I use olive oil.

I don’t rely on my eating habits alone either. If I find I’ve been eating too much, I up my cardio at the gym. Right now, having gained a few extra pounds from when the boys were visiting, I’m working cardio in every 3rd day. I’ve dropped 10lbs in just 2 weeks. My point is you don’t have to be a food nazi to keep a waistline. If your shooting for that ripped look, unless genetics is on your side, your gonna have to be dedicated in the gym and in your eating habits.

Don’t get me wrong I don’t eat perfect. As you can tell, I don’t watch everything that goes in my mouth. As mentioned, I try for a nice balance. I have my splurges but they are intentional and keep me from feeling deprived. Small indulgences go a long way to help prevent hardcore binges IMHO. [2]I love Popeye’s and Taco Bell, always will…just not every day/week! I have never been a heavy sweets person so that part is relatively easy.

References

References
↑1 It doesn’t help that practically EVERYTHING has HFCS in it these days.
↑2 I love Popeye’s and Taco Bell, always will…just not every day/week!

Crave

I had a weird craving for some pecan pie lately. Don’t ask me why, I just did. Anyway, we happen to have the little mini’s in our vending machine at work. I made the mistake of having one. It was absolutely awful! The only thing that compared to the real thing was the sweetness. I guess I should have expected that. lol The crust was dry, the filling was overly thick, and the pecans didn’t really taste like pecans at all.

I guess the only way to get my fill is to just break down and make one. I absolutely love pecan pies. Being from the South, I guess that is a given. I don’t know what the hell possessed me to think I could get it out of a machine. lol

Now, if I can just get Whataburger to open a restaurant in SF, my life would be complete!

Home

I know I’ve said it before but I’ll say it again. There is no greater feeling than coming home to a doggie that loves and misses you. No matter how awful my day has been, walking in the door and seeing him bound toward me as fast as he little legs will carry him washes away all my frustrations. He sees me and lights up like a little fire engine. hehehe.

He loves me unconditionally. He doesn’t care what I am to the rest of the world. All he knows is daddy’s home! If I am ever in doubt, I take one look at the face and I am home. At this point, I’m not sure who owns who. I do know my life is better because of him.

I picked him up a 2nd bed this past weekend. He has the one you see as well as an extra one in the bedroom. This way I don’t have to haul his bedding back and forth every day. Now that his potty training is under control, he sleeps on his bed in my room at night. He has gotten to where he almost doesn’t try to get in bed with me anymore. For awhile, he developed this habit of climbing into bed and crawling under the covers. He’d crawl all the way to the end and flop down and go to sleep. Usually, he’ll position himself so his body is against my legs. If he didn’t shed so much it would be ok. lol Anyway, I think he likes his little beds. Once he gets his way and knows he can get in bed with me, he gets bored and goes back to his own bed. Plus daddy’s tossing and turning tends to interrupt his sleep. hehehe

Everyone has commented how much he has changed since I got him. Besides his healthy weight and size, he is much more well-behaved now compared to before. Oh, he has his moments. If company comes over he still gets worked up for the first 10 minutes or so. He also tries his hand at being defiant at times. He definitely likes to push and see how far he can go.  At those moments, we have our little come to Jesus talk and he remembers who’s boss. They seem to be few and far between now.

Ok, I’ve blathered on enough about him. I’ll shut up now. Smile

Fixed

Ok, the permalinks are fixed. You can now load individual posts and make comments again.

It appears accessing le blog via different 3rd party apps on different OS’s is creating some issues.

*sigh*

Broken

It looks like all my permalinks are being redirected for some reason. I am investigating and hopefully should have it fixed soon.

Dear Kid v2.0

I swear I didn’t plan my last post and this one together. lol I do find it extremely ironic though. Anyway…

I stumbled over this post by chance via a friend on Google+ a few days ago. I highly encourage you to go read it and come back. Seriously, go read it. You can scroll down to about the 60 comment mark and then again around 150 comments for my rather long replies. [1]PS I’d ask that if you do comment over there, please refrain from being ugly or rude. You can also see how my comment is quickly dismissed as I’m hating on him.

I wasn’t bothered that his “letter” shined a light on our shortcomings and failures. He touches on some very real problems within the gay community. What bothered me was the glaring over-generalizations and implications behind his speech. He marginalized all of us because of his own failures. In essence, because he couldn’t cope with being gay, he decided being gay can’t be healthy. Because his coming out wasn’t everything he expected, he fell into bad habits, and his sex wasn’t as exciting as porn he equates being gay as a failure. [2]Yes, he actually compared his sex life to porn. He goes on to insult all of the couples out there who have been together for decades by implying they don’t exist. Normally, I would just ignore it and move on but his attempts to use half-truths and misrepresentations to prey on folks who might stumble upon his site got to me.

I make no secret about my struggle with compulsive behavior over the years. Nor do I hold myself out to be some holier-than-thou who is above all the petty failings that plague our community. But the difference between the author and myself is I chose to embrace what I am, the good and the bad. I work to strengthen the good while continuing to work on the bad. I accept the community I live in is not perfect. I recognize that while we are all responsible for our choices many of us have developed unhealthy coping mechanisms. I no longer search for role models to emulate. Instead, I try to be the type of man I’d like to date. I do not give myself over to his God to solve my problems. I choose to change and better myself.

At the end of the letter you get the sense the author has exchanged one coping mechanism for another. His attempt to make life all better by coming out failed so he has absolved himself of any responsibility by putting it in god’s hands. And now because it’s magically a god issue he can avoid accepting responsibility. Convenient wouldn’t you say? As I said in my comment, I feel sorry for him. I hope that he finds peace within himself.

I also decided to write my own version of his letter.

Dear Gay Kid v2.0:

Congratulations for finally being able to admit to yourself and others that you are gay. I applaud your tremendous courage and welcome you with open arms. You are not alone. You join a community as broad and diverse as humanity itself. We come from all walks of life: male, female, black, white, asian, christian, muslim, agnostic, etc. Know that you are worthy of love and respect. Your inalienable right to be is not up for debate and never ever let anyone tell your differently.

Unfortunately, we do not yet live in a world of total acceptance. You may find life harder and more challenging for your honesty. Coming out is not a fix-all for your life or problems. It is but one step of many you will take. Along the way you will encounter those who deny and fear you. You may even encounter some who wish to do you harm out of their own ignorance. You see, they do not understand, and anything not understood is often feared. Some will hate you because they recognize a tiny part of you in themselves. In that recognition you will represent a target for their pain.

Others will be blinded by religious dogma. They are locked in a pattern of denial based on a lifetime of rhetoric. To admit you were born gay would be to admit their religion, written by man, is flawed. And that is something they cannot fathom. Even worse, some will attempt to use lies, half-truths, misrepresentations, and your own doubts against you. If you are a person of faith, it can be a source of great support, but do not be misled. Seek truth and answers on your own. The answers will speak for themselves.

In times of doubt you’ll wonder, ‘Why me? Why can’t I be like every one else?’ What I can tell you is it will always come back to a fundamental choice. You can deny who you are and spend your life reinforcing that denial, or you can accept it. It is here I am reminded of the words of Benjamin Franklin, “On the whole, though I never arrived at the perfection I had been so ambitious of obtaining, but fell far short of it, yet as I was, by the endeavor, a better and a happier man than I otherwise should have been had I not attempted it.” In simpler terms, even though perfection is a goal we will never reach, we are better for our attempts to reach it.

Because we are born different, part of our struggle must be to rise above the fears and ignorance of those who do not understand us. We must strive not to fall prey to the mistakes of those who came before us. By living openly & honestly we show the world how small our differences really are. And finally, through our struggles we make the world better not only for ourselves but those who come after us.

I wish you the very best!

Moby

References

References
↑1 PS I’d ask that if you do comment over there, please refrain from being ugly or rude.
↑2 Yes, he actually compared his sex life to porn.

See

I was re-watching a movie called Devil the other day and I was struck by one of the points in the story line. If you have’t seen it, almost the entire movie is shot from inside an elevator. It might sound a bit boring but its quite entertaining if you like the genre. Very suspenseful. Anyway, The devil brings this group of individuals together because he wants to claim one of their souls. The twist is that they are all bad individuals or have done bad things, whether intentional or not. As the story unfolds you discover they seem to be intertwined in relevant ways.

Anyway, my rant isn’t so much about the story line but part of the theory one of the lead characters proposed as a resolution. How do you make someone see themselves for who & what they really are? For you few enduring readers, you know this ties in nicely with one of my fundamental approaches to my blog; to see myself more objectively. [1]I certainly do a decent job of it at times but we all reflect on reality based on our own wants, desires, prejudices, etc. Thru many years of self-examination I like to think I have gotten better at seeing parts of myself more objectively. But how does one produce this on a larger scale? Think for a moment how many real world problems we could solve with this. And not just in our personal lives but in life in general.

In the movie the main character, being faced with imminent damnation, is finally given to see himself for who he is and what he has done. His redemption comes from the objective realization that he has committed a great wrong, whether intentional or not, and must atone for it if he homes to become a better person.

My question here is this the only way we can push people into seeing w/o the blinders? Is imminent destruction or death the only real way to remove the barriers we put before ourselves. I think back on my father before he passed. He waited till he was on his death bed to tell me he was sorry for the awful things he did to me during my coming out. Granted I think he’d realized his faults years before but he waited until the last possible moment to seek forgiveness. Maybe it sounds silly but the more I think on it the more I think this could/would fundamentally change our world.

Sadly, I don’t have a practical answer or solution to put forward. In my own life, it came from realizing a basic unhappiness in myself and struggling to understand it. This led to the pursuit of examining my id and all it’s many demons. I think this also reflects on why I try so hard to be fair-minded and equal in my thought patterns.

References

References
↑1 I certainly do a decent job of it at times but we all reflect on reality based on our own wants, desires, prejudices, etc.