Here

Well, if you’re reading this, we are all still here. The world didn’t end because the Mayan’s decided to stop counting at 12.21.12. Of course, we already knew the other half of the planet already rotating into the 12.21.12 time zone is still there.

Now maybe all the end of the world crazies can move on and find something more useful to obsess about. Naaaaah

Now that it’s over (pun intended) I thought I’d share a funny story. While I’m leaving the gym yesterday, I’m walking thru the ‘hood and see a rather fugly MUNI driver standing on the corner [1]in his work uniform mind you making very strong advances to a female that was walking by.  He circles her, looking her up and down, making very direct and inappropriate comments to her in attempt to establish is manliness and land her number. Seriously, it was a spectacle to behold.

Getting a wild hair up my ass, I decided to teach him a lesson. As the female walks away in disgust, I walk up to him and proceed to do the exact same thing. I walk around him making comments, looking him up and down, asking for his number, his bus route, and how I can “get me some.” You can clearly see he is holding back the F-word as he gets more and more angry. Right when is about to totally lose his shit I lamented and said, “now you know how it feels don’t ya? It doesn’t feel very good when the shoe is on the other foot. You were totally disrespectful to that woman. You made an ass of yourself and she walked away thinking how disgusting you were. Next time try a little class or at very least don’t be so disrespectful.” I then turned and walked away while he was mumbling under his breath.

It is my hope that my rather controversial ploy taught him a lesson. I guarantee he’ll think twice before doing it in the Castro again. Several of my friends said I was lucky he didn’t assault me. I don’t see it that way. I think he was lucky he didn’t assault me. While I’d never pick a fight, I have no problem finishing one. Either way, I still hope he’ll be more respectful. 

References

References
↑1 in his work uniform mind you

Big

A reader asked why I talk so much about being physically vs mentally fit. Good question. I’d dare say if you were a more regular reader *hint hint*, you’d know that I have used this blog over the last 8 or so years to try and work on my mental/emotional growth. From my perspective, it’s just the opposite. Lawd only knows I have my demons and have worked hard to exorcise them as best I can. Not an easy task but possible. I’m proud to say some I’ve killed off, others I’ve just beat into submission. And yes, even a few I still battle with. That is the nature of life.

I do spend time on a variety of subjects including religion, [1]Not so much anymore. It’s become a farce of greed and control IMO. physiology, and psychology. I’ve always had a very metaphysical slant in my beliefs. One such book that was truly a revelation was Eastern Body, Western Mind. [2]Available in hardback, paperback, or ebook! lol On the surface, it deals with Chakra development, but as you delve into the book it is clear the author has a strong knowledge of psychology. The combined outlook was a pivotal and truly life-changing read for me. It helped me identify and focus on healing fundamental parts of my psyche that were damaged and scarred from childhood. Seriously, I can’t even begin to tell you how much this book helped me.

Even if you don’t believe in chakras, I still highly recommend it. [3]The simplest way I can think of to describe a chakra is as a point of focus. If you think it’s all mumbo-jumbo, use my definition as a frame of reference. To this day, I can’t read the book w/o getting goose-bumps at some point. It was that profound for me.

As for the physical, having been very scrawny as a kid, I have struggled all my life to improve my size. Vanity certainly plays a role but I’ve mentioned here plenty of times the benefits of being physically fit. So yes, I do harp on my progress (or lack) in the gym from time to time. But, it is not the only focus in my life or even the most important. I wish more guys spent half as much time working on their inner demons as they did their pec muscles.

To this day, I still internally perk up when someone refers to me as big. While I was shoe shopping the other day, the sales clerk at Foot Locker referred to me as “a big guy such as yourself.” It was obvious he wasn’t trying to flatter me because he looked slightly embarrassed after he said it. I giggled inside because I still don’t exactly see myself that way. While my dysmorphia is not as pronounced as before, it still lurks in my id. I guess it is something you never truly get over. I don’t see myself as the scrawny kid I used to be but I also don’t think I see myself as I truly am.

As I always say, the important and often overlooked distinction is to find balance. Too much of anything can be bad for you. I don’t live for working out but I do spend the necessary time it takes to care for my body as well as my mind. I’m currently trying to see how lean I can get. It’s a slow process because I love to eat. lol

References

References
↑1 Not so much anymore. It’s become a farce of greed and control IMO.
↑2 Available in hardback, paperback, or ebook! lol
↑3 The simplest way I can think of to describe a chakra is as a point of focus. If you think it’s all mumbo-jumbo, use my definition as a frame of reference.

Lean

MoiHere I is looking mean and lean. lol  Ok, maybe not so mean. lol

Anyway, I’m back down to my “healthy” weight. By healthy I mean my regular range of weight ups/downs. If you look you see the little pooch right above my shorts line. Sadly, my brief stint over 200lbs was fat related. That said, I’m still bigger now muscle-wise than I ever have been in my entire life. I’m only 12 pounds away from my goal weight of 210. But, when I figure in the 15 or so pounds of fat I want to lose, I’m probably closer to 22 pounds in terms of muscle. *sigh*  So close and so far away. hehehe  And you can see from the pic I can clearly loose a little more fat. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining just pointing out where I hope to be.

Right now, I’m 198 lbs, keep in mind 15 of that is fat I wanna ditch. And speaking of, the extra cardio from swimming has helped!  With the break up, debt, Spike dying, depression, etc I really dropped off on my workouts. I still hit the gym but it was pretty static and not consistent. As of this month I’ve rededicated myself to working out. I redesigned my workout routine as well. I have a horrible habit of neglecting certain muscle groups. To avoid that, I designed my new routine so that I work out a good and bad muscle every day [1]By good and bad, I mean muscles I like working vs the ones I don’t. lol  My new routine has me in the gym 4 days a week throwing weights and 2 days for cardio.  It’s off to a good start so far. I had the best dumbbell chest workout ever last week.

Dumbbell Incline Bench Press
lbs x reps
85 x 12
85 x 12
85 x 12
80 x 8

Dumbbell Bench Press
95 x 10
95 x 10
95 x 9
90 x 8

Dumbbell Fly
50 x 10
50 x 10
55 x 10
55 x 8

Above is just my chest workout for one day. I usually do 4 sets but my pecs were totally baked after just those 3. Another twist, I switch between free weights and machines every other week. The one thing I wanna point out here is I do not focus on a set number of reps as my goal while working out. Four sets is the goal. Reps per exercise is usually a maximum of 12 reps and a minimum of 6. Once I can do a full set all the way thru to 12, it’s time to up the weight slightly. I find that progressive intensity works best for my muscle/body type. In two months, I’ll be switching to a reverse routine of supersets of the same exercises.

So far it’s working because I was so sore this week I could only do one day of cardio. Seriously, everything hurt! lol  Referring back to my goals, take 15 lbs (fat) from the 198 for a base figure of 183. My goal weight is 210 for a difference of 27 lbs. In optimal conditions for non-juicers, the best one can hope for is about 2 lbs per month of actual muscle synthesis. It may sound small but that is actually a good chunk of muscle. So in the best of conditions I could hope for 24 lbs in a year. This IMO is not a realistic goal because I have a life outside of the gym, including work and a child. Goals should be realistic in their reach so I won’t be shooting for 24 lbs. lol  However, half that would be a good goal IMO.  So my goal for 2013 is to put on at least 12 lbs of muscle.

Now I could get there faster by juicing but I can’t afford it. Done right, steroids can be beneficial. They’re called cycles for a reason. You’re supposed to go off them for at least the amount of time you’re on them. [2]My doc says you should double the time off  Sadly, most people get caught up in the quick gains and end up abusing them. Don’t even get me started on the libido issues.

As always, consistency is the key. I’m super motivated now but I know that will wane over time. I’ll try to post workout stats from time to time to have you guys help me with my motivation. I’ll throw in some pics too!

Wish me luck!

References

References
↑1 By good and bad, I mean muscles I like working vs the ones I don’t. lol
↑2 My doc says you should double the time off

Holiday

I had this post all written and ready to post but after the CT incident, I just had to update it. While most of us are bouncing around merry and gay this holiday season, others will be struggling with loss and depression. My heart goes out to the families of those who lost their children in such a senseless tragedy yesterday. I’ll save my thoughts on the issue for a later time but for the rest of us, no matter how down you are this holiday season, remember it can always be worse. Take stock in the gifts you do have. Moving on to the original post…

*

In my line of work I deal with a lot with the more depressing side of the holidays. Unfortunately, not everyone will have a very merry holiday this year. Some haven’t had one in years. And further still, a few might take drastic measures to escape their pain.

It may seem silly to some but I always try to do something nice for others over the holidays. I like to think I do nice things for others year round but you get the point I’m trying to make. Lord knows last season I was pretty depressed myself. And while I had good reason to be upset, things weren’t really all that bad in the scope of things. I have a roof over my head, money in my pocket, food in my belly, and friends (an family) that love me. Not everyone will be able to even say that this year. So while I may not be buying shiny gifts, I am pretty content. [1]My swapping the iPad for the Nexus was pretty much my present to myself.

Anyway, I’ll be working xmas again this year. I don’t mind working as one, they pay me well and two, I like helping out. For all my bitching about the bureaucracy, I love my job. I like helping people. I’d hope that those of you out there who have a lot would take time to help someone less fortunate. Be it donations, volunteering, etc you can make a difference in someone else’s life. Often times something so little can mean so much to others. I urge you to remember the ‘spirit of giving‘ isn’t so much about things and presents.

And if you are someone who is struggling to find spirit or just survive the holiday blues, please take heart, in the grand scale of things it is just another day. The world spins and life moves just like the day before and will again the day after. *hugs*

I wish all of you out there a very Merry Christmas & Happy Holidays!

PS. Thanks to everyone for all the wonderful xmas cards! I was really surprised on how many of you sent them in to me. 🙂 I’m doing my last batch soon if anyone is left who wants one.

References

References
↑1 My swapping the iPad for the Nexus was pretty much my present to myself.

Stats

So I had a post all done up about my blog stats since the move and it has mysteriously Emotes face surprisedisappeared. For the life of me I can’t find it now. I thought maybe I might have published it and forgotten but not there either. Ironically, since I originally pulled the stats they have changed a bit so I’m just gonna start over. :p

First, you all know I’ve been happier than a pig in slop with my new hosting provider. I’ve also been on the warpath lately commenting on social & news sites. This has brought some interesting visitors to my modest home on the web. Quite a few have been from rather “religious” sites and let me tell you, some of God’s gentle people have absolutely filthy mouths on them. Seriously, one guy, not realizing the filter was kicking in, posted 9 times hoping it would hit my blog. lol [1]Silly boy, all new comments get held for moderation  Another guy apparently thought I was black and kept using the N & F words together. lol  So as a reminder dear readers, you are welcome to post comments here, even if we disagree on subjects. That said, you may not make personal attacks on me, my blog, my readers, etc. Such behavior well get you banned lickety-split. [2]If you notice some of my recent posts have been on adult subjects. Ain’t I a stinker?

Anyway, in other news. There is a big upset on referrals. Kelly from Rambling Along has taken over the top spot of referrals to my blog. hehehe. Number 2 & 3 added together still falls short. I don’t know what he’s been doing but keep it up! lol And speaking of #2, a newcomer [3]well to me. Nik the Greek snuck in out of nowhere to claim the number 2 spot. Welcome Nik and thank your readers for me for bouncing over so often. Large Tony fell to third and brettcajun fell all the way to 6th place. Even Jimbo beat him. Tsk tsk Brett, you’re slipping in your old age. hehehe

In related info, I decided to add my blogroll back to my blog. Considering the list is a fraction the size it used to be, it is easier to manage now. Plus, these guys are sending readers my way, I feel it’s only fair to return the favor. So if you visit my page directly, you should already see the blogroll.

References

References
↑1 Silly boy, all new comments get held for moderation
↑2 If you notice some of my recent posts have been on adult subjects. Ain’t I a stinker?
↑3 well to me.

Jingle

Cooper loves wearing anything that jingles, the more jingle the better. lol

I bought him a stretchy red/white fur collar with bells on it and he goes absolutely apeshit. He LOVES it! He will try to push his head thru it while I’m putting it on him.

Here is a quick pic of him wearing his little jingle collar. Naturally, he gets even more attention while we are out and about. The cuteness factor is almost off the charts. hehehe  He jingles while he walks and I think he knows he’ll get more attention.

He’s definitely got holiday spirit!

Secrets

I’m always amazed at some of the questions I get. Not because of content but the point of view. It gives me perspective outside of my own, which is always beneficial. It also helps me to learn about myself. Something I’ve always strived to do writing this here blog thingy. One such reader was perplexed by my Flip rant because I called it a secret. I guess maybe I should clarify. It wasn’t so much a secret as something I wasn’t overly proud of. ‘Lemme es’plain…’ lol

When I was younger, I was train wreck emotionally. I was very co-dependent, insecure blah, blah, blah…you get the point. [1]A very few of you have been with me since then and probably remember my rants on the subject  One of my biggest regrets was in my ongoing battle with said issues, I hurt more than one person. The fact that it was never intentional is irrelevant. I had a horrible habit of pursuing someone romantically w/o ever really deciding if the person was right for me. After the newness wore off and the drama set in, I would usually just break up with the person and move on. Saying it now sounds very callous and uncaring but I assure you that was never my intention.

My coping mechanism, meant to protect me, ended up doing to others what I was desperately afraid would be done to me. I ranted on it a lot on the old blog after Drew and I split way back when. I think I mentioned back then one particular guy I dated while still in Houston was a wake up call for me. I hurt him pretty badly. I always felt my breakup with Drew was my karma for him. I did get a chance to apologize to the guy years later and he was receptive to my apology.

So yeah, I felt a little ashamed to admit it out loud because I had recognized my top/bottom complex tied into my previous behavior of inadvertently misleading guys. I’m not ashamed as much as just disappointed in myself. The good news here is I have embraced who I am and more of what makes me really happy, physically and emotionally.

So there you go dear reader. Hopefully that explains it now.

🙂

 

References

References
↑1 A very few of you have been with me since then and probably remember my rants on the subject

Cheek

OMFG! Funny and true story. It’s very rare that I get embarrassed. It’s just not something I’m prone to but…

So I’m at the gym the other day. I always shower at the gym before I head to work. I’m standing at my locker after my shower getting dressed. I put my towel down on the floor to dry my feet. [1]lord knows what’s on those floors. lol  I bend over to pick up my bag to put in my locker. The guy behind me apparently decides to stand up right as I’m bending over. His face smacks right into my ass!

We were both incredibly embarrassed. I probably turned 10 shades of red. Thankfully, we were the only two in that section of the locker room at the time. Of course, after the initial, “OMG did that just happen” we both started laughing. I was grateful he could laugh it off. And I know what some of you are thinking, no I don’t think it was intentional on his part. The spontaneous emotion rolling on his face said it all.

We laughed, exchanged pleasantries before going on our way.

References

References
↑1 lord knows what’s on those floors. lol

Flip

My reader ingvisson made a very astute comment on my previous dating rant about my position of preference. He’s been reading long enough to remember a private rant I once made about my preferences. The specific rant was from 5 or 6 years ago and went like this, “from a mechanical or physical point of view, I prefer to top…That said, I think I make a better bottom.” The original rant was when I first opened the private section of my blog, which deals w/more carnal discussions. I’d forgotten I’d even mentioned it. But as I went back and read it I was struck at how I phrased it.

For a long time I called myself a bottom because I didn’t feel like I measured up. My own view of masculinity, manliness, prowess, etc was all tied to my warped view of what a man was. I had a hard time imagining or seeing myself as that type of man, so I figured my role was to be a bottom. The irony was moving to SF helped me grow out of the insecurities I had over it. Even though I usually had more fun being the top, because of my own self-image/esteem issues, I never could identify accordingly. One might say I was a closeted top? lolol Funny, but true. The bottom to top ratio here is significantly high and if I wanted to get laid, I had to top more. Supply & demand at it’s finest, eh? Anyway, as I began to top more I realized I actually preferred it. Between the extra practice and my maturing ideas I no longer felt like I didn’t measure up. It’s weird how we can compartmentalize internal issues and not see them objectively. Something that is so clear to me now was completely beyond me at the time. [1]Score another reason why I am happy I continue to blog

I used to say it was easier being a bottom but that’s not exactly true. It’s easy being a top. And while being a good top takes some skill, it takes a lot more effort, patience, flexibility, [2]in more ways than one lol and endurance to be a good bottom. I like to think when I did bottom I was good at it. Or at least I was told I was. Top or bottom, my energy is always the same so I do think I was good at it. 🙂 Regardless of position, be it comfort, pleasure, and/or choice, neither is a reflection on anyone’s manliness. Anyone who thinks such stupid ideas needs therapy.

True story, I’ve had more than one guy dump me because I didn’t put out enough, as the bottom. It’s not something I’m particularly proud of because, intentional or not, I misled people. One guy really read me the riot act and called me a tease. It was after him that I began to realize I was no longer worried about not being manly enough. Some of you long time readers will remember my experiment w/role playing and the boy from LA. After him, I knew that I no longer had to be anything I didn’t want to be. If I wanted to be a bottom, I could be. If I wanted to be a top, I could be. And be it lack of practice, my new-found confidence, aging, or all of the above, I don’t seem to enjoy bottoming much anymore. Oh, there are moments. hehehe The point I’m making is I still consider myself versatile to a degree. If I meet someone who likes to top as much as I do, I’ll make the effort. It may take some practice but I’m sure I could do it again.

So now you know one of my last big secrets. There isn’t many things that you few long termers don’t know about me know. lol

References

References
↑1 Score another reason why I am happy I continue to blog
↑2 in more ways than one lol

Cards

Well, it’s officially that time of year again. Yup, it’s christmas (holiday) card time again. I didn’t do cards last year for obvious reasons but I’m back at it again this year. I get almost as much fun out of doing the cards as I do the actual holiday. It’s one of the few old traditions I relish. The smell of wax, new paper, and shiny happy thoughts. heehee

With that in mind, I’d like to update my mailing lists so if you’d like a card, please email me [blogs@mydomainname.us] I’ll be doing the fancy wax again. lol I might even include a surprise this year.

And while I’m at it, let me say a big thank you to the few loyal readers who’ve been with me for years now. I started this blog in late 2004 and it’s been a bumpy and sometimes wild ride. Here’s to another year.