Category: health

Ablation 2

Hawt.. right?!

Well, I had my 2nd ablation on my back this week. After almost 3 years, it was past time. The daily pain and discomfort were too much to manage. Everyone seemed surprised I went this long. Apparently, the procedure usually only lasts a year or two at most. 

I guess I was probably past due and stubborn. I don’t like going to hospitals. I spent a big chunk of my early life, including my very first year alive, in one. I try to avoid it when I can. I’ve learned not to be too stubborn though. Anyway, I did everything I could to manage it. We changed mattresses (again), I did yoga style and decompression exercises and exercises to strengthen it when I could in the gym. It all worked to varying degrees for awhile, but it got to the point where I just couldn’t sleep w/o sleep inducing muscle relaxers. They did a great job managing my sleep but it began creeping more into my comfort zones during the day. Needless to say, it was time. 

So far, I’m feeling better than after the first one. The old nerves didn’t grow back but they couldn’t “cut them all” I guess. Lol  So this time around they dissolved a whole new batch of pain nerves. I woke up the day after with zero pain in my back for the first time in at least 5 years. It was wonderful. I’m not sure how long this will last, but I’m so going to enjoy it as long as I can. Last time, it helped tremendously but I still routinely had pain to varying degrees. The biggest benefit from the last procedure was no more back spasms. I was so grateful then to be free of the spasms, I didn’t even think twice about the success of the procedure. This time around I’m actually in no pain so far. Realistically, I don’t expect that to last. As the situation continues, I’m sure other nerves will become reactive to compensate for the muscles being continuously aggravated by the spinal bones grinding together.

The doc did say I’m likely to be back sooner for the inflammation part of the equation. This procedure primarily deals with the nerves causing pain in the muscles. Occasionally, the disc itself gets inflamed and causes its own issues and pain. I can usually manage it with over the counter meds, but I’ll probably be back in a year (or less) for a steroid injection to create more lasting relief from inflammation. Time will tell. One thing I am hoping for this time is more time strengthening the muscles. Previously, even light exercises would make the whole area flare up and stay aggravated for days. There were very few days where I could get an actual workout in for the lower back muscles.

For now, I’m so grateful to be relatively pain free. I say relative because I can still feel things “aren’t right” in the area. Every so often, I twist or move a certain way and I can feel things ajar, so to speak. No pain for the time being and I’ll take it! 

Hope springs eternal! 

55

Here I am at 55 years. Who da thunk it? 55?!  There are days where I feel old and then there are days when I completely feel disconnected from my age. How’s that for a kick in the pants?

Thanks to all of those who reached out via various methods to  wish me a happy birthday. I appreciate the well-wishes.

Mentally, I have probably never felt my age. I always seem to be about 10 years behind. Lol Ironically, the hubby is 10 years my junior. I’ve often wondered if our connection is part of my “young” feeling. I grew up very isolated from the outside world so I’ve always felt behind in the growth dept. Ironically, having dealt with a lot of my personal demons, there are plenty of times where I feel like the only adult in the room. It’s a weird juxtaposition. Physically, I feel my age. I’ve had multiple age related issues in the last 5 or so years. The eye, the nose, the back, the prostrate, etc. The back being the most invasive so far. I’m headed back or a 2nd nerve ablation on the muscles in my back in early February. I hate it because it makes me feel old and I don’t like that.

Anyway, my 55th year has arrived. The hubby made it special, as always. He knew exactly what to get me. It helps that I blab a lot about my own procrastinations. We had a nice relaxing day. We did a mani/pedi, dinner, and then my gifts. If you come here often, you’ll know I’m not big on birthdays. It was just never overly important in my family. The hubby always does something nice for me and appreciate him. As someone who tends to be a caregiver by nature, it’s nice to feel cared for at times.

Of course, as I age in the gay world, I do notice my age more often. Being 55 in gay years is practically ancient. Lol Joking aside, it is an issue. Ageism is a big issue for our community. Many older gay men feel invisible or ignored. While I personally don’t mind aging, it does sting at times when I get shunned or ignored simply due to age. I could try to “relive” my childhood like so many but that is exhausting and expensive. Frankly, I’m too lazy for that. Hehehe  I may encounter the occasional sting of ageism but I’m also adult enough to know I can’t remain in the young and pretty category forever. Age comes to us all. I can accept it, with its limitations, or I can be bitter. The latter again takes too much effort. Lol

I’m grateful for the health I do have. I hope to find some relief of the back issues come February. Regardless, I have another year under my belt. I never actually thought I’d even see 50, so I’m glad for another year above groune. Hehehe

Hope springs eternal…

Ablation 2

Well, it looks like I’m headed back for a 2nd ablation on my back. The last 6 months have been a roller coaster of managing discomfort and pain, with the last 2 months being pretty rough.

I finally scheduled a follow up and the doc was a tad surprised I’d managed it for so long. I was in turn surprised, as the old nerves haven’t really come back as before. I didn’t think another ablation was even possible. I didn’t realize the inflammation of nerves can move around. Lol  I thought for sure they were going to recommend steroid shots.  The inference I got was ablations are sort of used in place of steroid shots now .They still do them but apparently this method is often more effective. Who knew?

It’s a same day procedure and I’m just waiting for scheduling to call me to get it done and over with. I guess since it’s already a known issue my insurance isn’t making me jump thru all the hoops I did last time. I’m hoping it happens sooner than later. We have vacation coming up in late January and I’d obviously like the benefits of the procedure before the trip.

*

It sucks getting old. I hate that my body has betrayed me. Lol I don’t feel old in spirit, but my body is like, “no bitch, you is old now!” Like, WTF?!

And I know in the scope of things I could be much worse, so am grateful for the health I have. That doesn’t make it any less frustrating dealing with it though.

Hope springs eternal…

Better

Well, I’m still healing. The doc says everything is as it should be. I’ve been released of all restrictions, with the caveat to ramp up slowly. I can start doing legs again in the gym, etc. Yay! I also get to stay with the new doc moving forward, which is very good news. The previous doc had the personality of a paper weight.

On the “function” home front, I can report everything is still exitable, if you catch my drift. Hehehe The output is still significantly reduced, which is disappointing. He says there is still room for improvement though. It’s usually a full 90 days after before things are “set”. I’m not going to lie, it is upsetting for me to think I’m losing some of the baby batter. Lol I knew there’d be some reduction but I’m shocked at how much. It’s practically a trickle compared to what it was before. That said, the procedure was still necessary as I’d exhausted any benefit from the meds. I still have my ‘function’ and ability to enjoy it so all is not lost.

I’m eager to put this behind me. I’ve got enough going on without more of my body falling apart. Hell, it sucks getting old. The mind is nimble but the body is like “WTF?” 😂 I feel like such a fuddy-duddy at times. I’m too young for that, mmmmkaaaay!

Mending

At home At home recovering So, I know it has been a minute but here we are. I had the prostate procedure and it was a textbook success according to the Dr. If you missed it I had a prostate ablation [1]a fancy way of saying the cut my prostate down in size  I’m still recovering but back at work. Unexpectedly, it was an overnight stay. Apparently, they have to continuously wash the bladder  with saline for 24 hours to avoid blood build up and large clotting. This translates into having a catheter in for 5 days! Lawd, that part was not fun, at all.  Overall, the experience was as good as could be expected.  My only real complaint was the hospital bed was very uncomfortable.

I put it off for a long time because normally this type of procedure can leave lasting efffects on one’s ability to “get it up.”  I might be in my 50’s but I still use that bad boy and often. Lol  So I wasn’t a fan. Unbeknownst to me, they have a new procedure that uses water instead of a laser. The latter has virtually zero chances of ED. I discovered in the hospital while the male nurse’s aid was cleaning my groin/catheter that indeed it still worked. *evil grin*  He kept moving it around and even though the catheter was very uncomfortable it started doing it’s thing. He was clearly gay and not at all annoyed. Hehehe  I told the Dr at my follow up and he got a huge giggle out of it as well. I should mention the Dr is gay as well. He apparently liked that I was “above average” for his normal patients. Take that how you will.

I’m being slowly released back to normal functions. It’s been roughly 3 weeks now. At first, no sex, no gym, no motorcycle. Of course, I’m like, “well f*ck my  life”. Lol But I’m back in the gym doing mostly upper body and light cardio. He released me for short rides on the bike as well. It is too soon to know what my new normal is, but we’ve already confirmed I’m able to completely empty my bladder again. One problem solved. The frequent bathroom trips are still an issue but it seems because the prostrate is very sensitive. [2]Go figure. Lol  Anytime, anything moves past it in my bowel (you can fill in the blank there) I’m overcome with an immediate need to pee. This is supposed to go away as it heals. *fingers crossed* Oh, and I’ve been released to go back to shenanigans as well. Hehehe  Sadly, still very little “production” due to the surgery but now that I’m off all the meds, I’m hopeful that  should improve over time.

Overall, I’m very hopeful this will end my general issues. If only my back was as easy to fix. But hey, one day at a time, right?

References

References
↑1 a fancy way of saying the cut my prostate down in size
↑2 Go figure. Lol

Ablation

Well, in the continuing saga that is my prostate, I’m finally reaching some potential resolution. Fun topic, I know!

So, if you ain’t from around here, you’ll not know that I’ve been dealing with an enlarged prostate since COVID. [1]Unrelated to COVID itself  The problem was exacerbated because my hard-headed ass was using Afrin every night to sleep. (Apparently, Afrin is hard on your prostate.) In my defense, I couldn’t get the elective nasal surgery and I couldn’t sleep at night because my nasal passages would completely close off during sleep. It was a no win scenario so I have no regrets for my decisions. 😂

Anyway, 2023 rolls around and we find me taking various meds to alleviate symptoms. All is good but only as a stopgap moving forward. And now in the present, the meds aren’t really working much anymore and I pee every hour on the hour. Who knew I’d ever find myself missing a solid pee stream…

I haven’t really been a fan of my current urologist, but the doc doing the ablation is not only much more personable, but also gay. It was a relief to realize he understood some of my concerns without a lot of detailed discussion. So the procedure is scheduled for early June. There is a newer technique that uses water instead of a laser that is supposed to eliminate any effects on Mr Happy being able to stand at attention, so to speak. Reviewing some of the outcomes, I’m happy to have this option. I might be in my 50s but that is still an important part of life.

I was surprised to discover it does require an overnight stay in the hospital. Not a fan of that at all, but there is no way around it. My biggest disappointment is no gym (weight lifting) or motorcycle for up to 6 weeks! That is going to be tough. At least I can still go do cardio after the first couple weeks. But no motorcycle is a total bummer.

Wish me luck!

References

References
↑1 Unrelated to COVID itself

Back, Back, and Back

Returning to more mundane posts, here is a selfie. I’m back at the gym at least on a somewhat consistent schedule. Not as often as I’d like, but still.

Back selfie

My back is looking better even if I’m still struggling daily with discomfort and managing it. It’s not like before where I’m one step away from a muscle spasm. There is joy in that; however, it’s still disruptive, some days more than others. It’s hell getting old. 😂

If you’ve forgotten, I have cartilage deterioration on two of my lower back vertebrae, this causes compression and grinding when I move. Ironically, I seem to struggle now more at night when I sleep. Before the last procedure, it was always movement that seemed to activate my pain. I’m a side sleeper and almost any position on my side finds me waking up very sore. [1]I already sleep with a pillow between my legs  I’m getting the sense it has more to do with compression vs muscle irritation though. Most days I find if I lay flat on my back or flat with my head elevated for about 30 to 60 minutes I return to a functional level of normalcy. I could never do that before the procedure. Sometimes, I get lucky enough afterwards to feel no real discomfort…. sometimes.

I do physical therapy stretches and exercises often and I’ve incorporated stretches specifically meant to offset spinal compression. They do work. Or at least until I go to sleep again . Then I start all over the next day. Some nights are better than others but I never seem to know what will set it off.

Needless to say, it makes for a difficult schedule to work out the muscles to support the back. This pic was a good day.

References

References
↑1 I already sleep with a pillow between my legs

Holding

I like to think I’m holding up well for my age. I still care enough to make an effort at staying in shape. Age comes to us all, after all. I’m trying to maintain a level of health without going bonkers trying to remain young. [1]Don’t even get me started on some of the things gay men go thru to remain youthful or attractive. I mention it because I still routinely run into guys from back in the day who used to act superior to the rest of us because they had good genetics. Some had looks, some had muscle, some had both, others still had it all. I still see some of them and I can tell you some are definitely not holding up well at all.

Now before you chastise me and say, “I should know better“, let me finish. I’m not trying to gloat. I’m actually trying not to gloat, which is why I’m airing my dirty laundry here. I try not to gloat partly because back in those days, I was a lot more insecure about myself. I could just as easily have been projecting my own issues onto some of them. How would I know? And partly because I don’t really know what their struggle has been or what led them to their current state. Lawd knows I’ve had my share of medical issues these last few years. A lot of factors could have come into play. I won’t lie though, for some that used to be particularly nasty, I do get a tickle. And while they might deserve it if I returned the favor now, my behavior would only reflect poorly on me.

Now in my early 50’s, I’ve kind of maintained myself, if that makes sense. I’m not any more muscular than before. I’m certainly not any more attractive. But I have held my own. I can be proud of that without gloating over others. I certainly know the sting of age in the gay community. And I can only imagine what some of these guys are going thru now that they aren’t center stage anymore. Some do seem to be a bit humbler than before. Others seem to be in denial. And some just seem to have given up all together.

So while I may feel validated on the inside, I have also learned (painfully at times) what othes think of me is really none of my business, good or bad.

References

References
↑1 Don’t even get me started on some of the things gay men go thru to remain youthful or attractive.

Cancelled

After a heinous week at work last week, I was looking forward to the first of two back procedures tomorrow. A little time off never hurts a hard working hoe, right?

And….it’s been cancelled. 😂 I have to laugh because if I don’t I’ll cry. There was a significant drama episode with work last week and fresh off of that I’m just emotionally exhausted. I was eager to begin the process of getting my back hopefully back to normal and was in good spirits in anticipation. The irony is the new dates may impact the drama I’m facing at work in my favor. [1]Karma mother f**kers!. I won’t deliberately schedule it that way but I’ll be damned if I’m going to delay my procedure unnecessarily.

The back has been so-so lately. I go thru bouts of no pain and bouts of irritation flare-ups that seem to defy logic as to why. I’m eager for relief as it impacts my life daily. Stretching and doing physical therapy exercises at the gym saves me from being home a lot doped up on meds.

Needless to say, I’m eager to reschedule the appt.

References

References
↑1 Karma mother f**kers!