Month: May 2011

Howwie

Is me again. I’m sneaking onto the square box thing while daddy is sleeping. I still don’t understand it but my translator used to seem reawwie busy when I yipped at the bright square flippy thing . . . I think he called it a “scween”.  My translator left the other day. Daddy said he was “raptued” or something like dat. You’ll have to pawdon my spelling, I’m not a vewwie good speller. Daddy has been reawwie proud of me lately. He says I’ve  been extra special good. Even when we walk to the stoe w/o my leash on. [1]Oh ssshh, I’m not supposed to tell that. My other daddy doesn’t like it when I walk w/o my leash on.  Ewyway, my daddy has been wowwied about me. I’m approaching my ninth birfday and my age is starting to catch up with me. Don’t wowwie, nothing is wrong yet, Daddy just likes to wowwie. He notices I can’t run as much as I used to and I get a little tired sometimes real early. Daddy tries to give me a good walk every few days to keep me stwong and limber. When I get tired from my wawks I just take a break for a few days until I’ve regained my stwength. I like long naps. I curl up in my bed, I snore a lot and bury my face in my pillow to block out the sun. On really bwight days I put my paws up over my face to help keep the light out. I sometimes remember how to actually bark when I sweep. I can yip but barking is reawwie hard. When I’m sleeping, I have dreams of chasing birds and cats and I bark in my sleep. Its twue! Just ask my Daddy.  Ewyway, I told Daddy not to wowwie about me. I get lots of love and attention and I’m not going anywhere anytime soon.

I think I like this box thing. It glows pretty colors and seems not to gunk up when I slobber on it. I’m not allowed to chew on it though. I would get in awot of trouble if I did that. Daddy found a new treat for me the other day at some place called Waw-gweens. Its got something called healthy gwanola on the outside and a hard chewy bone on the inside. Its my new fwavorite treat! I slobber and lick all the crunchy stuff off then I bite, chomp, and chew on the boney part till its nice and soft and I swallow it. I’m not supposed to hurry but I get es’ited and I sometimes choke. I try not to choke cause Daddies gets reawwie mad when I barf on my bedding.

I’m tired now so I’m gawna say goow night now. Ya’ll don’t tell that I was on the shiny box thing again ok? High paw!

Dawgs rule!

Spike

References

References
↑1 Oh ssshh, I’m not supposed to tell that. My other daddy doesn’t like it when I walk w/o my leash on.

Still Here?

So… You still here? You are! What, you didn’t get raptured? Well, let me be the first to offer my sincere apologies that you got left behind with the rest of us sinners.

Wouldn’t it be nice if now maybe we could stop fighting over petty nonsense and actually be productive as a society?  No, instead everyone will wait for the next wingnut to come along with another outrageous, totally bogus, made up, ridiculous claim. There is nothing more powerful than belief, especially to those hoping against hope for someone to come along and magically make all their misery go away.

As a matter of fact, I’m getting a vision right now!  Stand by…..stand by………stand by………. I have it! The world will end in the year 2555 on November 15th at exactly 12:35 pacific standard time. Now you know. So go forth and worry no more my little automatons.

The end

Fatality

I got into an argument the other day with a fellow rider about helmet safety. He doesn’t ride in our group but we see each other around and online. Anyway, he was bitching and moaning about getting a ticket for riding his bike w/no helmet. I was sort of shocked.

He tried to argue there wasn’t any real difference in riding w/o a helmet. It boggles my mind that anyone in this day and age would even argue that not wearing a helmet is a good idea. Naturally, the biggest blowhards always rant about ‘big government interfering with my rights, blah blah blah.’  Bullshit!  When you actually press someone it usually comes out that they don’t like wearing helmets for one of two reasons, style or comfort. True to my theory, he finally admitted he didn’t like wearing a helmet because it didn’t “look cool.”  And my reply, “well, if you think looking cool is more important than saving your skull then you’re a prime candidate for natural selection.”  We agreed to disagree at that point. lol  Virtually every agency I checked showed that wearing a helmet decreases the fatality factor by 35-38%  That’s pretty damn significant!

I grew up riding dirt bikes and three-wheelers. Back then, I never wore a helmet because no one told me and I was too young to really think about it. Looking back on it, I’m lucky I didn’t end up dead or a quadriplegic. We used to do some crazy shit , jumping blocks, donuts, wheelies, jumping over gullies, etc. lol Of course, as an adult, I do know better.

Sadly, some states still only recommend helmets vs requiring them. In my old stopping grounds of Texas, a law requiring helmet use was actually repealed! [1]I’m not surprised.  California law requires a helmet for any 2-wheeled vehicle 50cc’s and above.

On a side note, I learned an interesting statistic while researching the stats for my little rant today. Almost half of fatal motorcycle accidents involve alcohol! I couldn’t imagine driving my bike while intoxicated. One, my balance is screwed up enough just walking much less driving a 400+ lb piece of machinery that requires me to execute balance maneuvers as a matter of course. Two, I’ve been the victim of a drunk driver and I’d never forgive myself if I injured (or worse, killed) someone because of my drinking and driving.

The moral of my little rant? Don’t be an idiot. If you ride, ride safely. That includes wearing PPE (personal protective equipment).

References

References
↑1 I’m not surprised.

Rapture

Have you heard? The end is coming on 5.21.11 around 6:00pm. So says some crack pot religious freak who claims to have secret insights into the christian bible. lolol  Of course, it doesn’t seem to matter that he already made one failed prediction back in the 90’s.

I’m tickled over all the spoof sites popping up everywhere. There’s the post-rapture orgy in Times Square. Then there’s the post-rapture looting Facebook page. lolol Hilarious! Oh, and have you arranged for pet care after you get raptured? Oh yeah, you forgot about that didn’t ya! lol Pets aren’t included so they’ll be left behind. I doubt the lowly sinners left behind will want to do it. You better think of something quick or feefee is gonna be up shit creek without a paddle. hehehe ok, just kidding.

I’m not worried about Spike because I’ll be left behind. Frankly, I’d never wanna be raptured with a bunch of fanatical wingnuts who care more about personal greed and hiding behind fear than actually doing the word of “their” god.

Anyway, so what are you planning for rapture day (or the day after)?