Ok, the video does have sound so trying this again. Happy brettcajun?
Category: me
Here
Still here. Just busy busy busy. In a nutshell I’m:
- disgusted/sad over greedy corps masquerading as “grass roots” efforts and spreading outright lies and fear regarding healthcare reform.
- happy over last week’s moto-ride. One of the best yet.
- adjusting to me new (old) schedule well.
- working on a couple projects that are consuming a lot of my free time.
- having hot sex with random hot menz.
There probably won’t be a WWMD this month as I haven’t gotten around to fleshing one out so-to-speak. No worries, I’ll get to it on the next go-round.
The new roomie is working out exceedingly well so far. We rarely see each other because of opposite schedules. Last weekend, he took it upon himself to do a very nasty chore, steam cleaning th e common areas. I was so surprised (happily so) to come home from my moto-ride and discover he’d done it for me. What a trooper! The old roomie is doing ok too.
The new rims for the bike are on back-order and won’t be here until September. I’m sad but can’t help it.
The boy is doing well. I miss him at times but we still talk daily.
Ok, that is about it for now. More later when I have some more time.
Oh, here. Enjoy a ‘purdy picture!
Uptick
In news of the probably not-so-exciting category, I’ve noticed a huge jump in scam related spammy email lately. My email filter does a pretty darn good job of filtering out the crap but I do often quickly scan thru it to catch any false-positives. So anyway, you probably remember the old Nigerian money scam and its many 100’s of variants. Usually written in poor English about someone somewhere in the world trying to access or “free up” millions of dollars from a deceased/deposed person of some sort and “if only you would help” you could have a small percentage (in the millions) for your time and effort.
What this tells me is that people are once again falling for crap like this. It could also just be unscrupulous souls trying to take advantage of the poor economy and people who are desperate for cash. While I’m sure the latter is part of it, these folks focus on scams that work. I get about 10-20 a day now which is a huge spike. Used to, I’d see one every week or so. To see this many all at once is scary to think about.
If you’ve been living under a rock somewhere just try to remember “if it sounds too good to be true, it usually is”. In other words, don’t be an idiot. Of course, I prefer my granny’s version, “believe none of what you hear and half of what you see.”
Ho Hum
I can’t seem to get overly worked up over Gay High Holy Day #2 [1]Up your Ally street fair, formerly known as Dore Alley this year. I think it stems mostly from my schedule. I’ve been pushing myself these last few months and I’m realizing I’m a little burned out. Being the typical Aquarian that I am, I hate rigid schedules…ugh. The change of watch at work couldn’t have come at a better time.
I’m also not hosting anyone this year either for GHHD2. I think some of my excitement often comes from out of town friends who come up for the event. Seeing them excited gets me excited. Its like living in New Orleans for Mardi Gras, after awhile it just gets old. I do have a couple of friends coming up though. Chris aka Wildcuddler from twitter and the adorable Andy, both from Austin, are gonna be here.
I was originally supposed to go up to TN this weekend to see my younger brother while he is up there. But he was having drama so I decided against it. I was hoping to meet another famous blogger but he has his hands full with other stuff at the moment. Maybe after I’ve adjusted back to my old schedule, I can plan again. I have several more opportunities coming up before year end anyway.
While not unexpected or surprising, my blogging has suffered too. I don’t much mind as it ebbs and flows like everything in my life but it is a goo indicator. And you’ll get a kick out of this part, even my naughty time has suffered. Less trips to bb’s, less shenanigans at the gym, and even less online hookups. Relatively speaking, I’ve practically become celibate lately. lol If that doesn’t shock you, nothing will! Frankly, the boy has been the only real consistency in that area at all lately.
I’ll be honest, I’m irritated with myself. I didn’t realize how much my schedule was stressing me and seeing it now makes me angry. I really didn’t have a choice the last time as I got bumped off my days off but I did this time and I can’t believe I almost stayed on my current shift. What the hell was I thinking? The other irritating part is my vacation slots have to be planned a year in advance [2]We sign up once a year for all of our allotted vacation slots. We can take extra unplanned time but it is based on staffing levels which fluctuate wildly. and I’ve totally blown thru two of them already!
Lesson learned. Being off this week has been a god-send. And even though I haven’t done jack shit, it feels so good. I can slowly feel my energies returning and am looking forward to getting back on the shorter shifts come Monday.
Bareback Banned
*Long rant today. Informative if you care to read, otherwise skip down if you aren’t in a ‘heavy reading’ mood*
A small firestorm was set off yesterday in the twitterverse w/the announcement of IML banning the sale of bareback [1]sex w/o condoms videos in the future. (It would probably help if you read the article before continuing) You can also read the fallout from Joe.my.god. I bounced it over to him and he posted it as well.
I thought I’d give it a thorough beating here rather than endless broken comments on twitter and elsewhere. Personally, I have mixed views on the decision. While I support the idea, in theory, I honestly don’t see it having any real affect as is on the problem. Educated informed adults watching a fetish barebacking video does not necessarily equate having unsafe sex in person.
Had this decision been part of a broader effort to unite the neg/poz camps thru acceptance and education, I think it might have had much more of an impact. As is, it 1) is divisive thru the prevailing but misguided belief that blame and finger-pointing is productive, 2) fetish’izes (made up word of the day) the taboo further, and 3) caters to the failed idea that censure has ever worked w/human behavior. Sexuality is tied to our base instincts as human beings and has never been as easy as right from wrong. If it were would the Catholic church still be fighting the ‘abstinence only’ fight? Oh yeah, they’re really winning that battle. /sarcasm
As usual, there are several important distinctions overlooked in the often heated battle over barebacking. From my perspective, the good/bad sides of barebacking, seeing boths sides of the issue (neg and poz), societal re-enforcement of conflicting do’s and don’ts, and finally dispelling the myth(s) often propagated thru irrational fear and ignorance. Otherwise, we end up bickering and solving nothing. Meanwhile, HIV continues to rise in the gay community.
Continue reading Bareback Banned
References
| ↑1 | sex w/o condoms |
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New
I’ve finally started adding new blogs to my RSS reader again. I’ve been blog hopping [1]hopping from link to link and found a few new ones that struck my fancy. Its been a while and I guess I was overdue. I also deleted a few that haven’t been updated in months.
I’ve gotten a few questions about where my blogroll went after switching to the new blog database. I decided not to add it back as it got a bit childish at times. I’d find blogs that linked to me and then discover later they’d remove me if I didn’t link back. I used to auto-follow but now that I have so many, I only follow blogs that I actually read. It isn’t meant as an insult or anything negative and shouldn’t be taken that way. And if you read my linking rules, you already know that.
Oh, and I’m doing one of “those” posts later this week. You better be logged in beyotches!
References
| ↑1 | hopping from link to link |
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WWMD – Coming Out
This is a hard question for me to answer. Having some significant mental (and physical) scars from my own coming-out, it is not something I often look back on fondly. That said, I’ve come a long way over the years and I wish I would have had the options most gay people have today.
Q: How do you recommend coming out to your family/friends?
A: As I sat down to write this, I realized I’ve touched on it in a variety of ways over the years. I guess it took someone asking before I could tie it all together in one cohesive post.
First off, I hate to break it to ya but there is no one-size-fits-all answer here. Everyone has a different situation. While I am a big believer in openness and honesty, you have to weigh that honesty with self-preservation. If you are dependent on another, financially or otherwise, it is not always easy to take the high road. However, once you’ve reached a financial stability in your life, fear of survival is no longer an excuse.
From my own experiences growing up in a very rural secluded area, my view of gay people was the limp-wristed, feminine stereotype. While not representing said stereotype, I clearly recognized some traits in myself. It scared the shit out of me at the time. [1]Ironically, I later turned myself into the very same stereotype in an attempt to fit in. I spent many years trying to convince myself I wasn’t really gay. I had no desire to wear women’s clothing/makeup so I couldn’t possibly be gay. I just had this odd sexual attraction to men I couldn’t control no matter how much I wished it away or beat myself up over it. I continuously tried to control my thoughts, feelings, and impulses to no avail. My burgeoning sexuality would not be denied and no matter how hard I tried, I could not “convince” or “change” myself into being 100% straight. [2]Not to mention, the very thought of sex with a woman totally grossed me out. lol The mental anguish I put myself thru was intense and severe. On top of that, I felt guilty for not being able to control myself and this only made me feel worse. It wasn’t until years later I began to realize my failed attempts to ‘fix’ myself were total irrational bullshit
So, the first thing you need to accept and resolve in yourself is that you are not a bad person. You do not need to punish or chastise yourself for expressing a perfectly natural impulse (to you). Whether society has yet to realize that simple truth or not, you have an inalienable right to exist and be, just like everyone else. And for cracker’s sake, do not fall for the foolish notion you have to conform to a higher standard just to obtain the basic rights given to everyone else. We do not need to hold ourselves to a higher standard to obtain equal treatment.
Once you come to terms with accepting yourself, you need to realize you are not alone. While being gay still carries stigma in society, we are more vocal and visual than ever before. Yes, we still have a hard road ahead of us, but we have more rights than anytime in modern history. Not only that, the age of technology and the internet has made it easier than ever to reach out to others. On a side note, your sexuality on the Kinsey Scale may vary based on genetics. [3]Not everyone ranks as polar opposites, totally straight or gay. It may take you some time to figure this part out.
Please understand your refusal to act on natural impulses does not make you a ‘convert’ no matter how hard the religious fundies try to say otherwise. Teaching yourself to hate or deny your id is wrong and unhealthy at best. The real damage often comes from trying to force yourself to be something you aren’t, straight. Not only do we end up hurting ourselves, we also hurt people around us.
I won’t tackle the religion angle here other than to make one point. The fundamental failure in religious interpretation is the failed assumption sexuality is a choice vs genetic. Science (and nature) has consistently shown sexuality is tied as much to our genetics as anything else. And frankly, how much gall does it take for someone who is straight to try and tell someone who is gay its a choice? So because you (as a straight person) can’t identify with being gay, it must be a choice? Oh yeah Watson, brilliant deduction skills there. /sarcasm.
Back to the topic. Ultimately, you have to do what you think is right for you. I would argue you will spend more amounts of time more trying to hide it than you ever would dealing with the issues that come up over being honest. Hiding behind fear is not the answer. To borrow a phrase, “fear is the mind-killer”. It will cripple you and potentially do irreparable harm to your mental/physical well-being. IMHO, you cannot deny such a fundamental tenant of your existence. To do so only works for so long. Eventually the id finds a way to express itself, be it emotional or physical. Oh and don’t think for a moment living a ‘straight’ life with discreet encounters on the side makes you any more straight. You are only deluding yourself. Chances are high, your family, friends, coworkers, etc probably already know or suspect. Humans have innate senses and often put things together whether it be on a conscious level or not.
I have a firm belief the driving force in society changing peoples minds is each of us living openly and honest. People quickly realize we aren’t that much different when you get right down to it. Yeah, we enjoy same sex relationships, but otherwise we are pretty much the same. Our only ‘agenda’ is to have the same basic rights afforded everyone else under the law, free of persecution; the pursuit of life, love, and happiness. We have the same goals, ideals, hopes and dreams.
So that is my answer. Take it as you will.
References
| ↑1 | Ironically, I later turned myself into the very same stereotype in an attempt to fit in. |
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| ↑2 | Not to mention, the very thought of sex with a woman totally grossed me out. lol |
| ↑3 | Not everyone ranks as polar opposites, totally straight or gay. It may take you some time to figure this part out. |
Still Kicking
Yeah, I’m still here I’ve just been a little busy lately and haven’t had much time to update da ole blog. Let’s see, what have you missed?
I went down to LA over pride weekend to see the boy. I figured I’ve done pride every year for the last 7, I can miss one. Anyway, I had a very good time, to say the least. heehee I also took the opportunity to visit Universal Studios while I was there. I wasn’t overly impressed. Total tourist trap. To be fair, I didn’t visit the theme park area. That would have been more fun, I’m sure. The rest was just overpriced restaurants and trendy clothing/trinket shops. I can get that here. I did like the extra deep seats at the movie theater though. [1]I went to see the new Transformers. I liked it!
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The whole Michael Jackson hysteria has me disgusted. Forgetting how it has completely obliterated coverage of any real news, I’m always amazed how selective people’s memory can be. I wonder how adoring anyone would be had it been their child he molested? And please spare me the “he is innocent” speech. I was a huge fan up until the trials. Anyone who watched with more than a passing interest came away feeling his was guilty. And just try and explain to me how an innocent man accused of such a heinous crime(s) forks over $23 million to “settle” his good name. [2]And that was a different case. I wonder how many never made the papers? Yeah right! And while I’m on my holier-than-thou horse, since when is musical talent carte blanche for a celebrity to commit crimes? I don’t have a problem w/people remembering him but lets try to keep to the truth vs fantasy. I find the similarities between the OJ & MJ trials amusing. OJ was also acquitted but everyone pointed believes he is guilty. Why is Michael Jackson any different? Is it because we dont’ want to believe? Or because our fragile egos can’t deal with the reality that popular celebrities are fallible human beings just like the rest of us. /rant
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Work has been somewhat better as of late but still crazy busy. I’m referring to my Union duties of course. Regular work ebbs and flows constantly which is part of the reason I probably enjoy it so much. I mentioned a while back we saved our immediate jobs but there is still plenty of work to be done to make sure they stay secure. Not to mention, I still have my hands full w/daily complaints, representations, grievances, etc. Busy busy busy.
On a side note, Thursday (my Friday) we got a misrouted VOIP call from my best friend from Houston’s hometown in Oklahoma. His hometown is only slightly larger than mine so one does not forget such things. I didn’t handle the call but it was pretty serious and it took some time just for us to track down the correct agency contact information. Contrary to belief, all PSAPs are not constantly connected.
Oh, and I am going back to 5-8’s mid month with Sat/Sun’s off. I’ll admit I was a little tempted to stay on a 4-10 shift this time. While I still struggle with my tight schedule, I’ve adjusted much better than last time. That said, my particular slot was taken so I opted to go back. I’m looking forward to longer mornings again so I can go back to longer workouts.
Speaking of working out, I’ve taken a couple weeks off from the gym, other than cardio. I strained my elbow tendon a while back and its been getting progressively worse. I need to give it some rest before I do serious damage and have to go thru some of the drama my buddy Rob did. He had to take over 6 months off from the gym. I have no desire to do that to myself by being hard-headed.
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The new roomie is completely moved in now. He seems to be adjusting well and so far its been great having him around. Even better, he paid rent w/o having to be asked! I know, shocker right? The old roomie and I still stay in touch. We were friends before being roomies and that will continue. He seems intent on staying in NYC even though he still hasn’t found work yet. I wish him luck even if I do still miss his drama at times.
I could go on and on but TiVo is calling and I’m still 4 levels away from beating the latest version of Prince of Persia on the Xbox 360. Yes, I’m still a geek. Oh, and I have some drama about the latest moto ride to share when I have more time.
Cookin’ N Bookin’
I’ve been getting back in the habit of cooking my own meals lately as opposed to eating out. Wit the old roomie moving to NY, I needed to make some cutbacks to accommodate the cost of absorbing all of the rent. My eating habits were an easy target as I tended to eat out a lot. Anyway, I’ve been getting back in the habit of cooking. With that comes old favorites that I enjoy immensely and are relatively easy to make. A big one is a simple but versatile dish called Hobo Casserole. You can use any ground meat of choice, (the leaner the better), fresh frozen assorted veggies, V-8 or tomato sauce, and biscuits. Brown the meat, seasoning to taste. Layer in casserole dish, cover with mixed veggies and then layer w/biscuits. That’s pretty much it. Cook at 300 degrees for about 45 minutes. Its a very versatile recipe as you can change up the meat, veggies, and the sauce. The trick is to make sure the casserole dish is full to the top with just a tiny bit of room to fit the biscuits; literally just enough to prevent the biscuits from cooking over the edge. If the dish isn’t full the biscuits will not cook all the way thru and will be gooey underneath. [1]An alternative is to cook the biscuits in a similar size dish and layer’em on top afterwards. If you are a cheese fan you can layer in a cheese of your choice between the meat and veggies. I swap the sauce from V-8 juice to tomato sauce, or my favorite, Campbell’s tomato soup. The tomato soup has a tangy sweet flavor which mixes well with the meat and veggies. I also love to add chopped okra with the veggies. DE-lish! It isn’t very ‘sophisticated’ but makes a filling and healthy meal.
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And speaking of roomies, I can’t remember if I told everyone but I found a new roomie. [2]And no, we haven’t slept together. As you know, I’ve been very ambivalent about searching for a new roommate. The thought of living with a total stranger has been very unappealing. It took me 2 months just to start putting feelers out. I’ve been very cautious as I’m looking for a good fit vs just having a body to fill a void. Home is my no-drama zone and I wanna keep it that way. Anyway, he saw a blurb on my Facebook profile and showed some interest. We’ve known each other for several years. He dated my ex’s best friend back when my ex and I were still together. While we aren’t overly close, I know enough about him to feel comfortable having him as a roomie. He also has a stable job, his own wheels, and he doesn’t smoke. All pluses in my book. lol Seriously though, I’m looking forward to it. I think he is a great guy and don’t foresee any drama. Unfortunately, this came about because he is breaking up with his partner. I guess he has reached his breaking point as he was originally gonna move in on the first but has already started moving his stuff. [3]Lucky for him, I’ve already had the priest over to perform an exorcism after the last roomie. heehee He seems to have a positive attitude about it though. Oh, and he also rides a motorcycle so we definitely have that in common!
He is supposed to finish moving in this weekend. I’ll be in LA visiting the boy so he’ll have the whole place to himself. I’m quite sure he’ll be fine. lol For my part, I’m excited. As ambivalent as I was, the apt has felt empty w/o someone around. I can turn my attention back to paying down my debt in anticipation of buying a condo around years end.
Right or Wrong
As you know, I rarely weigh in on politics (for a reason). However, I’ve been mulling this one over for awhile now. I’m quite sure my opinion is in the minority. Well, that is why its called an opinion. Just like assholes, ever body has one. I’ve been reading a lot of the fall out over Obama’s lackluster support for LGBT rights, gay marriage, and opposing DOMA, DODT, etc. [1]Maybe because we’ve become selfish and only notice instant gratification? Specifically, all the indignation about how our current Prez has ‘failed us’.
For the record, I am disappointed in our current President. He could be doing more to promote equality for the LGBT community. That said, I’m not ready to throw the book or even give up on him just yet. I’d like to think I have a more pragmatic view but that’s just me. When I voted for Obama, I did so knowing he would not wave a magic wand and fix everything overnight. I voted for him thinking he was the best choice of the candidates available to choose from. I still support that decision. Was he perfect for gays? No. We knew that ahead of time. Will he deliver on everything he promised? Probably not. What President ever has? The last President who rushed into trying to overcome centuries of prejudice left us with DADT. Oh what a great compromise that turned out to be.
While I am disappointed by Obama’s lackluster support, I am also trying to see the bigger picture here. Our country is facing some of the largest crises in our history. Our financial markets are practically in ruins from rampant deregulation. Our country is virtually broke and we are “robbing Peter to pay Paul”. [2]If China called in our debt, this would be the US of China. Our healthcare system is on the verge of collapsing under its on mismanaged weight. More and more companies are going under daily and adding to the already record numbers of unemployed. Not to mention, we are facing two wars overseas, a pending disaster with North Korea, and now Iran’s turmoil threatens to embroil us even further.
And here is the part that irritates me the most. We are quick to jump on the “he let us down” bandwagon, but in California during the Prop 8 campaign, the number of identified LGBT voters was way lower than our actual numbers. Had more of us stood up and exercised our constitutional right to vote, I firmly believe Prop 8 would have failed. Many foolishly assumed it was ‘shoe-in’ so they did nothing while our enemies mobilized their own numbers. And look where our complacency and indifference got us. Oh yes, we were quick to point fingers and blame. And I ask you, what has that gotten us? Nothing, zero, zip, nadda, zilch. Personally, I see it as a cop-out. We blame others in an effort to absolve ourselves of any personal responsibility. In the process, we give up our power and relegate ourselves to the “helpless victim” mentality. How many of you reading this right now has contacted a single government representative at any level? Even simpler, have you done anything at all, besides complain?
I have a radical idea. How about we get off our collective asses and get involved. Whether it be thru voting, marching, volunteering, educating, donating, whatever. Everyone of us can contribute, one way or another. Contact your local, State, and Federal representatives and let them know you expect results. In an age of electronic communication, its as simple as type and click. We can forward stupid memes, pics, porn, and funny emails till we are blue in the face, but we can’t contact our elected leaders? How sad is that?
Instead of whining like petulant children about how “Obama has failed us”, we should be focused on continually keeping our struggles in the public eye. No matter how hard the haters try, we are not going away. Stop sitting on the sidelines waiting for someone else to protect us. No one is asking you to go broke for the cause but every single person can find small luxury items that could be converted to donations for LGBT organizations. [3]Booze, bars, cigarettes, starbucks, porn, etc. Blasphemy, I know. Volunteer to man phone banks, mailing lists, voter registrations, street walking campaigns, etc. There are a ton of ways each and every one of us can be part of the solution.
The point here is pinning all our hopes on one man and then getting angry when he doesn’t deliver is foolish and naive. Yes, he could be doing better. Yes, we should hold him accountable for his promises. And yes, we should continue to demand more. But, the same is true of ourselves.
/rant