Techno Drama

So I get home last night and my cable card isn’t decoding the signal for the TV. The cable box was working fine. Thank the stars as poor Tivo might have had a fit otherwise. The card still isn’t fixed today. Comcrack is supposed to be out later to repair it (read here: snoop to see if I’m hacking the signal). I found out quite a few folks here lost their signal due to an “uprade” in software. Now, you know I’d rather walk on lips than talk about someone but, I heard a dirty rumor they are actually using it to see how many folks are trying to pirate cable thru hacked cards. Of course, there is never any truth to big business spying on consumers so I don’t believe a word of it. Tsk, tsk.

The real drama was yet to come. I get up this morning I groggily make my way to the sofa to fire up the laptop1 only to be shocked completely awake by a clicking noise and a dark laptop screen. Here is a sample of what went thru my mind…
Continue reading Techno Drama

Mr. Sandman

Ok, enough about hypocrites and politics, more of me. I’ve had some really odd dreams as of late. Normally, I have 2 or 3 dreams a night that I can remember. They say the average person can have as many as 10 dreams a night however, we rarely remember all of them. And while mine often tend to be vivid, still very normal in the scope of dreams. Lately though, my dreams have become like mini sagas. I can only remember one dream a night now and they tend to be very lengthy and very involved.

A good example from last week, I had a very detailed dream where I had bird wings and was in a battle for dominion over my people against a tyrant bird king. The dream started w/me learning the ins/outs of learning how to fly all the way to several lengthly battles w/the king. I woke up before the dream finished. It is still as fresh in my mind as if I’d just dreamt (yes I know not a real word) it last night. While the story itself is probably from a scene in my God of War II video game, the scenery, the battles, and the plot are very different. Even that isn’t so unusual as the length and depth of plot to it. While I can have repeats of dreams the complexity is rarely this high. I’m curious if anyone else out there has or does experience this?

Pissy Missy II

Continuing in my week of sermons and “told ya so’s”. I guess I pissed more than a few people1 off yesterday with my rant about the late (not so great) Jerry Falwell. Not only did I rant here but, I also chimed in all over the blogosphere regarding his welcome demise. I also got about 20 emails from my comments on Joe.my.god’s blog2.

Let me attempt to set the record straight for all the would-be Moby converts. (yeah right)

  • 1. I am not a christian so I’m not a hypocrite.
  • 2. Nor do I believe in your made up superstitious tourist attraction aka hell so save your well wishes on my not-so-safe journey there.
  • 3. I never said I hated him, I’m just glad he is dead. I celebrate his death just as I would Hitlers if I’d been alive at the time.
  • 4. If karms exists, he’ll come back as a poverty stricken black woman struggling to just get ahead in life or even better, a muslim woman in the middle east. Then he’ll get a taste first hand what it means to be a minority or considered property vs. human.
  • 5. I don’t know his family nor do they read my blog. But, did they worry about my feelings when JF blamed every natural disaster in the last 10 years on my people? Nope.
  • 6. Where were your cries of rage when Mathew Shepard was murdered? How bout Qwen? Or, how about the black guy who was dragged to his death behind a pick up truck until his head popped off? Where were you and your beloved JF then? You were standing in judgment. Well the shoe is on the other foot now. I ask you, who is really the hypocrite here?

No, you will find no sympathy here. My sympathy has been all used up on the thousands of gays/lesbians/minorities across the country JF condemned to 2nd class citizenship in his never-ending crusade of intolerance. The bible says “an eye for an eye” after all.3 No, you will only find relief here at the Moby Files. Another wicket and viscious tyrant is dead and the world heaves a collective sigh of joy.

1 Bless their hearts and God bless my spam karma plugin for catching every single one of their love messages. lol
2 His post regarding JF made it on a rather nasty “christian” website of which, I will not link too here.
3 See, I can misquote it too.

There is a God

And he does smite his enemies. I know I’m late to the party but I just found out Jerry Falwell is dead. I say good riddance to bad rubbish. What an insidious and evil man he was. I’m not normally someone who would celebrate a death however, the world is a better place w/o him spewing his vile filth over the air waves.

I personally think it was his conscience that killed him.

Fibber

I found out one of my readers has been lying to me about who he is. He came clean recently in a very dramatic email. I wasn’t overly shocked as I’m not so foolish as to think everyone who reads/comments here is 100% honest. However, I guess it was bothering him hence, the email. He explained he enjoyed my blog because I was always so honest and blunt.1 Turns out, he has only recently come out and not thinking very high of himself concocted a rather illusionary image of himself for the world. Again, a no-brainer. We have so few positive role models as gay men I’m not really surprised. Anyway, he went on to state my blog was the reason he fessed up.

I’m flattered my blog had such an affect however, I think it has more to do with his own conscience than the ole blog. Lord knows, I have enough of my own issues. But, having learned a few things over the years, I gave him the same advice I’ll give anyone who asks (and even a few who don’t). Be honest, be yourself. One of my favorite quotes referenced here is “I’d rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I’m not.” Being true to yourself might mean less friends or even less interest. However, the interest and friends you do get will be legit.2

On a side rant, they say reality is 9/10’s perception. I am a firm believer in that. We spend so much time imagining the world around us and all the bad things that could happen it becomes real. We let fear and anger wrap us in a cocoon of self-doubt and worry. We act on these destructive traits by projecting it onto others w/o ever taking the time to discover the reality. I still battle with this one and it isn’t easy.3 I will add, it does get easier. Admitting it to yourself is the first step. As for my reader, well I can only hope he takes my advice to heart and is better for it.

Gosh! Who knew I was so good at psycho-analysis? Our time is up and that’ll be $300.00 please.

1 Duh.
2 90% of the fags on Manhunt should take that to heart.
3 I know, what a shocker right?

Weekend Update

The weekend was uneventful. I had a friend in town from LA. He had a two part visit. One, get some of his things from his old place here and two, for me to cheer him up. He is going thru some rough times right now. We succeeded on both parts. By the time he left, he was laughing and more like his old self again. Here he is being coy on my sofa.


Ain’t he cute? lol

The rest of the weekend went pretty smooth. The landlord came by to fix some misc. problems we’ve been having with the apartment. Oh, the roomie and I also went to see the new Spidey 3 flick on IMAX. It was pretty good and worth a see on the big screen. However, for the most expensive movie ever made, it didn’t leave me wet.

I do have to admit a sin here. I had Taco Bell over the weekend. In my defense, only once in the last two weeks and I had the soft tacos, fresca style (read less fat). I feeling so Jimmy Swaggart right now. [Insert tear-stained face here] Can you ever forgive me?

What else? As if you really wanted to know, I went back down to a 14gauge on the nipple ring. I didn’t like the way the larger version distorted my nipple. My nipples are on the small side and I don’t it to be disfigured if and when I ever decide to remove it.

Today is my Monday and work is well, work.

Hot to Trot

First, thanks for all the encouragement and support regarding the M thing. Yes, I am moving on. Putting it in a different frame of reference helped me see the overall picture better. I believe he doesn’t really know what he wants right now. There is no shame in that only in his inability to communicate it to me. Regardless, it is a bit of a load off my mind/chest.

In an abrupt change of topic, the weather has been exceedingly warm the last two days. I can tell I have made the transition to being a San Franciscan because the heat nearly did me in last night. Overly warm weather is not very common here nor is AC units. Naturally, the fan in storage decided not to function upon being called into active duty again. I tossed and turned the whole night away. Tonight, I’ll be stopping by the all-night Walgreens for a new one. Not getting any sleep, I struggled thru my work out today. Even the trainer said he was sluggish. I know I know, all you Southern folks are laughing however, you do have AC.

Speaking of the trainer, I’ve decided this is our last month together. I’d originally planned to go thru June however, I’ve gained all my lost muscle back (ahead of schedule) and consistently hitting the gym again. Both of which were my prime reasons for having a trainer. Sure, I’m not as buffed up as my buddy Woofbrandon but the demands on my schedule preclude me from hitting the gym as often as I’d like. My motivation is also back on par so I’m not worried about slacking off.

Continuing in the fatwa against the axis of evil, I’m declaring May as cardio month. I’ve put off my cardio in favor of the workouts. I’d like to shed 10 lbs of body fat. Not a lot in the scope of things however, that last 10-15 lbs is always the hardest to loose. My eating is under control so now time to amp up the cardio.

Tomorrow morning, I’m having birthday breakfast with the ex (he is turning 40) and some of his “new friends”. It aught to be interesting to say the least. hehehe.

Glad To Be Sad

*Put your boots on, it’s gonna get deep today*

Well, it looks like the saga between M and I is coming to a close. We were supposed to hang out yesterday and he stood me up. He did text me afterwards to cancel. Something about he felt tired from his trip. That might have been ok had I not run into him just a couple hours later looking guiltier than a whore in church when he saw me. I figure either he doesn’t know what he wants or doesn’t want me and just can’t come out and say it. Either way, it was a defining moment for me. I’m done with trying to figure out his mixed signals and on again/off again interest.

I was annoyed and hurt all at the same time. Annoyed, because he was the one that suggested we hang out. I wasn’t me being pushy.1 We’ve talked a few times over the last few weeks but I’ve kept my distance. I was hurt because I’d been looking forward to seeing him all week. Maybe that is my fault but it’s moot now. For the record, the worst thing you can do to me is ignore me or push me away.2 I’m not into keeping stuff bottled up. And frankly, I don’t want anyone who is. In a way, I’m kind of glad it happened though. The situation has been weighing on my mind a lot lately. At least now, I can let it go and move on.

So once again, I’m left to examine my past and future and wonder is it worth it to try again? After the nasty fallout with my ex and the mind games of Bent Collective, is it really worth it?3 Each time I’m tempted to say no. It would be easier, I admit it. It would be easier to play the victim and wonder “why me?” or “what did I do wrong?” But life isn’t about the easy parts. It’s about the hard parts and how we survive them. And to say no now would be giving up on all the things I’ve tried to become in a man.

Well, I’m not ready to throw in the towel just yet.

1 Nothing like a little guilt to make a situation worse.
2 Mental note to any future ex husbands out there. *g*
3 Even though, my ex and I are good friends now.

Holy War

Brothers and sisters, harken unto my voice. I am declaring a fatwa. Not on who but what, grease and fat! As the first of the three gay high holy days1 approaches, it is time. The Motherland, one again, is preparing to receive her lost children unto her bosom. She will have you clean and deserving or not at all.

I declare unto you, go forth and make war on the fatty and greasy foods. No more will you be slaves to their evil influence. You must resist the temptation to indulge in their sinfulness2. They are infidels and will only try to subvert you into their hideous ways. Instead, you will prostrate yourself in daily workout routines. You will not skip your cardio workouts. You will burn away the years of evil residue and build up. Make it so for I have spoken. I have declared they are the “axis of evil” and must be defeated at all costs! Make it so my children.

1 Gay Pride, Up Your Alley Fair, and Folsom St. Fair.
2 That means no Taco Bell brettcajun!