Punch

I had a few bizarre episodes lately where people thought it was ok to inappropriately touch me or expose themselves in public. *Coworkers – uh um….TMI for you, read at your peril.*

One was back over before Pride. I’d gone to a friend/coworkers pool party. Being in Martinez and there was most definitely drinking involved, I opted to take BART vs riding my motorcycle. And naturally plenty of ‘drunks’ occured. On the way home I apparently forgot about the “last car” rule on BART.1  Being in my somewhat inebrieated state, I’m relaxing in my exuberence when I notice the guy in the seat directly across from me touching himself. And not just a little, he was going at it.

At this point, two things are working in his favor. One, I’m obviously drunk and two, I’m obviously drunk. And I know what you’re thinking, but no, nothing untoward happened on my part. lol I did however watch in a rather unfocused fascination as he finished his manual labors, which did not take long. I promptly giggled and then rolled back over and rejoined my previous half-sleep delirum. Later I almost thought I dreamed it till I ran into him and he made some overt attempts to engage me. This episode didn’t end poorly as it was more of just an experience. Sadly, the next two did.

About a month ago. I was walking thru the hood mid day doing errands. This youngish kid comes stumbling out of Sadlands with an older girl in tow. He was sort of on my awareness but didn’t give it much thought. That is until he promptly reaches up and grabs my nipple. Then he had my complete attention as I whirled around and confronted him. The ONLY reason he didn’t get punched was because I immediately noticed his age and drunkiness. Had he been neither I think I would have actually decked him right in the nose. I was furious. That restraint; however, did not stop me from cussing his ass out and telling his rather snotty friend to shut her pie hole before I did. The part that infuriated me the most was when I realized what he was doing, I shrugged him off and he tried again! Keep in mind, this is mid day and I’m not leaving the bar with him. I’m not standing around outside cruising. I’m some random guy walking down the street with my dog doing my thing. I’ll be the first to admit I can be incredibly incorrigible and not the least bit shy. But I also know that unwanted touching is considered an assualt in all 50 states. Had I given this guy any eye contact or the remotest idea I was into him this story would have gone much differently. Having only registered him on my radar in passing and then have him brazenly try to grab me twice was not acceptable. Was I worried he’d harm me? No, of course not. I was twice his size. It was the blatant disrespect and lack of contriteness that set me off. So anyway, I think he will think twice next time before attempting to fondle a random stranger. On a funny side note, I have never seen Cooper be aggressive. And while not aggressive this day he clearly knew something was up. All the jovial antics to get attention went out of him. He made no moves or growls but his body went into a locked rigid position and he was ‘eagerly’ focused on the guy. For a dog this is a clear sign of agitation. It is very unwise to try and touch a unknown dog when it is giving off such body language. Anyway, I’m curious if he would have done anything had the situation escalated. Since he did not growl or move he didn’t get scolded but it did make me aware my lovable pup can be defensive. Something to this point, I thought impossible. Even when other dogs are aggressive, Cooper usually just shrugs it off.

The last episode was a couple weeks ago. Apparently, a local guy who’d seen my ‘social’ profiles decided it was ok to walk up and start touching me. Literally, he walks up to the side and just behind me and starts playing with my butt. And not in a ‘hey how are you‘ sort of touch either. lol And again, in the right situation and the right cues, I’d could just as easily do the same thing. But this was none of that. I’ve never seen this guy in my life. We’ve never interacted directly. Once again I confronted said person with a few choice words peppereed with a few colorful words. And his response was the real surprise. He said he thought it was ok because he’d seen me on a couple of ‘sites.’ And of course my response was, “and how the hell does that in anyway translate into you sexually assualting me in public?’ Now that I had his undivided attention he begun to realize his behavior was over the line. Short of my profile having some sort of declaration that said behavior was expected or encouraged, it is not ok and I said as much. Just because you saw me online doesn’t equate to you assaulting me in public. He was miffed and more than a little embarrassed because I was not quite in my admonishments but I think he got the picture. He also ruined the chance to make a friend because of his behavior, which from the gist of his statements indicated that was his intent.

It wasn’t that I personally felt violated or in danger from either of these guys2, it was the absolute lack of respect and assuption of familiarity that upset me. I’m not a stand-offish person either. I like physical contact. But that contact needs to be appropriate and/or warranted. Any behavior that encourages it like flirting, eye contact, conversation; anything that would have shown a two way interaction and acceptance of physical contact is perfectly fine. But to assume you can touch or grab someone in a non-sexual situation is liable to get you one punched or two arrested.

The moral of the story boys and girls? Look, don’t touch until the offer to touch has been expressed. Otherwise, the outcome might not be pleasant.

  1. Shortly afer moving to SF, I discovered the last car on BART is often open to ‘shinanigans.’ []
  2. even though others might have []

Down

No, not sad. Turned down. A reader asked what were1 some of the reasons I turn down dates (or sex) and how I respond. Not always an easy answer as we live in a society who’s technological advancements are outpacing our ethical ability to keep up.

I’d have to say a big reason I turn down dates or “connections” would be drugs. I get turned down just as much for not being ok with drugs. There is no place in my life for drugs and it is one of the few absolute deal-breakers for me. I have no problem with pot but I hate the smell just as much as ciggies and cigars. I could never seriously date (much less kiss) anyone who smelled like those things. Plenty of my friends do both but they also know my feelings on the subject. I can separate my ability to be friends with someone from their habits.

Even though it’s in virtually all my online profiles, I still guys that hit me up for pnp or to “smoke a bowl.” Just last week a guy got really bent out of shape on Scruff because I wouldn’t come over and top him while he was getting high.2 He was indignant and kept wanting me to explain why. After like the umpteeth message, I finally lost my temper and ignored him.

I had another younger guy hit me up and again acted all indignant that I could possible say no (for any reason) to him. Bless his heart. He was pretty but not my type at all. He couldn’t seem to wrap his mind around someone older saying no to him. On a small tangent, I seem to attract a lot more younger guys than I used to. While there are always exceptions, I’m not attracted to young guys as a norm. Hell, even when I was young I wasn’t into young guys. I guess I as I’m reaching the ‘daddy’ phase it is to be expected. And I can still be appreciative even if it isn’t my cup of tea. But if you go off on a rant about how you’re basically god’s gift to me because your young and pretty, well that ain’t gonna buy you any points. 

As to how, I usually try to take the sting out of it by politely declining the interest along with a small tidbit of conversation. The tidbit often helps diffuse the awkwardness and allows us to move past it. Whether online or in person, I try to be respectful and polite when I can. I say when I can because there are times I can’t always reply. And it doesn’t always work but that’s how I try to handle it. As I’ve always said, I recognize the distinction between being attracted to someone and being accepting of someone. Just because I don’t wanna swap spit doesn’t mean I can’t be civil or even chat with you. We might even end up friends. I also try not to be the guy who say’s he’ll call and never does. If I ask for your number, it is because I earnestly want to see you again. If you offer me your number and I know it’s not gonna happen, I usually try to politely decline. I’d rather you take a small offense up front than expect a call that never comes. I haven’t always been able to carry thru on this last one but I’m getting better at it.

Sometimes, I just ignore online requests. Especially if it is obvious the person hasn’t even read my profile. Besides that, there are times when I can’t possibly reply to everyone. Be it too many responses, I’m only online for a few minutes, the person is thousand of miles away, whatever the reason, it’s just simple math. As more apps and ways to connect instantly emerge, it makes it harder to answer every single point of interest. Ignoring responses that don’t interest me can be just as effective as a reply. As mentioned in a previous rant, rejection can be hard but often unavoidable. I don’t take it personal if someone doesn’t reply to me. I don’t get bent out of shape. I can be disappointed w/o being bitter over it.

Beyond that, I don’t really have a big revelation. It really depends on the individual and the connection I feel. I try to be polite and honest.

I can’t tell you why others turn me down because I don’t ask. If there isn’t a match, the reason is irrelevant.

  1. I seem to be getting a lot questions lately. Is there some sort of Q&A meme going around? Not that I’m complaining mind you… []
  2. There is also my job to consider. It opens up several tricky ethical questions that I’d just rather avoid all together. []

Flip

My reader ingvisson made a very astute comment on my previous dating rant about my position of preference. He’s been reading long enough to remember a private rant I once made about my preferences. The specific rant was from 5 or 6 years ago and went like this, “from a mechanical or physical point of view, I prefer to top…That said, I think I make a better bottom.” The original rant was when I first opened the private section of my blog, which deals w/more carnal discussions. I’d forgotten I’d even mentioned it. But as I went back and read it I was struck at how I phrased it.

For a long time I called myself a bottom because I didn’t feel like I measured up. My own view of masculinity, manliness, prowess, etc was all tied to my warped view of what a man was. I had a hard time imagining or seeing myself as that type of man, so I figured my role was to be a bottom. The irony was moving to SF helped me grow out of the insecurities I had over it. Even though I usually had more fun being the top, because of my own self-image/esteem issues, I never could identify accordingly. One might say I was a closeted top? lolol Funny, but true. The bottom to top ratio here is significantly high and if I wanted to get laid, I had to top more. Supply & demand at it’s finest, eh? Anyway, as I began to top more I realized I actually preferred it. Between the extra practice and my maturing ideas I no longer felt like I didn’t measure up. It’s weird how we can compartmentalize internal issues and not see them objectively. Something that is so clear to me now was completely beyond me at the time.1

I used to say it was easier being a bottom but that’s not exactly true. It’s easy being a top. And while being a good top takes some skill, it takes a lot more effort, patience, flexibility,2 and endurance to be a good bottom. I like to think when I did bottom I was good at it. Or at least I was told I was. Top or bottom, my energy is always the same so I do think I was good at it. 🙂 Regardless of position, be it comfort, pleasure, and/or choice, neither is a reflection on anyone’s manliness. Anyone who thinks such stupid ideas needs therapy.

True story, I’ve had more than one guy dump me because I didn’t put out enough, as the bottom. It’s not something I’m particularly proud of because, intentional or not, I misled people. One guy really read me the riot act and called me a tease. It was after him that I began to realize I was no longer worried about not being manly enough. Some of you long time readers will remember my experiment w/role playing and the boy from LA. After him, I knew that I no longer had to be anything I didn’t want to be. If I wanted to be a bottom, I could be. If I wanted to be a top, I could be. And be it lack of practice, my new-found confidence, aging, or all of the above, I don’t seem to enjoy bottoming much anymore. Oh, there are moments. hehehe The point I’m making is I still consider myself versatile to a degree. If I meet someone who likes to top as much as I do, I’ll make the effort. It may take some practice but I’m sure I could do it again.

So now you know one of my last big secrets. There isn’t many things that you few long termers don’t know about me know. lol

  1. Score another reason why I am happy I continue to blog []
  2. in more ways than one lol []

Bizarre

I had the most bizarre encounter the other day. It was truly a noggin-scratcher. This is a bit of an adult rant so be warned. Keep in mind, I’m skipping some detail and including others that are trivial but help to paint the overall picture.

There is this guy that moved to SF a couple years back. I’d seen him around and thought he was very handsome. Actually, I thought he was HOT! lol Turns out he started doing porn and dancing (in bars) not long after he arrived.1 It didn’t bother me as I see nothing wrong w/porn. It did raise a little bit of a red flag but honestly, most of my interest was of the carnal nature anyway. I’m not looking for anything serious right now. So we had dinner one night and I was pleasantly surprised at how disarmingly charming he was. While not overly intellectual, he seemed very genuine, which is a quality I like very much.

Skipping the irrelevant details, he asks to come over one night after he got off a dancing gig. I said yes, he shows up and is obviously a bit intoxicated. Thinking he just needs to crash, I offered him my couch. He asked if he could sleep in my bed w/me. Knowing he was in no shape for nookie, I figured we’d cuddle and pick up in the morning.

Two or three hours into sleep, he wakes me up for some fun. Still knowing he wasn’t prepared for certain things, I settled for giving him some licky-licky, no sticky-sticky. And after seeing him dance, I wasn’t sure he’d be that great at it anyway. You get my drift. lol We finish, everyone seems happy, and I begin to drift off to sleep again. Maybe 20 mins later he goes to the bathroom.

And here is where the bizarre comes in. He is gone for like 10-15mins. He finally comes back and I asked if he is ok. He says no and that he is gonna leave. I’m like ok. I get up to turn the light on and help him out. He is sort of mumbling under his breath and it becomes apparent he is upset. I asked if something was wrong. He starts making a lot of what would be inflammatory statements if they were at all relatable to me. He leaves and spends the next 20-30 minutes texting me a lot of gibberish and insults. I wasn’t upset as much as confused. We’d had a great time and now suddenly he is upset and absolutely refused to tell me why. After asking repeatedly why he was upset, I finally gave up. I even asked if he was upset that we had messed around.2 He gave the impression that wasn’t it so I have no idea what set him off. I wished him a good life and left it that.

All of my friends think he must have been doing drugs in the bathroom, being gone so long. There was no mess to clean up and he didn’t get in the shower so I doubt he was ‘cleaning.‘ I don’t know what he did or why he suddenly got upset. In a word, it was bizarre. A couple friends asked, ‘what did I expect considering he was in porn?‘ I don’t like that. While it certainly does raise concerns, doing porn doesn’t make someone less of a person. Regardless, it’s over now. I harbor no ill-will toward him. If it was drug-related I hope he eventually gets the help he needs.

  1. No, I’m giving out his name. He lives here and I have no desire to be mean. []
  2. Even though he instigated it. []

Nude

The latest drama to roll SF is an upcoming proposal by one of the Board of Sups, Scott Weiner,1 to ban nudity in public places. While he did include a caveat that excludes fairs and events, it still would ban all forms of nudity in public. Not even your buttocks could be exposed under the new proposal. This is a tad more extreme than even some conservative cities. I’m sure some reading this would be very surprised that nudity, in any form, is allowed in public. While there are several ordinances on the books about lewd behavior, SF currently has no specific ordinance against nudity in general. And many of us here realize nudity is not something to be ashamed of…within reason. And therein lies my rant today.  

Anyone that knows me knows I am no stranger to nudity, sex, or even a little voyeurism.2 But from my perspective, it’s not so much about the nudity but respect. It is plain disrespectful and rude to parade around in a busy residential & business district butt-naked. And your desire to be naked does not trump everyone else’s desire not to see it. It is not shameful to want to avoid it while you are going about your daily routine and/or business. And we aren’t talking about the beaches or even the parks. We are talking right out in the public plazas. I don’t find it disgusting or offensive but I do find it rude and disrespectful. I am rarely a fan of legislating behavior,  but what’s left to do? They have pushed the envelope to the point where no one wants it anymore.  

In my opinion, no one seems to understand what balance means anymore. It’s “my way or the highway.” We have plenty of spaces, places, and events here that allow, condone, and even support nudity. We clearly have room and place to express ourselves. We do not have to grind it into everyone’s face to get our jollies. Even worse, the so-called nudists have taken to wearing cockrings now and trying to claim it’s ‘jewelry.’  Bullshit. 

Of course, you should hear some of the hang-wringing and stuff being said on both sides of the argument. Everything from the completely logical to the utterly made-up and insane. Some of the comments were so ludicrous as to be hilarious. And I’m sure there are many who do argue against it out of a misguided sense of shame, religion, or not being comfortable with their own bodies. Even in SF, you have the fundies but that isn’t the point.

Then there was the  ‘the republicans are taking over’ and of course, ‘what about the children’ argument. Whatever that means. Children have no idea anything is wrong until you act like it so spare me on that front. If we are going to argue against it rationally, then the reasons should be based on reason, not stupid shams used over and over again. Then on the other side you have ludicrous statements claiming it’s a hate crime or discrimination. This is where they lost my support completely. It is not hate, shame, or discrimination to expect a minimum level of decency in busy public spaces. Asking you to cover your bare genitals is not a hate crime and to claim it is demeans and marginalizes the victims of such very real crimes.

Anyway, I hate to say it but it’s their own fault. Most of the so-called nudists are the same ones you see at the fairs beating their meat for a thrill. Sadly, they have probably given the few traditional nudists involved a bad name now. Having the privilege to be naked wasn’t enough they had to keep pushing it as far as they could. Well guess what? A lot of the locals have had enough and have started complaining in record numbers. And of course, the board of sups, tired of having their inboxes and voicemail blown up over it, has proposed new legislation to ban nudity.

I personally hope that the ordinance gets watered down a bit. I love SF and the freedoms that come with living in such a progressive city. But, being cited for walking from bar to bar in ass-less chaps is probably a bit overkill. And while the police have better things to do,3 if someone called and insisted on signing a complaint, they would be bound to enforce the law. Either way, it is a sad state of affairs when we are fighting over something so stupid and childish when we have so many bigger issues at hand.

Even as gregarious and open about things as I am, I still don’t want to see it when I’m going about my day. As I said, from my point of view it is about respect for others in public spaces and balance. There is a time and place for everything and there has to be a defining line somewhere. Unfortunately, now because of abuse, that line might end up being further to the right than we would have wanted.

On a slight tangent, many have argued for the old days and lamented the loss of the “freedoms” we had in the past. I’m sorry but we can’t have it both ways. We can’t argue for equality under the law and then get mad when we are held to the standards of society at large. We have emerged into the mainstream and can’t turn around. And given the choice, I’d go for equality. Being treated equal under the law and all that comes with that is far far better to me than the loss of a few freedoms. Freedoms ironically developed as a coping mechanism to a society that shunned and hated us.  

  1. Yes, his real name and yes I know. []
  2. Some of you reading can probably speak first-hand. *ahem* anyway… []
  3. and they do! []

Attract

I normally don’t post hottie pics here but I figured once in awhile wouldn’t hurt. lol I stumbled over this pic somewhere recently and it sort of grabbed me. In a word, the guy is hot.  I have no idea who he is or where he is from but he certainly got my blood pumping. The photo is obviously some sort of production shot which is often a minus in my book but moving on. 

I think I’ve mentioned here on occasion I don’t have a set type. I like guys that are lean all the way up to muscle bears. Blond, brunette, hairy, smooth tall, short, it all depends on the total package to me. Some qualities on one guy that get me hot & bothered do nothing for me on another guy. I like this guy’s overall appeal. The smile/snarl grabbed me right away and pulled me in. lol  His sexy stare and overt sex appeal is obvious and I find that alluring. The slightly erotic rub of the nipple coupled with the stare and snarl just polished the pic off in my opinion. The body is great if a tad too perfect but still very inline with the obvious intent and look of this guy.1 I’m usually not a fan of Mohawks but even that works for him in this pic.  Oh and the other shot of his backside I didn’t post certainly did wonders for my afore mentioned blood flow. hehehe

I’m not sure why I felt the need to stop and post this. I just liked his look and decided to give it a go. I’m actually envisioning what he looks like not all done up. What I imagine him to look like in real life is actually more appealing to me.  I bet his less than perfect polish in real life gives him the final humph that would make me wanna grab him and throw his ankles over my shoulders.

Happy weekend guys! 

  1. A topic of another time []

Bulk

*A bit of an adult rant today, if you’re logged in there will be a more detailed follow up*

I had a really hot encounter this past weekend. It started out with a buddy I’ve known for years. We’ve played around a few times off and on. Well, for whatever reason he decided to make it a 3-way this past weekend.

The point of my little ramble is about mind-set. While my buddy is a tad taller and more built than I, his friend was quite the muscle..meaning he was built.1 And I do mean built, you could put me and my buddy together and we’d almost make up the big guy. He is what I often refer to as a meathead. lol

Anyway, when my buddy orignally texted me his friend’s pic I admit I got a little intimidated. While I’m not the scrawny boy of yesteryear, I’m still not huge by any stretch of the imagination. And honestly, big boys usually go for other big boys (barring the rare exception). So as I’m driving over I’m a tad nervous because this guy is huge. While I can offer certain skills, one would think those are easy to obtain elsewhere. hehehe Having had experience with my buddy I knew deep down he wouldn’t have invited me if it was an issue.

As I’m driving over I start chastizing myself for feeling so stupid. One of my axioms in life is “No one can make you feel inferior without your permission.” I got really frustrated with myself for getting so anxious. While there would have been a time when my on insecurity would have prevented me from going thru it, I’m not the man anymore. I’m 41 years old for Peet’s sake. I’m a big enough boy to admit my shortcomings while also realizing my assets. What was the absolute worst thing that could happen? I could get there, the meathead wouldn’t be into me, and I’d leave. The end. None of which demeans or makes me “less” in anyway.

As my internalized anger increased, my timidness had all but evaporated by the time I arrived at my buddy’s place.2 I walked in with no expectations and was prepared to have fun. Upon meeting the big guy I could tell immediately 1) he was shy, 2) he was just as nervous as I had been. If you read my footnote above you’ll know I made the first move and it worked flawlessly. In moments I had taken complete control of the situation and was leading by what I wanted and expected.

Needless to say, it turned out to be an awesome time! Some of the body mechanics were a bit of a challenge *ahem* if you know what I mean. hehehe

  1. Ironically, he would normally be someone I’d admire but would never chase because they were too big. []
  2. A little side-note, I taught myself a long time ago when I’m nervous instead of retreating, step bolding forward. You’d be amazed how much that changes the game. lol []

Nekkid

*This is not necessarily a NSFW post but is a bit of an adult subject. Coworkers and folks who don’t want TMI should probably skip it.*

Ever have someone ignore you repeatedly until they see you naked?

I’ve had a crush on a guy from around town for years now, pretty much ever since I moved to SF. He’s hawt! And as the saying goes, ‘I’d drink his bath water!‘ lolol  Annnnnyway, I’d always try to flirt or find little ways to engage him in conversation. He has never been rude or ugly but has also never indicated any interest either. While I try not to be overbearing, I’m pretty sure he has known for awhile I had the hots for him.

We don’t really travel in the same circle so we don’t see each other that often. Being as small as SF is as a city, one is always bound to cross paths. A few weeks back, he happened to be working out at the gym while I was there. At this point, I’ve pretty much given up on trying to flirt with him. I always say hi and acknowledge his presence but that’s about as far as I’ve gone in the last few years.

Why is it after he sees me naked in the shower1 he suddenly takes a liking to me? And I mean all up in my grill sort of liking. He seeks me out now and actively tries to engage me in conversation. And the flirting from his end has certainly picked up.

I know from around town he hasn’t had any relationship status changes so that can’t be it. I still pretty much look and act the same. I will admit to being a tad more muscular than when I first moved to SF, but nothing earth-shattering. lol I’m left to assume because he suddenly saw other parts of my anatomy his interest has shifted. I find myself a bit put off by that. How’s that for irony?

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been in situations where someone’s interest might suddenly shift upon said discovery. But that is also usually a more abrupt discovery. This has been pretty much a decade in the making. I can certainly feel flattered but it doesn’t really add up. I’m no slouch in that dept but it’s not something I would consider awe-inspiring.2  I mean if you really aren’t that interested I can’t see how THAT would really make that much of a difference.

So, dear readers, I’m curious. How often has the size of the man-parts changed your interest in someone?

  1. and no bitches, I wasn’t doing anything naughty []
  2. Not like my buddy Large Tony for example. THAT is awe-inspiring! []