Hear No Evil

Hmmmm. Me thinks someone needs a timeout.

(story
“Looks like it’s anal sex week,” Lou Novak loudly remarked as a group from the Life Long AIDS Alliance walked though the state House office building.
The group included a 13-year-old girl and a 16-year-old boy. The boy’s family had recently been forced to move because of anti-gay prejudice in his neighborhood.
Novak is first vice president of the Rental Housing Association of Puget Sound, a landlords’ organization.
The leader of the AIDS awareness group, Suzie Saxton of Yakima, followed the man into the public Capitol cafeteria and asked him what he’d said. She said Novak repeated his comment and told her people shouldn’t engage in irresponsible sex and ask for public money.

Now had this been the reverse, every christian group in the nation would call for a ban on any sort of “unapproved” visits.

Am I Popular?

Ok, so trying to pull myself out of the funk I’m in, I’ve been trying to be a bit proactive and get my act together. *stand back folks, this might be dangerous*

I’ve been whining for months now about folding my blog into my domain. Well, I moved it but am still doing updates thru blogger.com. Today, I decided to bite the bullet and upgrade my hosting package so I can utilize WordPress. While doing so, I checked my site stats and got a big surprise. There are a lot more people linking to me than I thought. I try to nab’em all thru Technorian but apparently I ain’t even close. I found 60 unique links from other blogs and search engines in just the past 5 days. I have no idea if that means I’m popular or not but it made for a good headline don’t ya think?

I’m new to WordPress so if the blog goes bonkers over the coming days fear not, its just me tinkering w/stuff. I plan on making a backup just in case I really screw it up good. The template will be changing as well. I really like this one but it doesn’t utilize enough of the page to squeeze in side bars. I haven’t found a new one yet so any references are appreciated.

I’d also love some feedback on blacklists that work w/wordpress for blocking sp@mmers. Blogger does a fine job keeping them at bay but when I’m on my own that will be another story altogether. I’d love one that allows me to approve posts from other bloggers and remembers them the next time so I don’t have to continually approve them over and over.

Any suggestions?

Shame? No, I Don’t Think So

I must be PMS’ing this week. That or I’m still sick, cause this story brought me to tears. Being a cold hearted fag at times, not always an easy thing to do.

I’m hiv positive. i’m not a fucking hero. i’m just a guy who had unsafe sex and i’m paying for it the rest of my life. i was a stupid guy who contracted one of the worst diseases of modern time. yep that’s me. i’m stupid. just call me stupid, but don’t ever call me a hero. yes, i knew the risks. i grew up in the time of aids. i knew how devastating the disease had been to a generation before me. i heard the stories of the death count. i heard about the ways to prevent the disease. i knew condoms, condoms, condoms. i even spoke about hiv prevention in my high school. i was always telling my friends to use condoms. i was a living breathing public service announcement for hiv prevention. that was me. well actually that was just part of me. the other part was an insecure guy who just wanted to be loved.

i guess part of me trusted them. up until that point i’d never been a strong person. i’d pretty much let other people make decisions for me. so anyway, i would sleep with guys. i’d let them bareback me. i was young. i was invincible. i was the straight guy in his new sports car going 95 miles an hour down the highway. i was invincible…or so i thought.

First, let me clarify, I’m a big believer in personal responsibility. That’s not my beef today. And I’m not condoning risky behavior. My issue is a disturbing trend within our culture of treating anyone less perfect than ourselves as “less than human” and just writing them off. Well, life ain’t easy for all of us. For some of us it can be a unbearable unending hell at times. If it were so damn easy to make the right choices then we wouldn’t have tens of thousands of people dying every year from cigarette related cancer now would we? This is a serious problem people. And for the record, I’m not perfect and I’ve been guilty of this fallacy.

The snips above come from MeSouthern, who is an HIV + male. He converted at an early age. By his own admission, he knew of the risks, albeit indirectly, and made some bad decisions. So now should we write him off as undeserving of our sympathy? If you answer yes, then I hope you never know hard times because karma can be an ugly unrelenting teacher. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t we should glorify it either. Far too many guys these days, shake off the horrible aspects of being HIV+. Reality check, HIV is a terminal illness. That means there is NO cure for it. Granted we have some great drugs out there these days but not everyone responds so well and not all of these drugs are easy to take.

…the day my positive test results came back. that’s the day i knew it was time to take responsibility for my past mistakes. the past mistakes of being a stupid fucking whore, not a hero. here i sit now. my body is starting to fail me. it’s been about 4 years, since i got my test results back. i will soon be on meds, that will hopefully keep me alive. yes, i regret fucking every hot guy without a condom. yes, i regret using drugs. i should’ve known better; i did know better. aids isn’t pretty. it’s a very serious disease. it’s going to kill tons of people. it will probably kill me. oh well, does it matter? probably not because i’m a stupid fucking whore, who isn’t a hero. i should be ashamed of myself…

Is this what we are teaching our young people? If you make mistakes, shame on you? You no longer deserve our love/support? If so, then we need not worry about the christian not-so-right folks. We have a far greater enemy in ourselves.

Judge Jack

I’m still felling icky today but thankfully I’ve been spared the high fevers everyone else seems to be getting w/this crap.

Trying to keep my mind on other things I stumbled across this headline from the Sf Chronicle. Remember the Jack’n Judge? You know the guy using a pump to masterbate under his bench during cases. Looks like his career came and went but is now possibly facing criminal charges.

We’re certainly saddened by the thought that the prosecutor filed charges,” said Clark Brewster, Thompson’s attorney. “We thought all this was dealt with when he resigned. We didn’t feel like anything that was alleged rose to the level of criminal charges.

Investigators later collected carpet samples, Thompson’s robes and the chair from behind the bench, and found semen, according to court records.

Foster told authorities she saw Thompson use the device almost daily during the August 2003 murder trial of Kurt Vomberg, a man accused of shaking a toddler to death. The case ended in a hung jury. The whooshing sound could be heard on Foster’s audiotape of the trial.

When jurors at the trial asked the judge about the sound, Thompson said he hadn’t heard it, but would listen for it.

Last time I checked, masturbating in public was still a crime in all 50 states.

Me Grown Up Now

I realized after an incident today that I have finally achieved the maturity that comes w/adulthood. If such a thing were possible. [1]My friend Bobby will get such a kick out of this story only because he thinks everyone in SF is stuck up. So Bobby, it finally happened! I got snubbed.

I’m leaving the gym today and this rather attractive fellow was in the locker room preening like a peacock. Ok, let me re-phrase that. This very attractive and very well built fellow was preening in the locker room today. I’m doing my thing, as usual, and can’t help but stare just a bit. He keeps doing all these little obvious tricks to flex a muscle or expose a hidden area. All w/a not so random randomness. After about 10 minutes of this, I’m getting rather bored as that’s all he is doing. I finish my business and I’m about to leave when he crosses my path. Now I don’t know if was offended that I didn’t gawk more or because I didn’t pursue him further. Either way, he gives me this very disdainful once over look and snorts right in front of me as if to say, “your pathetic and nowhere near my league“. And for once in my life, I didn’t give a shit. I wasn’t even offended. I giggled as I shook my head and walked out. Not only that, I got the distinct pleasure of hearing him throw his gym bag down as I descended the stairs.

Let me explain a bit. Just a few years ago, I would have probably done the same thing however, I would have been wounded inside and felt inferior. I would have called him all kinds of horrible names in my mind like poopoo-head or snooty patooty. (where do kids come up w/these names?) All the reasons why don’t really matter at this point. What does matter, is that I didn’t even begin down that demoralizing path of reasoning this time. Jesus H Christ, Mary, Joseph, & David! Maybe there is hope for me in this life after all!

References

References
1 My friend Bobby will get such a kick out of this story only because he thinks everyone in SF is stuck up.

Bizarre-O

OMG! This one is straight out of the bizarre-o files. Trannies injecting industrial grade silicon directly into their bodies. Industrial grade silicon you say? What is that? Why, its the very same stuff you can buy at any hardware store. Why you ask? Well, usually because they can’t afford the high cost of surgery to make their bodies look more fem. I’m amazed it has taken this long for such a tragedy to occur.

All I can say is “what were you thinking?”

Surreality

Ain’t made up words great? Sometimes the words that really exist just don’t sound as nice. So ‘surreality’ is my made up word for the day. Coming from white trash means, I’m allowed to do that.

So anyway, I was struck by such a sense of ‘surreality’ today while riding Muni. [1]Muni is our public transit subway. I’m riding Muni along looking at all the advertisements that had been defaced. Pretty much every ad from West Portal to Castro was marked up in one form or another. All except the gay one. I forget what the ad was for but it was the only one not marked up. The irony was so overwhelming I burst out laughing. I’m sure everyone thought I was nuts be thats another story. For all my previous whining about the breeder invasion, I forget sometimes what a surreal environment I live in.

SF has a huge gay/lesbian population packed into a very small area. On top of that, it is probably one of the most progressive and tolerant cities in the nation to live. From a personal perspective, I’d feel safe walking around in about 80% of the city. The other 20% I don’t think being gay would matter, I’d be in trouble either way. *g* I can’t think of any other US city I’d feel that safe in as a gay man. And lets not forget our straight mayor, whether you agree w/his tactics or not, who put a face on the struggle for equal rights. Equal rights not just for the thousands of gays/lesbians in California but for the millions of our brethern all across America.

So for all my whining about the Castro, there is still no other place I’d prefer to live.

References

References
1 Muni is our public transit subway.

Breeder Invasion

Back to my own meanderings now that I’ve gotten that ugly monkey obesity off my back.

I know I probably shouldn’t be annoyed by this but I am. The Castro is being invaded by more and more “breeders” every freaking day. It has gotten to where you can’t walk down the street during the week w/o bumping into a whole gaggle of mommy/daddy combos w/kids in tow.

I know, I know, I should be glad the more and more straights feel comfortable being around so many gays. That I should be happy of the “barrier” breakdown between gay/straights. And I am. That said, I go to the Castro to get away from the straights. Sometimes, I just wanna be around gays. I wanna be able to walk down the street and see nothing but gay people.

I can hear it now, “Oh but thats just not fair Moby, now you are discriminating.” Well, yeah I am in a way. However, being straight has never been a minority. Straights have never been oppressed for being just straight. Gays have and still do. So that gives me the right to be just a little bit biased. And as long as being gay is considered unequal in this country, I will continue to want a place where I can go and just be around my own kind. I may not be the stereo-typical card toting fag but I am still gay.

Feeling Better

Well, It’s around 8:45 and I’m feeling better. My sore throat has almost disappeared completely. Just a touch of a cough so I’m hopeful this is the worst of it. *crosses fingers*

I tried to just take it easy and goof off. Went for lunch at Before & After, it was tasty as usual. I did end up going to the movies. I don’t recommend Darkness. Totally sucked! The few scary scenes were ruined by a very unconnected plot. Nothing makes sense till the very end and by that point you are over it. It definitely wasn’t worth the $8.00. And for me to say that, it really sucks!

So, I finally managed to venture out a bit. I made it down to Castro. Of course, as soon as I got here it started raining again. Not as bad as previous days but still yucky. Not to mention, these 3 rather large queens have parked themselves directly behind me while having a non stop tirade of criticisms of the sex ads on Craigs List. Being far from a prude myself, I’m not casting stones. However, 2 hours nonstop of “oh nice cock” and “great ass” and in the same breath, “oh he is a stuck up fag” or “he thinks he is too good for us” gets annoying to say the least. I wanted to say something incredibly tacky/caddy all in one breath but then thought again of my karma and how well its been treating me. I kept my mouth shut! That said, God! I hope I was never that desperate.

*dramatic pause while thinking back thru the years of my life*

Naaaah.

Gym & Tramps

Let see, how should I start this one. Nothing comes to mind so I guess I’ll dive right in. For those of you who know me, you know I’m a total horndog so this is no surprise to you. For those who don’t, well brace yourself, this is a bit of an adult rant today. *smile*

So I’m cruising this guy at the gym. He is just scrumptious from my point of view. . . 5’6″ italian mix of some sort. Tight lean frame and yeah THAT was nice too. *G* He always acts like he’s interested so I thought today was the day. I’m done w/my workout, (triceps – day from hell) and I’m showering up when he walks by gives me an up/down look as if to say “hello – drop to your knees”. I’m like wahooo! So then he slips into the steam room to hang out. I follow of course. And it goes like this for about 30mins. From shower to steam room and back again. Getting a bit annoyed, I corner him and ask him if he wants to come over since I’m only a block away. His response “is it safe over there?” …uh, well I’m a block away, how bad can it get? I didn’t really know what to say so I said, “yes, I’m just a block away”. So now he is all skiddish and stand offish giving off totally mixed signals. Of course, this ruins the spontaneity of it for me.

I just don’t get fags sometimes. Why go thru all the effort of showing someone you are into them and then back out? And the fucker was obviously interested cause he got a stiffy several times. Oh well, its not like I’m starving for it. Christ, this is SF after all. You can get laid checking the mail.

Well, thats my rant for now. I’m home “in the mood” after being disappointed by Mr. Hottie. I wonder if I can order in…