Wanted

Isn’t it funny how people who normally don’t give you the time of day when you are single suddenly wanna be all up in your grill when you aren’t? I mean don’t get me wrong, I know guys always want what they can’t have, but some bitches are down right home-wreckers. Apple guy and I have had conversations on several occasions about the subject. heehee

I originally thought it was kinda funny, but now its kinda getting old. I had the odd luck of being off work early tonight. I’m walking thru the ghaytto to pick up some dinner when a guy [1]We’ll call him Ralphie for simplicity. I have completely forgotten his real name but he looks like a Ralphie to me. I’ve seen around for years suddenly grabs my arm while I’m passing bearbucks. Said guy moved here 4-5 years ago. We met randomly thru different friends a few times. Each time I was summarily dismissed as if I barely existed. I mean literally, it was all he could do to acknowledge my presence. I thought it was hilarious and filed him away in my “bless his heart” file.

Imagine my surprise tonight when I turn around to find he is the guy grabbing my arm. I found it funny how hard he tried to establish a sense of rapport between us. I wasn’t biting and politely said as much. I mentioned I wasn’t really interested as I already had a partner. It was then he made the fatal mistake of saying, “what does he have that I don’t?”  I replied, “well for one manners, and two, me!” and walked away. I was tempted to turn and see the look on his face but I didn’t.

Yes, I know it was probably a bit immature of me to take joy in his humiliation, but I can’t help it. Good looks does not excuse one’s behavior, so yeah I took a little personal joy in his comeuppance. And anyone who knows me knows I can’t stand arrogance. Cockiness is hot but arrogance is so 80’s.

References

References
↑1 We’ll call him Ralphie for simplicity. I have completely forgotten his real name but he looks like a Ralphie to me.

Friction

Its been an interesting past week, to say the least.

Apparently, I live like a bachelor, or so Apple guy tells me. Ok, ok, its true, I do tend to live a bit sparse. Growing up the way I did, I never had a lot of things and it just isn’t natural for me to focus on such things. I don’t apply myself that way often and the skill set has grown weak. This is not to imply Apple guy is shallow, just the distinction between us. If anything, he is very hands-on and tackles challenges with a determined zest. In the last few years, I’ve gotten sort of complacent on doing stuff myself. [1]Ok, lazy I admit it.  He has taken to converting my sparse boring pad into a warm inviting home. Even better, he is the king of bargain shopping! lol The man has easily saved us over a grand in expenses with his efforts.

Sadly, Apple guy and the roomie have decided they hate each other. Oh yes, its not going well at all. I thought they would overcome eventually and settle down but its obvious now, that ain’t happening. The last few days have been interesting to say the least. This has also put me in an awkward position and I’m not faring it well. No matter how I approach it, someone is gonna end up hurt.

This has also caused some friction between Apple guy and myself. Besides his expected stress at being in a new place and struggling to gain his self-reliance, the bickering between him an the roomie has made him very uneasy about the move.

The upside is he and I are still able to talk things out. Time will tell but I’m not doubting my decision so far. I know he gets frustrated with me at times but at the end of the day, he still knows I love him and am willing to work on it.

Say a prayer for me to [insert deity of choice here], would ya?

References

References
↑1 Ok, lazy I admit it.

Dynamic Duo

For those not on Facebook or twitter, I thought I’d post a pic of Apple guy and I together. Here we are at a BBQ in Golden Gate park hosted by my buddy William. [1]Special thanks to William for organizing and setting it up.  We had a nice time today hanging out with some of the moto boys and friends. Sadly, some of the group couldn’t make it but better some than none.

*

And speaking of, Apple guy is finally here full time! He made it last week after spending two and half days back and forth to the airport. He was flying on a buddy pass from a friend of mine. Normally, not a big deal but because of delays, he ended up trying to get a flight out on a weekend that coincided with the end of spring break. Flights were super booked and he kept getting bumped. He finally got saved when a connecting flight in Houston didn’t show up. Poor thing, he was so tired and cranky when he finally made it, he went straight to bed and slept about 16 hours. Course, now that he is here I’m happier than a pig in slop! lol

*

Now that he is here we embark on a life together. I’m nervous and excited all at the same time. lol  That said, I am optimistic. I think we are starting things off right and with a strong foundation. As usual, our comfort level is pretty good. We just ‘are’ when we are around each other. I really like that and am looking forward to what the future holds for us.

References

References
↑1 Special thanks to William for organizing and setting it up.

Click, Click

I got a mild complaint the other day. Someone asked why I no longer have a blogroll listed on my blog. I guess they felt slighted because they link to my blog and I don’t reciprocate. [1]A link they have since deleted. Uh…bitter much?  Well, the answer is simple. It got to be too much to handle/manage. I still follow almost 200 blogs. Tie that in with Facebook and twitter its a lot to manage on a daily basis.

And for the record, I still have a blogroll. I just follow it via RSS feeds. Its easier and faster than trying to click thru from my blog. I know that defeats the purpose of all the bells and whistles you see on most blogs (including mine), but I just don’t have the time these days. I surf purely out of personal enjoyment on my free time. I also don’t comment on many blogs as much anymore as I do most of my surfing on my phone. Since only a handful have updated their blog for mobile devices, its either impossible or complicated to try and leave a comment.

I may or may not bring my own blogroll back in the future. As universal log-ins take hold and the integration of social media continues, I’m sure new easier methods of link management will arise. Hell, it may become moot as everything becomes much more interconnected. twitter, Google, and Facebook are fighting tooth and nail to capture users via universal log-ins. I’m sure eventually you’ll have just one large integrated feed that gets auto-updated continuously so all you have to do is log-in and view it.

References

References
↑1 A link they have since deleted. Uh…bitter much?

Surprise

Everyone seems ‘surprised’ by the recent events revolving around the teenage girl Constance, who was duped into going to a fake prom while everyone else went to a different one. Or that Derrick was kicked out by his parents for wanting something so simple and easy as taking his boyfriend to the prom. Really? You are surprised? What world have you been living in? Have we insulated ourselves behind our little bubbles (neighborhoods) that we have forgotten the harsh realities?

Just because I now live in the (make believe) mecca, I haven’t forgotten where I came from and what I went thru growing up. I have all the respect in the world for Constance and Derrick. They took the high road knowing it would create hardship. Granted they probably never realized how big it would become but still. They chose to stand-up and demand equality. They will go into adulthood with a sense of strength lacking in many of their classmates and be better for it.

The really surprising thing about this whole ordeal is that it took this long for it to come out (pun intended). How many of us over the years have gone thru the same or similar situation? I certainly knew I couldn’t bring my boyfriend to the prom way back when. [1]I didn’t go. I figured if I couldn’t bring who I really wanted, the hell with it.  Hell, they might have actually stoned me had I tried. These horrible ideals aren’t new or even surprising. As we become more visible in society more of our struggles will see the light of day. And while I can’t fault those who take the safe route in their lives, I can acknowledge and support those who do.

As the need for news and information has gone global, courtesy of the internet, people everywhere begin to see the harsh reality of what its sometimes like to grow up gay in America. We need to continue to focus on stories like this. We need to shine the light of day on those who would hide behind fear, ignorance, and religion to justify treating human beings less than human. The great thing about the ‘sensationalist’ approach a lot of media outlets have taken too these days is more of the crazies come forward and are exposed for exactly what they are.

References

References
↑1 I didn’t go. I figured if I couldn’t bring who I really wanted, the hell with it.

Lost

I had an altercation with a coworker this past week after I referred to the pope as evil incarnate. We are friends so she tried to cloak it under ‘be nice’. I knew that being a practicing catholic, she was offended. Too bad. There was a time when I tried to be accommodating of people’s religious beliefs. But, as I get older I just have less and less tolerance for bullshit. If you wanna align yourself with a bunch of make-believe nonsense that is your prerogative, but don’t expect me to tolerate your crap. And frankly, I am done being polite about it. All your sad pathetic excuses amount to nothing in the face of reality.

Christianity as an organization has become a self-obsessed, greedy, hate-mongering, evil, corporate entity bent on world domination. The sooner we get rid of it and start over, the better off we will be as a society. I fully admit there is still some good that comes from organized religion. [1]albeit very little or based on “conditions”.  That said, when your evil deeds and cover ups overshadow any good deeds performed, you lose any right to the moral high ground. If you are too stupid to see it, I’m not about to explain it to you. You clearly have bigger problems. And just because not everyone who claims the title doesn’t act that way doesn’t make it ok either. Your implicit denial or indifference makes you an accomplice to the atrocities continually being committed in the name of [insert name of deity of choice]. [2]and to be clear, I do believe in a higher power, just not one designed to control the masses out of fear.  Unlike being born gay, minority, female, etc you aren’t born christian. Being indoctrinated into a faith doesn’t mean you can’t use your effin’ head for something besides a hat-rack and walk away from it. Hiding behind the idea that you specifically don’t behave that way is just a sad attempt to not face the cold hard truth. Frankly, I’d be out-right ashamed to tell anyone if I was a christian in this day and age. I’ll go one step further and say my respect for you drops a notch or two when you admit it. I mean how believable is your ‘faith’ if you have to coop pagan rituals just to gain supporters?

When you step away and look outside in, the absurdity is grossly apparent. For most, this will fall on death deaf ears. I don’t really care. This is more for my benefit than yours. I’m not your role model and your choices in life are not my responsibility. But, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt when my life is over, I’ll be comfortable with my choices, mistakes, and atonements. Will you?

References

References
↑1 albeit very little or based on “conditions”.
↑2 and to be clear, I do believe in a higher power, just not one designed to control the masses out of fear.

Work, Work, Work

The irony of my job is most of my stress load comes from my non-work related Union duties. As the Chief Steward for our Chapter, I have become so integrated into the process that several Managers often come to me in advance of employee discipline to avoid mistakes and having to re-do their work. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not bragging at all. I’m just tenacious and very methodical when it comes to such things. While I may be technically on one side of the fence, so to speak, I am also very fair-minded and am never deliberately contentious. My work ethic has spilled over onto their side and they trust me. They know I have the employee’s best interest at heart but I’m also not about getting them a free ride. My golden rule is the punishment should fit the incident and the incident should warrant discipline.

Sadly, most of the stress has come from dealing with politics within my own ranks as of late. We recently held Chapter elections and some of the ousted individuals have been deliberately attempting to cause harm. [1]On a side note, I ran uncontested primarily because no one wanted to take on the workload. lol  I hate dealing with such things as I am not a deceitful person by nature. It is not my style to confuse and obfuscate the issues thru double talk and back and forth sides. But, I do believe in standing up for those who are being slighted or libeled regardless of who I alienate.

I absolutely hate dealing with such petty crap. A time when we are fighting to keep our jobs and income, we should be focused on common goals. We should not be fighting amongst ourselves with he said/she said crap.

References

References
↑1 On a side note, I ran uncontested primarily because no one wanted to take on the workload. lol

Hard

I had a very rough call this past week at work and I find I’m having trouble shaking it. I rarely take work personal but there are times when certain calls find their way past my shields and really get under my skin. Most days, work is forgotten the moment I leave the building. Hell, its forgotten before I get my bike started. lol 

Sadly in my line of work, even when everything is done 100% right, people still suffer and I realize that. Without getting overly detailed, a person died while they were talking to me on the phone. I did everything I could possibly do (and then some) to no avail. I don’t have any angst or guilt over my performance. Its just been a long time since I had such a raw nerve-racking call.

Most people assume working in my agency, we handle emergencies non-stop, call after call, day after day. That simply isn’t true. Many calls can be urgent and even stressful, but the ratio of truly emergent calls is very low. And while many of our calls are emergencies in one sense or another, there are emergencies and then there are emergencies. That’s the best way I can explain it. I can handle bloody vehicle accidents, shootings, stabbing, fights, assaults, etc w/o blinking an eye. And while I am not belittling the realness of these calls, after years of repeating’em over and over, it just becomes sort of routine. Granted they are still stressful but you don’t really get excited. You handle it as best you can and move on to the next call.

This last call was just so raw and out of the norm, it got to me. Hearing someone slowly [1]in the scope of a call it seems slow but the reality here is within a few minutes pass away while pleading for help and comfort is hard, to say the least. To know you are helpless to prevent the inevitable is just gut-wrenching. I was obviously upset afterwards and took some time to compose myself and refocus my mind. I was texting Apple guy and he managed to make me laugh, which is exactly what I needed. He knocked me out of my funk enough for me to move on. I finished my shift and went on about my life. For whatever reason, this particular call wasn’t so easy to forget. 

The upside to this is I recognized the hard edge within me hasn’t taken over yet. [2]For you newer readers, I’ve discussed on occasion a very dark cold part of my id that scares the holy shit out of me.  I’ll be honest, if I ever lose myself to the dark parts of my id, I would consider my life (and my struggles) an utter failure. It has been and continues to be on of the single most important guiding principles in my life. Thankfully, I don’t see myself going down that path. So while this particular call really got to me, it has also helped to remind me that I am still the man I strive to be. I can’t save everyone but I can take strength and comfort in knowing I do the best I can every time I can, no matter the scenario.

References

References
↑1 in the scope of a call it seems slow but the reality here is within a few minutes
↑2 For you newer readers, I’ve discussed on occasion a very dark cold part of my id that scares the holy shit out of me.

Solo

The weekend is fast coming to a close. It was pretty good. My bike shop was having a bbq on Saturday and I stopped by for some free food while they put a new front tire on the bike. The roomie went with me. Beforehand, we stopped by Mr. S Leather to get his jacket worked on. My friend Christopher met us at SF Moto and afterwards we took a short ride down to Alice’s. He has a new back tire as well and they needed some wearing in.

I was supposed to do chores today but I got a wild hair and took the bike out instead. [1]well, I did get a few errands dones.  What was supposed to be a short ride, turned into a trip half way to Santa Cruz along the coast. It was such a beautiful day out. As expected, Alice’s was super busy. The pic is only a tiny fraction of the bikes. There is a convenience store across the street and their lot was full to the brim as well.

I could have easily planned a group ride but I wanted to go solo today. I prefer the group rides but sometimes I need to go by myself. I can set my own pace, I don’t have to worry about anyone else, and I can stop (or not) whenever I choose.

I’d only planned to go to down to Pacifica and back but before I knew it I was passing Half Moon bay. hehehe I didn’t have any plans today (other than chores) so I said the hell with it and enjoyed the ride. It got a bit chilly on the way back as the fog had started rolling in. [2]Course, Apple guy got 2+ inches of snow last night in Dallas so I’m not complaining.  Between yesterday and today, the new front tire is definitely worn in now. hehehe Sadly, the weekend is over though. Tomorrow, its back to the pump and grind of work. Its gonna be a stressful/busy week too. Ugh. I’m not complaining as at least I have a job. I know many who don’t right now.

On a side note, God of War 3 shipped this week. Expect me to be MIA online for awhile once it does! lol If the full version is as good as the demo I’m sure I’ll be enthralled until I finish it.

On another side note, Apple guy is back soon and for good this time. I’ve been obsessing a bit this past week and driving him a little nuts I think. The great thing is he and I can talk about such things openly. I like that very much as I never had that with the ex.

Ok, enough for now. Hope everyone has a good week.

References

References
↑1 well, I did get a few errands dones.
↑2 Course, Apple guy got 2+ inches of snow last night in Dallas so I’m not complaining.

Read/Write

While I don’t blog as much as I used to, I’m always tickled when people I know ‘come out’ about reading my blog. I’ve had 2 coworkers and 2 friends fess up this week. Why they felt it was a secret is beyond me. My blog is and has always been public. While I do sometimes hide my more personal thoughts, [1]even most of those get shared usually its perfectly easy to find me. That said, I’ve made a few changes as of late. Some out of necessity and others out of convenience.

I’ve always made it a point not to use my real name online. [2]Considering only a handful of people actually call me by my real name its kind of a moot point in my mind.  When searching, I realize it presents some challenges if that is your only frame of reference. But, if that is your only frame of reference then you probably don’t know me that well anyway. Right?  Don’t get me wrong, I have no problem with people knowing my real name, I just decided a long time ago it was prudent not to use it in a medium rife with the potential for abuse i.e. the internet. So far, it has served me pretty well.

On the flip side, for a long time my personal and work worlds almost never mixed. As time has passed, that has changed quite a bit. Many of my coworkers often read my blog and share their insights with me in person. Knowing me in person, they are rarely surprised by what they read. lol That said, there are some things they just wouldn’t understand. I used to spend a lot of time and effort managing “restricted” content on the old archive. It was very time consuming to say the least. I finally got tired of messing with it and just made it all private. Time will tell if I ever bring it back. I’m sure as the use of universal log-ins become the norm, there will be newer and easier ways to manage users but for now you do not need to log-in when you visit le ole blog. It still helps w/commenting but content-wise everything is pretty much the same.

References

References
↑1 even most of those get shared usually
↑2 Considering only a handful of people actually call me by my real name its kind of a moot point in my mind.