Gubbmint

I am soooo tired of the shrilling over the guns in this country. Seriously, even some of my own friends have fallen off the deep end w/some of their comments about gun rights. And the cognitive dissonance to trump up reasons to avoid enacting stronger controls is just dazzling to behold. As a preface, I grew up on a farm with plenty of guns. We had a variety of rifles, shotguns, and occasionally even a few handguns. I also work for a law-enforcement agency. I am as pro-gun as can be. That being said, I am also pro-responsibility.

You do not need a high-powered weapon that pumps out bullets in microseconds. You cannot come up with a single valid reason, other than selfishness [1]or naked male insecurity to validate a need for such things. There may have been a time when we as a society could live w/o such restrictions but that time is long past. And for that matter, the 2nd amendment does not give you unrestricted rights to any type of firearm. It refers to a well regulated militia, keyword regulated. The government can and has regulated the types of weapons that are legal/carry in this country for decades.

POTUS is not “after your guns.” This is probably the most ridiculous thing I’ve heard so far. The conspiracy theories I’ve heard are beyond crazy. For the record, this POTUS has done less than any recent sitting prez in memory regarding gun regulations. The fact that he has been pushed into coming up with some sensible gun regulations after repeated tragedies does not make him ‘after your guns.‘ Many of the proposals put forward were already in a previous assault-weapons ban that expired recently. The world kept turning and people still had guns while the ban was in place. The rest helps close loop-holes so felons, mentally-ill, etc cannot get access to weapons they shouldn’t have. Getting a background check for all weapons sales is not unrealistic in any fashion. You’d think this would be a no-brainer.

Then we hear the argument, if we take the guns away, the killers will still kill. Really? So should we also do away with laws that prevent murder? People are still getting murdered so why have a law right? Again, this argument would be more relevant if we were talking about banning all guns. We aren’t. You can listen to all the rhetoric and lies being pumped out by the NRA and the crazies, or you can look at cold hard facts. Restricting access to types of weapons in no way infers the government is after all weapons. You’ll still be able to legally buy a gun to protect yourself. You just won’t have access to weapons that pump out rounds and rounds of bullets every minute.

Lastly, the only possibly relevant reason you could argue for keeping assault weapons would be to protect yourself from a tyrannical government. Sounds simple on it’s face. But let’s look at that for a moment. When the 2nd amendment was written the government was on equal footing with its citizenship when it came to weapons. Beyond cannons, the government had pretty much the same weapons as everyone else. It took minutes to load said weapons and the range was quite limited. That couldn’t be further from the truth today. The reality is your ‘gubbmint’ has enough automated firepower to wipe out entire cities w/o a single soldier setting foot on the ground. If the government really wanted to come after its citizens, it could. We haven’t lived in an age of equal footing regarding armed rebellion pretty much since the civil war. Those days are behind us. And to think otherwise, is more than foolish. So this idea that you need assault weapons to protect you from the government is flawed logic at its finest.

If you add all the civilized countries on the entire planet together, we still out-number them in gun deaths almost 10-1. You can lie to yourself and others about your reasons, but common sense will prevail in the end. It may not prevail right away or even during this administration, but it will eventually. The question is how many more people (and children) have to die needlessly before we wake up as a country and act responsibly?

References

References
↑1 or naked male insecurity

Reject

After my last rant, I remembered an email a reader had sent me previously about rejection. He basically asked how I handled rejection.

Learning to handle rejection can be a hard lesson in life. I struggled with it a lot as a young man. Not to say I’m immune to it now, because I’m not. Rejection is part of life. There are still times when it stings. You cannot get thru this world w/o facing rejection in some form or fashion. It is how you handle the rejection that defines your character and growth as a man (or woman).

The hardest and often longest struggle is overcoming your own insecurities. This is often a lifetime goal that will probably never go away. It may get better but it’s always there. We all have insecurities. Yes, read it again. We all have insecurities. And we are often hardest on ourselves. I can’t give you any specific answer here. You first have to be objective enough to recognize said insecurities first. Then, and only then can you begin to work on them. But to realize everyone has them goes a long way to help you feel less alone about it.

What you should avoid is going down a path of ‘what’s wrong with me?‘ should you be rejected. Rejection doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you, it just means there isn’t a match. No one is everyone’s type and vice-versa. In regards to sex or romantic interest, attraction is a two-way street and if it isn’t both ways then rejection is bound to happen. Of course, it stings, especially when it is someone you are really attracted to. But that in no way diminishes who and what you are. I can speak from experience. I used to internalize it something awful. I’d get down on myself assuming I wasn’t handsome enough, hung enough, buff enough, masculine enough, the list goes on and on. The reality often had nothing with what I was projecting.

Case and point, I used to have the hots for this tall older buff guy when I was living in Colorado. In my eyes, he had it all. He was handsome, hung, articulate, and buff. I’d follow him around like a puppy when I saw him at certain “haunts.” He was never rude or mean to me but he made it plain that he wasn’t interested. I was so dejected. To say I beat myself up over it would be an understatement. At it’s worst, my mood would get so bad when I ran into him I’d often leave.

Be it pity or just kindness, he sort of reached out and befriended me. After we became friends I quickly discovered he had a penchant for young, smooth, pretty blond boys. I mean this was pretty much his only attraction range. There was nothing wrong with me, I was simply not his type. As time progressed, I discovered the same insecurities in him that I had. If he got rejected by a point of interest, he would go into a funk no less severe than my own. It was quite an eye-opening experience and was one of the first times I started looking beyond my insecurities to the bigger picture. He also let me know that he did in fact befriend me because I never pushed it too far. He knew I liked him but because I never tried to force myself on him, he appreciated it.

While not every situation will be this cut and dry, that isn’t the point. The point is that you can’t be everyone’s type. And just because someone declines interest doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you. [1]And frankly any person who would try to indicate it is your fault, isn’t someone you wanna know anyway. And just because you see someone as being ‘the it’, that doesn’t mean they don’t struggle with the very same issues.

References

References
↑1 And frankly any person who would try to indicate it is your fault, isn’t someone you wanna know anyway.

Profile

I was cleaning some really old files off my webserver the other day and I stumbled upon an edit file of old profile info I used to post on AOL. [1]That’s America Online for all you youngin’s out there.   I had a habit of saving my profile descriptions. I’d often just copy/paste the same profile info as necessary across different sites. Anyway, I was a little disappointed after perusing some of the content. I had forgotten some of the disrespectful things I used to put in my profiles. Granted, I wasn’t trying to be disrespectful but that really isn’t the point. Intentional or not, referring to a whole race of people as being off-limits is offensive. The same goes for “not fats, no fems, etc.”

While I did eventually see the error of my ways, I’m sad to say many have not. You only need peruse pretty much any online social site to see guys posting the same type of comments. And don’t even get me started on the over-use of ‘masculine-only.‘ That is a rant all to itself. We’ll save it for a rainy day.

Anyway, whether you intend it or not, it is offensive to put such things in a profile. I’ve probably ranted on this subject before but it bears repeating. Instead of telling the world what you’re not into, focus on what you are into and keep it positive. Leave out the negative comments as it only serves to make you look like an ass. And it often makes you less appealing to prospective suitors. After all, the old saying goes ‘you catch more flies with honey...’

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After I wrote this I found the original post on the subject. How funny I gave it the same title. I guess my mind still thinks the same way.

References

References
↑1 That’s America Online for all you youngin’s out there.

Mind

CoopaI think Cooper secretly trains as Jedi night when I’m at work. I say this because there are days when I’m leaving for work where I feel a magnetic pull to stay home. It is as if there is a voice in my head saying, “this is not the job you want…stay home with me.”  heehee

In other Coopa news, he has decided he is part mountain goat. As you can see from the pic he has developed a habit of crawling up on the back of the couch. He’ll even lay down and go to sleep up there. He usually does it most when I’ve been gone for awhile. He likes to lay his head right next to mine. The other day he scared himself silly. He misstepped and rolled off the top down the couch and right onto the floor. The look on his face was priceless. I wish I could have caught it on film. He clearly knew what had happened but it scared him silly. It was a good two weeks before he tried it again.

He is also becoming less and less concerned with other dogs as he gets older. Used to, he’d try to play or dominate other dogs. Now he’ll sniff and play a little but he gets bored and walks away most days. I guess if they don’t have a treat or pet him he isn’t interested. There is a lady with a young poodle that often runs into us during the day. Her poodle plays the same way Cooper does so they get along beautifully. They’ll jump and paw and circle each other like crazy.

Other than that, it is a healthy loving well-adjusted doggie.

202

ArmToday I weighed in at 202lbs on the scale! This marks the first time in my life that I crossed the 200lb threshold! Ok, not exactly true. I crossed it once last year but it was fat-related. lol This time, I’m at my regular fat % and still over 200lbs! To say I’m giddy would be an understatement. I’ve been working out consistently for about 17 years now. [1]Give or take a year or two. I’m doing this all from memory. lol  My previous attempts met with failure back then because I was working out for the wrong reasons. Once I decided to take care of my body for my reasons and my goals, I stuck with it. When I came to SF, it was a new chapter in my life and switching to a gym like Fitness SF [2]Formerly Gold’s that was dedicated to muscle-building also made a huge difference.

I don’t remember the exact body weight I was at back then but I do remember it was roughly around 140-150lbs. I do remember weighing in once at 155lbs when I was still living in Boulder, which was 1995. That was also about the time I started working out in earnest. In roughly 17 years I’ve put on 45-50lbs of muscle. Sure I could have been more dedicated and gained it faster but that isn’t the point. The point is if a little scrawny weakling like me can put on that much muscle and size, anyone can. Seriously, I was so bone skinny back then it was laughable. I’ve mentioned it here probably countless times but my chest was so slight it actually sank in a little. My forearms now are bigger than my biceps were when I first started working out. It’s crazy because while I don’t see that skrawny kid anymore, he still lurks in my id. Thankfully, he is being subsumed by the new me.

The above bicep shot is a rare shot of me flexing. I don’t do pics of me flexing my biceps a lot because my biceps actually bulge out as much as they bulge up. I know it’s a bit odd but it is also sort of self-defeating when taking a bicep flex shot. lolol Of course, if I try to hold the bicep in so it bulges up instead of out, it looks like I’m cheating. hehehe Anyway, I’m just so excited. When I started out, breaking the 200lb barrier seemed like such an abstract and never-attainable goal. Honestly, back then it was mostly wistful thinking. After getting serious about weight-training, I suddenly realized my wistful goal was actually very real and very attainable.

Of course, this just makes me want to work out that much harder!

References

References
↑1 Give or take a year or two. I’m doing this all from memory. lol
↑2 Formerly Gold’s

Wear

So in a bit of shallowness, I’m probably the only gay guy who doesn’t like fancy underwear. By fancy I mean the alphabet of colors and cuts that seem to be prominent today. First, I am not bashing anyone, and if you comment keep it to the post not personal bias. kthanks. 

I just don’t get into perky panties as I like to call them. Granted, I also don’t wear the old school briefs that were often “generously” cut. lol I’d say it’s just my age but I’ve always disfavored them. Maybe it’s because I see them as flashy and I’m not a flashy kind of guy. I can see if you’re going to an event where your undies will be showing ie an underwear party, but in everyday life what is the point?

Me: I’m a standard boxer brief guy or commando. If I’m gonna wear undies, I want’em to fit w/o making me look like a WB cartoon character. I don’t need a bunch of cuts and rainbow of colors.

What about you? You a boxer, brief, or boxer-brief kind of guy? And if do you like the fancy ones, why?

Year 9

I survived NYE at work. Lord what a mess. Thankfully, I didn’t get mandatoried this year. I hedged my bets a bit by already having worked some OT but as luck would have it, I was far enough up the food chain to avoid it. The crazy started early, died off for a bit and then was getting heavy again by the time I left.

Well, here we are at year 9 of le blog. Man, what a ride. lol I already touched on my goals for the new year so no need to rehash it. The gym is already crazy with the influx of newbies. Everyone is making resolutions and plans for the new year. On some level I appreciate the fact that every NYE seems to bring a since of renewal and new beginnings. On the other hand, why does it have to be that way? Why can’t we focus on the things we don’t want or like in our lives and work to improve them anytime? The world may never know. lol

Anyway, I admit to getting the “new” bug. I’m looking forward to the new year. I’m super motivated in the gym again. I’m still working on digging myself out of the financial hole I’m in and and all around optimistic. Cooper is doing well and will continue to be the superstar that he is. As always, he brings me so much joy, it simply beyond words to explain. Work is work, nothing new there. Oh I didn’t get selected for the sup’s position. I’m oddly not disappointed. Considering I was so on the fence about it, I guess it’s a sign it wasn’t meant to be just yet.

In my personal life, things are calm. I’m not dating anyone but I did finally [1]after 9 years meet up with a long time crush. We actually met thru my blog. I’m not expecting anything other than a chance to get to know him. If something develops, great. If not, I’m sure we’ll still be friends.

The blog is, as ever, a work in progress. Who knows what I’ll come up with this year. Every time I think I’m done learning about myself a new life lesson comes along. Hopefully, that will continue. Lord knows I’ll keep blathering on. I’ve been receiving a lot of requests for more of the adult info. I’ll do what I can. It’s not that I don’t like sharing but it often seems so contrived when I talk about it as if I’m bragging. I’m not above bragging but that really isn’t why I share. In the meantime, you’ll have to be content with my regular ramblings and Jimbo and I picking on his royal bitchiness, brettcajun.

So, here’s to a prosperous and good year to you all!

References

References
↑1 after 9 years

After

Well the big festival / mess that is Christmas is over. Now we can all turn our gaze to the coming new year.

A special thank you to everyone who sent me cards this year. I easily got more cards than I sent. And while I don’t send my cards expecting one in return, it was so very sweet getting all the nice cards. Hell, I didn’t even know some of you had my mailing address. [1]Stalkers! lol  I probably say this every year but it really meant a lot to me. It was just me and Cooper this year and I was afraid I’d end feeling lonely. I didn’t at all. I’ve actually been in great spirits the whole time. Nonetheless, it was still very comforting having so many of my friends and readers reach out to me. You guys are awesome.

On  a side rant, several of my friends don’t get why I spend so much time on cards vs the actual holiday. Well, the holiday itself has become an over-hyped consumer event for one. I also don’t celebrate “christian” faith so I honestly don’t get much from the day itself. Doing my cards is more fun. It’s a big process for me. I often will buy 5-10 different packs of cards at a time. [2]Even though, I chose to use up all my leftovers this year. If you got the same one twice, apologies.  As I go thru each person on the list, I reflect on how I know the person. For my blog readers, I use this time to purge all my blog emails for the year. But before I do, I pull up my comment emails and sort by users so I can review all their feedback. It makes me feel closer to the person. Of course, the wax seals are a blast. It’s probably one of the few old traditions I embrace. There may come a day when we no longer send snail mail but until then, I’ll keep doing it.

As I move into year 9 of the blog, I’m so very grateful for all the advice, feedback, support, comments, and even differences of opinion you all have given me. This blog represents an important chronicle of my growth. It not only covers my life over the last 8 years but also my life in general and my growth into manhood. I honestly don’t think I’d be the person I am now w/o having done this blog. It has helped me (and others I’m told) in so many ways I’ve lost count.

Here’s to year 9 being a good one! My number chart says this is supposed to be a good year for me. I don’t put a lot of stock in it but here’s hoping it’s right! I could certainly use a good year. So from the bottom of my heart, I offer you all a huge thank you. Cooper and I wish you a very prosperous and happy year ahead!

~ Moby

References

References
↑1 Stalkers! lol
↑2 Even though, I chose to use up all my leftovers this year. If you got the same one twice, apologies.

Happy

Happy holidays to all of ya out there. I’m working today to help keep lala land safe. There will be tons of food at work. They day will start off slow and as we move into evening, the family fights will start. lol Once the newness wears off, you suddenly realize why you only see certain people once a year. hehehe

I hope you all have a warm, fuzzy and safe holiday whatever you celebrate. Be it Solstice, Christmas, Kwanzaa, Hanukkah, great spagetti monster, whatever! And if you’re going out with friends and/or family, please be safe. On the chance your holiday is a bit blue, consider yourself hugged from me. It’s just another day and will be over tomorrow.

For those of you who got xmas cards from me this year, I didn’t get to pop in my surprise. It was gonna be a pic of me and Cooper. Sadly, my printer decided to die a violent painful death and ruin my plans. I blame Apple guy. I’m not sure how but I know it’s all his fault! lol [1]yes, he reads my blog :p

Oh and you should be logged in!

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On a complete side rant, I’ve noticed more and more people who have given up (or cut way back) on traditional christmas celebrations. They all lament pretty much the same thing. It’s become a consumer frenzy of over-spending, often on items no one really needs and will be out-dated within just a few months. I’m not complaining about consumerism just the craziness that has grown up around it. [2]And don’t even get me started on the overnight, sometimes weekly waits in line for electronic devices that will be out-dated in just a few months. Seriously, WTF?! I mention it because the holidays can be a hard time for a lot of folks. Whatever the reason, sometimes the holidays are just rough. I find that as I shift away from the traditional idea of christmas I no longer feel as much pressure around holidays. I used to get very sad on xmas if I was single. I’d feel lonely, pathetic, and like a total failure as a person. Granted, that was a time when I had bigger issues on my plate but you get my point. I just don’t put as many expectations on holidays anymore. Less expectations equals less pressure. Less pressure means less anxiety. So if you are someone who is having trouble finding holiday spirit this year, I hope my words help. At the end of the day, it’s all self-inflicted. You are not a failure, you are still a wonderful human being, regardless of your relationship status. I urge you to walk away from the hype, the fairy-tale story-lines, and just focus on the things you do have. I bet you’re better off than you realize.

Regardless, I wish you the best and as usual, I thank you for reading my madness.

🙂

References

References
↑1 yes, he reads my blog :p
↑2 And don’t even get me started on the overnight, sometimes weekly waits in line for electronic devices that will be out-dated in just a few months. Seriously, WTF?!

Compulsion

I was commenting on a rant on Facebook the other day. The rant was whether sexual addiction was truly an addiction vs a symptom of another problem.

There was a time when I considered myself a border line sex addict. I seem to remember discussing it on the old blog. While I never felt like I fit the general description of a sex-addict, I did have an issue with being compulsive. Out of misguided needs for attention, validation, companionship, etc, I had developed a very compulsive habit of searching for sex. It didn’t happen over night and took years to develop. After moving to SF, being fresh meat in a new city didn’t help none either. If anything, it made it worse. The availability and openness here was very refreshing but it fed into my insecurities. In a way, it might have inadvertently helped me because I finally realized my behavior was out of control.

So here is a rundown of what my life was like during this time frame. First, I had a habit of waking up and going to online hook-up sites looking for sex. I’d log on at various times throughout the day looking for sex. I’d log on at night, you guessed it, looking for sex. lol But it didn’t stop there. I’d randomly have sex in the steamroom at the gym when the opportunity presented itself. I practically lived at Blowbuddies on weekends. Don’t laugh too hard but I used to mail-order condoms in bulk supply to avoid the extra expense! I lived and breathed the pursuit of sex. There were times when I wasn’t even available but I’d go online just for the gratification of someone being interested. It didn’t matter if I was interested in them at all. To say I was compulsive is an understatement. But, as much as I enjoyed the sex, it really wasn’t the problem. I wasn’t addicted to the sex. It was just an outlet. I was insecure. I had a horribly low-self image. I wasn’t happy with my body. Having a strong libido and being good at sex made it a natural outlet for my validation. Once I started working on my demons, my self-image/esteem improved. And like magic I found that I was less compulsive about it. As time went by, the ‘drive’ dissipated to what I now consider healthy levels of sexual pursuit. (for me anyway)

I don’t know if sex-addiction actually exists. Many experts claim it does but that many more claim it doesn’t. I don’t have the answer. From my own experiences not only with myself but others, I tend to think it is not a true addiction. I’ve only met a few self-identified sex addicts [1]no not being funny, people who really claim their addicts and they seem to be in the same boat I was; not true addicts but using it as a outlet for bigger issues. True addictions often have a physical and psychological component. Compulsiveness over sex doesn’t have a physical withdrawal. I’ve never met a person who had physical harmful manifestations from a lack of sex.

I used to watch a show on LOGO that dealt with addictions. One such patient on the show was a “sex addict.” But just as a described above, his issue wasn’t the sex at all but deeper psychological trauma that manifested in sexual conquests. The therapist treated him as a sexual addict but the issues they worked on had nothing to do with sex.

I do believe gay men can be very compulsive about sex and it can and does interfere with our lives. But rather than treating the symptom as a disorder, let us focus on the bigger issues that cause the symptoms. And while it may not be a true addiction, that doesn’t mean people shouldn’t seek treatment for it.

References

References
↑1 no not being funny, people who really claim their addicts