Looking Back

I’m considering publishing some of my old written journals on the blog.

I found one of my old written journals from about 1o years ago the other day while unpacking some boxes. It was around this time I realized my childhood insecurities were crippling me as an adult. To say I was dysfunctional is putting it mildy. I was a mess! Oddly enough, most of my entries were optimistic. Often yearning for a better life, somtimes realistic, sometimes very UNrealistic. I kept waiting for something or more astutely someone to happen to me. I hadn’t yet contemplated the term of self-acceptance. My self-esteem and self-image were so low as to be non-existent. I was very skinny in a muscle bound world of gay men. Skinny w/a big butt. (Well, I thought it was big but, in hindsight, it wasn’t so big.) Throw in a heavy dose of low self-worth courtesy of my stepmother and you have a recipe for the classic dysfunctional adult. Not surprisingly, I lived at the whim of my emotions and desires.

I must admit, I’m a bit apprehensive. It was a time in my life when morals were foreign to me. I did things I’m not proud of. I was self-centered and selfish w/o even realizing it. Course, it’s hard to be moral and self-righteous when you aren’t sure where you next meal is coming from.

If I am to put my money where my mouth is, I should do it. Maybe my mistakes can help someone else.

RSS Feed

I blogged a while back about adding a function to allow people to register for updates to the blog.

Instead of adding another plug-in, I decided to correct the error w/my RSS feed. I intentionally altered the link out of fear sp@m engines would use it. However, I’ve heard very little fallout over such tactics so I corrected it.

If you ever wanted to get the blog via RSS, the link is functional again. (bottom right of the sidebar)

Tic Toc…

In random tidbits, I’ve been sitting around all morning waiting for Safeway to show up. (I get my groceries delivered.) They finally got here w/15 minutes to spare. I was hoping they’d show up early so I could squeeze some gym time in. Guess not.

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The BCC contest last night only had one contestant but he was a hottie. I don’t know why but late February is very slow every year. Odd. Last year, we didn’t have any contestants on this particular week. This year, even though we only had one contestant, there was a large turnout of people. And he raised $300 in raffle tickets all by himself. Pretty good for a Thursday night. And, we got three more contestants for next week!

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In the blogging world, Beyond Buffalo is in town and hasn’t called me once! Bitch better call me or I’m taking you off my blogroll. *eg* (We are supposed to hang out.) I’m also a bit sad. I have to wait another 6 months before I get to meet Steve from Bent Collective. He’s been promising me a date when he gets back to the Bay area. Course, he has to come back for that to happen! (I’m just giving him grief. He has to come back someday…I think?) He took a 6 month assignment in Uzbekistan (look it up) doing what he does best. I don’t envy going to such a dangerous place but if you read Steve, you understand.

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I’m wearing so many hats at work right now, I feel like a drag queen. Union, tech, dispatcher, instructor, training coordinator, blah blah blah….. I like it though. A lot of changes coming in the year and hopefully all good. I’ve got two more ride-alongs scheduled which I’m very happy about. I talked to the chief of our division and she is very supportive of my efforts. That makes a big difference.

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I had a surprising encounter w/a guy from Denver this week. We all make assumptions about people before we meet’em. I’m no exception. The guy turned out to be so much more than what I assumed. So much so, I invited him to sleep over. He did! All in all, it was a very nice encounter.

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Speaking of encounters, I’ll probably sneak off and be slutty tonight. I’ve been a very good boy lately. I think I deserve a reward.

Schedule

I get a lot emails asking about having my schedule online. Specifically, how open I am about it. My usual reply is my life isn’t so exciting I can’t allow outside observance. If anything, you get to see just how monotonous my life is at times.

For inquiring minds, I post it this way out of necessity. Being completely absent-minded at times, it makes for a much more punctual Moby. *g* Using my pda/phone, I can log in anytime from anywhere I get a cell connection to check my schedule if need be.

So there you have it. Not so glamorous huh?

Code 3

I’m doing a ride along again today (it’s after midnight while I’m writing this). Twelve hours bouncing around in a tin box w/some of the needest citizens in the city. Drunks, junkies, crabby old ladies, and the occasional victim of circumstance.

Ah, I love this job!

Apparently, someone at HQ screwed up and scheduled two fo us for the same day. Since, I was lower in senority, I got booted. Oh well, shit happens. I might do one tomorrow but it’s iffy right now. So now I have all this free time on my hands. What to do…what to do?….hmmmmmm

Oh and happy VD guys.

Mini Guns

I had a good arm workout today and having nothing to rant about for a change, I thougt I’d post some shots of my “minis” as I like to call them. My biceps.

Likes?

My Mini's

It could be worse. I could have posted some long winded rant about stupid ass Cheney shooting one of his buddy’s in the face. Ney, too many other more profound bloggers are beating that horse for me.

My Mini's

God, I need some sunshine. . . oh well, at least you know, what you see is what you get.

Drama Defined

Awhile back someone asked me to give my definition of drama. Webster’s dictionary gives one definition as “a situation or succession of events in real life having the dramatic impression or emotional effect characteristic of a play.”

I’d agree w/that however, I’d amend to include “any situation or problem thru action or inaction usually avoided w/a small amount personal reflection beforehand…”.

I think into everyone’s life some drama must fall. Otherwise, what’s the point of living. You learn nothing from a carefree existence. That said, having grown up in a drama-intense environment, I’ve learned while some cannot be avoided, most CAN. I find in most situations the drama is usually self-inflicted from a variety of causes. That is a rant for another day.

I bring it up today as I got a call this week from my best friend, Trev, back in TX. Apparently, my ex friend from here was back home and cornered Trev at the park. He then proceeded to tell Trev how horrible a person I am, how all I’ve ever done is hold him back, and how I constantly try to keep him beneath me. Ironically, my ex friend has always hated Trev as he felt threatened by his friendship w/me. Was he thinking Trev would suddenly say “you know, even though you’ve always been jealous and despised me, I think you’re right. I’m gonna dump Moby as a friend“? I’m sure you can guess that didn’t happen. However, Trev did call me to ask why he felt the need to share it w/him in the first place.

My first thought was to send my ex-friend an email but I’m reminded of my definition of drama. Knowing him as well as I do, his actions are a blatant attempt to strike back at me and to get me to respond to him. By doing so, I’m quite sure I’d be inviting more drama into my life once again. Of which, I don’t really need. Nor do I need to flesh out a problem he isn’t even capable of understanding.

So that’s my definition of drama. I reserve the right to append or amend at any time in the future as wisdom dictates. *g*

Morals? Send Out A Search Party

Busy Busy Busy! Oy!

Got quite a few small tasks out of the way over my weekend. Don’t ya hate it when you get so many little tasks that it ends up taking the whole day to take care of’em? blech.

I also had a nice email conversation w/a fellow blogger this morning. That in itself is not newsworthy. I mention it because he said something that totally took me by surprise. He told me he thought I was an incredibly moral person. I was shocked at first because I don’t really see myself that way. Just the opposite in alot of ways actually. Having beat the term itself to death in a previous rant, I see no need to go over that again. But, having never been given a firm moral structure from my parents, I’ve had to seek out my own in life. A task that has been a bit daunting at times. And please don’t confuse my morality w/perfection. I happen to like some of my flaws and have no plans to change’em.

If you read my nonsense w/any regularity, you know that I often ramble about my growing pangs. I guess sometimes it takes an outside perspective to make you see something right in front of your face. I do have morals. And while they may not conform to currently accepted social norm, they serve me well. I call on them every day in one form or another.

Whodda thunk it? Me, moral. Gosh! It boggles the mind.

A Sliver of Hope?

I’m never one to get my panties in a wad too quickly. However, this article, courtesy of Towleroad, has me excited.

Researchers, including a BYU scientist, believe they have found a new compound that could finally kill the HIV/AIDS virus, not just slow it down as current treatments do.
And, unlike the expensive, drug cocktails 25 years of research have produced for those with the deadly virus, the compound invented by Paul D. Savage of Brigham Young University appears to hunt down and kill HIV.

Without delving into the conspiracy theories behind the lack of a cure thus far, wouldn’t it be a kick in the pants to the drug industry if a cure turned out to be cheaply made and easily mass produced?

I don’t think I know anyone who’s life hasn’t been touched by the loss of AIDS. If you, as a reader, have never known the suffering and anguish associated w/this horrible illness, I envy you. Having seen so many of the people I love succomb to this horrible disease, I am always heartened by advancing medicine.

It’s way too soon to be putting “out the word” but, the advances made in the last 5 years are changing the face of HIV prevention. Let’s hope this new discovery becomes a reality instead of just another flash in the fire!

I’ve Been Exposed!

I finally finished unpacking. Well, 98% done. I’ve got two boxes left and some rearranging to do. However, the hard part is over. Thank the stars. Blech! I hate moving.

The day started out kinda shitty. I discovered what I originally thought was an STD. Wouldn’t be the first time however, it turned out to be a light case of crabs jock itch. Yeah, you were just dying to know that right? Well too bad. You get the good w/the bad. heheee. Having never had jock itch (or crabs), I didn’t really understand that it could be that high up. (It’s on the soft crease between my abdomen and leg above my groin.) I thought you only got it on your groin. See what I know. It was so light I almost didn’t see it. I’m kinda surprised though. I’m big into bathing so not sure how that happened. I sometimes shower two or three times in a day. Anyhoo, a little lotrimin cream and I’m all better. It’s already almost faded away.

I chipped my favorite vase this morning. I was cleaning it and banged it on the sick. Then I got to stand in line for 30 minutes at the post office. Oh what a joy that was. At least the clerk was helpful.

To really set my mood, while at the post office, I discovered B of A cancelled my debit card w/o so much as a phone call. Apparently, my number has been “exposed”. They were very vague on the details. Which means someone broke into a server w/my card number stored on it or BofA sold the info and are trying to cover it up in light of all the media attention such antics have drawn lately. Either way, it is a huge inconvenience. I actually had to go into the bank and withdraw money. Ugh! That’s so Nineties.